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Have YOU ever had misconceptions about asexuality?


Waist of Thyme

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Waist of Thyme

There are a lot of posts about sexuals misunderstanding asexuality, but have you, as an asexual*, ever had any misconceptions about it?

Before I read AVEN, I thought asexuality meant you weren't attracted to people, period. I knew there was a difference between love and lust, but I didn't know about the terms "romantic attraction" or "romantic orientation". I thought the "-sexual" prefix in heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, etc. covered both the love and lust aspects of attraction. Back then, I would've thought a heteromantic asexual was a heterosexual who doesn't have a sex drive. I knew you could experience love without feeling lust, or lust without feeling love; I just thought the "-sexual" prefix was a catch-all term.

*I know that not everyone here is an asexual, but I'm specifically asking asexuals about misunderstandings of their own orientation they had.

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A misconception I had-which led me to delay identifying as Asexual-was that Asexuals don't masturbate.

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I thought Asexuality was lack of sex drive because that's what other people told me. They were right about other sexual orientations so I thought they were right about Asexuality too. That's why it took me years to finally identify as asexual cuz I'm libidoist.

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I didnt even know it existed until a few months ago. When I first heard of asexuality, I suspected I could be ace so I researched like crazy until I practically became an expert.

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The first time I came to AVEN, I read the asexual definition promptly and thought it said "an asexual person is a person who doesn't want sex". I thought being asexual meant that until I learned on the forums that there was something called "attraction" that I was clearly not feeling...

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WhenSummersGone

I thought asexuals had to be aromantic as well. I also heard that asexuals were full of themselves which also isn't true.

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For the past 4 years (since I first heard of the term and definition) I believed that asexuality meant that you were not interested in women, men, or sex in general. I also assumed that since my body wanted sex (and it really wants sex - every night) that meant I wanted sex.

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Guest Cairne Bloodhoof

My misconceptions were that aces don't want sex(I know that it's true for some, but I think that does not make one asexual) and I didn't know that there are more types of attraction than sexual(romantic, sensual, etc.).

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Amoeba's Guide to Physical Closeness/Intimacy:

Hug - The act of engulfing a desired individual, like an amoeba.
Cuddle - Continuous engulfing of desired individual.
Kiss - The act of chewing and/or slobbering desired individual's face.
French Kiss - The act of licking each others' tongues.
Sex - The act of... engulfing desired individual... in a different way... :blink:
Physical Closeness/Intimacy - A multi-step process of 'lovingly' engulfing and/or 'eating' a desired individual. The only way 'engulfing and/or 'eating' an individual' is considered socially acceptable.
Amoeba Proteus - A very bored individual who apparently likes to rant.

If this had been explained to me when I was 11 (when my mother gave me my sex talk) that would have made a lot more sense to me than what my parents had taught me.

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When I first heard a friend say that someone she knew was asexual, I assumed that (1) it meant the same as aromantic and (2) that there was no way someone like that could exist...I feel so bad about that now. (I thought, "Doesn't everyone have to fall in love with someone, regardless of gender?") Then, probably within a few months, I was getting really confused about my romantic/sexual identity and discovered AVEN! (Still didn't actually join for a few years after that though.) So I, the former "heterosexual" skeptic now happily identify as biromantic grey-ace... (Well, to myself anyway. I'm not really out.)

Great thread topic, by the way!

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I rarely heard of asexuality until earlier this year...or at least not asexuality for what it really is. And how much it describes who I am. Before, I honestly thought it was like someone couldn't reproduce (yeah, I was dumb), or didn't find anyone attractive (aesthetically), or that they had no sex drive/libido or feelings of arousal ever. I also had no clue about so many different types of attraction. I was misinterpreting aesthetic attraction for romantic and sexual most of my life. [Gah, reading this, I sound like such a sheltered fool lol.]

Needless to say, I'm glad I found AVEN...it cleared so many things up and helped me to better understand myself. <3 Never been more content with who I am!

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Kitty Incognito

Up until about a year ago, I thought asexual meant strictly "no sex". It didn't even occur to me that it could be a sexual orientation or that it could be a on a spectrum. Then a friend mentioned it, I looked it up out of curiosity, and a whole bunch of stuff suddenly made sense.

I just wish I had understood all of this sooner!

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I rarely heard of asexuality until earlier this year...or at least not asexuality for what it really is. And how much it describes who I am. Before, I honestly thought it was like someone couldn't reproduce (yeah, I was dumb), or didn't find anyone attractive (aesthetically), or that they had no sex drive/libido or feelings of arousal ever. I also had no clue about so many different types of attraction. I was misinterpreting aesthetic attraction for romantic and sexual most of my life. [Gah, reading this, I sound like such a sheltered fool lol.]

Needless to say, I'm glad I found AVEN...it cleared so many things up and helped me to better understand myself. <3 Never been more content with who I am!

I would not say that you sound all that sheltered. I have trotted all over the globe, and I had not even heard of asexuality as an orientation until 4 years ago. And even then I did not realize what I was. That is actually why I identify as Stubborn Biological Male in my profile.

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Where I live, asexual is used as an insult. Whenever a girl turned down a guy, he or his friends would say, "Oh, she must be asexual, she doesn't want the D." Or they would taunt you about it like "You're a queer," (which is why I hate to use the word queer) or "You're a virgin." They would say stuff like you were going to be forever alone if you didn't learn to like sex. I figured asexuality meant that you were too prude, or a nun.

When I found out, I saw a cartoon put out by AVEN on facebook, and it was upworthy who broadcasted it. I realized "Oh, I think I'm actually ace!"

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I thought asexuality only applied to plants. I was super confused by the whole term.

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I too thought that asexual = aromantic, and while some people are both, I thought I couldn't be ace since I wasn't aro as well. (I think that stemmed from the fact that all the heterosexual people I know seemed to be heteroromantic as well, same for homosexuals being homoromantic, etc. so I didn't know the two could be separated.)

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I never separated romantic and sexual attraction for a long time, so I assumed I wasn't asexual since I was romantically attracted to guys.

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I thought that asexuals were neutral or indifferent towards sex, and if they were celibate, it wasn't a deliberate decision. I think that for a while, I really did believe this, despite 'friends' telling me I'm not asexual because I'm not indifferent to sex.

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biace_inyourface

I thought asexuality wasn't a thing at one point. This was back when my husband and I were sexual. I had a friend who said she was asexual and my first thought was "you just haven't met the right person yet." Luckily, I realized that might be a shitty thing to say to her and stopped myself before I said it outloud. Oh how things change.

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There are a lot of posts about sexuals misunderstanding asexuality, but have you, as an asexual*, ever had any misconceptions about it?

Before I read AVEN, I thought asexuality meant you weren't attracted to people, period. I knew there was a difference between love and lust, but I didn't know about the terms "romantic attraction" or "romantic orientation". I thought the "-sexual" prefix in heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, etc. covered both the love and lust aspects of attraction. Back then, I would've thought a heteromantic asexual was a heterosexual who doesn't have a sex drive. I knew you could experience love without feeling lust, or lust without feeling love; I just thought the "-sexual" prefix was a catch-all term.

*I know that not everyone here is an asexual, but I'm specifically asking asexuals about misunderstandings of their own orientation they had.

I too thought that asexual = aromantic, and while some people are both, I thought I couldn't be ace since I wasn't aro as well. (I think that stemmed from the fact that all the heterosexual people I know seemed to be heteroromantic as well, same for homosexuals being homoromantic, etc. so I didn't know the two could be separated.)

I never separated romantic and sexual attraction for a long time, so I assumed I wasn't asexual since I was romantically attracted to guys.

All of the above. <3

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Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion

Oh yeah.
My problem was that the first I heard of it, was when I met an asexual girl, who briefly explained asexuality as: not enjoying sex, as a sick feeling when she did it.

So I thought axesuality was feeling sick during sex/not enjoying sex. Even as I discovered a bit more and began to wonder if I might be asexual, I thought I would never know for sure. Because I truly believed you had to try out, and not like, sex, to be asexual.

I believe the girl may have been grey-a because she came in one morning, so excited because she had enjoyed sex the night before. Which of course, made me even more confused. :wacko:

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butterflydreams

This is a great thread!

I second or third or whatever the sentiments about masturbation. That was a hang up for me as well. I knew a kid who my dad said was asexual, and based on that kid, I though asexual meant a mix of agender and aromantic.

I'm glad my dad said that though, because I never forgot the word. I knew there was a reason I was holding on to it :)

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Manic Pixie Dream Nerd

Kiss - The act of chewing and/or slobbering desired individual's face.

This XD

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Kiss - The act of chewing and/or slobbering desired individual's face.

This XD

You do realize that I quoted this from Amoeba-Proteus's signature? :unsure:

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Manic Pixie Dream Nerd

Yeah, I know. I can't quote signatures though, so I just quoted your post :3

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