cethmistmyk Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 So this won't apply to everyone but if you are aromantic and you have experienced a squish to someone (or many someones) are there certain 'types' of people you squish on or is there really no deciding factor Link to post Share on other sites
(A)rrogant Avian Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Does me being demi-romantic count? Link to post Share on other sites
DarkDragonn Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 I've had about 3 squishes in the past. All of which were towards girls who were (and still are actually) very close friends of mine and we spoke and got together a lot and had a lot in common. The latest squish showed me that if that person takes our friendship from a very close one to "best friends", the squish increases tenfold. Link to post Share on other sites
cethmistmyk Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 Does me being demi-romantic count? totally, I just want to know if you've experienced a squish what types of people you've squished on! Link to post Share on other sites
TheKindredSoul Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 I get squishes on just about anyone of any age and nationality, but they are always female. I have no clue why. I do not consciously do this. I typically get squishes on people with a mysterious aura about them, and the curiosity I feel turns into a squish. My squishes also last a long time as well..... Link to post Share on other sites
deltaX Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 I've had a lot of squishes, so its hard to tell if there enough connecting them to say I have a type. I've had squishes on both guys and girls, but usually ny squishes on guys are a bit more intense. Usually for me, squishes happen to people who are acquaintances or casual friends that I want to get to know better. A couple times I became very close best friends with a squish, and once that happened the squish for that person went away, I guess because I was satisfied at that point. Not sure if any of that helped, but if you have any other questions I'd be happy to try to help! Link to post Share on other sites
Fire & Rain Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 I'm demi-squishy and I've only had two squishes so far (one's genderqueer and other one is male). I need a certain amount of time and a decent level of emotional connection (like sharing my feelings) before I develop a squish. I don't think I have a specific type of people I squish on other than I get along with them and feel emotionally connected to them more than others. I just really admire their personality. Link to post Share on other sites
cethmistmyk Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 okay, so thank you all so much for answering my question! but now I have a new one.... What is a squish? Many of you have been using the word squish in a way that I was not expecting.... Link to post Share on other sites
Fire & Rain Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 okay, so thank you all so much for answering my question! but now I have a new one.... What is a squish? Many of you have been using the word squish in a way that I was not expecting.... Platonic crush :) Link to post Share on other sites
Fire & Rain Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 I used to think my squishes were crushes. Now I know, only one was a crush, and I'm not too sure about that one... I guess really, they're just the same thing, just that people tend to associate sexual and/or romantic attraction with crushes. I've seen squishes discussed as something, a wanting to be friends with someone maybe, or being close or getting to know one, such that it makes you feel nervous. for me, with a squish, after I've talked to the person, I "get over" it, my feelings of nerves and "desire" in terms of what a squish is, dissolve For me squish is something deeper (lol probably because I have to get to know them first). I get this mad desire to be close friends with them. I want to hang out with them and want to see them as much as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
DarkDragonn Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 okay, so thank you all so much for answering my question! but now I have a new one.... What is a squish? Many of you have been using the word squish in a way that I was not expecting.... For me, it's the feeling of wanting to be very, very close to someone in a platonic way. Desiring a QPR, maybe, or just some sort of committement, and mutual acknowledgement that we are among the most important people in each others' lives. I'd say it's a lot like a crush from how I've heard crushes described (haven't experienced any), except with the romantic attraction and desire removed but the intensity and desire for closeness left. Link to post Share on other sites
Copper Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 To me a squish is wanting to be friends with someone, as opposed to just letting the friendship occur naturally. I've only had them towards acquaintances, and aesthetic attraction tends to be involved as well. The latter part confused me before I knew I was ace, as I thought those were crushes. Does anyone else dislike the word "squish"? I always get a mental image of squishing the person like a bug. Though come to think of it the same can be said for a crush... Link to post Share on other sites
deltaX Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 I know a lot of people define squishes in a lot of different ways, so it can be confusing. For me, a squish is kind of like a crush, except that instead of wanting to be in a romantic or sexual relationship with them, I'll want to be one of their closest friends. Squishes can be really similar to what people tell me crushes are like because I'll want to be around the person a lot or I'll catch their eye more than normal or I'll be thinking of them a lot, but the way I distinguish it from a crush is that when someone is crushing, their end goal is usually a romantic relationship, where for me the end goal of a squish is a strong platonic relationship. Not sure how much sense that made, but if you want me to clarify let me know! Link to post Share on other sites
Anime Pancake Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Mainly if I like their personality and the way they act Link to post Share on other sites
aceaceboebace Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 How do you tell the difference between platonic and romantic? Im not a touchy feely person but I allow some of that with guys I date and had a crush on. I dont care for it but ive only dated sexuals so I compromise. I never felt that way toward a girl until recently so ive always associated feelings of what i am now realizing people call squishiness as being a crush. Am I aromantic? I thought if you felt crushes or squishes that made you romantic. Since learning about squishes five minutes ago I am so confused. I think im aromantic because I think I only feel squishes. Recently ive meet a few girls who I have this foreign attraction to. Well not totally foreign but ive only felt it for guys until now. I dont know if its a squish or a crush. I notmally meet these people and feel some attraction with minutes. I cant stop thinking about them until I get to know them more and something puts me offor not. In this situatio in the pAst I normally end up dating them because I think its a crush but regret the bf/ gf commitment almost immediately. Am I aromantic? Does it seem like I only have squishes. I cant stop thinking about this one girl and its like I want to be her best friend. Honestly the emotions inside be make me want to just talk to and look and her and want her to notice me. I feel like something is wrong because ive never felt this way for a girl before. I dont want physical touch at all I just want to know her and be within her line of vision or train of thought at all time. I know i sound crazy but its so foreign to feel this way for a girl. Am I crazy? Help Link to post Share on other sites
passionatefriend61 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 How do you tell the difference between platonic and romantic? Im not a touchy feely person but I allow some of that with guys I date and had a crush on. I dont care for it but ive only dated sexuals so I compromise. I never felt that way toward a girl until recently so ive always associated feelings of what i am now realizing people call squishiness as being a crush. Am I aromantic? I thought if you felt crushes or squishes that made you romantic. Since learning about squishes five minutes ago I am so confused. I think im aromantic because I think I only feel squishes. Recently ive meet a few girls who I have this foreign attraction to. Well not totally foreign but ive only felt it for guys until now. I dont know if its a squish or a crush. I notmally meet these people and feel some attraction with minutes. I cant stop thinking about them until I get to know them more and something puts me offor not. In this situatio in the pAst I normally end up dating them because I think its a crush but regret the bf/ gf commitment almost immediately. Am I aromantic? Does it seem like I only have squishes. I cant stop thinking about this one girl and its like I want to be her best friend. Honestly the emotions inside be make me want to just talk to and look and her and want her to notice me. I feel like something is wrong because ive never felt this way for a girl before. I dont want physical touch at all I just want to know her and be within her line of vision or train of thought at all time. I know i sound crazy but its so foreign to feel this way for a girl. Am I crazy? Help Your feelings for the girl sound like a squish to me. Squishes are nonromantic and basically amount to an intense interest/desire to be close to someone nonromantically, a very strong attraction to someone in a friendly way. As for whether or not you're aromantic, only you can decide that. "Romantic" feelings and attraction are totally subjective, and there's no universal definition. If you don't like actually being in romantic relationships, you could be aromantic, on the aromantic-spectrum (which includes grayromantic, lithromantic, etc), or you could be romance-repulsed (which means you are uncomfortable/dislike actual romantic relationships, gestures, scenes of it in media, etc, regardless of any attraction you might feel, though there are different degrees of repulsion whether we're taking about romance or sex). Technically, anyone can have a squish, including romantic people. But the term and concept rose up out of the aromantic community because aros needed a word to describe their feelings for someone they had a higher-than-average emotional pull toward/interest in friendshipwise. A squish is nonromantic and causes you to desire a close friendship with someone. (Or best friendship or even platonic partnership.) A crush is romantic and causes you to desire a romantic relationship with someone. You get to decide what "romantic" means to you and therefore, if you feel that kind of attraction or not. It's easiest to figure out what a romantic relationship is to you vs. a nonromantic relationship/friendship/queerplatonic relationship, and then use those criteria to decide what your feelings are. You're not crazy and don't sound it. Squishes are great and lots of people, especially aromantics, experience them. Link to post Share on other sites
Cereal Tendencies Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 I'm demi-platonic in a sense? I don't get squishes that often but when I do it's usually coming from how much respect I have for that person, they don't make me feel undermined but I do feel like following them around and asking them to teach me how to be great haha It also stems from how impressive their talents and skills are. From the demi side of things the squish comes gradually and almost full on the moment me and said squish bond or connect over something we have in common. Come to think of it, friendships that have started from squishes were some of the best and long-lasting relationships I've had :3 Link to post Share on other sites
cethmistmyk Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 You guys are fantastic! And very verbose! :D Thank you so much! I think what was confusing me was how much of you mentioned the squish going away, but the few squishes I've had have only really gone away once I'd acted on the feeling, so I guess that makes sense! ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
Senketsu Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 I'm Selectively romantic, so I'm almost always aromantic. Most of the time i get squishes on people that look interesting but im too scared to talk to them lol. I guess im demiromantic. Link to post Share on other sites
aceaceboebace Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Thanks guys! This really helps because I knew of people being aromantic but I didnt actually fully understand what it was. I thought I knew but I didnt. Im pretty sure im aromantic and that makes me feel better. I was forcing myself into being heteroromantic because I thought being aromantic was not feeling any emotions toward anyone. Now that I know what it means my past idea did not make sense at all. Although im definitely aromantic I do feel like I want a long lasting relationship and a huge family too. I dont know if ill find someone who wants the same but I maybe. Link to post Share on other sites
DarkDragonn Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 There's a lot of us aros who want a relationship or a family out there. It's difficult to find someone like that who's compatible with you in your area, but not impossible. I wish you all the luck in the world with that. Link to post Share on other sites
deltaX Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Its a big misconception that aromantics don't feel anything towards anyone. We can still feel strong platonic love for our friends or family, and get squishes on people we want to know better, its just that we don't ever feel romantic attraction and/or don't have a desire to be in a romantic relationship. In my experience, I feel like I almost care /too/ much for my friends. For me friendship is the maximum a relationship can be, which is totally different from the rest of society that values romantic or sexual relationships over platonic ones. I worry that I come off too strong sometimes when trying to make friends, just because I value friendships more than other people typically would. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 I generally squish on fictional characters only. I primarily go for intelligence, wit and humour. I also like quirky characters or sometimes under-appreciated characters since I can associate or empathise with them well too. Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 I squish on friends I want to be closer to. And Doctor Azo reminded me that I go crazy looking up pics of fictional characters I like. So demi-platonic sounds right. I have to like someone's personality. I'd never feel like that towards a jerk that bulldozers everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Fire & Rain Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Its a big misconception that aromantics don't feel anything towards anyone. We can still feel strong platonic love for our friends or family, and get squishes on people we want to know better, its just that we don't ever feel romantic attraction and/or don't have a desire to be in a romantic relationship. In my experience, I feel like I almost care /too/ much for my friends. For me friendship is the maximum a relationship can be, which is totally different from the rest of society that values romantic or sexual relationships over platonic ones. I worry that I come off too strong sometimes when trying to make friends, just because I value friendships more than other people typically would. A million likes!! I'm a mess when my friends are sad or we had a falling out just like most romantics in romantic relationships would. You can get your heart broken to pieces in platonic relationships too!! Link to post Share on other sites
realm96 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Like most people here are saying, it is a huge misconception that aros are cold and emotionless; but that's just a misconception. I don't make close friends very easily because I have trouble forcing myself to meet new people. But the people that I do consider my friends I'm ridiculously protective of. Like if they're having a crisis or something then I end up not be able to sleep because I want to fix it for them. I would do anything for them and most of the time I don't think they realize it (but that's okay). When they're mad at me, I actually can't function very well because I am really dependent on their approval. As far as squishes go, I don't know if I have a type because I've only ever had one and that was on one of my closest friends. He ended up liking me too but we never really did anything about it and after a while the squish just kind of faded away when we didn't see each other as much. The way I define squishes are where I intensely want to be the person's closest friend and I trust them with almost anything that I can trust myself with. Link to post Share on other sites
deltaX Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Its a big misconception that aromantics don't feel anything towards anyone. We can still feel strong platonic love for our friends or family, and get squishes on people we want to know better, its just that we don't ever feel romantic attraction and/or don't have a desire to be in a romantic relationship. In my experience, I feel like I almost care /too/ much for my friends. For me friendship is the maximum a relationship can be, which is totally different from the rest of society that values romantic or sexual relationships over platonic ones. I worry that I come off too strong sometimes when trying to make friends, just because I value friendships more than other people typically would. A million likes!! I'm a mess when my friends are sad or we had a falling out just like most romantics in romantic relationships would. You can get your heart broken to pieces in platonic relationships too!! Agreed! During my senior year of high school two of my friends had a falling out with the rest of our group and essentially stopped being friends with us. The majority of my friends were sad about it, but I felt devastated. Looking back, I realize I was experiencing all the symptoms of a romantic breakup, except with a breakup between friends. Link to post Share on other sites
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