Sex ed what should change?

[littlepersonparadox]

Ok i know this thread has been around before i've seen it! but it's been awhile and I can't find it. So here's what i want to know:

1) what do you thing should change most of all when schools teach sex-ed?

2) what should stay the same / did you find any useful information in your sex ed class?

3) how can they be more ace friendly/queer friendly.

basically i want to know if other aces sat through sex ed and found 1 or 2 good stuff but feel it was really inadaquite and didn't cover what they needed to. also being ace i found my sex ed was all geared talking about when you find someone attracted etc so it felt extremely irrelevant to me despite i know that sex ed is really important to know about and understand.

ill go first

1) Lack of scope. When our teachers talked about stuff they talked about in brood terms. they said things like when your attracted to someone without enforeceing any sexuality (so at least they didn't push heterosexuality but it didn't do anything to adress that yes people are queer) Also it just glanced over period and body stuff then wrapped up with some safe sex talk but nothing about safe queer sex. (the type of sex we normally associate with same sex sex. anel and oral sex)

2) school actually covered consent abet briefly and didn't talk about how you should take control and be the one to bring up you and your needs and asking for it. however it did spend a good amount of time discussing wants and needs and exaggerating that everyone wants and needs in a relationship are going to be different and that's ok. granted it did do everything but it at least reinforced the basics of only yes means yes and nothing else also that you have to receive consent every time not just one and be done with it. and how to address basic relationship differences (although nothing on the fact that you can have a poly relationship with people monogamy was compleatly pushed)

3) they should actually bring up asexuality. Heck bring up trans* community i didn't hear anything about Trans* individuals till almost in collage and that was thanks to the internet. also it didn't talk about orientations at all. It just tried to do the entire thing without sexuality labels. i imagine this left a lot of kids really confused. No effort to bust myths here.

[MoraDollie]

1) what do you thing should change most of all when schools teach sex-ed?

2) what should stay the same / did you find any useful information in your sex ed class?

3) how can they be more ace friendly/queer friendly.

1) Actually teach about safe sex. Condomns, birth control, abstinence, denture dams, etc... Don't be afraid to say what actually happens during intercourse and all the possible consequences (pregnancy, std, sti, etc...). Never slut shame though! (My school was very bad about this and tried to shame the girls like they killed someone). Also teach WHY some people have become sterile (genes, injury, std/sti, etc...). Teach what consent ACTUALLY is and how it's different from COERCION.

2) Well, we used textbooks that showed the anatomy of the genitalia.....that's about the only thing I remember from sex ed (and they showed a very graphic video of a woman giving birth, yuck)

3) Say there's other orientations out there besides being straight a gay. Just say "Hey, this orientation means X, this other one means Y, etc...". Just so kids are aware! The AIDS pandemic is also important to take note of.

[Philip027]

I don't know what everyone else's experiences were like but mainly what I remember was it being too focused on the What without talking at all about the Why. Like it was saying "okay, when people are having sex or feel like having sex, X stuff happens" but that's something that had never happened to me and therefore there was zero comprehension on my part on why I would bother doing such a thing other than for having kids, and it's not like any of us were at the age where we "should" be having kids, so I mostly remember being very confused. Confused as to why we were being taught this and wondering how it was relevant at all to us considering our age.

I think overall it should go more into the mental aspects of things rather than the icky physical ones.

[MystiqueSister]

Dear Goddess, where do we even start with this topic? I'm in my thirties and my high school's sex ed covered heterosexuality. That was it. In fact we had a teacher who told us we couldn't say the word 'sex' - we had to say 'SI' (sexual intercourse). He was a moron. Education and tolerance for everyone needs to make all orientations/genders visible though talking about them.

[DragonFan]

1) what do you thing should change most of all when schools teach sex-ed?

While not abstinence only, the school sex-ed I had put most of the emphasis on it, which is problematic. Since they already go there and mention the physical details of STIs and have the anatomy diagrams, it might be reasonable to cover common things like UTIs or the general care of genitalia outside of sex. (or at least emphasize the good resources for asking questions, such as a physician)

2) what should stay the same / did you find any useful information in your sex ed class?

They covered HIV/AIDS fairly well, especially with clearing up misconceptions about how it is transmitted and working against the stigma that exists towards people who are HIV positive.

3) how can they be more ace friendly/queer friendly.

It was purely about the negative consequences of heterosexual sex and how our age group was not emotionally/financially ready to be parents, so mentioning sexuality at all would be helpful, introducing the concept of sexual orientation would be helpful. A list of books or articles with a historical/scientific leaning would be great for anyone who is more fascinated by sex than by having it. (I'm thinking similar things Mary Roach's Bonk or really any medical technology from the late nineteenth century)

[LadyPariah]

1. They should teach about safe sex, not just abstinence (because let's face it, teens are curious). They SHOULD NOT make kids put condoms on bananas or fake genitalia. I think it should be approached medically rather than "I'm going to teach you about sexy things that are extremely awkward." I'd prefer medical drawings rather than actual pictures of STIs. They should hand out pamphlets covering each different orientation. Maybe teach girls separate from boys when it comes to condoms and tampons. Teach about the wrongness and damage of rape, and how to treat each other respectfully.

2. Keep everything that teaches about STIs, and diseases that effect sexual organs.

3. They could treat sex as "Some people want to do it, but it's okay if you don't." And like I said, pamphlets on asexuality (including grey-ace, aromance, and romantic orientations), sexual orientations (homosexuality, pansexuality, heterosexuality..ect.

[Guest]

My schools sex ed was actually very thorough... At age 10 we simply covered the biology of sex and reproduction, importance of safe sex and consent, and we discussed what was going to happen as we went through puberty.

At age 12/13 the sex ed module covered pretty much everything. The syllabus covered biology, safe sex (from homosexual view point as well as heterosexual), symptoms of STDs (including the varied ways you can get HIV and the risks or oral sex), consent (including consent when drunk and other such issues) and coercion (which was also covered in PSHE), all the contraception options, how to put on a condom (which turned into a who has the best tasting flavoured condom competition), and we spent several classes just chatting with the teacher and each other about anything we wanted which covered pretty much everything anyone could think of... Except the lesser known orientations such as pansexual and asexual. I doubt anyone (including our strict Muslim teacher) had even heard of them. The only thing I would change would be to ensure that teachers are aware of these orientations and teach the students about them.

Stuff like transgender and homosexual rights etc were covered in PSHE.

[Heart]

Dear Goddess, where do we even start with this topic? I'm in my thirties and my high school's sex ed covered heterosexuality. That was it. In fact we had a teacher who told us we couldn't say the word 'sex' - we had to say 'SI' (sexual intercourse). He was a moron. Education and tolerance for everyone needs to make all orientations/genders visible though talking about them.

Not all sex even includes intercourse!! :(

...even heterosexual couples don't always do intercourse... I hate how normative and limited some education systems are and have been. This is a definite pet peeve of mine.

[girlinthesky]

I think talking about romantic and sexual orientations, and gender identities is really necessary. My sex ed classes really skipped over that, and it would help a lot of people who are in the dark about their orientations/identities, like some of my friends and I were.

[SorryNotSorry]

By the time I finished high school in the mid-1980s, we'd only been taught about the nuts & bolts of sexual intercourse, birth control, and abortion.

Back then, homophobia was the norm, and a lot of people wished gays and lesbians would just vanish into thin air. This was part of the reason why I don't know much about LGBT subculture and lifestyles, though I was being tarred with the same brush because I never bought into the "sex is compulsory" mindset.

But yes, I agree orientation awareness should be included with all sex ed courses... BTW although I don't know much about how it feels to be gay or lesbian, I understand that most gays & lesbians aren't interested in getting romantically involved with straights... this was a common misconception during my school years.

[Member54880]

1) Not assume that everyone is heterosexual, wants sex, nor wants sex all in the same way, and teach about seal orientations. I'm all in favor of abstinence being mentioned as a valid option, as well as mentioning some reasons why someone would want to abstain from sex, as long as scare tactics aren't involved. Also mention that for people who are abstaining, not everyone wants to just abstain until marriage. Actually teach about consent! I don't think I even heard of consent in the context of sex until late in high school, or early in college. The connection between sexual harassment, and sexual coercion should've been mentioned. When I first had any sex education classes, I thought that sex was just something that happened.

2)While it took so long for me to learn about consent in regards to sex, at least sexual harassment was mentioned, and it was explained that it's not the victim's fault, and the perpetrator's intentions don't matter. One of my classes covered the different forms of birth control, the diagrams about anatomy were useful, and the classes did a good job covering the symptoms and causes of STIs.

3)I kind of covered this in question #1 :P

[Kanenas]

I don't know a single person who learned anything from sex ed other than that sex impregnates or kills you :D Besides what Aqua mentioned, it would be very nice if girls finally learned that they too urinate out of their urethra and not out of their vagina.

[Syphon]

Dear Goddess, where do we even start with this topic? I'm in my thirties and my high school's sex ed covered heterosexuality. That was it.

It still happens. I graduated from high school in 2007, and our sex ed only covered showing us pictures of sex organs, sexually transmitted diseases, and trying to ram abstinence down our throats.

The abstinence was ridiculous for many many reasons. At one point I found it pointless, because many of the people in my class had somehow made sex into a game. Sitting in "Home Ec" class one day, 2 girls that were sitting at the table with me were competing to see who had slept with more guys. When they couldn't account for them all on their fingers AND toes, they started laughing hysterically and announced who they were going to add to beat each other.

Good job sex ed, the abstinence thing really worked

[Copper]

In my state we don't even have sex ed. So, having one would be a great starting point. Especially as many parents won't educate their children about safe sex.

I think it should cover all the options for being safe. So yeah, have abstinence. But also teach about pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, and how to avoid them if you decide to have sex. As far as the LGBT community goes, I think it really only needs to be in relation to sex ed. Like how protection is still necessary between people of the same gender for example.

[Ace of Cakes]

1) what do you thing should change most of all when schools teach sex-ed?

2) what should stay the same / did you find any useful information in your sex ed class?

3) how can they be more ace friendly/queer friendly.

Okay, so I went to a conservative Christian school, which definitely shaped my sex education... But anyway...

1) Because it was a Christian school abstinence was probably focused upon even more heavily than at most places. They still discussed safe sex, and to be honest I tuned it out because I was so not interested, so maybe they actually did a better job than I realized. Either way, more talking about how to be safe about it probably couldn't have hurt. Also, being more queer friendly would be a huge plus. They weren't exactly unfriendly so much as completely skipping past non-heteroromantic orientation... Again, understandable because of the conservative nature of the school, but that didn't make it right.

2) Not sure how it works at other schools, but at mine sex ed was taught as a part of a longer health class. Somehow, it was a lot of our favorite class that year. The teacher was awesome and had great stories and stuff, and it made the rest of the class so good that you almost didn't mind the awkwardness of the sex ed part. As for good things about the sex ed itself, he did a wonderful job talking about consent, self-image, and other such topics. Also discussed marriage (once again, a bit limited b/c of the conservative nature of the school, but still....) which i really appreciated, because he made it clear that sex is only one part of that relationship.

3) By... um... recognizing that non-heterosexuals exist? I basically agree with what all others have said. One of the weirdest, most alienating things for me was to hear things like, "Sexuality is a normal thing," "Everybody feels this way," and other such statements. While meant to encourage people, as an ace who didn't know a thing about asexuality they just made me feel like the odd one out

[biace_inyourface]

I grew up in Texas so needless to say, our sex ed was horrific. I think the only good thing I got out of it was learning exactly how pregnancy happens and how STDs and STIs are spread.

I really wish we had gone over consent and how it's ok to say no or yes. And of course, a discussion of different sexual and gender identities would have been very helpful to my little queer teenage self.

[TheStarrySkai]

1) what do you thing should change most of all when schools teach sex-ed?

2) what should stay the same / did you find any useful information in your sex ed class?

3) how can they be more ace friendly/queer friendly.

1) Teach about what HIV, STIs and STDs do. They kind of just said "If you don't have safe sex you might get diseases, so be careful!" They also didn't talk about abstinence. It would be nice if they did. They also didn't teach about consent. Thats important.

2)Ummmmm.... Keep stuff about how to be safe and not get STIs, HIV or STDs. [i didn't pay much attention]

3) Not assume that everyone in the room is heterosexual. People should teach kids about the different types of sexual orientation

The best sex-ed class I ever had was at my local LGBT center [they gave us free gift cards]. The pamphlets the guy used did assume that everyone in the room was a gay male, but he made up for it. He was a professional who knew what he was talking about and was willing to give us educated answers to all of our questions. It was completely LGBT and ace friendly. He taught us about how HIV, AIDS, STIs, and STDs happen as well as what they are and what they do. He taught us what we can do if we think we have one of those. He got us to read the pamphlets so it wasn't just him talking [plus it was maybe a group of 8 people]. He taught us the different ways to have safe sex as well as the different types of condoms, dental dams, sex toys, ect.

It was a very educational hour and a half. If sex-ed in school was like that it would be great.