Question for Aros and/or Aces

[nerdperson777]

I experience this and wonder if other people experience this.

1. Sex is a "weird" word so it makes sexy sound weird too. I understood it as seeing a lot of boob/chest or cleavage. Since I only know things by definition, I myself would not think someone as sexy, just what the approved meaning of sexiness. I really wonder why is being called sexy such a great compliment. In high school, while reading "The Catcher in the Rye", the teacher said sexy in that context more meant that the person was perverted.

2. A friend talks about someone, any person, and says such person is (or isn't) hot, cute, even sexy. I can't think of a reply that's still on topic. I guess it's the same thought as above. I thought the definition of a good-looking guy is a defined chin, possible facial hair, and a clear face, if the hair doesn't cover it. Then for a girl would be a bright clear face with a smooth looking texture. I feel that these are the accepted definitions but when I look at the people, I don't feel it. If I'm looking or staring at someone, it's just to pay attention to their features without any intention.

I mentioned this before but if you're asked if someone is good-looking, you just say I don't know because how am I supposed to feel about someone's aesthetics?

3. I don't use the symbol <3 because why use an emoticon you can't feel?

Sometimes my mind analyzes things in ways that other people may not so I wonder if I'm just being weird again.

[JustanotherTobigirl]

I'm only asexual, not aromantic, so I can't quite say I do understand most of it, except the 'sexy as a compliment' part. I'm guessing it derives from people having sexual desires, there for being sexy, means someone has sexual desires for you. To a sexual person, this would be seen as attraction. I don't like this myself, for I don't want people to see me as some sort of sexual object. I'm not even sure if this makes any sense. I guess I'm trying to say sexy is a good compliment to person who wants to be seen in a sexual way, but not a very good one for someone who does not want to be seen in a sexual way.

[Sage Raven Domino]

'<3' is just a convenient and commonly understood abbreviation, you don't need to feel anything behind it, we just use it to consume 2 symbols worth of SMS space instead of 4.

I'm only asexual, not aromantic, so I can't quite say I do understand most of it, except the 'sexy as a compliment' part. I'm guessing it derives from people having sexual desires, there for being sexy, means someone has sexual desires for you. To a sexual person, this would be seen as attraction. I don't like this myself, for I don't want people to see me as some sort of sexual object. I'm not even sure if this makes any sense. I guess I'm trying to say sexy is a good compliment to person who wants to be seen in a sexual way, but not a very good one for someone who does not want to be seen in a sexual way.

That's the way I see it as well.

When we're asked if someone is sexy, it's safer to go with the 'standard' / 'interpersonal' definitions of 'good-looking' listed in the OP if we don't feel it ourselves. I'd also include big height, (in women) small weight and clothes that expose the body features.

Actually, heterosexuals face this problem too when they think about sexual attractiveness of members of their own gender, including themselves. There's no way to determine it other than by trial and error or by observation of how gender-mates modify their bodies / behaviour to have more sexual success and what people say about others' attractiveness.

[binary suns]

[Sage Raven Domino]

^ It's all the same with me.

I think the '<3' emoticon can replace each and every usage of the word 'love' (except tennis scores), e.g. '<3 this song' doesn't imply any romantic attraction, just strong liking.

[Sockstealingnome]

I'm an aro ace.

1) I don't find the word sex or sexy to be weird. It means very little to me. The only time it's strange is if someone uses it to describe me because sexy is never a word I would use for myself. Sexy to me means evoking desire for sex and since I don't do that intentionally, it's weird to be reminded that someone sees me that way.

2) Aesthetic attraction has nothing to do with whether you're sexual or asexual. I know when I find someone aesthetically pleasing. I probably confuse people though since I use the term 'hot' interchangeably with 'attractive'.

3) I also don't use that symbol only because I think it's stupid. However I can feel love. Maybe not romantic love but certainly other kinds of love, and I don't believe they're any less.

[nerdperson777]

I guess #1 is just a term that evolved with culture then. But I feel that people exaggerate when they say they love something. The word is thrown around like nothing special. I think everyone's answer makes sense to me.

When people say <3 to me, I have the urge to turn it to </3 just for fun. :P

[Sage Raven Domino]

I'm putting less and less romantic sense into the word 'love' as I'd go mad otherwise, but the word is too short and understandable a term for strong liking for me to give it up.

[dunhauren]

i think "sexy" is weird. i cant understand at all what it means. some say sexy is atractive and some i think said sensual and sexy are the same. i dont get it. if they ask me if i think someone is sexy i say "i dont know" and if they insist i say "i dont know. i dont know what sexy means". even if sexy is one of the meanings i wrote, i cant feel them, so...the most similar thing i can feel is aesthetic attraction and since nobody i know use the expression, that and sexy aint the same. good looking and all that are things i dont know if i can feel

the <3 thing: when i use it in a conversation ive never used it seriously. only if i talk about food, tv shows, fictional characters, or maybe family

[nerdperson777]

I just randomly thought "sexy paintings" but that obviously can't happen. Usually my friends leave it there if I say "I don't know" since none of my friends don't try to pressure me that hard or even know I'm asexual. I have a high sense of morality in that if something's not right, I have to make it right, so for art, I have no basis to critique original art other than it looks realistic and masterful. For that, I don't understand "The Scream", abstract art, Dadaism (so weird), stuff like that.

[Sockstealingnome]

I just randomly thought "sexy paintings" but that obviously can't happen. Usually my friends leave it there if I say "I don't know" since none of my friends don't try to pressure me that hard or even know I'm asexual. I have a high sense of morality in that if something's not right, I have to make it right, so for art, I have no basis to critique original art other than it looks realistic and masterful. For that, I don't understand "The Scream", abstract art, Dadaism (so weird), stuff like that.

I disagree. Sexy paintings can happen the same way sexy pictures can happen. I also don't understand abstract art but that's just a preference.

[I'd rather be in band.]

I completely relate to your sentiments. The compliment of sexy feels so empty to me, and I used to think that it was simply used in a joking context because it didn't make sense. When I was pretending to be sexual, I actually felt the need to search on the internet for what was considered attractive. I honestly didn't even know. It was so foreign to me that I simply had no idea. I've only ever been romantically attracted to someone after knowing about their humor, intelligence, vocabulary, - yes, a narrow vocabulary is a bit of a dealbreaker for me - and cordiality. I've never truly known my own meaning of physical attractiveness, since it appears to be subjective.

[Janus the Fox]

I've never really analysed sex or relationships in any way. Just find people good looking and nothing much else to go by...