Clubbing as an asexual

[hannaaaah]

Hey guys, new here! So I consider myself to be an asexual heteroromantic. I am not opposed to sex and would also like to engage in it in the future if I had a serious boyfriend as I'm also quite curious about it but have no advert desires. Anyway, due to this I only look for serious relationships and have never understood the concept of hooking up with strangers or even making out with strangers on a night out. I like to go out to dance with friends but leave the dating to when everyone is sober so that we can establish a meaningful relationship. I also tend to get a bit creeped out when guys come up to me but I usually just push them away and they'll stop. Anyway, my friends are starting to question my lack of interest in random guys when clubbing and since I've just discovered asexuality I think I've contributed it to this. Anyway, what are your opinions on this? Do you agree? Disagree? Cheers!

[Mycroft is Yourcroft]

I happen to really enjoy dancing in a club, though never with random strangers. I think it really depends on what you hope to get out of the hooking up; an ego boost? Some (hopefully) pleasant, non-committal sex? Maybe a new friend? I don't see anything wrong with people hooking up, so long as it's safe, consensual and enthusiastic :)

As for your friends starting to notice your disinterest, do they know what type of relationship you hope to establish? If they do, they might be more likely to understand why you're not interested in messing about with strangers.

[hannaaaah]

I happen to really enjoy dancing in a club, though never with random strangers. I think it really depends on what you hope to get out of the hooking up; an ego boost? Some (hopefully) pleasant, non-committal sex? Maybe a new friend? I don't see anything wrong with people hooking up, so long as it's safe, consensual and enthusiastic :)

As for your friends starting to notice your disinterest, do they know what type of relationship you hope to establish? If they do, they might be more likely to understand why you're not interested in messing about with strangers.

Oh I agree, I just don't see the appeal for myself personally since I just see people as people and experience no sexual attraction towards them. And also given that I'm indifferent about having sex, but I'd probably only have it with someone I have an emotional connection with to strengthen the bond. I just don't get the desire, but totally understand why sexuals do, it's just not for me I think and was wondering whether it was the same for other asexuals.

[Mycroft is Yourcroft]

I happen to really enjoy dancing in a club, though never with random strangers. I think it really depends on what you hope to get out of the hooking up; an ego boost? Some (hopefully) pleasant, non-committal sex? Maybe a new friend? I don't see anything wrong with people hooking up, so long as it's safe, consensual and enthusiastic :)

As for your friends starting to notice your disinterest, do they know what type of relationship you hope to establish? If they do, they might be more likely to understand why you're not interested in messing about with strangers.

Oh I agree, I just don't see the appeal for myself personally since I just see people as people and experience no sexual attraction towards them. And also given that I'm indifferent about having sex, but I'd probably only have it with someone I have an emotional connection with to strengthen the bond. I just don't get the desire, but totally understand why sexuals do, it's just not for me I think and was wondering whether it was the same for other asexuals.

In that case, it totally is for me!

EDIT:: To delete the double quote

[hannaaaah]

okay, in that case, I was wondering what you find the appeal to be then since you presumably don't have any sexual attraction towards the person you're hooking up with?

[Mycroft is Yourcroft]

Oops :redface:

I personally don't hook up with people, though I do enjoy dancing in clubs :P I find it fun!

[Sage Raven Domino]

OP, have you come out as an asexual or demisexual to the friends? Have you explained to them that you club only because you like dancing and romance? Not many people do it to look for serious relationships, many are there for drunk one-night stands So your motivation for clubbing must look quite strange from the outside.

I'd also prefer to stay sober if I were looking to hook up in a club. Probably those who do it drunk are likely aromantic or hyporomantic sexuals who prefer to not remember what they were doing the previous night (except that they were having sex with - hopefully - a hottie), just to wake up and part forever in the morning :D

Alcohol removes the shyness barrier and allows people to hook up without a second thought about whether they qualify as each others' potential romantic partners (it's believed such a thought can discourage sexual behaviour, especially in girls, making them eternal virgins, which, to sexuals, is a serious threat :D).

[marki]

I am a guy. I like dancing......just not in clubs because random girls dry humping me is totally gross. However I was out the other night with friends and stayed away from the dance floor and had a decent time being the dd and not getting my parts rubbed on by sloppy drunk ugly chicks.

Yeah nothing wrong with liking clubs but not wanting to hook up.

[xxcaity]

Clubbing can be a nightmare!! I only go to have a good drunk time with my friends but it doesn't always go smoothly without unwanted attraction.

I've never hooked up with someone while out in town, I find it so skeevy. And every now and then people will try to dance with me/ touch me/ try to kiss me. But I'm totally not interested in something random with a random. I sometimes wonder what sexuals even get out of a random hook up. It's just gross haha

Occasionally I get the chance to talk to these people who try and hook up with me or whatever and I've had two responses so far. One being the most common, which is that they don't understand why I'm not like that.. someone who doesn't kiss random people. Two being people who are kind of amazed and impressed that I'm not going around getting with everyone like majority of the other people in the club.

I say just have a blast and screw everyone else haha

[Heart]

I say just have a blast and screw everyone else haha

Or don't screw them, you're choice ;)

Sorry. Couldn't resist. The pun was calling.

[xxcaity]

I say just have a blast and screw everyone else haha

Or don't screw them, you're choice ;)

Sorry. Couldn't resist. The pun was calling.

Ahahaha I knew it was too good to resist :)

[LadyJ]

I also like clubbing for the dancing aspect!

And the club I go to (really a restaurant and bar that converts twice a month for events) is smaller and hosts alternative events

I believe that it is due to these factors that everyone there is there to dance more than hookup and I've had no problem with people approaching me unwanted. Because it is not very crowded, there is plenty of elbow room and space to dance alone if you wish to!

So maybe consider finding a smaller, more alternative place? I think they might be a better option for people not interested in casual hookups.

[marki]

Wear a glow in the dark shirt that says "Not game to bang!"

Should ward off fools!

[LadyJ]

Wear a glow in the dark shirt that says "Not game to bang!"

Should ward off fools!

ooo I would like to see that

It seems like it would be an interesting article of clothing

[Guest]

The only clubbing I want to do involves a mace and my dad's head.

[Calavera]

Offering my two cents as an asexual nightclub bartender... (what a weird combo, huh?)

Sober staff and people mostly make fun of the drunks making out enthusiastically on the dance floor. It really is kind of hilarious. So, as a whole, people sober enough to think straight respect you more for not crawling into a booth and slobbering all over someone else.

When I'm out drinking myself, I have a blast... mostly acting like a very excited 5 year old who's had too much sugar. Talk to all the strangers. I vaguely remember explaining about asexuality to a bunch of drunks outside a gay bar one time (not 100% out of the closet, so eeek) If I ended up locking lips, it's mostly because I was totally oblivious and too late to stop the other person from kissing me. Can't say I've ever had a friend question my lack of hooking up - maybe it's a difference in our friend groups. If you don't want to come out, I'd just blow off inquiries by saying that is not the type of relationship you are looking for. Not everyone is the type who likes random hookups, asexual or not. :) Good luck!

[Xavy]

I don't do it often, but When I feel like it I go clubbing with friends - never with the intention of hooking up though. My few friends all understand this about me and respect it, even the friends who don't know that I am asexual.

[Zash]

Asexual nightclub bartender isn't that odd to me... Aren't you supposed to turn down your drunk patrons anyways?

Though, I suppose flirting back would increase your tips, but, that is your choice to make. I always thought bartendnig would be an interesting job, I just don't have the social talent to do it well.

[Dethsdream]

Every time I've gone clubbing (even at gay bars), I just haven't been able to avoid unwanted attention. I don't really enjoy dancing to electronica or techno, either (80's pop is more my thing), so I don't get much out of clubbing... The repetitive underlying beat to all techno/rave music is just to boring to dance to imo. My friends seem to understand that I'm not interested in dating or casual hookups though, so I guess I'm pretty lucky in that area especially since I'm not officially out yet.

[katbees]

I don't overly enjoy clubbing, but its hard to avoid as a uni student! when i go I spend most of the time sitting outside in the smoking area seeing how many free cigarettes I can get! the dancing is fun sometimes when I'm drunk I guess and watching my friends do funny things.

[Sage Raven Domino]

I don't overly enjoy clubbing, but its hard to avoid as a uni student!

It isn't! Just go home and study! :D (Maybe do it in headphones if people are making too much noise.)

[MarieAntoinette]

Personally, I hate clubbing. Too loud, too many strobe lights, too many people, and I don't drink or like to dance so there's really no point for me to be there. I'd say it more has to do with me being an asocial introvert than an asexual.

[Mx.Jekyll]

I could never grasp the idea of clubbing. I've hated it since I learned what it was. Over the years, it's just become worse.

I like dancing, sure...but when I say dancing I mean ballet, waltz, salsa, etc. I just can't get into the club scene.

I think it has to do with both my asexuality and my introversion really, but it's more a hate of the over-sexualized idea of it all in general.

[Guest Cairne Bloodhoof]

I don't like the music that's played in nightclubs, so clubbing isn't my cup of tea. Concerts and rock/metal festivals, that's another thing ;) . I didn't encounter anything relating to sex during the concerts I went to, so I consider them safe.

As for the dancing part, the only dance I can perform is pogo :lol: .

[bradbury]

I absolutely love going clubbing with friends because I've never been out with someone who is interested in hooking up with others while drinking and dancing. We always go as a group and stay with that group so we can just dance with each other. I generally prefer it when I'm out with guys though, because I've noticed that when I'm with just girls there are always some creeps circling us which I really dislike. But as long as you stay in a bit of a tight circle it's really easy to ignore the people around you. So, yeah, because I don't know anyone who's interested in random hook-ups while clubbing, no-one's ever commented on my (asexual) behaviour either.

[Contrarian Expatriate]

I love clubbing in my upper 40's even. I hate dancing, and I hate other guys giving me hate because they THINK I am there to screw the girls they want. Clubbing is social interaction, good music, and people-watching. Every now and again, it is an opportunity to meet new friends or romantic partners.

[marki]

What clubs are you going to that have good music??? Clubs around here are nothing but crap pop you hear on the radio.

[deleted_account]

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[elvenofaven]

I feel like clubbing would be something I would enjoy to do but would also hate it. Even though that makes no sense.

I hate drinking and strangers, but I feel like just dancing with friends would be fun. I don't know. Personally, I'm torn on the matter.

[Skri]

For me clubbing can be both fun and stressful, the last one mostly because I can't control how people interact with me.

For example, I love making out. Like, it's one of my favourite things. But I also don't want a relationship, nor all the limits that come with it... so clubbing is the perfect way to enjoy the company of someone without too many troubles. The problem shows up when they assume that we will end up having sex, or that if they kiss me once then they can do it whenever they want to for the rest of the night. Or that I am open to be touched no matter what. Ughh I don't get why people have no clue of the importance of consent.