I have always wondered this... high school and asexual.

[Myree]

In high school I was an art geek/nerd. I noticed both guys and gals but more like Omg don't touch me. I think I may have had an ongoing love affair with the walls of the school. Even as I got older I still was shy around both boys and girls. But never really noticed I was different in the dating space. Way to into set designs and glass destroying :) so I had really no idea I was different until I was 21 almost 22 years old.

I was wondering how many other people never realized they where asexual until they left high school? And if so when did you really start to feel different? When did it hit you?

I wanna see how this works out. I am going to try to get back into writing part time.

[SithLord]

It hit me right out of high school. I started feeling different in my senior year and kept questioning myself until I found asexuality.

In high school I wasn't averse to dating, but I didn't take my relationship with my boyfriend very seriously and didn't want to be too serious. If anything I was just very confused as to why others made a big deal about dating. I figured it would hit me later, and it kind of did, though in a different way. : )

[Sundance_]

I had no idea. Well, I knew I was different, but I didn't know asexuality was part of it. I've always been averse to dating. I wasn't interested in romance. All the other teens seemed a bit stupid. But my friends accepted me and didn't really mention it, and sex is super repressed in my culture, so there was less sexual exposure than some people go through (unless I'm just that oblivious). I knew a lot about sex, was probably more intellectually interested in it than many people. I really just expected to become sexual at some point. I didn't realize that wasn't going to happen until I was 21, a junior in college, and then I began searching more intensely for an answer before identifying as ace.

Even now it's a little confusing and messed up, because

a) I am sort of sexually attracted to people, just not quite enough. I'm not convinced that "aesthetic attraction" completely covers it for me

b) I can't figure out what my romantic orientation is

c) Sex seems nice in an abstract sense, when I'm not involved nor anyone I know

d) I have chronic depression, known to severely lower libido, and it makes me very apathetic emotionally

[Myree]

"c) Sex seems nice in an abstract sense, when I'm not involved nor anyone I know

d) I have chronic depression, known to severely lower libido, and it makes me very apathetic emotionally"-Sundance_

Oh phone so this is how I do it. Your last two things I can see. In a lot of ways. I didn't know depression could do that. But I have avoided doctors so I have no idea. But what you said there I could see from my sense

[Ashmedai]

I found out about asexuality and that it made sense for me when I was 24.

Edit: During high school, while having a couple small crushes, I wasn't particularly interesting in partnering up. In fact I didn't notice that many people partnering up to begin with, and the ones that did just didn't seem to do much. High school for me was quite a long time ago, so I cna't remember much more than that.

[LadyJ]

I remember being utterly confused as to the point of having a boyfriend (I grew up in a heteronormative community so I'll use that term) in high school, it seemed to be pointless, extra work

Until I figured it out

Boyfriends are walking bagholders and coathangers

Genius

As someone enrolled in multiple advanced placement courses, I had far too many heavy textbooks that I struggled to haul around the school with me. Eventually, I got curious as to how my friends managed, and I noticed that they got their boyfriends to carry them. Simply logical.

Sorry, this post is probably not very helpful. Just a collection of my own high school observations.

As to when I specifically realized, (since I am demisexual, I still felt sexual attraction so I knew I wasn't strictly asexual) it was probably around the time I found out (via the internet) that there was such thing as a separate romantic spectrum that was not necessarily aligned to sexual orientation so just because I experienced a sexual attraction did not mean there was also a romantic attraction (a fact that I feel society tends to confuse, that love equals sex and whatnot) and upon further reflection, I realized I was also demisexual; up until this point, I assumed my rarity of sexual attraction simply meant I was picky.

This occurred the year after I graduated from high school, when I finally found time to think, and my teenage libido had calmed a bit. I remember how it felt like I was walking on clouds for months after my realization. All that seemingly inevitable drama of relationships that I had been hopelessly, dreading (though accepting of my fate), that others ominously warned would take me too one day, didn't have to happen to me. A weight was lifted.

[Rochnariel]

I definitely never applied the term asexual to myself in high school, but I knew I didn't want sex. At the time I figured I was just young and would eventually understand the attraction to sex that everyone else seemed to be getting. I dated a bit in high school, and enjoyed it, with lines drawn at comfort zones. Dating never repulsed me, but I wasn't obsessed with it. I'm romantic and cuddly, so it was fine.

Late teens and early twenties, I started to wonder about why I didn't seem to care about sex when everyone else around me did. Still didn't care too much. Just chalked it up to being different and moved on. Never thought to label it, figured I might eventually get the whole sex thing with the right person.

Mid-twenties I met "the right person," seriously dated him, and would probably be married to him now if not for a fluke of genetics. Still didn't get the whole sex thing. Never got pressured into sex. Never discussed too much beyond neither of us really wanted to have it when we saw each other. Still didn't care to label it.

Then, my best friend threw out the term asexual for my consideration one night, and it made sense. I'm still not big into labels, but it fits. Just took until my mid- to late- twenties to hear the term outside of biology class and decide to apply it to me.

[Hikuroi]

I found out about asexuality maybe December of last year or the first few weeks of January this year. In high school I didn't really want to date until 12th grade but in 9th grade I knew already that I was different because there was a guy I was friends with that I kind of wanted to date, but something inside me kept saying no so I didn't, and he made sexual advances once in awhile and they made me really nervous at first but then they became very annoying and I eventually stopped talking to him(11th). I had another friend who was a girl who was always talking about what Yaoi she had watched last night and what guy she was crushing on that week. She was always talking about sex(in a comic way) and I was uneasy about it at first but it became annoying and I always thought "why don't I see guys that way?"(though vaguely sexual jokes can be funny) I found them attractive but not in the same way as her. Also right after I started wanting to date one of my friends got engaged and she was having some sort of crisis(acting very crazy and almost got a tattoo) (I guess cause she was getting married at 19) and for her bachelorette party she wanted to go to Victoria's Secret and similar store near by that sold board games and some S&M stuff. While they were looking at stuff and talking about it I made a comment about how I didn't understand the corsets they were looking at and the use they wanted them for (idk exactly what I said) and they were like "You will when you start dating". That answer was always annoying to me but I didn't say anything about it. I worried sometimes about having a husband and sex being expected at that point so when I found out about asexuality(comic on Tumblr) I was like that interesting kinda sounds like me and then went on. After I found the documentary I was like oh it's in a documentary too(got curious) so I watched it and I decided to look into it and I got on this site and lurked for a little while and eventually decided to go ahead and start identifying as asexual and make an account and when I did that I was very happy but also nervous because my family expects me to have kids someday and that's not going to happen but I pushed it away for awhile so I could be happy without thinking of something that will ruin it and I was in a good mood for like 2 weeks strait. Sorry I added a bit of unnecessary information.

[Xavy]

Thinking back to how I was in high school, it is easy to see that I was not on the same page as my peers with their raging hormone. All the sex and dating stuff just went over head, I was completely clueless and I didn't have a clue just how clueless I was until long after high school.

[binary suns]

[katbees]

I started identifying as asexual or grey a a few months into university. There's huge amounts of pressure to be interested in sex and to have sex at university and experiment etc and it was really alienating to realise I just wasn't the same or wasn't what I was expected to be as a student. But throughout high school I never had any sort of sexual or romantic experiences and I thought maybe it was just because I was idk ugly or something but I think its more because I never put myself in any situations where it could happen, never seeked anything out, because I didn't feel comfortable doing so and would push anything away that even resembled something that could lead to having to be in a sexual situation at some point. I'm not sure how much sense this post makes I've just woken up.

[Chewy]

I started identifying as asexual or grey a a few months into university. There's huge amounts of pressure to be interested in sex and to have sex at university and experiment etc and it was really alienating to realise I just wasn't the same or wasn't what I was expected to be as a student. But throughout high school I never had any sort of sexual or romantic experiences and I thought maybe it was just because I was idk ugly or something but I think its more because I never put myself in any situations where it could happen, never seeked anything out, because I didn't feel comfortable doing so and would push anything away that even resembled something that could lead to having to be in a sexual situation at some point. I'm not sure how much sense this post makes I've just woken up.

Makes a lot of sense, I'm the same way. I never have come across a situation where someone wanted to have sex with me or if there was maybe two occurrences in high school where boys tried to get "close" to start some kind of relationship. I automatically felt irritated by the person. kind of like, man stop attaching yourself to me, you are starting to irritate me.

[JustanotherTobigirl]

I guess I didn't realize I was different becouse people assume women are less sexual then men. I thought they were all just faking it, or that I would one day develop into one of the sexualities. I assumed I was a 'late' bloomer by sort, but it never came. I'm in college now, 19, turning 20 in a couple of weeks, and am now firm in what my sexuality is. Also, I didn't learn that there was a word for it, until I was 19, so I assumed that becouse I didn't like women, I was straight, even if I didn't have that sexual attraction to men either, I had a very minor aesthetic attraction.

[MarcusByerly]

I never realized I was asexual until way after High School and college. I assumed I was a late bloomer during middle school, and in high school I did start dating. I'm a guy and I dated women typically because I assumed I was straight. I remember my friends talking about how far they would go in a relationship - with a lot of detail... And all I could think was "uhh... I don't know if I'm ready to do all of that..." Luckily, the women I dated didn't want to have sex yet. During my early 20s college years, I went through your typical party phase.. I worked at Abercombie (please don't judge me lol), and that's all we did... It was quite apparent I had surrounded myself with really attractive people - men and women; however, I wasn't actually attracted to them, sexually. I've always been able to bond with others emotionally, but I've never reached a physical level of attraction. It wasn't until my mid to late 20s. Once I grew out of the party days and focused on my career as a hairstylist, I realized that at my age, everyone was married and having babies. I didn't even think about that part of my life. I wasn't even thinking about a relationship period. That's when I decided it was way past due and time to figure out my sexual orientation. It took about two years of figuring it out, but of course, after realizing it, I've known along. I just didn't know what I was called because this wasn't popular when I was in high school (graduated 2005). I'm so thankful that it's becoming more acknowledged! I don't regret not knowing back then, because I think being an emotional teenager... It wouldn't go over well lol. Sorry for the length, but I think I pushed my asexualness off for a long time because I was afraid to confront it. So I subjected myself to anything that could distract my mind from realizing who I am.

[MarcusByerly]

Also, once I realized I was asexual, it took one whole year to convince myself that there is nothing wrong with me and it was a sexual orientation - not a disorder. Then it took another year to accept it as something I couldn't change and to live life happily as an asexual.

[Amatista]

I realized it at the end of my senior year. It honestly never even occurred to me that I was different until I found this site. I thought that most people felt the same about sex as I did. It fully hit me that I am 100% asexual after I graduated.

[ZombiesAsAMetaphor]

In my early years of high school, some of my friends thought I was homosexual because I wasn't interested in people of the opposite sex, and I would hug them to greet them. This being a small-town high school, they began shunning me, and I was extremely confused because I didn't see what was wrong. I thought it was obvious that I wasn't into them like that, but apparently wanting to show physical affection of any kind is sexual when you're in high school.

Fast forward a few years later to my senior high school years, and I had a friend who asked me to be their partner. I liked them a lot too, so I thought this was attraction (figured out later it was just a squish). Finally came to realise something was different with me when they kept trying to kiss me on the mouth and I would find excuses to turn away, or when they touched me certain places and I became very uncomfortable. We eventually ended the relationship a year later when it became painfully obvious that we wanted different things.

It wasn't until my early 20s – several years after leaving high school – that I finally found a name for my difference, and that I wasn't alone.

[Endymion]

Hmmm, before I figured out what asexuality really was (and that I might be an ace) high school was pretty confusing, especially when I had a sexually active friend who didn't really understand that I didn't want to have sex. Junior year I started realizing that I was pretty adverse to having sex, unlike most teenagers, and after some research I came to the conclusion that I'm asexual. high school was a little weird and uncomfortable especially when people would like and ask me out and such, but I had great friends to support me and help me sort things out.

[FOXracingfan]

Near the end of my senior year I noticed I was different. I mean everyone around me was always in a relationship and my graduating class alone had about 15 girls either pregnant or already with babies. I just didn't realize sex was a thing people feel they need. I hadn't even had a real crush on someone until my senior year. Then when he and I started talking and stuff I starting wondering if i was suppose to feel more than just 'I like him, he fun.' based off things he had said to me. It really wasn't until freshman year in college it hit me that I differently wasn't heterosexual.

[strawberrycheesecake]

I was told that I was a late bloomer, and I still kind of believe it. Throughout high school, I did think I was missing things but I immediately put it under the "late bloomer" category. There were no guys I was super into, and that made it okay in my mind. Once I get to college, I'll find someone I really like and that'll be that. I'll start feeling sexual.

However, once I actually hit college and still couldn't bring myself to date aesthetically pleasing guys without feeling awful and queasy, I was upset and frustrated with myself, feeling like an alien. And I still feel that way, but finding asexuality has made things a little easier on me.

I think recently I've started getting a tiny, tiny bit of a sexual-mind only because I've been forcing myself to want to like it because hey, it's the normal thing to do, reproduction and all, but I still know I'm missing stuff and nothing really feels right whenever I try to think about things like that. So I just try not to worry as much as I used to.

[SithLord]

I guess I didn't realize I was different becouse people assume women are less sexual then men. I thought they were all just faking it, or that I would one day develop into one of the sexualities. I assumed I was a 'late' bloomer by sort, but it never came. I'm in college now, 19, turning 20 in a couple of weeks, and am now firm in what my sexuality is. Also, I didn't learn that there was a word for it, until I was 19, so I assumed that becouse I didn't like women, I was straight, even if I didn't have that sexual attraction to men either, I had a very minor aesthetic attraction.

I felt the exact same way! It wasn't until college that I found out that was bullshit. Even some of my friends still think I just need to have sex to like it, esp because one of their other friends repressed her sexuality and said she didn't want sex until she "gave in" to her boyfriend and now apparently she's a horn-dog.

[Ryudrazon]

I've gotten myself figured out and I'm still in high school. (Hooray for being an outlier!) Mind you, I'm on AVEN already and that helps a lot, and I'm pretty sure that my being demi stems from my being (a high-functioning) autistic, so it's something I've kind of had on the backburner in my mind for a while... But yeah, thanks to AVEN I've already figured out my sexuality.

[Ser Teddy Bear]

I noticed when I first enteres middle school that all these little girls were boyfriend crazy (even though it was nothing compared to a highschool relationship....) and they would pick what they called the 'hot' guys, 12 year olds I know. But i was only in is 'slightly more than friends' relationship with my best friend. I thought he was so funny and we had a lot of fun together. Sure he was kind of ugly, but the kids thought I was weird because I was 'dating' and ugly guy. Everyone thought I was really pretty for some reason. This is the beginning of what I describe my first asexual experiences. Another thing that happened at this age is in one of my classes everyone would play this game. Someone would grab their nose and say a color. If you were the last one to say a color, or if you repeated a color you would have to make a sex noise. Thinking back on it I found it to be... well stressful. I didn't want to make the sex noise becuase well... it grossed me out a little. But they seemed to find it funny. A few years later I start to debate my sexuality, I thought this was my 'bicurious' stage. I rarely had crushes but it was always on males. And I thought, 'maybe I'm gay!' This terrified me, I thought I was completely normal and striaght. But I read a lesbian story, and it captivated me more than a hetero story ever did. In my last year of middle school I found out about the term asexual. And at first I blew it off as something I wasn't. These thoughts consumed my days, I Knew I was different. I never had a boyfriend since my first 'boyfriend' and when people where going through boyfriends like socks this threw a red flag at me. It only really hit me late because I was out of the loop, but I was happy with my nerdy/geeky friends. But the summer before 9th grade I had lots of free time. So I researched. I spent serval days only researching. And after about a week of research that a college student would envy I decided I was ace. I came out to my closest friend when I saw her in person (I moved away from the school district that my male best friend was a long time ago) She accepted me and I felt bliss, happy she didn't think I was crazy or weird. So in high school I came out to some more friends (and to my happiness they accepted me with a few questions on the side) But then I started to question my heteroromatic, qnd I discovered I was panromantic. Middle school was the hardest time of my life. But I'm a freshmen now, so it all seems really close. And with my friends acceptance I've be come extremely happy. Except for the fact that I have a really strong squish (on a female) that makes me lovesick. Sooo, long story short I labeled myself in school. But it may have taken me much longer if it was for AVEN or the internet to put words to my emotions. (Sorry that was sooo long, here have an apology cake! )

🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰

[Star Bit]

I didn't find out until after high school too. But I had accepting high school friends who kept their private/romantic life to themselves; so it was never a major difference for me and I assumed I would eventually feel like them. They never pushed me to get a partner either. Or, come to think of it, ever actually asked if I was dating anyone (which was probably because they would introduce us to their partner, and if they didn't then they were assumingly single). I hate when that question is asked; because its always a no from me and then they ask who you like or your type so they can hook you up.

[butterflydreams]

I never realized I was asexual until way after High School and college. I assumed I was a late bloomer during middle school, and in high school I did start dating. I'm a guy and I dated women typically because I assumed I was straight. I remember my friends talking about how far they would go in a relationship - with a lot of detail... And all I could think was "uhh... I don't know if I'm ready to do all of that..." Luckily, the women I dated didn't want to have sex yet. During my early 20s college years, I went through your typical party phase.. I worked at Abercombie (please don't judge me lol), and that's all we did... It was quite apparent I had surrounded myself with really attractive people - men and women; however, I wasn't actually attracted to them, sexually. I've always been able to bond with others emotionally, but I've never reached a physical level of attraction. It wasn't until my mid to late 20s. Once I grew out of the party days and focused on my career as a hairstylist, I realized that at my age, everyone was married and having babies. I didn't even think about that part of my life. I wasn't even thinking about a relationship period. That's when I decided it was way past due and time to figure out my sexual orientation. It took about two years of figuring it out, but of course, after realizing it, I've known along. I just didn't know what I was called because this wasn't popular when I was in high school (graduated 2005). I'm so thankful that it's becoming more acknowledged! I don't regret not knowing back then, because I think being an emotional teenager... It wouldn't go over well lol. Sorry for the length, but I think I pushed my asexualness off for a long time because I was afraid to confront it. So I subjected myself to anything that could distract my mind from realizing who I am.

Wow, this is basically me. I did tons of writing throughout high school and college, and looking back at it now? It's like *facepalm* dude, how did you not know? For crying out loud, my go-to statement throughout high school was that there weren't any girls I liked because they all felt like sisters to me. It was a constant thought of, oh, I'll feel into it later. Well, later is kind of here now, I'm 26. I definitely beat myself up for not dating, and feeling like I should've been, but I never asked myself why I wanted to. I thought I was just bad at it and girls didn't like me. Truthfully though, I was just trying to get a "girlfriend". I never really thought about what would happen after that, because the few times I did, it scared me. I really wish someone had posed the idea of asexuality to me earlier. I guess my dad said he thought a kid I was in school with was asexual. The term and concept definitely festered in the deepest corner of my brain for almost a decade. I'm self aware enough now to apply it to myself. It's clear now that I was just not looking at people during high school the way my friends and others were. Not at all.

[EnigmaticAnomaly]

I knew I was asexual in seventh grade, everyone around me was already experiencing sexual attraction/desire.. (Yes, people ages 12-14... Hell, one of my mother's relatives got pregnant at 10 years old on her own free will) I knew I wasn't a "late bloomer" because I wasn't behind in any other ways.. I'm now going to be transitioning into my freshman year (I'm turning 14) and I'm absolutely sure now about who I am. Humans ages 13-19 are the, mhm, how should I say this, have more desire than those of other ages, and I don't have that desire at all. I can't even make sense about what people find sexually attractive. The only thing I don't know about myself is if I'm on the autism spectrum, but after years of suspecting that I have Aspergers I finally gave in and decided to let my mother set up an appointment for a diagnosis.

[andreas1033]

I knew about 13 or so. I worked out that what ever was on, i was not going through puberty.

Life proved me right, and after i left school, i just became quieter and quieter.