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For 20-somethings getting their feet off the ground


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I don't know the statistics, but I would say there are A LOT more people who live with their parents for longer periods of time now than say thirty or even twenty years ago. The expectations that society has about this derive from the thinking twenty and thirty years ago though! I don't know what it's like in places outside the Midwest, but here it's almost shameful to still be living with your parents after the age of 22 or so. But a lot of people don't have another choice! I think a lot of it has to do with the economy, college expenses CONSTANTLY going up, the job market, and the shift in what's needed in the job market (more science/math/technology jobs now). Yeah, our generation gets the benefit of coming in just as the baby-boomers are going out, but it's still tough.

Also, all of my rants here are just from an American stand-point. Is there anyone here from another country? What's it like there? Are the expectations different?

Depends on the culture too. In South Asian families (my ethnicity) it's normal to stay with your parents until you get married and leave. A lot of us also have really large extended families so even if you do get married you and your partner might end up living right back at home.

I remember there was this show, can't remember if it was David Letterman but he had an Indian actress Aishwarya Rai on at a time and he was telling her "So I hear everyone in India still lives with their parents?" in a condecending way.

She had told him "At least we don't need invitations to see our own parents."

Caribbean parents too I notice have a hard time letting go off their kids plus it's common for the kids to stick around and take care of them here.

It's more like no one cares whether you live at home but if you are doing productive stuff with your life.

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I got my dream job when I was 22. Now I'm 27 and facing layoffs. I have no idea what I'll do if I get axed.

And to think of all the things I sacrificed for this job... normal hours, a social life, my sanity...

Ugh.

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Hunter of Artemis

I don't know the statistics, but I would say there are A LOT more people who live with their parents for longer periods of time now than say thirty or even twenty years ago. The expectations that society has about this derive from the thinking twenty and thirty years ago though! I don't know what it's like in places outside the Midwest, but here it's almost shameful to still be living with your parents after the age of 22 or so. But a lot of people don't have another choice! I think a lot of it has to do with the economy, college expenses CONSTANTLY going up, the job market, and the shift in what's needed in the job market (more science/math/technology jobs now). Yeah, our generation gets the benefit of coming in just as the baby-boomers are going out, but it's still tough.

Also, all of my rants here are just from an American stand-point. Is there anyone here from another country? What's it like there? Are the expectations different?

Depends on the culture too. In South Asian families (my ethnicity) it's normal to stay with your parents until you get married and leave. A lot of us also have really large extended families so even if you do get married you and your partner might end up living right back at home.

I remember there was this show, can't remember if it was David Letterman but he had an Indian actress Aishwarya Rai on at a time and he was telling her "So I hear everyone in India still lives with their parents?" in a condecending way.

She had told him "At least we don't need invitations to see our own parents."

Caribbean parents too I notice have a hard time letting go off their kids plus it's common for the kids to stick around and take care of them here.

It's more like no one cares whether you live at home but if you are doing productive stuff with your life.

Wow... way to go David Letterman (if it was him, I could see him doing that). That's just downright rude...

So maybe it's just an American thing? I've noticed it too with large Mexican families in the area. They tend to live close together if not in the same house. I mean mostly it's the eldest child taking care of the parent who is retired, or something like that. But I totally get where you're coming from on the whole "doing productive stuff with your life" thing! I had a friend who did that. She had a great job and productive life, but still lived with her parents for two years after graduating college because it was less expensive and she could save up to get her own place (she was 24 when she moved out).

Any Europeans out there to weigh in?

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I've actually thought about moving to Canada except that would not work out well with my introvertedness and awkward New Jerseyan attitude of "I have to be there now".

You should come! Things have just started cooling down, it's gunna be magical!

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Purnkin Spurce

Hi! I'm Kayla, and I'll be 24 soon *que horror screams* and I'm feeling a bit lost myself. I'm 23 and still don't have a job, Not even PT. I am currently going to school for my associates in Fine Arts (damn sure isn't gonna get me a good job) but I couldn't bare the thought of going to college for something that doesn't in the slightest make me happy. Anywho, so I guess I feel like a failure. I got my license at 21 and it's taken a long time for me to muster up the courage to drive places alone. Now all I can think about is getting a part time job to help me save up to get my own car working which has been locked in a garage for waaay to long. I feel like I bring dishonor to my family. lol "Dishonor on you, dishonor on your family, dishonor on your cow!" Ok I'm done using movie references.

Blah blah biddie blah....I am a lost little lamb who is struggling to find a job, everyone I graduated with is doing something important with their lives and I feel so ashamed most days. There is a HUGE lack of jobs in this god forsaken town and lack of my own car = fucking screwed! Excuse muh language. So yeah...i can't repeat enough how lost and stuck I feel. I hope this makes you feel less lost. Hopefully.

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My name is Bridgit and I'm 20, I'm going to community college to get a regular associates of art degree and then I'll transfer to a four year college (I'm thinking Pennsylvania) that I haven't fully decided on to major in Japanese so I can be an interpreter/translator. Or I want to become the vocalist of a band but no one considers that a "real job" so I can't tell anyone. Eventually I hope to know a lot more languages (everyone I can learn). My family minus my dad wants me to be a teacher, my dad wants me to be a forest ranger of all things o.0 I like to teach but I'm scared of schools and class rooms though I could probably get over it if I had to teach everyday who knows. I don't want to do those things anyway. It has taken a lot of stress (to the point of sickness) and classes I didn't like to decide on this. No one in my family supports me and my friends think I'm doing it because I'm obsessed with Japan (which I'm not). Liking anime and the Japanese language does not make me obsessed with the whole country (though I'd like to see it some day), liking and obsession are very different. I've never dated though I would like to, I've never met an asexual irl. I have only told one friend and tried to tell my parents but it didn't go very well. I often feel like the worlds working against me but I have to push through anyway which is hard. I relate a lot to the song Weightless by All Time Low and my family makes me feel like a total failure sometimes when I'm trying my hardest. I want to get a job and move as soon as I can but it will take awhile. I want to move to another country like Canada, England, or Japan but I've never been to those places, just heard about them from residents. I only get a long with two people in my family and the rest I want to get away from. I have a little bit of my life figured out but with my family pushing me down all the time it's hard to plan things and to get anything done. I can't really rely on my friends either because I've only got three left and they all live 30mins away and have jobs and one is married(which makes me feel like I'm behind her and haven't accomplished enough).and will be moving to Colorado soon-ish. I can't wait until I have everything done and I'm living on my own and I have a permanent job and everything is mostly on track. Sometimes I think "can I just fast forward my life 4 or 5 years so I'm done with all this" I hope you all get your lives going too and solve your problems.

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Guuuuys I hate feeling stuck >.<

I don't know the statistics, but I would say there are A LOT more people who live with their parents for longer periods of time now than say thirty or even twenty years ago. The expectations that society has about this derive from the thinking twenty and thirty years ago though! I don't know what it's like in places outside the Midwest, but here it's almost shameful to still be living with your parents after the age of 22 or so. But a lot of people don't have another choice! I think a lot of it has to do with the economy, college expenses CONSTANTLY going up, the job market, and the shift in what's needed in the job market (more science/math/technology jobs now). Yeah, our generation gets the benefit of coming in just as the baby-boomers are going out, but it's still tough.

Also, all of my rants here are just from an American stand-point. Is there anyone here from another country? What's it like there? Are the expectations different?

Depends on the culture too. In South Asian families (my ethnicity) it's normal to stay with your parents until you get married and leave. A lot of us also have really large extended families so even if you do get married you and your partner might end up living right back at home.

I remember there was this show, can't remember if it was David Letterman but he had an Indian actress Aishwarya Rai on at a time and he was telling her "So I hear everyone in India still lives with their parents?" in a condecending way.

She had told him "At least we don't need invitations to see our own parents."

Caribbean parents too I notice have a hard time letting go off their kids plus it's common for the kids to stick around and take care of them here.

It's more like no one cares whether you live at home but if you are doing productive stuff with your life.

Wow... way to go David Letterman (if it was him, I could see him doing that). That's just downright rude...

So maybe it's just an American thing? I've noticed it too with large Mexican families in the area. They tend to live close together if not in the same house. I mean mostly it's the eldest child taking care of the parent who is retired, or something like that. But I totally get where you're coming from on the whole "doing productive stuff with your life" thing! I had a friend who did that. She had a great job and productive life, but still lived with her parents for two years after graduating college because it was less expensive and she could save up to get her own place (she was 24 when she moved out).

Any Europeans out there to weigh in?

I checked it really was Letterman.

I agree with you and the Mexicans. They live close to their families too. Sometimes it's the younger sibling. The village I live in being a girl is kinda suffocating so many young girls find boyfriends and run away.

My uncle is in his 59 and he lives with his mom still. My other aunt lives with her mom but my aunt built her own house and let her mom stay though. She was 40. It's like I said down here once you aren't leeching off your parents by being unemployed it doesn't matter.

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Hey guys, I figured I'd add my two cents since I'm part of this 20-something group too. I'm 25 and just starting to realize that I'm asexual. I never really understood the sexual attraction thing, I always thought that my aesthetic attraction must be the same as sexual attractuion. I figured that I just wasn't "mature enough" and when I reached the magical maturity point I would begin to experience whatever this sexual attraction thing is. As you can tell, that never happened. As of right now, I'm finishing up grad school to get my masters in information studies with a focus on archives and work a few jobs on the side to pay my way through and support myself.Right now my major worries have been about finding a job and whether or not I'll be along forever. While I'm comfortable on my own, it would be nice to spend my life with someone and explore the world with them. I kind of want a mentally/emotionally intimate relationship without the physical side but I'm not sure if that will ever happen. Right now its kind of nice just knowing that there are other people out there with similar experiences.

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I've actually thought about moving to Canada except that would not work out well with my introvertedness and awkward New Jerseyan attitude of "I have to be there now".

You should come! Things have just started cooling down, it's gunna be magical!

I would love to but I'd need to find a university willing to take me and my credits (my exchange with SK didn't work out because of my academic standing at my current university) as well as scrape up some cash somehow.

(also: I'd need to find a curling club there. I curl.... a lot.)

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Just turned 20 a month ago. If I squint at the future I can make out a vast gray sea of uncertainty ahead, and it frightens me. Mostly because I could be preparing for it now, buuuut I'm wasting time on the internet instead. Anything I complain about would probably fall under First World Problems: Seriously You Entitled S*** Edition but screw it, I'm going to anyway.

I worked my ass off in high school to get into the "prestigious" university I'm in now, but whatever drive I had then (drive powered largely from parental pressure tbh) has slowly crumbled in the face of my continuing mediocrity and awful, terrible, terribad study habits. I'm in CompSci, which is supposed to have excellent job prospects plus I generally ace my CS courses. I'm still super scared I won't find a quality job when I graduate. I'm just not self-motivated enough. I haven't done any side projects or any internships so my resume is as enticing as an overboiled cabbage leaf. And with so much competition in the applicant pool, cabbage is not going to get hired.

Everyone here is so just, I dunno, like I can just see them five/ten years from now running a successful startup or networking and presenting cutting edge research at a conference while I derp around as a code monkey and eat cheetos on a couch in my spare time. It's junior year now, aka Make Or Break It, and I feel awful for being lazy and directionless when I'm lucky enough to be at a place with so many possible directions and resources that I'm not utilizing. And my parents may be Asian but they've been really clear about not wanting me to live at home again when I graduate. Live close by, yes, in the (metaphorical) basement, no.

I know all I'm really lacking is some goddamn confidence but it's not like I can just take a magic pill that'll grant me some. Though if there is one do let me know. ;)

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I don't get why people are so scared of asking their parents for help. I can understand if there's major issues between them, but it doesn't hurt to ask! More often than not, they will help you out. You might get shouted at, they might be disappointed, you might feel like an idiot, but it's all part of the learning process too. You don't lose any points for that.

I ask my parents for help all the time - they're more experienced than me, they've been through it all before, as far as I'm concerned, I'd be a fool to ignore the great wealth of information they can provide. You can go to your friends, but it's like the blind leading the blind. Independence is cool, but life is a hell of a lot easier if you've got someone there who can guide you through the hard times.

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Batman's Ace

Ooh, nice. I'm not the only one who hasn't figured everything out. Seriously, my teenage cousins are doing better than me. I'm mid-twenties, and by my age my older sibling had a steady full-time job and was married. I've got neither full-time job nor spouse, and I'm still living with my parents. Can't afford not to. Loads of fun. I go off their health insurance at the end of the year. They've been astonishingly supportive, but I keep worrying that I'm going to test their patience a little too far, and that it'll be before I've really gotten traction on my own.

I still have no idea what I want to do for a career (I have a job, not sure if I want to change fields or what...), where I want to go in life, where I want to live, what I want things to look like five years from now--why is that even a question people ask? I can't figure out what things might look like by the end of next week! Sheesh.

And I feel so weird getting paid...like I probably don't deserve it...which makes it even harder to find a job that I can live on...why on earth would anyone hire me for that much money? Confidence not really here yet. Neither is the translation system for job postings. Can't anyone say what the job involves without using buzzwords or the "other tasks as required" cop-out?

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Sage Raven Domino

As for getting paid for nothing: there's money to be thrown away at us, and it's our prerogative to take it. When I was a math student, my department would give me money in envelopes yearly just because I was there and the department had to spend governmental grant money to secure getting another grant for the next couple of years.

Don't look much into how deserved money is. The mankind has got rid of all enemies in the animal world and is mining so many resources out of the nature that it suffices for 10% of people to work to ensure than no one starves. The reason why people die of poverty is that the society is too dog-eat-dog.

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ZombiesAsAMetaphor

[waves] Hi, I'm Rabbit. I'm 24, in my second year at university, renting a house with two other people, and constantly only ever have a few hundred dollars in the bank. I work as a lifeguard an hour and a half away because I moved to the city to study, and am terrified of finding another job because job hunting is the most stressful thing I can think of. I make enough to get by, but a couple of times I've come very close to broke, and I'm afraid of asking my parents for money because I'm afraid they'll think I'm a failure. They already want me to move back in with them and travel to school to save money, but that's pretty much the worst option for me right now.

So, uh, basically I made everything sound awful, and honestly for a time it was, but I feel pretty good about things right now. It can be hard, but I'm working at it. And that's all that we can really do, isn't it?

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Way to go T.ASBNH :) I'm glad you have given the 20 somethings their own thread :cake: 8)

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Hello, I'm 25 years old and I graduated from university about 3 years ago and am now working for a post-production movie studio as a linguist/ translator for subtitles and overdubbing for major movies. I was unemployed for almost two years, doing odd-jobs here and there. I moved up to Seattle for about a year to fulfill a childhood goal of mine to live in WA. I am currently back down in SoCal doing contracted work with the studio, so the work isn't consistent which is somewhat stressful for someone who is impatient and wants to enjoy life and do things like travel as it is nearly impossible to do so under my current situation. So, yeah.

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*yawns and stretches* Part of my biggest problem, I think - in terms of feeling like I haven't grown up - Is my career. We get 6 weeks summer vacation (when you remove the fact that it's not actually "vacation" and we do need to work), but during that time I can lay around in bed until the middle of the day, not do anything all day and generally just behave in an identical way to how I did as a student 5 years ago.

Today, all that stops with the back to work alarms going off formally. :P

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Hey everyone! Razzleberry here! I'm 24 and my life is pretty good. I don't have everything figured out, but I have a good support system. Don't get me wrong, I live with a roommate I'm not sure if I'm in a fight with right now, my job doesn't have health care, my knee is giving out, and I just broke up with a guy that I've been dating since November who should have been perfect, but I just really couldn't stand to be around in the end. BUT I'm also growing professionally, I'm learning belly dance and discovering a wonderful community, and I get to volunteer weekly with the local LGBT youth group a woman from my church started a few years back. How cool is that? The future scares me so much, and I feel trapped, but I think I'm going to be okay. I'm actually thinking about being more active on AVEN again, just so I can reach out and make more connections with people.

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Ooh, 20-somethings. I'm still finishing up my undergrad (and lucky to be getting some financial help from my parents for that). When people ask what I'm going to do next, I usually give them some sort of glassy-eyed, vacant smile. I took a year off between college 1.0 and college 2.0 - during this year I spent a lot of time working in low-paying jobs. It was an eye-opening experience into different perspectives towards life and goals in life, and since then I've been a lot less of a mental perfectionist about finding the right job/career/etc. For a variety of reasons, not all of which I can tell apart (depression and anxiety like to convolute things), I tend to burnout on things that I do when they're coupled with expectations for what I'm going to do with the knowledge I gain. The stuff I study is neat, but I find myself thinking more about finding some sort of work that is completely unrelated. Either way, I'm just looking to graduate and find a reasonable job that allows me to have some consistent control over the financial side of my life.

Right now, I'm happy to have fewer fair-weather friends and more reliable friendships. I'm working on being a better advocate and activist, and I have part-time work and enjoy the work in-money out thing. Having some friends who are already doing the work thing makes me feel better about ambling into that phase of life unprepared. I've been paying rent and all that for roughly 4 years, which was something that unceremoniously became part of my lifestyle when I decided to not live with my parents. I suppose that milestones in life have never really been much of a thing in my mind, unless they've impacted my life somehow. (My general perspective towards life is apathy.) At 20-something, the big deal in my social bubbles seems to be getting married. I am happy for my friends but slowly digesting the idea that next comes the having babies thing, and then I suspect that some of my friends will become more distant, as many child-rearing adults seem wont to do. But I'm generally satisfied with the present, even though I lack goals for the future.

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I'm 21, and I should've been graduated this year except I failed my thesis at the last minute, thus kicking me back in the ball and chain called university. I feel suffocated and stressed, hell I'm posting this for stalling going to uni to look for new topics. I don't even like my major, I want to study Psychology but parents forced me to do English Literature, which I hate, just because I'm okay-ish in English it doesn't mean I want to study it; I don't even like reading books that much. They didn't want to pay for my tuition if I went to Psych, so I went to Eng Lit and hating the last 4 years. Mother just starting to regret forcing me to study what I hate, father couldn't care less. I'm so jealous of people who study in their dream majors.

Now, my culture is ok with living with parents until marriage, sometimes the couple still live with parental units if they face financial problems. From what I've seen, sons eventually lives on their own while daughters lives with their parents until they're married or so. I don't mind it myself, it's cheaper and I have to take care of my mom anyway, but I want my own place too someday. I have a lot of expectation on my shoulder, mainly because I'm an only child, so yeah.

I can picture myself being asked when you're getting married etc etc in like 5 years, even thinking about it makes me sick.

Idk anything about jobs or dreams, I don't have passion and I'm neurotic. Blah.

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theMOONmonarch

Guuuuys I hate feeling stuck >.<

I don't know the statistics, but I would say there are A LOT more people who live with their parents for longer periods of time now than say thirty or even twenty years ago. The expectations that society has about this derive from the thinking twenty and thirty years ago though! I don't know what it's like in places outside the Midwest, but here it's almost shameful to still be living with your parents after the age of 22 or so. But a lot of people don't have another choice! I think a lot of it has to do with the economy, college expenses CONSTANTLY going up, the job market, and the shift in what's needed in the job market (more science/math/technology jobs now). Yeah, our generation gets the benefit of coming in just as the baby-boomers are going out, but it's still tough.

Also, all of my rants here are just from an American stand-point. Is there anyone here from another country? What's it like there? Are the expectations different?

Depends on the culture too. In South Asian families (my ethnicity) it's normal to stay with your parents until you get married and leave. A lot of us also have really large extended families so even if you do get married you and your partner might end up living right back at home.

I remember there was this show, can't remember if it was David Letterman but he had an Indian actress Aishwarya Rai on at a time and he was telling her "So I hear everyone in India still lives with their parents?" in a condecending way.

She had told him "At least we don't need invitations to see our own parents."

Caribbean parents too I notice have a hard time letting go off their kids plus it's common for the kids to stick around and take care of them here.

It's more like no one cares whether you live at home but if you are doing productive stuff with your life.

Wow... way to go David Letterman (if it was him, I could see him doing that). That's just downright rude...

So maybe it's just an American thing? I've noticed it too with large Mexican families in the area. They tend to live close together if not in the same house. I mean mostly it's the eldest child taking care of the parent who is retired, or something like that. But I totally get where you're coming from on the whole "doing productive stuff with your life" thing! I had a friend who did that. She had a great job and productive life, but still lived with her parents for two years after graduating college because it was less expensive and she could save up to get her own place (she was 24 when she moved out).

Any Europeans out there to weigh in?

I checked it really was Letterman.

I agree with you and the Mexicans. They live close to their families too. Sometimes it's the younger sibling. The village I live in being a girl is kinda suffocating so many young girls find boyfriends and run away.

My uncle is in his 59 and he lives with his mom still. My other aunt lives with her mom but my aunt built her own house and let her mom stay though. She was 40. It's like I said down here once you aren't leeching off your parents by being unemployed it doesn't matter.

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I'm 22 an have no real story. I dropped out of high school at 18 and have been working for the same sears warehouse ever since. During bow season I usually end up sleeping outside as much as possible until the frost gets so bad I can't do it anymore. If the weather allowed it i doubt I would ever come back to society. There isn't much here for me and there's even less that i wan't. Most of my work is done by myself and i live alone so i have very limited face to interaction with people these days. The result has made my ability to speak short and inconsistent with sounds and tones. Some people actually assume i'm deaf and it's the reason my speech is so messed up.

I've learned to replace the word joy with comfortable. I may not completely enjoy my situation, but i'm very comfortable with it :)

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I turned 25 not too long ago. I'm a gynoromantic demisexual, and I like to read and eat and sleep and stuff. ;)

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Hunter of Artemis

Okay, so this conversation is really quite depressing... so I'm just gonna leave a resource list here to help things out!

List on Tumblr on How to Be an Adult

How to Adult Youtube channel

Brendon Burchard's Youtube Channel (This is guy is great at putting things into perspective and making you rethink things.)

Video on how to move out of your parent's house

Actualized.org Youtube Channel (The video's below are two that you guys may find helpful)

How to Feel Happy

How to Succeed

I hope this helps some people here!

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glitter_and_gold

I'm 21 and unfortunately wasn't 100% sure of what I wanted to do with my life. I started pursuing one career, found out it wasn't right for me, and now I'm working as much as possible to avoid loans as much as possible and getting ready to go back to school. The good: I'm getting ready to study something I'm passionate about that will allow me to have a career in a field I enjoy :). The bad: loans, loans, and more loans.

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ZombiesAsAMetaphor

I'm 20 years old and currently studying Studio Art with an emphasis in Painting. Although I really love what I'm studying, and it's definitely what I want to do with my life, I feel like I must be kinda crazy for choosing what I did. I mean, we've all heard of the ol' term "Starving Artist", right? I've gotten to where I feel almost embarrassed to tell people I'm a Painting major--I worry they'll think I'm being ridiculous and childish. I've had people tell me I should go into nursing, or office work--something "more realistic" because there's "no way" I can "make any money doing anything in art".

Oh jeeze, I used to get this from my parents all the time when I was a kid, saying I wanted to be an artist. I have actually sold a few paintings, and won competitions with them, but it's still something that people don't take seriously and expect you to have another job up your sleeve. Great for the confidence, huh?

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Hey all, 28 yr old chiming in here :) I may have only just figured out that I'm in the grey-a group but my early 20s were definitely there for me to figure out & mess up the rest of everything :)

I'm pretty sure that's what 20-30 is for as by the time people hit 30 society definitely expects them to know where they are (or at least be better actors if they don't ;D) - It's that decade of figuring out if you want to do something specific work-wise, furthering your education if you wish to and learning through mistakes how to balance your incomings & outgoings.

I mean I've done the 'working 3 jobs at once' to studying at beauty college, moving south, signing on for Jobseekers Allowance to end up knocking on people's doors asking them if they want to sign up for charity before moving further west for a badly paid job where I survived off of tea & bread and butter on weekends doing nothing to save energy to stop me getting hungry faster until I ended up being offered a job at my grandad's company as an apprentice and now still working there whilst studying for a degree with the Open University.

Add in the 'getting drunk and sleeping with a guy at 19, being drunk enough to forget to pressure for protection leading to pregnancy and then later abortion.... I think my 20s have been very informative really :S

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My life's ambition is to have a job I mostly enjoy and make enough money to live comfortably and be able to enjoy myself as I like.

This is mine as well.

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