• Announcements

    • Kelly

      New Team members Needed--Moderator, Project Team, and Declass Team: Voting   12/10/13

      See:   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164659-new-declass-team-member-needed-voting/   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164657-new-moderator-member-needed-qa-co-mod-and-world-watch-mod-voting/   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164656-new-project-team-member-needed-resources-and-education-director-voting/  
    • Kelly

      AVENues Holiday Special Edition is now live   08/17/17

      The new edition of AVENues is done!   See:        
    • Lady Girl

      Ace Community Census   11/06/17

      It’s time for the 2017 Ace Community Census!   see:   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/162675-announcing-the-2017-ace-community-census/  
    • Heart

      Help fund AVEN's servers!   11/06/17

      AVEN is doing its annual fundraiser to raise donations for server costs! See http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/163251-aven-server-fundraiser/ for more details.  
float on

For 20-somethings getting their feet off the ground

Recommended Posts

SamwiseLovesLife
On 25/05/2017 at 9:58 AM, Wonderment said:

It's been just over a month since my last post a few posts up the page. Nowadays I'm working two part time jobs. One is at a Subway restaurant which has taken soooooo long to sort out and get trained up on etc. But I'm getting rostered hours now, which is brilliant. I got my first pay from them this morning :D And also over the past couple of days, I've taken another job at a local indian restaurant. That seems pretty straightfoward and easy so far. Dishwashing, till work, serving the customers, waitressing and delivery. I get paid extra to do the deliveries too, and tonight was my first delivery, and I even got tipped $10 from the customer I delivered to (I live in New Zealand, so tipping is not expected as restaurants actually pay staff a liveable wage.) Subway has priority over my hours which doesn't seem to faze my indian restaurant boss, so that's good. I'm feeling pretty proud of myself for doing all this, and I'm very happy to be getting some money coming in that I've actually earned.

Congrats! I love the independance of earning my own living :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mink_Seragaki
On 8/25/2014 at 9:17 PM, Teagan1 said:

Life is tough, and we didn't really understand this until now. Everything is scary, and everything is confusing.

What challenges do you face? What solutions have you found? What gets you down, what gets you by?

Share your pains, spread hugs and pass around cake, and more than anything announce with pride your accomplishments!

whatever you wanna post, post here, for fellow 20-somthinites to hear!

I'm 28, but I'm just now getting my feet under me.  I currently face the challenge of finding a job that will pay me enough to leave my parents along with the challenge of being able to afford to go to a field school necessary to graduate from my current degree program.  The solutions I've found are minimal other than saving what little money I can here and there.  When money and school problems get me down, or other problems, my dogs help get me by.  I'm doing all of this to give them a better life.  They're the lights of my life and they're the reason for my existence.

 

My plan is to becoming a historical archaeologist working in England and I'm more than proud of how far I have come in my life!  I went from walking, to not being able to walk due to GBS, to being able to walk, going to school, and going to college.  I earned my first college degree in 2012 and now I'm working on my second to pursue the job I really want.  I have done a whole ton in my life with the help of my family and I couldn't be more proud. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lynnj

I am 21, finishing up university while living at my parents, and have no idea what to do with my major-- or life. I decided a degree in psychology because the topic is interesting to me but later realized that the jobs that go along with it are not something I would like to do. I might be an illustrator instead. Or a goat herder in New Zealand. I have no clue. 

Everyone around me seems to be getting engaged or married or starting a family, and I feel left by the wayside. 

My older brother and his wife are having a baby, the kid that'll make me an aunt for the first time. I find myself thinking and wondering what a good role model looks like and what family as it grows and expands means.

 I don't even want to get married, or have kids. But I feel pressured all the same, mainly because since my older sisters' engagement my parents have been dropping hints about me finding someone. They don't know I'm asexual, and I truly think they just won't understand, as in they won't  be able to conceptualize what being asexual entails. Even if I lay out the facts. So that has been weighting on me as well. Life feels like getting crashed under waves at the moment and when I am able to catch my breath for a second another wave pushes me under.

So yeah, other people's life moving, life in general, the blurry future, growing up, and dwelling what "growing up" even means. So far that's my twenties.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sleighcaptain

@Lynnj. Welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 :cake::cake:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Alexandmb

Hi, I'm Alex, I'm 24 and I'm asexual/aromantic. I've discovered my asexuality back in 2015 but I think I'm asexual since I was a kid. I had zero interest on girls (in a romantic way) my dad, uncles and older cousins always told me that I must like girls (I was like eight but I didn't like them. My only interests back then were play videogames, watch tv, etc. 

 

 When I was 12 I started to find girls visually appealing but nothing more. The pressure increased,  everyone telling me I have a girlfriend, you must have sex to be someone. I had many girlfriends back then but relationships were exhausting,  I hate contact,  girls were so demanding and still no interest in having sex. Despite hating relationships, I was acting desperate because I was insecure, had low self esteem, and had a fear of being alone and judged (I'm depressive and doesn't help at all) I have invented things like "I had sex with that girl" just for not being judged. My relationship were too short, they known me as a heartbreaker. Conclusion: everything was a facade.

 

When I was 21 I've stopped having short/casual dates. I had the need of relate with someone, having a connection but many girls wanted more than just friendship. It was hard. I was struggling with myself and tried to figure many things, for some reason I googled "asexual" and wow, I finally figured it out! I was so relieved but scared at the same time because people around me wouldn't understand. 

 

My family consider me as a lost cause. My cousins and brothers have girlfriends but not me. I told them that I will never get married or have kids and they got mad. My grandma told me that I must leave a legacy, my dad thinks I'm gay, my mom wanted to have grandchildren and my uncle mocks on me.

 

Leaving that aside,  I think this is a great discoverment and I couldn't be more satisfied with that. Knowing that, I can focus on more important things like self improvement and independence. 

 

Final words, I feel like I want to encourage people to embrace their asexuality and educate people about it telling them this is real. But I have a long way to go and I don't even know how to get out of the closet haha!

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LibraryLover

LOL I didn't realize I was an "older asexual."

I'm 28, I have a full time job and I live in my own apartment. I feel independent and somewhat stable for the first time ever! I spent most of my 20s very focused on school and career, and now that I have my job it's kind of like...okay, what now? I like the freedom though.

The only thing that sometimes sucks is I had to move for my job and I live pretty far away from my family, including my dad, who I'm very close to.

I have been feeling more pressure to date/marry now that I'm in my older 20s, but for the most part my closest friends and family haven't acted weird about it so that's nice.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
puddlewarts
On 26/08/2014 at 1:37 PM, Ismira Daugene said:

Hi, Teagan! I'm Ismira and I'm 27, and totally lost is quite common at our age from what I hear!

I discovered this late in my twenties, but you really don't get things figured out until you're closer to 35-40... I thought my life would be all figured out by the time I got to 25! I would be done with college. I would have a husband. I would have a stable job. I would be paying down my school loans. I would be merry and happy and life would be good!

WRONG!

I'm still in college, haven't ever been in a relationship, have a job but it's part-time retail, paid down my school loans a bit but then went back for more, and while I am generally happy I also have a lot of stress about the things mentioned previously.

So... that's the twenties for ya! Full of stress, Ramen noodles, and trying to figure out why you don't have it figured out yet!!

omg sounds just the same as me hahaha. im even 27 lol! #ramennoodleclub 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Helo0421

28. Only just recently admitted to myself that I'm ace/aro. I mean I like men.. many are very good to look at, but that's about it. I'll glance at a few women too, but it's mostly just observing eye color, jawline, hair, that sort of stuff haha. I think a few friends knew, but never said anything. Like many of you, spent my 18-23 years concentrating on school. Then the following 2-3 years on work. Then now what? I think I went on my first official date at 26. Didn't think much of it though. Friends asked how was it? Do you like him? Eh.. he was nice I guess. Haha. A few more after that, but never cared much for anyone. I work in healthcare and everybody from coworkers to my patients' moms would ask me if I'm dating or married or have kids. I'm actually much more interested in saving and buying a house. I need a yard so my dog can run around. Lol.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
SophiaG91
On 7/20/2017 at 9:18 PM, Helo0421 said:

28. Only just recently admitted to myself that I'm ace/aro. I mean I like men.. many are very good to look at, but that's about it. I'll glance at a few women too, but it's mostly just observing eye color, jawline, hair, that sort of stuff haha. I think a few friends knew, but never said anything. Like many of you, spent my 18-23 years concentrating on school. Then the following 2-3 years on work. Then now what? I think I went on my first official date at 26. Didn't think much of it though. Friends asked how was it? Do you like him? Eh.. he was nice I guess. Haha. A few more after that, but never cared much for anyone. I work in healthcare and everybody from coworkers to my patients' moms would ask me if I'm dating or married or have kids. I'm actually much more interested in saving and buying a house. I need a yard so my dog can run around. Lol.

Yes, I'm exactly the same way! I didn't date anyone until I was like 18 and honestly, I never cared for it. It's almost annoying to me how much friends and coworkers care. And like you, I care way more about my job, finances, etc, than being in a relationship. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
shinyinternetalpaca

I'm 26 and I am just figuring out my sexuality. My life is a mess, but in a good way?

I mean, a 'real' job so I could have some stability and a less stressful future would be nice. But for now, I enjoy what I do, I have good friends, and I have all the cake of AVEN :cake:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Helo0421
On 7/29/2017 at 10:37 PM, SophiaG91 said:

Yes, I'm exactly the same way! I didn't date anyone until I was like 18 and honestly, I never cared for it. It's almost annoying to me how much friends and coworkers care. And like you, I care way more about my job, finances, etc, than being in a relationship. 

Right?? I think the last date I went on was a year ago. Didn't really care for it. I only went because he reached out first and I thought why not.. maybe I'll actually like this one. He was a nice guy, but eh. Still house hunting! But everything in California is ridiculously expensive 😭

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Shiroi Hato

I realy like an idea, that people write their current circumstances and then after some time come and check how everything had changed :) I think I will do the same :D 

 

So, I'm pretty young - soon I will be 21.

 

Well, I did not had much shock when I got admitted to the uni since my family have lived in poverty all my life, so I knew how awful this adulhood thing is, so I had no dreams crushed :D However right now I have to survive myself and help my family out (yep, you read it right - I'M helping my own family), so it's pretty hard, because I also have to maintain high scores to keep my sholarship and don't pay for my studies (here we have a nifty system in which around 90% (the number depends on uni and state funding) of best students in the class doesn't pay for studies). I'm really happy that it's august, because I can spend only 1 euro and be fed whole day (Watermelon season is the best season). 

 

Sadly as I looked around I noticed that it's basically impossible to survive on your own, especialy when you start from almost complete bottom and have no aid from family. Most people in here rent rooms together with other people and that's really sad, because I believe that each person needs some privacy at least once in their lifetime. Actually, most people are afraid to live alone and even run into relationships so that they wouldn't live alone :o 

 

Also, when in grade 12 I started studying really hard (that year we have exams that dictates our future possibilities to study) I have lost contacts of ALL my friends (they still are in facebook, but we don't talk anymore) and for the last two years I have been all alone. I tried renewing contacts, but failed so I started volunteering in students organization and then I became lonely. (It's one feeling when you are alone and studying and other - when you are alonein the crowd of people who claim to be friendly and accepting yet they don't accept you - THAT is heartbreaking). So yeah, the only people who manage to be inclusive at least for a short period of times are anime fans and cosplayers. Who knew? 

 

Well, that's about it about my current circumstances as young adult  :D 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
SamwiseLovesLife
On 08/07/2017 at 6:24 PM, Lynnj said:

Or a goat herder in New Zealand.

I second this. We can have conjoining goat firlds and talk about non-sexual things :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
DesiButters519x

Man this is a blessing for me! Ugh... I admit, I get sad when it seems like everyone around me has it figured out but me, I am in my twenties and I feel like such a loser at times, because I have gotten nowhere, I have not even gone to a full year of college, I had a job I hated for three years, and now I am still in the process of being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. When I was a tween, I imagined myself stable, healthy, with a career and happy, which is the total opposite right now. 20's suck, the only thing I am blessed in is that my parents still allow me to live with them, so I at least dont have to worry about rent. Luckily I have some money saved, but I still have to figure things out... ugh... where is a guidebook when you need one? To think that I thought being 20 would be awesome.... *sighs* 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
princesa_calavera

22. I'm a student and I just barely figured out what I wanted to do in life. I knew Disney was my goal, but I didn't know how to get there. I feel the time during and after your senior year in high school is so confusing. You either know what you want, don't know, or know but don't know how to get there. Then, you might be dealing with identities still.

Some people might Disney as too childish or that I need to be realistic. But, I know that's my number one goal. I'm aroace because of trauma and now my self diagnosed ptsd kinda has a say in my identity. I didn't even realize that I was ace until my 20's or so! And then dealing with identities while dealing with college! And then since I'm Latina, that's another factor.

And then, being in your 20's is that weird time when you're kinda sorta adult but not.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Issy_Marie

It has been a little while since I post on here. I was finally able to find a job. It isn't in my field, but I think I am doing well. The pay isn't so great, but it is helping me to get over my fear of being in public and talking to people. It is also allowing me to take a more responsible role in providing for my parents and little sister, so that is a plus. I just hope that I can keep this job because I was promised a pay raise after three months and a good holiday pay as well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
imaginarybatman

I'm about to be 20 in a month. I'm in school for my BS in Biomedical Sciences, I'm married, and I still don't have it together yet since we live with my parents. I've got $1800 in debt and not a single means of paying it. But that's alright. Still breathing and that's good enough for me. :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Gryffprefect

On the outer-cusp of being a 20-something year old but still count I guess. I'm 29, only figured out that I'm asexual when I was about 27 when realised that I've just never felt the need or want to be in a relationship, and when I have dated and tried to do anything sexual, it just didn't feel right in a lot of ways. I also realised last year that I would identify myself as being transgender and currently in the process of exploring that. But being 29 year old virgin that is asexual and transgender is a little hard to explain as a lot of people cannot seem to differentiate between gender and sexuality. I also still need to tell my dad, whoops!

 

When I was a teen, I always thought that I would be successful in anything that I pursued as I was always very good at school, went on to university and got a degree in chemistry but life after university was tough and I ended up taking the first opportunity that came along. Ended up working as an accountant for nearly 5 years but got to a point where I was just surviving and not really living. I ended up becoming someone I didn't recognise being confused about everything in life and questioning why things seemed so straightforward for everyone else. That and a whole lot of other things lead to a nervous breakdown, a suicide attempt and 2 months in a psychiatric hospital.

While that all sounds incredibly depressing and rather bad, my time in hospital helped me. It gave me the time I needed to take a step out of the fast stream of life and really examine myself without pressure. I'm currently still on the road to recovery and currently being looked after by a community mental health team. I've got a long way to go but I'm glad I'm starting to finally address and let go of the things that were inhibiting me before and embracing things that may help live my life going forward. Although, couldn't this have all happened earlier as I feel I've wasted the best years of my life!

 

That's me so far in a pinch. If you managed to read it all, have some cake :cake:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
upcummingattractions

I'm 27. Very recently figured out that I'm both demisexual and demiromantic.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
colossalpenguins

I'm 29 so juuuust fit into this group. I've spent the last 3 years living and working in Japan but as of next summer I'll be heading home to the UK and so I have just under a year to try and work out just what I want to do with my life. As it stands I've got no real idea, just something that gets me enough money to exist and doesn't make me spectacularly miserable. My list of things I don't want to do is much longer than my list of things I do want to do but overall isn't super helpful! I don't want to be a teacher (I've spent the last 6 years teaching English or working in schools in some capacity), I don't want an office job, and I don't really want  to go back to uni (although that's not completely off the table). 

Realistically I know that I'll probably have to revise this list to actually find a stable long-term grown-up (etc, etc) job. But for now I can but dream.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quasar.w

I just read my post again from a bit more than a year ago, it's really helpful to see how I was back then and what has changed and what hasn't...

So the past year has been good and bad. I do feel as if my social skills have improved a bit, I've opened up to a couple of people, came out to my mum, sister and two friends, am not as anxious anymore about hanging out with people (although I still struggle with initiating it) and just generally don't feel as if I suck at relationships all the time anymore (but still often enough, especially with close ones). Have to add that (after two years now) I'm still "recovering" from my shut-in phase as a teen which (I do realize that now) was quite bad for my mental health and social skills...

Uni is going quite well, and most of the time I feel as if it was the right choice. Career plans are still "well.. something!?" also because I often feel as if I'm not good enough or worth it even if I AM good at something and even if people tell me that. Self worth problems I suppose.

Over summer I've managed to focus again on a couple of things that are actually important to me but which I've neglected for quite a while now. Sometimes I still fall back into that behaviour but it's definitely gotten better!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
InsomniacAnna

I'm 21, but I'll be 22 in like three months. I'm gonna have  ADHD and learning disabilities diagnosed now, on my third year of university. And I really don't know how I made it this far without having a heart attack, but well, I did. None of my friends know this, and I don't even know if I'll tell them, because I'm a pretty private person. I don't even know what I'm gonna do after university.

 

And yet, things are better than when I was in high school, which was basically hell. And I'm so glad I met my current friends, who know I'm ace and stuff. And even if they are super social and like to go to parties and discos and I don't, they always plan something for all of us to have fun every now and then, which is pretty cool. Still, I have a lot of things to deal with now, but in other aspects it has gotten so much better. I hope that when I get diagnosed with all those things, I'll be able to find a solution, or something to help. At least my professors are very nice in general, and if I have any problem they'd tried to adapt, which is nice.

 

I also wish I would find a weekend job or something, but things are pretty complicated in my country now. Guess I'll wait till summer, let's hope I find a job next summer :/

 

And for all the people that commented here, I wish all of you the best, and even if things are good, I just hope they get even better!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Puck

Hmmm, interesting when I read some of these posts. So many people feel like they figured out their orientations late, eh :P

 

I would assume it's because asexuality isn't very visible so people didn't even know it was an option...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Blitzentan

More because it wasn't an option - I was 55 before I read the first article in a daily paper and realised it was me. There were fewer than 3,000 members when I joined in 2004...so, not a lot knew about it :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now