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float on

For 20-somethings getting their feet off the ground

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float on

Life is tough, and we didn't really understand this until now. Everything is scary, and everything is confusing.

What challenges do you face? What solutions have you found? What gets you down, what gets you by?

Share your pains, spread hugs and pass around cake, and more than anything announce with pride your accomplishments!

whatever you wanna post, post here, for fellow 20-somthinites to hear!

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Artemis' Hunter

Hi, Teagan! I'm Ismira and I'm 27, and totally lost is quite common at our age from what I hear!

I discovered this late in my twenties, but you really don't get things figured out until you're closer to 35-40... I thought my life would be all figured out by the time I got to 25! I would be done with college. I would have a husband. I would have a stable job. I would be paying down my school loans. I would be merry and happy and life would be good!

WRONG!

I'm still in college, haven't ever been in a relationship, have a job but it's part-time retail, paid down my school loans a bit but then went back for more, and while I am generally happy I also have a lot of stress about the things mentioned previously.

So... that's the twenties for ya! Full of stress, Ramen noodles, and trying to figure out why you don't have it figured out yet!!

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sithgirlix

Well I'm 20 and I see the world ending around me. I'm expected to have my entire life planned out by now it seems.

In high school you need to have a major planned for college, or otherwise have a job lined up if college isn't for you. In college people are always asking you what you want to do with your career, so of course changing majors is seen as a bad thing.

How the hell am I supposed to have my life planned out already? It's barely started! All my life I've been told my plans are either stupid, hopeless, or idealistic. Leaving the US, being an author, everything I plan for seriously isn't taken seriously. I have to give in to others' expectations just to get them off of my back, and if I hear the question asking what I'm doing after I'm done with college one more time I might just kill somebody. Now that I'm moving away to a 4-year university it seems like I have no more wiggle room.

Does anyone else go through this stage? I feel like the walls around me are closing in and trying to squeeze me to death. Now I understand why people my age commit/attempt suicide.

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Amoeba-Proteus

Not going to post my exact age, but I'm also in my twenties. Wish I was a kid again already. :P

Partway through university. Quit my job recently and am trying to get another (better) one. Eh... bills are fun, right? Loving it. Not even.
So much stuff to do. I feel like I'm all over the place, and even though so much gets done, there's still so much more.

Still trying to figure out this whole "life" thing. Y'know? I spend more time stressing than actually figuring things out. :mellow:

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Amoeba-Proteus

Well I'm 20 and I see the world ending around me. I'm expected to have my entire life planned out by now it seems.

In high school you need to have a major planned for college, or otherwise have a job lined up if college isn't for you. In college people are always asking you what you want to do with your career, so of course changing majors is seen as a bad thing.

How the hell am I supposed to have my life planned out already? It's barely started! All my life I've been told my plans are either stupid, hopeless, or idealistic. Leaving the US, being an author, everything I plan for seriously isn't taken seriously. I have to give in to others' expectations just to get them off of my back, and if I hear the question asking what I'm doing after I'm done with college one more time I might just kill somebody. Now that I'm moving away to a 4-year university it seems like I have no more wiggle room.

Does anyone else go through this stage? I feel like the walls around me are closing in and trying to squeeze me to death. Now I understand why people my age commit/attempt suicide.

Been there.

I have an idea of what I want to do with my life, but I'm still a long ways away from having it all sorted out. I found once I started university, people almost changed, and I hear "Oh, you've got lots of time to work it all out. Take your time. You don't need to know it all now." all the time, rather than "FIGURE IT OUT NOOOOW!" Even though I always feel like I've got to figure it out now. I'm partway through uni., and everyone is still "It's all good. There's lots of time!"

It certainly doesn't feel like there's lots of time though. I feel overwhelmed with everything, yet I don't know if it's just me, overwhelming myself, or if it really is as overwhelming as it seems.

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EMPrise

Hehe, I thought <30 isn't considered 'old' for the purposes of this subforum, though I'm feeling really old and worn out, despite being yet 'at the crossroads' like you :( And I've been feeling this way for 2-3 years, since dropping out of math PhD studies.

And my shopping habits are pretty similar to what's written in the OP :wacko: (except that I'm a vegetarian).

One thing I'm told to do, but can't force myself to, is to go for a (maybe purposeless) walk every day.

That's why I can't distinguish between myself being aplatonic or just in 'platonic celibate' for unconfidence reasons :wacko:

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The Not So Impossible Girl

I'm about to turn twenty and I'm pretty terrified. Apparently I need to get an internship and shit (or so the world tells me). I'm not cut out for this stuff! Why do I still feel so immature and not ready for a grown up job yet?

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28516

Well I'm 20 and I see the world ending around me. I'm expected to have my entire life planned out by now it seems.

In high school you need to have a major planned for college, or otherwise have a job lined up if college isn't for you. In college people are always asking you what you want to do with your career, so of course changing majors is seen as a bad thing.

How the hell am I supposed to have my life planned out already? It's barely started! All my life I've been told my plans are either stupid, hopeless, or idealistic. Leaving the US, being an author, everything I plan for seriously isn't taken seriously. I have to give in to others' expectations just to get them off of my back, and if I hear the question asking what I'm doing after I'm done with college one more time I might just kill somebody. Now that I'm moving away to a 4-year university it seems like I have no more wiggle room.

Does anyone else go through this stage? I feel like the walls around me are closing in and trying to squeeze me to death. Now I understand why people my age commit/attempt suicide.

I think you and I were separated at birth

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Lynxe

At 27, I've had to lose a lot of what I had and start again. It makes me very vulnerable. :(

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Ultima

At 27, I've had to lose a lot of what I had and start again. It makes me very vulnerable. :(

You do seem like a very vulnerable person. But do not fear, my imaginary big sister, Persephone, has volunteered to protect you. She is a samurai kendo master who wields 2 katana. She wears red armor and fears nothing, that is why she is my big sister. I created her when I was 12 and she is one of the few imaginary friends who have grown up with me and now she with grow with you as well. Do not be afraid to ask her for help. :ph34r:

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Lynxe

At 27, I've had to lose a lot of what I had and start again. It makes me very vulnerable. :(

You do seem like a very vulnerable person. But do not fear, my imaginary big sister, Persephone, has volunteered to protect you. She is a samurai kendo master who wields 2 katana. She wears red armor and fears nothing, that is why she is my big sister. I created her when I was 12 and she is one of the few imaginary friends who have grown up with me and now she with grow with you as well. Do not be afraid to ask her for help. :ph34r:

Thank you. I try very hard to not be vulnerable. :)

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Vampyremage

I'm currently 29 and didn't really feel comfortable in my life and my long term direction until I began living with my husband about 2 years ago. I think, however, that I have rather unusual ambitions compared to most. I don't have much in the way of career ambitions and I have absolutely 0 desire to ever have children. My life's ambition is to have a job I mostly enjoy and make enough money to live comfortably and be able to enjoy myself as I like. On my end, that's been mostly achieved and now I'm helping my husband achieve the same. I feel as if once he's got a steady job he enjoys, we're both going to be most of the way to where we want our lives to be sitting. In truth, he's got far more long term goals than I do so I see the foreseeable future being supporting him to achieve his own goals. I know if I had any long term goals of that sort he'd be doing the same for me, but I don't really have any to speak of unless you count my continued self transformation through body modification.

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Artemis' Hunter

I'm about to turn twenty and I'm pretty terrified. Apparently I need to get an internship and shit (or so the world tells me). I'm not cut out for this stuff! Why do I still feel so immature and not ready for a grown up job yet?

The most work I had before 23, was mowing lawns with the county one summer, and painting houses with a self-employed painter the other summer. all I did was school, no income whatsoever...

I never was in an internship. Part of me wishes I had, but honestly I'll never know if it really would have placed me any different anyway, y'know?

I get the grand pleasure this semester of doing classroom observation. Thirty hours for one class, ten hours for another, and fifteen hours for a third... Yep, that's right, fifty-five hours of classroom observation that I have to do this semester! And it's not likely to be much better next semester either! Can any of these hours be combined for the other classes? NOPE! Went and asked my teacher about it and she's all, HAHA! no...

Ugh... I also still have a job on the weekends that I have to go to. Approximately 9-10hr days so 18-20hrs of work per weekend, not to mention any homework that needs to be done, AND! I drive an hour one-way to work. So that's approximately four hours of driving over the weekend. I need a new job...

Sorry for the small rant. I've only found out recently what my semester is going to entail. I'm sure there's more to it and that it'll work out eventually, but at the moment I'm kind of overwhelmed. *plops down in chair to eat cake :cake: *

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Ultima

I'm about to turn twenty and I'm pretty terrified. Apparently I need to get an internship and shit (or so the world tells me). I'm not cut out for this stuff! Why do I still feel so immature and not ready for a grown up job yet?

The most work I had before 23, was mowing lawns with the county one summer, and painting houses with a self-employed painter the other summer. all I did was school, no income whatsoever...

I never was in an internship. Part of me wishes I had, but honestly I'll never know if it really would have placed me any different anyway, y'know?

I get the grand pleasure this semester of doing classroom observation. Thirty hours for one class, ten hours for another, and fifteen hours for a third... Yep, that's right, fifty-five hours of classroom observation that I have to do this semester! And it's not likely to be much better next semester either! Can any of these hours be combined for the other classes? NOPE! Went and asked my teacher about it and she's all, HAHA! no...

Ugh... I also still have a job on the weekends that I have to go to. Approximately 9-10hr days so 18-20hrs of work per weekend, not to mention any homework that needs to be done, AND! I drive an hour one-way to work. So that's approximately four hours of driving over the weekend. I need a new job...

Sorry for the small rant. I've only found out recently what my semester is going to entail. I'm sure there's more to it and that it'll work out eventually, but at the moment I'm kind of overwhelmed. *plops down in chair to eat cake :cake: *

I remember doing a lot of observations for my teaching degree too. And then there were the internships (unpaid!).

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Ultima

I'm about to turn twenty and I'm pretty terrified. Apparently I need to get an internship and shit (or so the world tells me). I'm not cut out for this stuff! Why do I still feel so immature and not ready for a grown up job yet?

You are allowed to feel immature at twenty! I would say that there is something wrong with you if you did not! 8)

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littleheartsofjoy

First of all, I want to say that this thread is great! Thanks for it.

Oddly enough, I never really had plans of what I'll be doing by 25, and I'm getting close to that point myself (I'm a month and some days away). I just figured that I would finish undergrad already by this age. That didn't happen, but I'm getting it done and I will be finishing at the age of 25. Sometimes I feel like I'm in an awkward place in the undergrad world. I say that because I'm older than the usual age of the 20, 21, and maybe 22 year olds who are graduating, but I'm not old enough for the people in their 40s+ who decided to go back (or even start!) school. Luckily enough, I'm not alone with this, but sometimes I still feel alone.

I haven't worked much as an adult, and I regret that for sure. For a long time, I felt like I wasn't a real adult because I'm not working. Now that I am, I feel more like an adult than I ever have but still not all the way there. Even so, I don't have it all figured out, and it took me a long time to get there. I think I'll feel like a proper adult when I'm out of my parent's home, which probably isn't going to happen for a few years, because it makes more sense to stay with them while I'm in school.

I want to go to grad school but I'm so worried about how I'm going to pay for it and that is another thing too, I have to get into grad school first though. On one hand, I want to be done and then doing my own adult thing of figuring my life out. On the other one though, I don't feel like I'm ready. School has been my life since the start of my adult years. It already took me so long to figure out what I wanted to do lol.

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SudokuKenKen

22 years old...being in the "working world" for a few months now.

I always had a general plan of what I wanted to do...even thought i ended up at the place I thought I would be at by this time it was a LONG and WINDING road to get there.

What really makes me feel "adult" is paying rent and various other bills and saving for retirement (I still find it weird that people think about retirement already)...it seems like yesterday I was spending my days watching Nickelodeon and Disney Channel.

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Quintus Crinis

I'm 21 and also finding myself feeling very lost - graduated uni last June and really struggling with understanding/applying for jobs atm. Presently stuck back home realising that the 8 hour days of volunteer work I had in the last few weeks and the empty house were my dream life (except for needing the volunteer work to be waged). :(

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Saraya

I am 21 going on 22.

I've been mentally, physically and verbally abused since I was four. When I was a teenager I always felt like I had no power in my life and being sheltered I did not know my small country well.

I wanted so many things when I was a teenager but fear of my parents and thinking every aspect of my life would be dictated by them that I did nothing about it.

My last relationship ended because my gf had all acheived all my dreams and I could not be happy for her at all. Now I am stuck in a web of anxiety, envy and unhappiness.

I study Psychology now and I am in Year 2 but it is not where I want to be. I wish I could do the degree I want to do but that has it's own set of complications. Only last month I realized that I do have some control over my life to make the choices to be happy but after my parents making all of my decisions and needing their approval for years I am not good at decision making at all. I also feel drained because no one is supporting or encouraging me in real life ._.

I cant see myself working as a psychologist and I want to acheive things by the time I am 27 but the way how things are going it most likely will never happen.

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kelico

I'm 25, going on 26 and...well, I still live at home with my parents and brother. So I guess you could say I'm still in the very much unsure territory of young adulthood lol. I work from home (freelance graphic designer), which is great because....wait for it....I still don't have my driver's license! Yup. Let's just say I still have a lot of issues to work through in my life, and many of them have been caused by outside forces (health issues!) For now, I'm just grateful that my parents are more than willing to allow me to still live at home. : ) But the future...is scary!

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Artemis' Hunter

Just caught up reading through these and can I just reiterate? Twenties suck... for everyone.

For those of you still living at home with your parents, don't fret. I graduated college (the first time) and had to go back to live with my parents because there were no jobs! A degree in creative writing is not conducive to being an independent adult, let me tell you! I lived with my parents for the next two and a half years before I went back to university at the age of 26. Now, I'm paying my own rent, electric, and internet while going to college full time and having a part time job on the weekends. It sucks. It really does, but I've learned to live for the small things that make me happy. Yeah, I need to plan ahead (sometimes years in advance), but thinking about that kind of stuff all of the time is quite depressing. Instead focus on small things. Do the 100 Days of Happiness challenge where each day you have to find something that made you smile and write it down or blog about it!

I don't know the statistics, but I would say there are A LOT more people who live with their parents for longer periods of time now than say thirty or even twenty years ago. The expectations that society has about this derive from the thinking twenty and thirty years ago though! I don't know what it's like in places outside the Midwest, but here it's almost shameful to still be living with your parents after the age of 22 or so. But a lot of people don't have another choice! I think a lot of it has to do with the economy, college expenses CONSTANTLY going up, the job market, and the shift in what's needed in the job market (more science/math/technology jobs now). Yeah, our generation gets the benefit of coming in just as the baby-boomers are going out, but it's still tough.

Also, all of my rants here are just from an American stand-point. Is there anyone here from another country? What's it like there? Are the expectations different?

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NJMoose

I'm 20 (soon to be 21), currently an undergraduate nursing (BSN) student on medical withdrawal from university.

I've always had my life planned out. I figure by 20 I'd have atleast managed one relationship, had my own place (possibly), and a job I'd like.

Nope.

No relationship, no place, no job.

Still living at home with my father, leeching off of him like the kid I am. The only thing I can say is that I hate my university (with a passion!) and I'm rushing my degrees just so I can get out of the hell.

I have no motivation to be in a relationship, even though at times it would be nice to have a friend I could trust and turn to for the occasional hug. I have minimal friends currently because I've basically let my depression ravage over me. I have horrible trust and intimacy issues that started in elementary school when my mother became disabled and my father began to be the provider for the family and was working multiple days a week, while I was home trying to take care of my mother's care and manage school, sports, and friends.

I'm just unhappy that I haven't progressed forward into independence as much as I had planned. I've always had independence (a bike, a car, the ability to take my own cash I earned and spend it) but I'm still living at home with a father who's a workaholic and spends no time with me, leaving me alone to suffer in my own self-induced depression coma.

I've actually thought about moving to Canada except that would not work out well with my introvertedness and awkward New Jerseyan attitude of "I have to be there now".

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Aqua-ace

I'm Aqua-ace, and I'm 23. This has been a rough year for me, but I'm trying my best to make it through. I graduated college this May with my bachelor's degree. I haven't decided if I'm going to back to school someday. Right now, I don't have much in the way of plans, except for focusing on work, either trying to get a full-time job, or a second part-time job. I've been living away from my parents for 3 years (1 year on the dorms, 2 years in an apartment), but I understand that not everyone can afford to do that. I feel like I'm struggling, because the rent at my new apartment is higher than at my old one, unless I can find another roommate, and a better-paying job.

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Guest

I'm nearing 27 and only learnt that I was asexual at 19, aromantic some years after and had Asperger's (officially diagnosed) only a few years ago. I still can't tie shoe-laces, drive and I'm still struggling finding a suitable job or even making one. My best qualification is a BTEC National Diploma in ICT. Also I'm torn between living on my own or living with someone I know....

Welcome to AVEN!

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EMPrise

Just caught up reading through these and can I just reiterate? Twenties suck... for everyone. <...> I don't know what it's like in places outside the Midwest, but here it's almost shameful to still be living with your parents after the age of 22 or so. <...> Also, all of my rants here are just from an American stand-point. Is there anyone here from another country? What's it like there? Are the expectations different?

I've heard about a study showing that the happiest age band is 35-45.

There's less pressure to move out here in Russia (but more than in, say, Italy, where men aged 30+ can stay at their parents'); I've got lucky with my family, who allowed my brother to stay at home until age 35 when he got married, and he was actually welcome to bring the wife in, but it was probably my presence that freaked him out,

I think one of the reasons why there's less pressure here is that one's first graduate education is free :) People going for BSc/MSc (actually, the majority because there are too many universities available) are expected to start working at 21-23 when they graduate, though many start working part-time at 19-20, while some don't work until they get our analogue of PhD at 25-26.

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Lynxe

Last night, I broke down, and called my uncle, who called my mom, who called me

tonight, my parents came by, and sat down with me, and helped me figure out the hand ful over overdue bills and phone calls I needed to do ^.^ 25% of my current life just got so much easier ^.^

Been there. Done that. It's horrible to ring and say "I'm really struggling and I can't afford to feed myself" (and in my case "So I've been eating leftovers from restaurants" eeek) but it was the best thing I did, once I did it.

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EMPrise

Last night, I broke down, and called my uncle, who called my mom, who called me

tonight, my parents came by, and sat down with me, and helped me figure out the hand ful over overdue bills and phone calls I needed to do ^.^ 25% of my current life just got so much easier ^.^

This is me :rolleyes: (but I tell my relatives to stay away and not even call, prefer starvation to an extra convo with one of them if I don't feel like leaving home).

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