Struggling with Sexual Boyfriend

[Truffulalish]

I knew eventually it was going to become a problem but its starting to escalate to the point where... I'm pretty lost. I'm Asexual. My boyfriend, is not. He's said many times he's okay with it, that he understands, and we've only really been living under the same roof away from our parents for about a month, but he really hasn't seemed to grasp the concept since I've come out (which has been about a year). I have trouble sitting down and talking to him, because I struggle with being straightforward. I want to sugar coat things and make sure he's not hurt or offended, but in the end he seems to grasp that I don't want sex, or anything sex related that isn't intercourse. However, he keeps asking, and when we cuddle he gets aroused and asks, and I don't. I don't WANT anything. I dont want him to take care of me, and I dont want to take care of him, which still makes me feel like a bad person, but then I go to bed anxious and wake up feeling sick, and I'm beginning to dread going to bed at the same time, or cuddling, or touching or anything. Even hugs.

I don't know if I should try talking to him again, since it just seems to not phase him, or if I should just continue doing what I'm doing in hopes that he'll smarten up. I feel sick and I'm so tired of this dilemma. I have had a few straight up talks with him, but they always seem to catch him off guard and he looks all shocked and it bothers me, and I've straight up told him I don't want to have sex ever. I could honestly do without. And he was 'okay' with that but he won't seek alternatives for himself because its not the same, and he wants me.

tl;dr: I feel like shit again for being asexual, i'm fucking TIRED of being asexual, and I'm also tired of my boyfriend not grasping it. Please help ;;

[Philip027]

I've yet to be in a long-term relationship of my own, just a few short-term ones, so I don't know how qualified I am in your eyes to speak about this.

I will say one thing though -- not once has any one of my past partners ever caused me to feel bad about the way I am. In my opinion, this is something a partner should never do, or at least should be making a conscious, heartfelt effort to never do.

[Fruity<3]

I don't know how much my take on the situation will help... but I'll tell you my past experiences. First off, I think it's amazing that your boyfriend asks for sex instead of trying to seduce you. That's rare in itself. Anywho, my story. I dated a hypersexual boy for about 2 months. I was previously sex-repulsed, but I trusted him and became indifferent about the subject. He was very understanding of me, honestly. He remembered everything I said that bothers me and what I needed heads up on. Anywho, it started to become very difficult for him to cope that I didn't enjoy sex or desire him the way all his previous gfs did (emotionally and physically). He eventually called it off, but throughout the whole thing we communicated things. I found communication is the most important thing in relationship.

This story isn't meant to deter you at all. I just wanted to share my story. He was getting stressed even with full communication. I can't imagine how both of you are feeling. If you feel like you can't handle the situation anymore and you don't want to talk to him directly, perhaps you can write him a letter and let him think it over? Put emphasis on you not wanting to compromise on sexual interactions. That's a main portion of relationships and, based on what you said, he doesn't seem to understand.

Good luck! You can PM if you want. Some vegan cake for you!

[Guest]

I've had a very similar relationship, however I wasn't inlove with the person so I dumped him when I got too sick of it.

You have to sit down and tell him (again) that you want him to stop asking for sex, that asking you won't make you want it and you feel uncomfortable. I dont know how to sugar coat that but if he don't stop it won't get any better.

If he keeps on... well... I wouldn't stay.

[thylacine]

It really doesn't sound like this person is mature enough to deal with this. I'm sorry, but I don't think this will work out. Maybe set him free to find another girl? Sorry, but...

[Lynxe]

I understand you want this to work. You're clearly in a very committed situation. But that commitment doesn't give him the right to take advantage of you. You need to feel safe, secure and comfortable in your own home.

Try and tell him once again. Maybe introduce him to AVEN, show him other people's experiences. I'm happy to talk through mine, being in a mixed-sex relationship, either here or by PM if that helps hun.

[Ultima]

I would agree with thylacine. If you flat out told him that you do not want sex, then that should have been enough. If he can not understand now, he may be just too thick headed to understand anytime soon. I am a guy and I know how thick headed we can be, it could take anywhere from 6 months to 4 years before he may finally understand asexuality. I am speaking from experience and yes it took me 4 years to figure out what asexuality is and that I was one myself. I can be very stubborn on certain things.

[Nogitsune]

I'm sorry you're in this situation.

I have to say it seems like your boyfriend is not respectful of you and your wishes. From what it sounds like, you've been very clear, and instead of accepting how you feel about sex as valid, he's putting pressure on you to do something you do not want - and whether or not this is deliberately manipulative behaviour on his part, it is not decent. It's not okay. He is disregarding your wishes about sex and keeps pushing and that is a horrible thing to do. Maybe he's great to be around in most other situations, but this is a big deal, and obviously it's making you feel horrible. I would ask myself if this is really how a romantic/intimate relationship is supposed to feel like, if it's making you happy (and not just sometimes), and if so if you can be sure it won't get worse over time. If you don't want to break up (which tbh is what I'd recommend because what he's doing is not acceptable ever, but I understand breaking up can be hard and that you might want to remain together with him), I still want you to know that you're not doing anything wrong. It's hard not to feel guilty when you can't give someone you love what they want, but you are 110% in the right. It's your body and your well-being. You also have been candid with him. He should not ask more of you in this respect. No matter how much a person wants sex with someone they love, if the person they love is against it, they will accept that if they are a decent human being - if they can't do it, they will leave the relationship, but they will not try to get false "consent" out of their partner by pushing them until they give in. That is wrong.

Other than that... if you want to talk again to your boyfriend but don't know how, maybe you could try writing him a letter? Or finding an article/blog entry by someone else explaining roughly what you want to say and link it to him? But yeah it really seems like he just doesn't care (enough) about your wishes... and that's definitely not a good sign.

Whatever you decide to do, you are not obliged to protect your partner's feelings over your own, and definitely not to the extent where you don't even feel you can really express your distress in any way anymore. It's not fair to you and it's not healthy, and I hope you know even though it's hard to prevent feeling bad about saying something that might hurt your boyfriend, you are not actually doing anything wrong. Even if you were totally blunt and did not put ANYTHING nicely, in this situation, no one decent could blame you for it.

[Truffulalish]

Wow this.... Was entirely depressing. I shouldn't have even bothered :/ not that I don't respect your opinions and I understand none of you know me (except thylacine who I don't think realizes who I am) but... More than anything I am dedicated to him and this relationship. He is thick. He's never forced me into anything, but he is slow on the draw in certain areas. Being sexual is as uncontrollable as being asexual and he is my best friend in every other single aspect. He's not manipulating or making me feel bad, -I- am! I'm making myself feel like shit becuase of my own mentality. I ought to have stated that. As someone whose gone through a physically abusive relationship with her father then an emotionally abusive relationship with her mother, I understand bad relationships and this is not one of them.

Thank you all for your opinions though, some have been insightful and helpful, and I am going to try and introduce him to AVEN so he can maybe understand or find other sexual partners on here who deal with asexual relationships.

[Touchofinsight]

This relationship is over, he can't handle it but he doesn't want to be alone it sounds like. I don't think there is anything more plain then saying I don't ever want to have sex, if he can't take that in and understand what that means... there isn't going to be much else you could say to remedy that. Your incompatible hes underestimating his need/desire for sex.

[Nogitsune]

I don't know the situation beyond what you've described, so I may well have gotten the wrong impression, but I want to make it clear I was not saying your boyfriend is bad for wanting sex or even for wanting it very badly. But, it's his responsibility how he deals with that desire, and how well he listens to your wishes. It's not okay of him to keep pushing, whether or not he understands asexuality, he should understand and respect that you said "no". It's completely possible I misunderstood, but sentences like "it just seems to not phase him" just... worry me? I've been in a romantic relationship where my partner was accidentally hurting me by pushing (we were very young, neither of us knew I was asexual and I was not clear with him at all because I didn't know what I was even doing), and while he by no means was or is a bad person and I could have handled the situation way better than I did, he WAS still wrong for pushing.

I'm sorry if my post made you feel worse. I wish you all the best and hope introducing your boyfriend to AVEN if you do will help him understand.

[Guest]

You kinda have to be bluntly honest, not sugar coat things. State clearly I DO NOT WANT SEX OR ANYTHING LIKE SEX AND I MOST LIKELY NEVER WILL. Don't try to beat around the bush to not hurt his feelings. Don't be rude, or cruel, but be honest. Bluntness is about the only thing that works to get someone to understand something they don't quite get. Tell him it hurts you when he asks, because you've already said you don't want them, so it feels like he isn't respecting that. Assure him IF it ever changes you will tell him, so he doesn't have to ask. Ask him to trust you to inform him if things change, but tell him it's not likely and he shouldn't hope for that.

However, some sexuals do often need reaffirming conversations when in mixed relationships and to discuss their desires and feelings around it. So, it's possible, even if he starts to get it and stops asking all the time, he might still need to talk about it sometimes. This is a part of him he is giving up for you and it does seem to cause some distress, so it's natural he may want to discuss it every now and then. Seems to be a "I am hurting, I know it's not your fault, I know you can't fix it (their feelings, not being asexual) but I really need to talk about it" sort of thing where talking just makes it easier. *shrug*

My partner still can't wrap his head around asexuality and it's been 3 years. He still reacts with "Really?" when I say yet again sex does nothing for me. It's such a completely ALIEN concept to him, because he's very, very sexual. To him, a life without frequent sex would be something unimaginable and to not have that same desire is something he can't get, at all. Understanding however is NOT needed for respect of wishes.

Living together makes sexual frustration a bit worse as well for some. My partner will see me reach down and pick up something and instantly want sex and be frustrated when he knows that isn't going to happen. It isn't something he can control, it's just a reaction to attraction. But, since we live together, it happens quite a bit. He also can't cuddle without becoming sexually frustrated. He can't kiss without becoming sexually frustrated. I try to hold back a lot of my physical affection because of that, since constantly frustrating him isn't really a good way to have a peaceful house or relationship.

Might also want to discuss his ways of uhm, taking care of his own needs. Living together can hack away at some privacy and he may not be able to take care of things the way he's used to, which could be leading to worsening the issue. My partner when single does it in bed and I really don't want him to be doing that while I am laying next to him, so he has issues handling his desires. I don't care if he does it, I just don't wanna have to see it. So, that's an issue for us as well.

Good luck, hope you can find a workable solution. :)

[Truffulalish]

Okay I'm going to reply to this now that I have a clear(er) head and am not at work.

When I posted the first post, it was rushed and I was on the verge of panicking because I do have anxiety and depression, and as I mentioned before, I was abused by my father (and it was sexually) so you can all pretty much see how that would be a problem. I can see how what I originally post could have come off as bad and made him out to be some terrible person but a bit of it was exaggeration, I'm not going to lie. But I'm gonna state a few things :)

1) Most everyone in here has actually been helpful (contradictory to the post I made at work because I was breezing over the replies and seeing so much negativity) and I thank you for replying!!

2) Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years now. A vast majority of that time was spent several States away, and we dated online and through Skype. He came up to visit me, and I him, and we did the do. It was then, Last October, I found out I was ace. I was terrified to tell him at first because I knew he liked sex a lot, but he was okay with it, he was supportive, and he honestly has been ever since. I moved here, to Texas, in June where we lived with his parents, and then at the end of July we moved into our own apartment. Now its been about a month of living on our own. He respects when I say no, let me get that straight. He never tries to seduce me (I think.. Id end up laughing too hard) and he tells me when hes in the mood. When I say 'no' he says okay, rolls over, we go to sleep. My 'Problems' as of late have just been that I put so much pressure on myself (not a new thing, trust me) and feel like a bad girlfriend. I'm usually okay with it, and have learned to put myself first, but whenever it comes up, and I have to say 'no', I feel bad again. This morning after making this thread I straight up told him to stop asking me. Period. I'm going to see if he does manage to remember this time. He is a very forgetful person, and I know thats no excuse, but its also no excuse for a bunch of people on here to say that we're incompatible, or we need to break up, or he's too immature. I made this thread to get some support, and maybe some ways to approach him, but instead I got some people who I do not know declaring that all the hard work we've done to build this relationship means nothing because he wants sex. And thats AS BAD as telling an Asexual a relationship means nothing without sex. Which I, and many others, have been told so many times.

3) Serran, thank you so much for actually answering what I needed... While the prospect of my boyfriend still not getting it after years isn't the greatest, I'm more than dedicated to this relationship. I'm the same way with trying to avoid physical contact, but I'm also very closed off to it in general, too. I want to sit and talk about alternatives for him, but whenever I've brought it up he says its not the same, which of course its not but I know we need to figure out something. Thank you all for your concern, however Touchofinsight, I found you were rude in declaring my relationship "over". Please do not assume you know everything and anything about a person and their loved one(s) from a single post in a thread. Posting your opinion is okay but that was outright rude.

[Philip027]

He's not manipulating or making me feel bad, -I- am! I'm making myself feel like shit becuase of my own mentality.

Yeah, but he doesn't seem to be picking up on that or trying to help you with it in any way.

I would imagine in at least some way, you have made your asexuality and your distress on the subject of him continuously bringing up sex clear. This is not a matter of him just being forgetful, this is a matter of him hoping you'll change your mind. Whether or not you're even aware of it, he IS putting pressure on you.

I dunno, I just feel like a real partner should be more supportive than that, sexuality incompatibility or not.

[thylacine]

Lookit, hon, he just doesn't seem to respect you very much. In fact, he sounds like an immature jerk.

[Feral_Sophisticate]

Why don't you invite your boyfriend to join AVEN? There's lots of us here who are in mixed relationships (myself included) here. He might be able to get a clearer view on where you're coming from, and what you're about, in doing so.

Hell, it could end up making the two of you closer in the process, as I think it did contribute to my girl and I becoming as close as we are.

If he does join, he's absolutely welcome to message me anytime. I'm happy to offer insight and advice, as your relationship and your situation - in many aspects - mirrors that of my girl and I.

[Hdiwjakckx]

COMMUNICATION.

communication

CoMmUnIcAtIoN

How can you ever expect this to work if you are "sugar coating" things? You have to be straight forward about how you feel and what you want. You arent a terrible person for being ace. There is nothing wrong with you. But you do need to talk with your partner...

[gems500]

With all due respect, it sounds like you are trying to convert a sexual person into an asexual one. Why does your sexual boyfriend have to tolerate YOUR decision to be asexual? Why did you pick a sexual person to start an intimate relationship with? There 'are' asexual men out there. If you pick one of them, you will never be at cross purposes in your romantic relationship. The situation that you describe just sounds like you being selfish and your indulging in wishful thinking because you want this particular person to fulfill YOUR needs. You are wasting his time and stealing his youth by clinging to him. Let him go and find a sexual woman to be with. You two can still be just friends which is all you want anyway. This is the only win-win situation. Never try to shove a square peg in a round whole. It doesn't work.

[Philip027]

You two can still be just friends which is all you want anyway.

Totally unnecessary judgment.

[gems500]

You two can still be just friends which is all you want anyway.

Totally unnecessary judgment.

Feedback, most likely, will not be tailor-made to one's desires or needs when soliciting it from the general public (which is what the OP has done). Furthermore, whether or not my input is 'necessary' is certainly not to be determined by you. If the OP doesn't agree with me, again, they should find a 'Yes Person' to cosign with them rather than canvassing for general responses.

[Guest]

With all due respect, it sounds like you are trying to convert a sexual person into an asexual one. Why does your sexual boyfriend have to tolerate YOUR decision to be asexual? Why did you pick a sexual person to start an intimate relationship with? There 'are' asexual men out there. If you pick one of them, you will never be at cross purposes in your romantic relationship. The situation that you describe just sounds like you being selfish and your indulging in wishful thinking because you want this particular person to fulfill YOUR needs. You are wasting his time and stealing his youth by clinging to him. Let him go and find a sexual woman to be with. You two can still be just friends which is all you want anyway. This is the only win-win situation. Never try to shove a square peg in a round whole. It doesn't work.

Lack of sex does not make something a "friendship" - unless you think all monogamous people would be perfectly OK with someone romantically loving a friend, sleeping in the same bed as a friend, kissing a friend, cuddling their friend... well, you get the point. You can't say what the OP wants is friendship, when they want a romantic relationship, just not a sexual one.

And ... if the partner knows the OP is asexual, he made the choice to enter into a relationship with an asexual. So, you could say the same about him - that he's trying to turn an asexual into a sexual one, for wanting sex. And why should the OP have to tolerate HIS "decision" to be sexual?

See, it doesn't exactly work when you put that shoe on the other foot, does it?

They both made the decision to enter into the relationship. They both decided to try to make it work, even with the incompatibility. They can either make it work and figure out something that can make them both happy, or not. He's an adult, he has known about asexuality, he has as much responsibility for the relationship as the OP and both of their feelings/wants are valid. It's an incompatibility that some mixed relationships work out and some do not.

[gems500]

With all due respect, it sounds like you are trying to convert a sexual person into an asexual one. Why does your sexual boyfriend have to tolerate YOUR decision to be asexual? Why did you pick a sexual person to start an intimate relationship with? There 'are' asexual men out there. If you pick one of them, you will never be at cross purposes in your romantic relationship. The situation that you describe just sounds like you being selfish and your indulging in wishful thinking because you want this particular person to fulfill YOUR needs. You are wasting his time and stealing his youth by clinging to him. Let him go and find a sexual woman to be with. You two can still be just friends which is all you want anyway. This is the only win-win situation. Never try to shove a square peg in a round whole. It doesn't work.

Lack of sex does not make something a "friendship" - unless you think all monogamous people would be perfectly OK with someone romantically loving a friend, sleeping in the same bed as a friend, kissing a friend, cuddling their friend... well, you get the point. You can't say what the OP wants is friendship, when they want a romantic relationship, just not a sexual one.

And ... if the partner knows the OP is asexual, he made the choice to enter into a relationship with an asexual. So, you could say the same about him - that he's trying to turn an asexual into a sexual one, for wanting sex. And why should the OP have to tolerate HIS "decision" to be sexual?

See, it doesn't exactly work when you put that shoe on the other foot, does it?

They both made the decision to enter into the relationship. They both decided to try to make it work, even with the incompatibility. They can either make it work and figure out something that can make them both happy, or not. He's an adult, he has known about asexuality, he has as much responsibility for the relationship as the OP and both of their feelings/wants are valid. It's an incompatibility that some mixed relationships work out and some do not.

Sounds odd to me. As an asexual, I would not want to cuddle with, French Kiss, lie on top of, or otherwise initiate sexual foreplay with a sexual person. I would not get anything out of these activities and I would be cruelly building up the expectations of the sexual person. The concepts of asexual versus sexual are antithetical, imho.

[Guest]

With all due respect, it sounds like you are trying to convert a sexual person into an asexual one. Why does your sexual boyfriend have to tolerate YOUR decision to be asexual? Why did you pick a sexual person to start an intimate relationship with? There 'are' asexual men out there. If you pick one of them, you will never be at cross purposes in your romantic relationship. The situation that you describe just sounds like you being selfish and your indulging in wishful thinking because you want this particular person to fulfill YOUR needs. You are wasting his time and stealing his youth by clinging to him. Let him go and find a sexual woman to be with. You two can still be just friends which is all you want anyway. This is the only win-win situation. Never try to shove a square peg in a round whole. It doesn't work.

Lack of sex does not make something a "friendship" - unless you think all monogamous people would be perfectly OK with someone romantically loving a friend, sleeping in the same bed as a friend, kissing a friend, cuddling their friend... well, you get the point. You can't say what the OP wants is friendship, when they want a romantic relationship, just not a sexual one.

And ... if the partner knows the OP is asexual, he made the choice to enter into a relationship with an asexual. So, you could say the same about him - that he's trying to turn an asexual into a sexual one, for wanting sex. And why should the OP have to tolerate HIS "decision" to be sexual?

See, it doesn't exactly work when you put that shoe on the other foot, does it?

They both made the decision to enter into the relationship. They both decided to try to make it work, even with the incompatibility. They can either make it work and figure out something that can make them both happy, or not. He's an adult, he has known about asexuality, he has as much responsibility for the relationship as the OP and both of their feelings/wants are valid. It's an incompatibility that some mixed relationships work out and some do not.

Sounds odd to me. As an asexual, I would not want to cuddle with, French Kiss, lie on top of, or otherwise initiate sexual foreplay with a sexual person. I would not get anything out of these activities and I would be cruelly building up the expectations of the sexual person. The concepts of asexual versus sexual are antithetical, imho.

Cuddling is not foreplay, it's a form of affection that can be completely non-sexual. Kissing also doesn't always mean french kissing - for example, I dislike french kissing, but I like kissing and also doesn't have to be sexual. And not all sexuals consider all forms of physical affection something that has to lead to sex. Just because YOU wouldn't want to be in a mixed relationship doesn't mean OTHERS feel the same as you. Sexuals choose to enter into relationships with asexuals, with full knowledge beforehand. Asexuals choose to enter into relationships with sexuals, with full knowledge beforehand. Every person has what is important to them, different comfort levels, different needs, etc. Sometimes, a sexual can be perfectly happy in a celibate relationship. Other times, they aren't. Sometimes, an asexual can be content in a sexual relationship (even if they don't want sex for themselves). Other times, they can't. We can't judge anything off just an orientation. Stereotyping does no one any good.

[Lynxe]

I was about to reply, and then Serran did so far more articulately than I.

[Lucinda]

Has it been established that this boyfriend is totally immobile which is why it is necessary to "let him go"?

Didn't I read upthread that he could seek alternatives, but he doesn't want to?

Are we absolutely sure that this guy cannot think for himself?

Lucinda

[gems500]

With all due respect, it sounds like you are trying to convert a sexual person into an asexual one. Why does your sexual boyfriend have to tolerate YOUR decision to be asexual? Why did you pick a sexual person to start an intimate relationship with? There 'are' asexual men out there. If you pick one of them, you will never be at cross purposes in your romantic relationship. The situation that you describe just sounds like you being selfish and your indulging in wishful thinking because you want this particular person to fulfill YOUR needs. You are wasting his time and stealing his youth by clinging to him. Let him go and find a sexual woman to be with. You two can still be just friends which is all you want anyway. This is the only win-win situation. Never try to shove a square peg in a round whole. It doesn't work.

Lack of sex does not make something a "friendship" - unless you think all monogamous people would be perfectly OK with someone romantically loving a friend, sleeping in the same bed as a friend, kissing a friend, cuddling their friend... well, you get the point. You can't say what the OP wants is friendship, when they want a romantic relationship, just not a sexual one.

And ... if the partner knows the OP is asexual, he made the choice to enter into a relationship with an asexual. So, you could say the same about him - that he's trying to turn an asexual into a sexual one, for wanting sex. And why should the OP have to tolerate HIS "decision" to be sexual?

See, it doesn't exactly work when you put that shoe on the other foot, does it?

They both made the decision to enter into the relationship. They both decided to try to make it work, even with the incompatibility. They can either make it work and figure out something that can make them both happy, or not. He's an adult, he has known about asexuality, he has as much responsibility for the relationship as the OP and both of their feelings/wants are valid. It's an incompatibility that some mixed relationships work out and some do not.

Sounds odd to me. As an asexual, I would not want to cuddle with, French Kiss, lie on top of, or otherwise initiate sexual foreplay with a sexual person. I would not get anything out of these activities and I would be cruelly building up the expectations of the sexual person. The concepts of asexual versus sexual are antithetical, imho.

Cuddling is not foreplay, it's a form of affection that can be completely non-sexual. Kissing also doesn't always mean french kissing - for example, I dislike french kissing, but I like kissing and also doesn't have to be sexual. And not all sexuals consider all forms of physical affection something that has to lead to sex. Just because YOU wouldn't want to be in a mixed relationship doesn't mean OTHERS feel the same as you. Sexuals choose to enter into relationships with asexuals, with full knowledge beforehand. Asexuals choose to enter into relationships with sexuals, with full knowledge beforehand. Every person has what is important to them, different comfort levels, different needs, etc. Sometimes, a sexual can be perfectly happy in a celibate relationship. Other times, they aren't. Sometimes, an asexual can be content in a sexual relationship (even if they don't want sex for themselves). Other times, they can't. We can't judge anything off just an orientation. Stereotyping does no one any good.

Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one. What is actually up for discussion is the post by the OP; not the viability of ALL mixed relationships and the logistics thereof. The OP has stated that her sexual boyfriend WANTS sex. She is making excuses for his orientation by calling him "thick" and "forgetful" of her many assertions that she is an asexual. She hasn't helped matters by sleeping with him at the beginning of their relationship which has probably confused him to no end. Both she and her boyfriend are deluded if they think that this particular mixed relationship will work out in the long run. End of story.

[Guest]

What is actually up for discussion is the post by the OP; not the viability of ALL mixed relationships (bolding mine not original quote)

Hmm. Except, you have attacked the viability of a sexual/asexual relationship as a whole in every post you've made. Declared the OP's relationship wants as "friendship" (when you have no idea what sort of romantic attachment they feel) for not wanting the same physical expressions as their SO... seems like judging mixed relationships more than just the individual relationship. Especially since you used "asexual versus sexual" and such, not "in this case, this relationship".

Is it possible the OP and their boyfriend will not work out? Possible, sure. However, wanting and asking for sex does not mean he cannot live without it. So far, the only reaction of his we know is rolling over and taking the no. If he cannot, that is HIS decision to make. And obviously, they are not at the point where they feel the difference is too much for them yet. We don't know why he is asking, or how he feels about it, so it's hard to judge if this is something that is seriously bothering him. My partner asks for anal sex when he knows the answer is no, knows I find it kinda annoying he asks, but he still in his mind somewhere figures "Hey, if I ask and get a no, oh well, but maybe one in a million I might get a yes" ... the OP states they sugar coat things, so the guy may not even realize it's bothering the OP.

So, no, not everyone has an opinion. I, personally, have no opinion on how the OP's relationship is going to turn out. Or how the OP's partner feels. Because I don't know him. And I can't judge, nor can anyone really, how he feels. All we know is he is sexual and he would like to have sex. But, is it a deal breaker to him to not be having it? Only he can decide that. And the OP needs to discuss it with him. Absolute strangers who have never even talked to him once, or read any of his thoughts, don't know what he wants.

[gems500]

What is actually up for discussion is the post by the OP; not the viability of ALL mixed relationships (bolding mine not original quote)

Hmm. Except, you have attacked the viability of a sexual/asexual relationship as a whole in every post you've made. Declared the OP's relationship wants as "friendship" (when you have no idea what sort of romantic attachment they feel) for not wanting the same physical expressions as their SO... seems like judging mixed relationships more than just the individual relationship. Especially since you used "asexual versus sexual" and such, not "in this case, this relationship".

Is it possible the OP and their boyfriend will not work out? Possible, sure. However, wanting and asking for sex does not mean he cannot live without it. So far, the only reaction of his we know is rolling over and taking the no. If he cannot, that is HIS decision to make. And obviously, they are not at the point where they feel the difference is too much for them yet. We don't know why he is asking, or how he feels about it, so it's hard to judge if this is something that is seriously bothering him. My partner asks for anal sex when he knows the answer is no, knows I find it kinda annoying he asks, but he still in his mind somewhere figures "Hey, if I ask and get a no, oh well, but maybe one in a million I might get a yes" ... the OP states they sugar coat things, so the guy may not even realize it's bothering the OP.

So, no, not everyone has an opinion. I, personally, have no opinion on how the OP's relationship is going to turn out. Or how the OP's partner feels. Because I don't know him. And I can't judge, nor can anyone really, how he feels. All we know is he is sexual and he would like to have sex. But, is it a deal breaker to him to not be having it? Only he can decide that. And the OP needs to discuss it with him. Absolute strangers who have never even talked to him once, or read any of his thoughts, don't know what he wants.

First, if I could read minds, I would be a zillionaire. I cannot but, you seem to be laying claim to that ability by making a bunch of grand assumptions about the OP's mixed relationship. I have only commented on what the OP has actually stated. Seguing from their relationship to all mixed relationships is not what I have done. You maybe, but, not me.

Obviously, the OP's relationship is open to community discussion( meaning that EVERYONE is entitled to ---and invited to give--- their recessional two cents) since the OP posted their solicitation for indiscriminate advice on a community message board. Let's agree to disagree,at this point, since you are clearly just jockeying for the last word. Have it after this post and that will be that (most unlikely).

[Sally]

Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one. What is actually up for discussion is the post by the OP; not the viability of ALL mixed relationships and the logistics thereof. The OP has stated that her sexual boyfriend WANTS sex. She is making excuses for his orientation by calling him "thick" and "forgetful" of her many assertions that she is an asexual. She hasn't helped matters by sleeping with him at the beginning of their relationship which has probably confused him to no end. Both she and her boyfriend are deluded if they think that this particular mixed relationship will work out in the long run. End of story.

It is their story, not yours, and they will decide how it ends, not you.

[Philip027]

Feedback, most likely, will not be tailor-made to one's desires or needs when soliciting it from the general public (which is what the OP has done). Furthermore, whether or not my input is 'necessary' is certainly not to be determined by you. If the OP doesn't agree with me, again, they should find a 'Yes Person' to cosign with them rather than canvassing for general responses.

I'll put it more simply then: I'm saying your "feedback" sucked.

You have no right to tell someone else what/how it is they're feeling. The OP made no indication of wanting to be just friends.