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Young ace: Should I come out?


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Hello,

I'm a 15-year-old girl, and I identify as asexual. It wasn't until recently that I realized I've never experienced sexual attraction because I had always thought that aesthetic and sexual attraction were the same thing, and although I'm not sexually attracted to anyone, I still experience romantic attraction and also have a libido.

I've come out as asexual to a few of my close friends and would like to come out to more people, but I'm afraid of how they will react. I had tried to come out to my cousin who is about five years older than me, and she said, "You're 15 not 35. Just because you're not sexually attracted to people doesn't mean you're asexual." I've done tons of research on asexuality, though, and I'm pretty convinced that I'm asexual. I'd like to know though, is it possible that I've never felt any sort of sexual desire towards a specific person just because I'm a "late bloomer" even though I am aesthetically and romantically attracted to people and have a libido, and if so, should I wait a few more years before coming out to more people?

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Firstly, hi, welcome to the community :) :cake:

Secondly, I'm similar to you in that I experience romantic orientation (no libido though). And if you feel that the asexual label fits your experience, then use it by all means. If you find that, later on in life, it's no longer suitable, then that's totally fine too :) I also thought I was a late bloomer, only realising at the age of 18 that this was not the case. I'm now 20, and finding life easier now that I have a label for what I feel.

I haven't told my family or most of my friends, because, like you, I don't know how they'll react. Maybe you could try dropping asexuality into the conversation at some point, e.g. "Oh, I heard about something on the internet, asexuality, what do you think?" and see what they say. If the reaction is generally positive, you can tell them, if not, then maybe keep quiet for now, and drop subtle hints that asexuality is just as cool as all the other orientations :)

What your cousin said seems (to me) to be quite insensitive. Age shouldn't matter when discussing orientation. Personally, I've never heard of anyone saying that other LGB people may be wrong about themselves just because of their age (however, one of my friends knew a trans* couple whose parents said they were wrong, partly because of their age).

Finally, it may just be that you're a late bloomer, although, to me, this seems unlikely if you have a libido and have experienced other forms of attraction. Hope this makes sense :)

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It isn't necessary to come out, but if you think that coming out will make you better, then go for it. I haven't came out and I feel great.

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you can use whatever label you think is useful for you, and you can reveal that chosen label to whomever you choose to or to no one if that works better for you. The thing about identifying yourself as asexual or anything else for that matter is that you can always stop identifying that way if ever you feel it is no longer useful for you to identify that way. Just always do what feel right and comfortable for you and know that you are not going to be held to decisions you make at age 15 for the rest of your life.

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Hello,

I'm pretty young too (17) and I'm out to some of my close friends but you need to know that how you identify and your sexuality is personal and only matters to you.

Also,you can identify as asexual at 15 and identify as something else at 20,it's totally fine. Your identity is up to you and nobody can tell you,what you are and what you're not. You still have time to figure yourself out,it's possible you're a late bloomer but it's possible that you're indeed asexual. I don't have a libido and I have very little to no romantic attraction so it was easier for me to figure out but really nobody can tell you what label you are.

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NamelessAnonymous

Come out whenever you want. I'm 15 and I sorta came out to my mom without using the vocabulary because I think it would freak her out. She's taking me to a doctor to get my hormones checked, which I'm totally okay with because if the tests come back fine, she's gonna have to accept that there is nothing wrong with me and that it's just how I am. Personally, I find it's easier to just casually mention it, maybe not even say you're asexual, just describe how you feel. For example, I was watching Doctor Phil one day with my mom (don't judge me, it was the only thing on), and there was an obviously asexual woman on. I basically just said that I could relate to her and my mom started asking me questions about it, which resulted in her offering to take me to the doctor. Chances are, if you make a comment like this that seems out of the ordinary, your mom will ask you about it, which is the perfect opportunity to tell her. In the end, it's your choice whether you come out or not. But be prepared for their responses, cause they might be harsh. The first time I ever mentioned asexuality, my dad said that people who said they didn't have "those feelings" were lying. Hopefully your parents are understanding though. Good luck :)

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verily-forsooth-egads

15 is plenty old enough to know. Tell your cousin she just has to deal with it. Link her to asexuality.org. Come out to other people whenever you feel ready or it seems like a good opportunity. Personally, I plan to come out to my parents as soon as they notice I'm different, and after that, I'll be open with anyone who asks.

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nerdperson777

There's always the argument that teenagers are incredibly emotional and moody but I don't want to use that. I was the most unchanged person ever. I'm just a few years older but I say you can come out slowly and gradually, if you would want to be out. I've read somewhere that some of these things you will know early in life and I would agree with that. If you didn't feel love as a child, not because of insane serial killer abuse, then you probably are asexual. I'm not going to say your orientation isn't going to change though. That's what I've felt myself, but you may feel different.

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