Would anyone here be interested in a kink subforum?

[Sarcastic Bob]

First of all, I have to give Lauren+Bear credit for this one as she was the first person to suggest it. Personally, I think it's a great idea, mostly for the following reasons:

• As of the time of writing, everything kink and fetish-related is scattered randomly across the forum. Questions about fetishes go in Asexual Q&A, polls about fetishes go in the census forum, and everything else is split between Musings & Rantings, Relationships, Romantic and Aromantic Orientations and the Grey Area. On each of these boards, discussion on that particular subject makes up only a small to moderate fraction of the posts, but combined, there's more than enough to fill a dedicated subforum. A thread on the subject topped twenty pages by the time it died out, and a similar one in this forum looks as if it might go the same way.
• In general, forums about certain kinks range from mildly creepy to downright disturbing, so a lot of people here don't want to take the risk. By making our own forum to discuss that sort of thing, we can provide a much safer board than 99% of the other sites out there.
• Finally, absolutely tons of people visit here wondering if they're asexual, as well as a few curious sexuals. By having a dedicated section on our main forum page, we can make it clear to anyone who's just glancing over that having a fetish doesn't disqualify you from being asexual.

That's my opinion, anyways. Let me know what you think!

[ThaHoward]

So some questions; is it enough kinky persons here to justify it? How many will use it? How will it serve asexual visibility? Why not visit a kinky community? Why not use the grey are and sex forum?

[Sarcastic Bob]

So some questions; is it enough kinky persons here to justify it? How many will use it? How will it serve asexual visibility? Why not visit a kinky community? Why not use the grey are and sex forum?

Are there enough kinky persons here to justify it?

Definitely.

How many will use it?

Haven't a clue, that's why I made this thread :P. If there's enough interest, Naosuu has agreed to look into getting us a kinky subforum, so if you like the idea then please say so. However, there's a hell of a lot of kinky asexuals on here, and a hell of a lot of posts about kinks, even if they do tend to be scattered over the forum (see the thread I linked to).

How will it serve asexual visibility?

Like I said in the original post, it'll basically make it clear to anyone glancing over the forums that having kinks/fetishes doesn't disqualify you from being asexual. This is really useful, as I'd say the majority of curious people don't post at all, but have a quick glance at the forums then leave forever. If they see we've got a board devoted to that sort of thing, they'll see that a lot of aces can and do have fetishes.

Why not visit a kinky community?

Short answer: sexual kink forums tend to be really, really creepy and that puts a lot of people off. We have a good admin team and a great community, so I think we could do a lot better.

Why not use the grey area and sex forum?

People can (and do) use this forum, but like I said, discussion about kinks are scattered all over the forum. Between them, however, there's more than enough content to fill a dedicated subforum. There's also the point that not all asexuals and grey-As are into kink stuff, so it removes a lot of stuff that isn't relevant to them from the other forums.

[Ricki]

Well, it can't hurt for me to voice my opinion that it could be a good idea. I've seen multiple threads similar to the one you just linked, and I think if it actually held a pinned place then people would definitely use it. I know that Bob has answered them those questions but I'll put my own thoughts to them as well.

I think it would serve the asexual visibility I actually (re)found AVEN because of a kink that I have and wasn't sure if that stopped me being able to class myself as Asexual!

I keep seeing people linking to the fetlife (or something similar) but I am not one who wants to sign up to it. I know very little about it, and am not awfully comfortable with what I have heard about it. As bob said, there is too much sexual activity involved in external sites, and I am much more comfortable talking, asking for help and helping others on AVEN then I am on any other site.

The problem with the Grey A and Sex forums, is that everyone puts something, but it's all in different places. This means that if you want to try and find some info that's already there, it's a lot of effort and can be confusing. If everything is in one place then the information is there on a single plate for people to see.

I dunno, just my opinion though... I think it could be a good idea if it's titled and exposed properly.

[Tharofa]

Would it hurt to try?

It's something people might wonder about and they'll feel more at ease discussing it on a dedicated subforum. I think it's a good idea.

[the bumbling rotifer]

Add me to the list of people who think it's a good idea. I do, however, think it might be important to lay down some ground rules about what sort of things are appropriate for the thread (helping people to come to terms with their asexuality and kink, for instance), and what isn't appropriate (e.g. discussing the relative merits of different BDSM tools).

So some questions; is it enough kinky persons here to justify it? How many will use it? How will it serve asexual visibility? Why not visit a kinky community? Why not use the grey are and sex forum?

Are there enough kinky persons here to justify it?

Definitely.

How many will use it?

Haven't a clue, that's why I made this thread :P. If there's enough interest, Naosuu has agreed to look into getting us a kinky subforum, so if you like the idea then please say so. However, there's a hell of a lot of kinky asexuals on here, and a hell of a lot of posts about kinks, even if they do tend to be scattered over the forum (see the thread I linked to).

How will it serve asexual visibility?

Like I said in the original post, it'll basically make it clear to anyone glancing over the forums that having kinks/fetishes doesn't disqualify you from being asexual. This is really useful, as I'd say the majority of curious people don't post at all, but have a quick glance at the forums then leave forever. If they see we've got a board devoted to that sort of thing, they'll see that a lot of aces can and do have fetishes.

Why not visit a kinky community?

Short answer: sexual kink forums tend to be really, really creepy and that puts a lot of people off. We have a good admin team and a great community, so I think we could do a lot better.

Why not use the grey area and sex forum?

People can (and do) use this forum, but like I said, discussion about kinks are scattered all over the forum. Between them, however, there's more than enough content to fill a dedicated subforum. There's also the point that not all asexuals and grey-As are into kink stuff, so it removes a lot of stuff that isn't relevant to them from the other forums.

I was going to reply to Howie myself, but since I agree 100% with what sarcastic bob has said, I don't need to :D

[^Vampire^]

Me. I'm interested. I have fetish for women wearing tight clothes and nice shoes, especially high-heeled ones. I also have chastityfetish - abstaining from masturbation.

[Copper]

While I might not use it much personally, I think that this is certainly something that could be useful to others. I could see where a lot of questioning asexuals could think that their kinks invalidate the idea that they are asexual. Having a subforum would help them see that it doesn't.

[Ricki]

Add me to the list of people who think it's a good idea. I do, however, think it might be important to lay down some ground rules about what sort of things are appropriate for the thread (helping people to come to terms with their asexuality and kink, for instance), and what isn't appropriate (e.g. discussing the relative merits of different BDSM tools).

Ground rules, yes. But I think that the rules to do with tools would have to be fairly vague. boasting about them would probably be inappropriate, but if someone is trying out a kink, it may be needed for them to acquire information about certain aspects before they try it? maybe not, just a thought (:

[bare_trees]

This is a great idea! I've participated in lots of kink communities in the past, and was almost always put off by how aggressive people can be sexually. I guess that's to be expected, somewhat, since we're talking about fetishes, but it's not fair to the much less sexual members when they get harassed just for wanting to have a space to talk about something online that they can't find people to talk to about in real life. Every single forum I've participated in was overwhelmingly male, so women were often pounced on. It would be nice to be able to discuss things like this in a place where we can be reasonably confident that people won't cross lines like that because we're generally somewhere from asexual to hyposexual.

[Sarcastic Bob]

Add me to the list of people who think it's a good idea. I do, however, think it might be important to lay down some ground rules about what sort of things are appropriate for the thread (helping people to come to terms with their asexuality and kink, for instance), and what isn't appropriate (e.g. discussing the relative merits of different BDSM tools).

The rules are something we'd definitely have to sort out, and we'd also have to decide on what constitutes inappropriate discussion. For instance, a few of the more sex positive crowd might want to talk about S&M tools in the way you described, and a seperate crowd might want to take a stricter approach. Personally I think we should be pretty open and be able to talk about stuff without fear of breaking the rules, even if that involves the use of spoiler tags for the more TMI stuff.

[TheStarrySkai]

I think people would definitely post stuff there. It would help people who aren't active members on here and don't know about the kink/fetish threads.

[Fire & Rain]

I'm officially interested lol

[Lauren+Bear]

Add me to the list of people who think it's a good idea. I do, however, think it might be important to lay down some ground rules about what sort of things are appropriate for the thread (helping people to come to terms with their asexuality and kink, for instance), and what isn't appropriate (e.g. discussing the relative merits of different BDSM tools).

The rules are something we'd definitely have to sort out, and we'd also have to decide on what constitutes inappropriate discussion. For instance, a few of the more sex positive crowd might want to talk about S&M tools in the way you described, and a seperate crowd might want to take a stricter approach. Personally I think we should be pretty open and be able to talk about stuff without fear of breaking the rules, even if that involves the use of spoiler tags for the more TMI stuff.

I agree that we should be open to just about everything, however, I think we should discourage out right propositioning someone for anything. We'd end up no better than any other kink site.

[Sarcastic Bob]

Add me to the list of people who think it's a good idea. I do, however, think it might be important to lay down some ground rules about what sort of things are appropriate for the thread (helping people to come to terms with their asexuality and kink, for instance), and what isn't appropriate (e.g. discussing the relative merits of different BDSM tools).

The rules are something we'd definitely have to sort out, and we'd also have to decide on what constitutes inappropriate discussion. For instance, a few of the more sex positive crowd might want to talk about S&M tools in the way you described, and a seperate crowd might want to take a stricter approach. Personally I think we should be pretty open and be able to talk about stuff without fear of breaking the rules, even if that involves the use of spoiler tags for the more TMI stuff.

I agree that we should be open to just about everything, however, I think we should discourage out right propositioning someone for anything. We'd end up no better than any other kink site.

To be honest I think that's probably covered by the ToS anyway, and even if it wasn't, our mod team's capable enough that anyone acting like that would get banned right off the bat. As far as actual rules go, though, we should definitely lean towards being able to talk freely. I'm all for common decency but it'd be a disaster if, say, we weren't allowed to discuss anything S&M related in more than very vague terms without getting warned or censored.

[Lauren+Bear]

For everyone interested, you can find the test run for what will hopefully be the beginnings of a new forum here: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/105805-kink-bdsm-and-cake/

[Janus the Fox]

I think one general possibly pinned thread in the Gray area is sufficient enough, the topic of fetish simply don't come up enough and there have been asexual fetish forums that has come and gone in the past.

I don't see it making the place any safer for fetishists to discuss topics. Anyone and everyone is free to discuss in any detail in full what a fetish or kink entails. I think the grey area sufficiently covers that well. AVEN is a sexuality discussion site after all and covers the general rules for forum discussions, there's little in the ToS barring someone to discuss sexual and fetish content, just use spoilers and warnings as appropriate and avoid posting actual porn.

If I wanted to, I can freely discuss my trials and tribulations of my Yiffing and role play sexual and fantasy fetishisms without consequence, provided with warning, spoilers and not posting porn. Otherwise there's other communities that cater better for fetishisms, the nature of fetishisms are naturally heavily sexual otherwise.

[Sarcastic Bob]

I think one general possibly pinned thread in the Gray area is sufficient enough, the topic of fetish simply don't come up enough and there have been asexual fetish forums that has come and gone in the past.

I don't see it making the place any safer for fetishists to discuss topics. Anyone and everyone is free to discuss in any detail in full what a fetish or kink entails. I think the grey area sufficiently covers that well. AVEN is a sexuality discussion site after all and covers the general rules for forum discussions, there's little in the ToS barring someone to discuss sexual and fetish content, just use spoilers and warnings as appropriate and avoid posting actual porn.

If I wanted to, I can freely discuss my trials and tribulations of my Yiffing and role play sexual and fantasy fetishisms without consequence, provided with warning, spoilers and not posting porn. Otherwise there's other communities that cater better for fetishisms, the nature of fetishisms are naturally heavily sexual otherwise.

(Sorry for replying so much to this topic, hope I'm not bothering anyone)

I'm vaguely aware that there are/were forums for asexual fetishists, and I'm not sure how they fared, but a subforum on AVEN (which is the main asexuality community on the web) is a lot different from a whole forum devoted to the concept. For instance, if someone started up a forum dedicated solely to gender discussion among asexuals, chances are it'd fair pretty badly, and yet our gender subforum is rolling along just fine. There are also a lot of advantages to having a whole board, as opposed to a single thread, on the topic: for instance, while a pinned thread might basically amount to “what kinks do you have” or general discussion of what is undeniably a massive subject, a whole board would allow for discussion of much more specific topics, such as safety precautions during S&M, using kinks as part of curtailing libido, and all the hundreds of other possible threads that spring to mind.

Secondly, as I mentioned before, posts about kinks are scattered all over the forum. I’ve seen posts in AM&R, AR, TGA, AQ&A, RaOO, the Census forum, and so on. A subforum would mean that asexual fetishists looking for a dedicated place to discuss the different aspects of kinks, S&M et cetera would be able to do it in a much safer and more relevant place than literally anywhere on the internet, without having to browse through the half a dozen or so boards where that sort of thing is discussed. Yes, they could discuss it in other forums, but the same is true of gender discussion, or romantic and aromantic orientations, or issues facing older asexuals, and all of those subjects have boards devoted to them. The whole reason we have subforums is so that people can find what they want to talk about more easily, and people who only want to talk about a certain range of subjects can do so without having to mentally filter through every thread on the website.

This thread has only been up a few hours, but the public reaction to it has been really positive. It's also not as if we demand a particularly high level of content to justify making a subforum - Older Asexuals only has 700 topics in the years it's been up, Romantic and Aromantic Orientations has under a thousand, and WorldPride barely even has 50. In other words, the fact that it might not be as big as some of the other forums isn't enough to justify scrapping it, and although we've only heard a few voices so far, it's clear that there is a lot of demand for it among the users. For the time being, I can't see any harm in adding a kink section to the board and seeing how it goes.

[eched]

I think it should be named a fetish sub forum just so it's a bit more open.

[Naosuu]

How many will use it?

Haven't a clue, that's why I made this thread :P. If there's enough interest, Naosuu has agreed to look into getting us a kinky subforum, so if you like the idea then please say so. However, there's a hell of a lot of kinky asexuals on here, and a hell of a lot of posts about kinks, even if they do tend to be scattered over the forum (see the thread I linked to).

I think I should probably clarify this part.

While this thread does show some interest, it would be far more telling if people posted and used the pinned fetish thread. Depending on how popular it becomes I can bring it up to the Admod team. Membership interest will definitively be a good selling point :)

[NiTeLight]

I would love a Kink And Fetish subforum! (I'm thrilled that it looks like a lot of other people agree.) Great idea, Lauren+Bear! :D

I feel it would be great to have all the kink-related threads in one place and to invite a less-seuxualized atmosphere for the discussion of kinks. The agression of other kink-dedicated places has definitely been a put off for me and is one of the reasons I'm not part of any of those communities.

Like the OP, I've seen several kink related threads in many different subforums, which sadly makes them harder to find. It seems there are a lot of people on here interested in, participating in, or curious about kinks - particularly in relation to asexuality. I think it would be wonderful to have this subsection of our lovely AVENite population represented with their own subforum.

To me, the Grey Area subforum is more a place for the dmei and grey romantic and sexual identities themselves. However, kink is not restricted to those identities (from what I've seen, there are plenty of kinky aces) so it doesn't make sense to me to put kink into that forum. It feels more inclusive to me to have it as a subforum to itself - esepceially (as other posters have mentioned) there have been people wondering how you can be bothy kinky and ace... and whether their desire for kink invalidates their asexual identity. -_-

[pma01]

i would for sure be interested, a place to be open to discuss your kinks and fetish without porn and proposition for sex would be awesome

[Lauren+Bear]

We have a sticky post right now called Kink, BDSM, and Cake. The admods will consider giving us our own sub forum if the sticky gets enough traffic. So if you're really interested in making this happen, get thee to our TGASRD sticky!

[Wyrmcraft]

I like the idea and will probably post in the stickied thread.

The thing is that I haven't felt very comfortable talking about this sort of thing in general, having a specific section of AVEN where I could go to explore this part of myself without the potential stigma a thread elsewhere could produce would be appreciated.

While this could be covered somewhere, like here in the gray area, I do not feel like a single thread is enough to really explore the topic. Especially because of the width and depth of this field of discussion. Different people will want to talk about different subjects, subsets, make polls, explore people's opinions on things, and in general just discuss things much like any other sub forum.

While ground rules will have to be established those are something that we should discuss in greater detail, perhaps in this thread. There are some obvious ones, though I disagree about the devices one myself. After all there have been numerous masturbation threads all over Aven that talk shop let alone the toy specific threads.

[Ricki]

The thing is that I haven't felt very comfortable talking about this sort of thing in general, having a specific section of AVEN where I could go to explore this part of myself without the potential stigma a thread elsewhere could produce would be appreciated.

Exactly, this is why it's a great idea to me. People suggest things like 'Fetlife', but as far as I can make out then thats largely based around meeting with people, which I am uncomfortable at the mere thought of, let alone actually doing xD

Having a safe haven on AVEN just makes a lot of sense to me.

[TooOldForThis]

Agreed that a subforum would be very nice indeed. I shall head to the sticky.

[madouc]

I am not a regular here, but I'll still put in my +1.

However I can attest that fetlife isn't about meeting people. It's not designed for that, even though people often attempt to use it that way, and then there's lots of complaining about how it isn't designed for meeting people. :)

I think a reason to have a subforum here rather than go to fetlife is just because you can be pretty sure anyone reading here already gets asexuality, gray, etc etc. Whereas on fetlife anyone accessing your profile can see all your posts, even if they're not members of those groups, so there's that extra unwanted exposure.

[Arf]

Just wanted to chime in and say I think this is a great idea.

Fetlife is basically like Facebook but for kink. So there's lots of discussion of sex. While there are a handful of good groups for kinky aces, it's like a tiny drop in a sea of sex, sex, nudity, and more sex. A kink forum here would serve as a safe space for kinky aces who aren't necessarily into the sexual component, as well as those who are sex repulsed.