Kink, BDSM, and Cake

[Potatwho]

FetLife is going to be invite only soon, so you'll only be able to join if someone from FetLife sends you an invite. Each paying member gets 3 invites for every 6 months of paid membership, or 24 invites for a lifetime membership.

It is? When will that happen?

I was thinking of signing up, perhaps now would be a good time.

It's already happened. However, they just recently got an alternative to getting an invite. If you're willing, you can verify by a one-time anonymous text.

Oh I'm guessing you can do that as many times as you can make a new gmaiI address and get a new SIM with a different number. That's sad. I was happy for the increased protection Invite OnIy wouId have given the women and the content they share on FetIife.

I think if they can convince Google to implement programming to only work with email accounts that have met pre-requirements, it might work.

[LadyMeow]

FetLife is going to be invite only soon, so you'll only be able to join if someone from FetLife sends you an invite. Each paying member gets 3 invites for every 6 months of paid membership, or 24 invites for a lifetime membership.

It is? When will that happen?

I was thinking of signing up, perhaps now would be a good time.

It's already happened. However, they just recently got an alternative to getting an invite. If you're willing, you can verify by a one-time anonymous text.

Oh I'm guessing you can do that as many times as you can make a new gmaiI address and get a new SIM with a different number. That's sad. I was happy for the increased protection Invite OnIy wouId have given the women and the content they share on FetIife.

The chances of someone going through the effort of getting a new SIM and number is much less likely than someone creating a new email address, though. I mean, personally, I would never go through that much hassle just to create a new account for something.

[Guest]

FetLife is going to be invite only soon, so you'll only be able to join if someone from FetLife sends you an invite. Each paying member gets 3 invites for every 6 months of paid membership, or 24 invites for a lifetime membership.

It is? When will that happen?

I was thinking of signing up, perhaps now would be a good time.

It's already happened. However, they just recently got an alternative to getting an invite. If you're willing, you can verify by a one-time anonymous text.

Oh I'm guessing you can do that as many times as you can make a new gmaiI address and get a new SIM with a different number. That's sad. I was happy for the increased protection Invite OnIy wouId have given the women and the content they share on FetIife.

The chances of someone going through the effort of getting a new SIM and number is much less likely than someone creating a new email address, though. I mean, personally, I would never go through that much hassle just to create a new account for something.

-

[To Each Their Own]

Even though I haven’t had a relationship or sex in 11 years, I’m new to finding out that I’m an asexual. In fact, I just found out...um...yesterday. So, firstly...hello, I’m new here.

Secondly, I’m a heavy masochist; I love the intense sensations of bullwhips, needle play, tasers, blood play, and just about anything else that puts me on the edge of passing out. I have been in the BDSM scene for over 25 years and have never mixed kink with sex. In fact, I know many people that chose not to mix kink with sex. I think this is one of the reasons why it has taken me so long to figure out that I am asexual, because as far as I was concerned I wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary (as far as kink is concerned). I knew they were going to have sex later...I just didn’t know why I didn’t want to as well.

So now that I think about it, it’s funny that I thought that not having sex was strange...but I thought that my kink was totally normal. ;)

[Ricki]

You cIearIy don't know what men are Iike on that site (or in generaI)

Unlike every woman in the world who is innocent and sweet. This is a place of being equal so fuck off with your prejudices...

[Guest]

You cIearIy don't know what men are Iike on that site (or in generaI)

Unlike every woman in the world who is innocent and sweet. This is a place of being equal so fuck off with your prejudices...

Yeah because obviously the men on FetLife harassing women and stealing their content to make money off it aren't going to buy a new SIM for $2 so they can regain access to the woman's account/content after she has blocked whatever guy was stealing her shit. Hasn't been one reported case of a woman doing that on the site, but thousands of reported cases of men doing it every single year. Wake up and smell the roses mate; This shit is happening on Fetlife and all around the net and in almost every case it's men doing it (I'm talking about graphic sexual harassment and sexual bullying, as well as theft of images for sexual purposes and financial gain)

Don't act like the world is fairies and unicorns and women are just as likely to be cyber sexual predators as men, the world doesn't work that way. It's not 50/50 when it comes to this sort of shit and anyone who thinks it is is living in a happy world of rainbows with pots of gold at the end and skipping elves.. ie they're living a fucking fantasy.

And what I meant by the "in general" comment is that a man who is stalking a woman to the extent she blocks him generally *will* go to the effort to regain access to her account whatever it takes, because..Sex. If he wasn't already driven by sex he wouldn't have been stalking her in the first place. And yup, the statistics show that men are vastly more likely to be stalking women for sexual purposes than the other way around.. That's just a fact and you can get your panties in a twist over it but that won't change reality.

[WhenSummersGone]

If this is a big problem I'm glad I left FetLife. I didn't post any nudes either but it would suck if men were talking about me or my identity is still out there. The more I live the more my expectations of men get lower.

[Ricki]

And what I meant by the "in general" comment is that a man who is stalking a woman to the extent she blocks him generally *will* go to the effort to regain access to her account whatever it takes, because..Sex. If he wasn't already driven by sex he wouldn't have been stalking her in the first place. And yup, the statistics show that men are vastly more likely to be stalking women for sexual purposes than the other way around.. That's just a fact and you can get your panties in a twist over it but that won't change reality.

Please use statistics if you want to actually try an argue a point. No shit that there are more reports of females being stalked because if a man does it, this happens. Just google it. It happens all the time. Women are significantly more likely to be listened to in a situation like this, and so most stats towards men are way lower.

But yeah sure in your eyes it never happens to men. Ignore the 44% of men that get stalked by there ex's or the 6%of the male population that gets it. No shit that it's higher for women, but as I said, it's skewed. It isn't 50/50 but it's probably 60/40 and if you want to start acting like 40 is a small number, then you're clearly deluded anyway.

So please provide evidence that I'm wrong, otherwise I'll carry on assuming you're just an ignorant person who thinks you can shout "BUT WOMEN AREN'T EQUAL IN SOCIETY" and believe that's an actual argument to solve any debate.

[scarletlatitude]

Can we stay on topic please? This would be a good topic to move to hotbox if you would like to continue it, but this thread is meant for a different discussion. Thanks. :)

[jamesjackson8]

As someone who has been on fetlife since almost the beginning of the site I can understand the reasons why they are making it harder to join but it can also be a pain, I had a sub who I had been talking to for quite a while and I was trying to get it to where he could go with me to a play party that was put on by one of the groups I'm in but you couldn't go if you didn't have an active profile. It ended up being a moot point anyway since he went out of town but still it was annoing. I have seen so many friend collectors on that site to where I'm always kind of leery to talk to anyone on there.

[borkfork]

What counts as having an active profile really? Is it better to have 3 friends or 20 randos connected to you.

[Guest]

As someone who has been on fetlife since almost the beginning of the site I can understand the reasons why they are making it harder to join but it can also be a pain, I had a sub who I had been talking to for quite a while and I was trying to get it to where he could go with me to a play party that was put on by one of the groups I'm in but you couldn't go if you didn't have an active profile. It ended up being a moot point anyway since he went out of town but still it was annoing. I have seen so many friend collectors on that site to where I'm always kind of leery to talk to anyone on there.

That really depends on what you're after. I wasn't looking for friends or events, but had thousands of "followers" (people who requested my friendship so they could follow my posts, forum comments etc) ..A lot of people who seem to be "friend collectors" aren't collecting friends, they're just accepting the requests of followers and/OR have requested the friendship of many people so they can follow their content and updates. If you want to know whether someone might be worth talking to, there is no point in looking at the amount of "friends" they may or may not have, just look at their content. Read their profile, check out their Writings, have a look at their group discussions. It's no ones fault that the only way to follow content is to "friend" the person, that shoudn't be held against people. They should be judged by their content, not by the amount of "friends" they may or may not have.

EDIT: And yes I'm aware that it was irrational of me to get so upset over the people who stole my content, what else was to be expected? Haha.. I'll possibly re-activate my profile and just remove all my photo content, as I really enjoyed chatting in the nerdy groups AND someone (I have no idea who) paid for my membership, so a perfectly good paid-for account is going to waste righ now haha

[sunflower182]

I mostly like bondage a lot...It feels better with quick release cuffs or hemp rope. Most people mention shibari but I only like it in an aesthetic sense atm although I did hang off a hook while my now ex tied my arms in knots to it.

I'm unsure where I stand on the asexual scale but I know I'm bi and very obviously kinky. I also sub more for guys and am Domme-y around girls. Anyone alternate like that?

[Guest]

I mostly like bondage a lot...It feels better with quick release cuffs or hemp rope. Most people mention shibari but I only like it in an aesthetic sense atm although I did hang off a hook while my now ex tied my arms in knots to it.

I'm unsure where I stand on the asexual scale but I know I'm bi and very obviously kinky. I also sub more for guys and am Domme-y around girls. Anyone alternate like that?

I alternate more from intimate partner to intimate partner, depending on what they want. I sub hardcore for one partner, but got really into the idea of Femdom with another (both male, both online) ..It's like I get off on what they get off on and as long as a few of my basic requirements are met (total monogamy, respect, communication) ..Oh and obviously, I need them to not want to do anything to my genitals haha, so I stick to relationships with grey-a's or full asexuals - grey A myself.)

[fellCas]

Just wanna share my experiences being a kinkster myself. Quick info splatter, I'm non-binary/demiboy (afab), he/him/his pronouns; I've been part and parcel of the BDSM lifestyle for a while before I knew anything about my gender or my sexual/romantic orientation. Started out being a sub for a really shit dom and strangely enough that started me down my path to figuring out I'm on the ace spectrum, autochorissexual. I've evolved in my own understanding of myself and now identify as a switch within the community and right now am a daddy dom to my lovely bbg <3. Its not so strange to think about within the community known for kinky sex being some form of ace because I know a lot of dom/sub relationships are there for support an care as much as they are for sex, a dom's responsibility first and foremost at least in my opinions is to make sure their sub(s) feel safe and supported within their choices. If a dom can't do that then imho they're doing a piss poor job. That to me has nothing to do with sex although most of the time it does. It doesn't always have to lean towards the sexual and whatever kinky shit y'all wanna get into can be fulfilled just as much without sex as with it!

[borkfork]

I don't listen to Pieces of Ace, but someone posted on Fetlife that they're looking to talk about kinky asexuals. I might listen to that.

Hey Everyone. As mentioned in Episode 55, we are planning an episode to discuss Asexuals with kinks/fetishes as they rarely get spoken about. Please remember this is completely ANONYMOUS and there will be NO JUDGEMENT. If you participate it will help create a great show and help others realise they are not alone if they are going through something similar.

[Ricki]

I don't listen to Pieces of Ace, but someone posted on Fetlife that they're looking to talk about kinky asexuals. I might listen to that.

Hey Everyone. As mentioned in Episode 55, we are planning an episode to discuss Asexuals with kinks/fetishes as they rarely get spoken about. Please remember this is completely ANONYMOUS and there will be NO JUDGEMENT. If you participate it will help create a great show and help others realise they are not alone if they are going through something similar.

[Spectrolite7]

Anyone in nyc?

[forgottendreams]

Hi this topic is really interesting to me and I want to jump into conversation, but I'm not really sure how.

I'm very interested in BDSM, but with my experience with past partners it is often a very quick lead up to sex which I don't like and the actual sex part very much more often than not makes me very uncomfortable. I'm 100% a sub and the things I'm most interested in are blindfolds, being tied up, and petplay.

I identify as a polyamorous panromantic asexual, with my panromantic self leaning more towards girls, though my last few relationships have been with men.

[if-indeed]

One of the ways that being ace affects how I do kink is because I'm a rope top. l enjoy doing it, don't get me wrong, but I get uncomfortable sometimes because it's such an intimate thing and you really have to be able to touch someone everywhere. Sometimes it bothers me even if the other person has clothes on. It's not sexual for me, I just like making aesthetically pleasing ties and making people who like being tied up happy, but I always worry that touching someone's breast or whatever as I do it will somehow make it sexual for them. Even though I know that's kind of ridiculous. I also can be reluctant to do bondage-type work, not because I don't enjoy it, but because it has more of a sexual connotation to me--so many people do rope bondage as a type of restraint during sexual activity specifically. I'm not sure where I was going with this, just a little vent.

[Kaaras]

Hello all! I'm new to the site and was checking through the forums... I was happy to see this topic, because including kink in my sexuality is important to me and I'm happy to see other people have similar views.

(I'm not entirely comfortable posting yet, so I hope this isn't too choppy.)

I don't have much experience with kink, but I've always found the concept of power exchange, mindfucks and subspace to be fascinating. Recently, I've discovered that I like the energy involved in rope play and the feeling of being bound. And I love being around littles. I made a list once of the things I wanted to try, soft limits and hard limits. Some of my hard limits were feminization, breast spanking, mummification, blood play and any form of sexual act. In theory, I'm hoping the intimacy of kink would replace the intimacy of sex in any romantic relationship I might have in the future, so I consider it an important experiment.

FetLife has been good to me, but I think that's because I never posted any pictures of myself and kept my gender description at GQ so people just glossed over me. The people on it can sometimes be really opinionated though, which can lead to rude defensive comments and heated debates. I'm not a fan of that negative energy. I've been to three play parties and found the atmosphere to be welcoming and encouraging. Like previous posts mentioned, these parties did not permit sex and had strict rules about nudity (top was fine, bottom bits had to be covered). I really enjoyed the experience.

[acia]

.

[anodyneinsect]

D and s and fantasy play is the only way my SO can get me. I'm a sub. He likes heel shoes a whole lot so I wear them for him. I am his wild bug and like to bite. Due to living in a super conservative town I do not dare wear my collar out of the house, but love to have him pull on my collar to share kisses.

[Phantasmal Fingers]

Kink is preferring Victoria Sponge Cake (which as we all know isn't really proper cake) to Carrot Cake. That's just weird! And wrong!! :lol:

BDSM is asking someone to refuse you cake when you request cake. Also weird! And wrong!! And pointless!!! :lol:

Cake Proper cake?? Yes, please! ^_^ :lol:

[Ricki]

Kink is preferring Victoria Sponge Cake (which as we all know isn't really proper cake) to Carrot Cake. That's just weird! And wrong!! :lol:

BDSM is asking someone to refuse you cake when you request cake. Also weird! And wrong!! And pointless!!! :lol:

Cake Proper cake?? Yes, please! ^_^ :lol:

It seems rude to come into a thread where a lot of people feel awkward and are opening up, and then call kinks and fetishes wrong and weird... Why did you feel the need to go out your way to do that?

[borkfork]

I went to my first munch in a while. I've moved to a new area so new people. I was going to go last Saturday, but the RSVP list was too big and so many new people triggered my social anxiety. I went to a TNG munch, and they've gone out and found mentors for the group. I wasn't the only new person there so that was nice. I forgot how awkward it is discussing something that personal with new people. I was put off by how the younger people didn't observe any of the etiquette I'm used to. I like that people in the community don't know what my job is so I have less risk of being outted. The only people who know my real first name are people I know from school.

My first munch I didn't know what to ask people because all those usual questions are off limits. It was also after Dom Con so people kept going into the bathroom to show each other their bruises. :lol:

[borkfork]

.

[- - -]

Kink is preferring Victoria Sponge Cake (which as we all know isn't really proper cake) to Carrot Cake. That's just weird! And wrong!! :lol:

BDSM is asking someone to refuse you cake when you request cake. Also weird! And wrong!! And pointless!!! :lol:

Cake Proper cake?? Yes, please! ^_^ :lol:

It seems rude to come into a thread where a lot of people feel awkward and are opening up, and then call kinks and fetishes wrong and weird... Why did you feel the need to go out your way to do that?

i already know my fetish is weird and wrong but tbh, even it was something else, no matter what it was people would take the piss im guessing it makes themselves feel better about there own "weird + wrong" fetish

[Phantasmal Fingers]

It seems rude to come into a thread where a lot of people feel awkward and are opening up, and then call kinks and fetishes wrong and weird... Why did you feel the need to go out your way to do that?

Why would you take that post literally? Oh well. So much for trying to crack jokes on the internet... Apologies if that wasn't the message you received.

Given the emoticons and the cake analogy I thought my (obvious ?) attempt to be humourous would come through. I certainly wasn't expecting anyone to take that post literally

[Ricki]

Why would you take that post literally? Oh well. So much for trying to crack jokes on the internet... Apologies if that wasn't the message you received.

Given the emoticons and the cake analogy I thought my (obvious ?) attempt to be humourous would come through. I certainly wasn't expecting anyone to take that post literally

To be honest I personally took it literally because a) I didn't any emoji's that I personally associate with jokes, b) the emoji's I did see are ones that are often used when genuinely confused about something ( ) c) I don't think I've seen you comment in this thread before so you may have stumbled across it and felt like it wasn't fit for AVEN because... d) Many people on this site and internet in general shun anything they don't understand especially when... e) It's really hard to tell someones true emotions when all you have is a wall of text in front of you.

So yeah I apologise for reacting like that, though I think that a few people agreed with me meant it did need to be clarified, and for me then I'm happy you came back to do so :)

*walks off awkwardly*