Kink, BDSM, and Cake

[MasquedHatter]

I am definitely a kinky asexual person. My issue is that I have kinks with things that a lot of people place highly in the sexual/sensual area such as knife play and for me its more about the sensations. I am a poly biromantic asexual into knife play, thuddy impact play and age play. For some reason the fact that I am asexual seems to chase everyone off. The rest they love to hear but the minute the no sex topic is brought up they run or push the issue.

I do have a fetlife account and would love more friends. Its baby_ace.

[AceofThrones]

Not sure if this is a kink anyone has heard of but I was trying to find someone to just be a cuddle friend with. No kissing, no sex-just someone to kinda be close to during a movie or something...anyways, this older gentleman who looks to be 70 but says he is 52 on facebook is wanting to meet up with me for the first time. He's already told me he is an AB (adult baby) and is part of the ABDL (adult baby diaper lover) community. I have had a friend in the past who was a part of this community so baby-talk, and stuff isn't new to me. But I'd be uncomfortable if this 50 something yr old dude wanted me to change his diaper etc, not because i haven't done that before (I've had years of experience in hospitals and changing geriatric pull up's and diapers) but I don't know if the kink is for me.

I am all for being a kid at heart, but I don't know if I wanna be someone's "daddy"...I'm still growing up myself. lol

[Face]

I've not been on Aven for so long since I regularly meet avenites at meets but after recently meeting a little elsewhere and being introduced to being a daddy I remembered that there were kinky aces and that I'd never really explored the fetish side of things, other than cuddling. I liked the looking after, teasing and sensation play and I do have a little bit of a dominant side so it was nice to know there were ways to have a close relationship not being based around sex. I never felt that kinky and didn't think I'd fit into the fetlife community but I should have explored it more.

I've also decided to try and stretch my comfort zone in 2016 so this is one way to do it.

[Ricki]

Not sure if this is a kink anyone has heard of but I was trying to find someone to just be a cuddle friend with. No kissing, no sex-just someone to kinda be close to during a movie or something...anyways, this older gentleman who looks to be 70 but says he is 52 on facebook is wanting to meet up with me for the first time. He's already told me he is an AB (adult baby) and is part of the ABDL (adult baby diaper lover) community. I have had a friend in the past who was a part of this community so baby-talk, and stuff isn't new to me. But I'd be uncomfortable if this 50 something yr old dude wanted me to change his diaper etc, not because i haven't done that before (I've had years of experience in hospitals and changing geriatric pull up's and diapers) but I don't know if the kink is for me.

I am all for being a kid at heart, but I don't know if I wanna be someone's "daddy"...I'm still growing up myself. lol

Yes that would be part of a kink on his behalf. If you're not into it then you shouldnt partake in it without giving consent.

But don't feel pressured into doing it, otherwise you enter new realms of iffy territory.

[JaySexual]

Not sure if this is a kink anyone has heard of but I was trying to find someone to just be a cuddle friend with. No kissing, no sex-just someone to kinda be close to during a movie or something.

This part I can relate to.

Since I myself have daydreamed many times about having a cuddle buddy -- someone to be real close with and such...and even kiss.

[AceofThrones]

Well, kissing is one of my faves...but I'm wanting to wait to kiss anyone until I've gotten out to visit some folk out west...;)

[JaySexual]

One time years ago I had a dream where I kissed a guy..and it gave this feeling like 'wow' (can't explain it other than that). LOL that's the closest experiance I've ever had to kissing anyone (so no idea if the dream approximated reality or not). Actually same thing for a cuddle-hug, that's only happened in dreams too.

Ooooh if I could only dream (asleep dreams, not daydream) what I wanted, and when I wanted.....

But then could one fall in love with what would eventually be a figment of their imagination?

that could be dangerous to one's well being?

Maybe thats why nature puts limits on dream control?

Well, kissing is one of my faves...but I'm wanting to wait to kiss anyone until I've gotten out to visit some folk out west...;)

Just don't go too far west... :lol:

------

edit:

What?

why'd it combine my 2 posts into a single one??

.lol.

[AceofThrones]

I West compared to Cincinnti...

I love/hate sexish/kissing dreams....

i just had a sex dream last night...that freaked me out big time!

[JaySexual]

I rarely have sex dreams & I'm glad for those to stay away.

Wish I had more kissing dreams (and especially cuddle dreams, because both those are rare too.)

[Truth and Lies]

I wonder how long it will take me to read through twenty seven pages of posts... welp, let's get to it, then!

I probably will never get into any kinks or BDSM myself, even though I do have some interest in it, so I will content myself with my two loving characters who explore their kinks together. 8)

[gypsygrrlnyc]

Any ace kinksters in the NYC area? I'm somewhat new to BDSM and can't seem to find those "unicorn" play partners that are willing to play without any sexual contact! Or even just have someone to talk to about it that doesn't drag in sex into it somewhere would be nice! Find me on FetLife - "MadchenDrache".

[the bumbling rotifer]

I'm an ace/aro fetishist, but I'm not an active kinkster and I'm still working to come to terms with what my fetish means for me.

A message to my younger self (and to anyone who is in a similar boat to the one I was in 1-2 years ago):

- You don't need to feel conflicted about your kink. It's a natural part of you, and anyone who makes you feel bad about that is a massive tool.

- Being kinky doesn't invalidate your asexuality

- You don't need to have sex if you don't want to. You can do kink without sex.

- There is a big community of kinky people out there who aren't weird, they're not scary, they're just normal everyday people who happen to have kinks. They're just normal people. They're pretty much like your vanilla friends. They just happen to also be kinky. Like you are.

- The kink community is incredibly diverse (different kinks, different genders (more than two!), different sexualities). These people will respect your orientation.

- Kinky people make great friends. You will end up introducing a number of them into your vanilla life.

- You don't really understand what it means yet, but there's a thing called emotional connection which you'll find with some of these people. Trust me, it's good.

And I will end by saying - you're bloody lucky that you're kinky. I'll repeat that, you're bloody lucky. Now stop feeling ashamed of it!

[Ricecream-man]

- There is a big community of kinky people out there who aren't weird, they're not scary, they're just normal everyday people who happen to have kinks. They're just normal people. They're pretty much like your vanilla friends. They just happen to also be kinky. Like you are.

- The kink community is incredibly diverse (different kinks, different genders (more than two!), different sexualities). These people will respect your orientation.

Except bumbles. Bumbles is scary :P

[Ricecream-man]

- There is a big community of kinky people out there who aren't weird, they're not scary, they're just normal everyday people who happen to have kinks. They're just normal people. They're pretty much like your vanilla friends. They just happen to also be kinky. Like you are.

- The kink community is incredibly diverse (different kinks, different genders (more than two!), different sexualities). These people will respect your orientation.

Except bumbles. Bumbles is scary :P

[Ricki]

I'm an ace/aro fetishist, but I'm not an active kinkster and I'm still working to come to terms with what my fetish means for me.

A message to my younger self (and to anyone who is in a similar boat to the one I was in 1-2 years ago):

You've just made me realise how long ive been following this thread, and how much has changed for me, both Kinky and non-kinky... Dayum.

[Omitted]

deleted

[Aceofheartss]

Hi guys! I'm relatively new to Aven, and super new to BDSM (like. . .a week) :p

I'm not sure how I feel about calling myself a kinkster, but I'm definitely a little bit kinky ;)

Just softcore though - bondage, light choking, stuff like that :)

[SmaugShakespeare]

I dont have the time to read through this whole thread but I wanted to comment anyway. Im a complete asexual virgin and have never been in a relationship except one that lasted a month when i was 14 so doesnt really count. I've always said that if I was sexual I would be really kinky, and I enjoy BDSM sexual role plays on omegle. I don't get turned on by them in the traditional sense I just really enjoy them I'm not sure how to explain it...

Only recently (in the past week or so) I have realised that it is possible to be both asexual and kinky so I have been wondering if maybe that's me, or whether I just find it interesting in a passive sense and wouldn't enjoy actually taking part in BDSM (although if I'm honest with myself I think I would...)

I don't really have a question I just wanted to post this here... I'm a little tentative about this possibility and wanted to talk about it I guess... I don't know what I will do with this new information, finding another homoromantic ace in my area is bad enough let alone one who is into BDSM

[timewarp]

Had a conversation with somebody who's active in the local kink scene yesterday. She mentioned that 99% of what she's doing is absolutely non-sexual. It seems that I got it all wrong about that scene.

That made me so curious that I registered on FetLife (the username timewarp was already taken though :( ). Turns out there is an asexual option by default, and there are actually a lot of "fetishes" that many aces like, something like cuddling, sensual play etc.

To make it even better, there are lots of meets, so it's possible to talk to some people over a couple of drinks, no pressure involved.

[shalysewb]

Had a conversation with somebody who's active in the local kink scene yesterday. She mentioned that 99% of what she's doing is absolutely non-sexual. It seems that I got it all wrong about that scene.

That made me so curious that I registered on FetLife (the username timewarp was already taken though :( ). Turns out there is an asexual option by default, and there are actually a lot of "fetishes" that many aces like, something like cuddling, sensual play etc.

To make it even better, there are lots of meets, so it's possible to talk to some people over a couple of drinks, no pressure involved.

Yep I'm totally an Asexual kinster and BDSM lifestyler. I'm a 24/7 submissive and Little, and part time pet in a D/s dynamic. Most of my service involve domestic services and very few of MY interest have anything slightly sexual to them.

[Ricecream-man]

Yup!

With play at least it's super easy for it to be completely non-sexual. Most public play that I see and know of is of that nature. They only "sexual" part of it is that some people get turned on from it. But that's their personal reactions and nothing to do with the play in itself.

When it comes to relationships things get different. It becomes just like any other dating pool. Some people want sex in their relationship and others don't. It's all up to the people involved.

[m4rble]

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[nmcdermott94]

Okay. So Hi.

I'm a sex-positive Ace and I have a really close friend who was willing to help me explore my sexuality and my limitations within my own sexuality. We decided to try some sub/dom stuff, and she tied me down to the bed. And basically not really 'enjoying' the situation (when it comes to sex i'm kinda just there). she was getting super frustrated by my non-action, and it was funny because it was just a super ace thing to just, like be a bad a sub or something. xD

and that's my kinkiest sex story. Yes, I'm vanilla but I thought a few of you more adventurous people would enjoy it.

[Pen Given Ink]

I'm actually quite new to this. So it's a bit awkward for me. I recently joined fetlife ( can't remember how long ago, but not long ) I'm PaganRain. And yep, this is awkward. xD I don't really know exactly what to say, haha.

[Guest]

Okay. So Hi.

I'm a sex-positive Ace and I have a really close friend who was willing to help me explore my sexuality and my limitations within my own sexuality. We decided to try some sub/dom stuff, and she tied me down to the bed. And basically not really 'enjoying' the situation (when it comes to sex i'm kinda just there). she was getting super frustrated by my non-action, and it was funny because it was just a super ace thing to just, like be a bad a sub or something. xD

and that's my kinkiest sex story. Yes, I'm vanilla but I thought a few of you more adventurous people would enjoy it.

Being a ''bad'' (or good) dom or sub is nothing about being asexual :o ..It's just whether or not a person enjoys that, regardless of their sexual orientation. BDSM is actually not necessarily integrally linked with sex; sex is just a part of BDSM if both partners desire and enjoy that. There are plenty of sexual people who completely separate their BDSM practice from their sex life, so obviously asexuals can also enjoy BDSM with no sex involved ever, if they meet a partner who is happy to accommodate that need ^_^

[Pen Given Ink]

It's all good. xD Take as much time as you need, there isn't any rush on it or anything.

That would be awesome. xD Currently I only have my boyfriend and girlfriend on their. I'm iffy on adding people to be honest, unless they were from here, then it'd be simpler and easier. I've only been exploring this side of me recently ( within the past two months ).

Okay. So Hi.

I'm a sex-positive Ace and I have a really close friend who was willing to help me explore my sexuality and my limitations within my own sexuality. We decided to try some sub/dom stuff, and she tied me down to the bed. And basically not really 'enjoying' the situation (when it comes to sex i'm kinda just there). she was getting super frustrated by my non-action, and it was funny because it was just a super ace thing to just, like be a bad a sub or something. xD

and that's my kinkiest sex story. Yes, I'm vanilla but I thought a few of you more adventurous people would enjoy it.

Being a ''bad'' (or good) dom or sub is nothing about being asexual :o ..It's just whether or not a person enjoys that, regardless of their sexual orientation. BDSM is actually not necessarily integrally linked with sex; sex is just a part of BDSM if both partners desire and enjoy that. There are plenty of sexual people who completely separate their BDSM practice from their sex life, so obviously asexuals can also enjoy BDSM with no sex involved ever, if they meet a partner who is happy to accommodate that need ^_^

I'm actually quite new to this. So it's a bit awkward for me. I recently joined fetlife ( can't remember how long ago, but not long ) I'm PaganRain. And yep, this is awkward. xD I don't really know exactly what to say, haha.

I got guilty and deleted my account as I am seeing someone, but will probably re-open it and just take down all the nudes :P (or not, I'd have to talk to my ace beforehand to see what they are comfortable with) ..But anyway, if I join again, we can be friends on there if you'd want ^_^

Also, I will reply to you, I just overwhelmed by private contact so need to work myself up for it, totally not ignoring you though!!

[Guest]

It's all good. xD Take as much time as you need, there isn't any rush on it or anything.

That would be awesome. xD Currently I only have my boyfriend and girlfriend on their. I'm iffy on adding people to be honest, unless they were from here, then it'd be simpler and easier. I've only been exploring this side of me recently ( within the past two months ).

Okay. So Hi.

I'm a sex-positive Ace and I have a really close friend who was willing to help me explore my sexuality and my limitations within my own sexuality. We decided to try some sub/dom stuff, and she tied me down to the bed. And basically not really 'enjoying' the situation (when it comes to sex i'm kinda just there). she was getting super frustrated by my non-action, and it was funny because it was just a super ace thing to just, like be a bad a sub or something. xD

and that's my kinkiest sex story. Yes, I'm vanilla but I thought a few of you more adventurous people would enjoy it.

Being a ''bad'' (or good) dom or sub is nothing about being asexual :o ..It's just whether or not a person enjoys that, regardless of their sexual orientation. BDSM is actually not necessarily integrally linked with sex; sex is just a part of BDSM if both partners desire and enjoy that. There are plenty of sexual people who completely separate their BDSM practice from their sex life, so obviously asexuals can also enjoy BDSM with no sex involved ever, if they meet a partner who is happy to accommodate that need ^_^

I'm actually quite new to this. So it's a bit awkward for me. I recently joined fetlife ( can't remember how long ago, but not long ) I'm PaganRain. And yep, this is awkward. xD I don't really know exactly what to say, haha.

I got guilty and deleted my account as I am seeing someone, but will probably re-open it and just take down all the nudes :P (or not, I'd have to talk to my ace beforehand to see what they are comfortable with) ..But anyway, if I join again, we can be friends on there if you'd want ^_^

Also, I will reply to you, I just overwhelmed by private contact so need to work myself up for it, totally not ignoring you though!!

I had like 4000 ''friends'' but they were just people who added me because they wanted to get pictures and writing updates and things, and it seems worthwhile for if I wanted to start selling images again (that's allowed on FetLife if you go about it the right way) so it seemed wise financially to have so many people subscribed to updates from me. I never give out my info here because AVEN is ''personal'' and fetlife for me is more a professional thing. I don't want people who know my personal thoughts and feelings to also know what I look like naked haha, only one person is allowed full access to all that :lol: ..But I'd give my account to you if I reactivate/make a new one, because you're a female (no offense guys!) and we do know each otherish :p

[Pen Given Ink]

Yeah, this place is very personal for me. Only one person has access to it that I know personally.

xD Yay for being female, lol. The pictures I have up were NOT chose by me. <_< They were chosen by my male partner. I added them because it pleased him. ( It's going to take a while for me to vocalize to others that he's my "master". So new to me. ) Yeah, I'm upfront, I don't like hiding things, anyone can ask me anything and I'll answer. xD

It's all good. xD Take as much time as you need, there isn't any rush on it or anything.

That would be awesome. xD Currently I only have my boyfriend and girlfriend on their. I'm iffy on adding people to be honest, unless they were from here, then it'd be simpler and easier. I've only been exploring this side of me recently ( within the past two months ).

Okay. So Hi.

I'm a sex-positive Ace and I have a really close friend who was willing to help me explore my sexuality and my limitations within my own sexuality. We decided to try some sub/dom stuff, and she tied me down to the bed. And basically not really 'enjoying' the situation (when it comes to sex i'm kinda just there). she was getting super frustrated by my non-action, and it was funny because it was just a super ace thing to just, like be a bad a sub or something. xD

and that's my kinkiest sex story. Yes, I'm vanilla but I thought a few of you more adventurous people would enjoy it.

Being a ''bad'' (or good) dom or sub is nothing about being asexual :o ..It's just whether or not a person enjoys that, regardless of their sexual orientation. BDSM is actually not necessarily integrally linked with sex; sex is just a part of BDSM if both partners desire and enjoy that. There are plenty of sexual people who completely separate their BDSM practice from their sex life, so obviously asexuals can also enjoy BDSM with no sex involved ever, if they meet a partner who is happy to accommodate that need ^_^

I'm actually quite new to this. So it's a bit awkward for me. I recently joined fetlife ( can't remember how long ago, but not long ) I'm PaganRain. And yep, this is awkward. xD I don't really know exactly what to say, haha.

I got guilty and deleted my account as I am seeing someone, but will probably re-open it and just take down all the nudes :P (or not, I'd have to talk to my ace beforehand to see what they are comfortable with) ..But anyway, if I join again, we can be friends on there if you'd want ^_^

Also, I will reply to you, I just overwhelmed by private contact so need to work myself up for it, totally not ignoring you though!!

I had like 4000 ''friends'' but they were just people who added me because they wanted to get pictures and writing updates and things, and it seems worthwhile for if I wanted to start selling images again (that's allowed on FetLife if you go about it the right way) so it seemed wise financially to have so many people subscribed to updates from me. I never give out my info here because AVEN is ''personal'' and fetlife for me is more a professional thing. I don't want people who know my personal thoughts and feelings to also know what I look like naked haha, only one person is allowed full access to all that :lol: ..But I'd give my account to you if I reactivate/make a new one, because you're a female (no offense guys!) and we do know each otherish :P

[Guest]

Yeah, this place is very personal for me. Only one person has access to it that I know personally.

xD Yay for being female, lol. The pictures I have up were NOT chose by me. <_< They were chosen by my male partner. I added them because it pleased him. ( It's going to take a while for me to vocalize to others that he's my "master". So new to me. ) Yeah, I'm upfront, I don't like hiding things, anyone can ask me anything and I'll answer. xD

I am slightly concerned by the use of that emoticon, and the way you have worded the bolded part. I may have just misinterpreted your meaning though which is very common when communicating through text. I apologise if I have misinterpreted you.

However, I must ask

Are you happy with having the pictures that are up? Does it make you feel good having them up?

Having a master is NOT about him choosing things for you that you don't want, you have to actively and enthusiastically want it as much as he does, and enjoy it as much as he does (if not more) or it is NOT BDSM, it is abuse of power and abuse of his position as 'master'

For example, if I had a master and he chose dirty images of me to go on FetLife, I'd feel empowered, sexy, dirty (in a good way) used (in a good way) and aroused by that. I'd like that he did that, and enjoy it more than he does! But if I was uncomfortable in any way with the images, or felt ashamed or unhappy or awkward, and not empowered, then that would not be an acceptable situation and they should not be put up. You have to feel empowered and consent enthusiastically (even if you are a slave being used, degraded, and humiliated or whatever) or else, like I said, it is an abuse of power, which is not BDSM. Does that make sense?

Obviously what consenting adults do with and for each other is totally up to them, I just don't want you to be uncomfortable in any way with what is happening, being so new to BDSM!

(Just to clarify, enthusiastic consent means you aren't just consenting to have something done to you because the other person wants that, you are consenting because you want it as much as the other person does. That applies for consensual non-consent as well)

[Pen Given Ink]

Yeah. Text has that way about it. :) I have body image issues. I can't help that. There's only one I like a whole bunch, I'm not a fan of pictures of myself in general. And it pleased me to please him. :) I don't mind having them there, it's just you know, out of the box for me. He's very clear about those kind of things. Open, honest, communicative. And very very very clear. I'd never have put them up otherwise. Thank you for the concern though. He often tells me I'm horrible about getting my point across clearly and efficiently, for which I agree. It's something I've noticed a lot lately. ( Ironically when I'm writing fiction I do just fine. ) He feels, and I'm starting to agree, that it's a good way to empower me and to get me to crawl out of my shell. I never feel awkward or uncomfortable around him, and that's a rare thing indeed.

Yeah, this place is very personal for me. Only one person has access to it that I know personally.

xD Yay for being female, lol. The pictures I have up were NOT chose by me. <_< They were chosen by my male partner. I added them because it pleased him. ( It's going to take a while for me to vocalize to others that he's my "master". So new to me. ) Yeah, I'm upfront, I don't like hiding things, anyone can ask me anything and I'll answer. xD

I am slightly concerned by the use of that emoticon, and the way you have worded the bolded part. I may have just misinterpreted your meaning though which is very common when communicating through text. I apologise if I have misinterpreted you.

However, I must ask

Are you happy with having the pictures that are up? Does it make you feel good having them up?

Having a master is NOT about him choosing things for you that you don't want, you have to actively and enthusiastically want it as much as he does, and enjoy it as much as he does (if not more) or it is NOT BDSM, it is abuse of power and abuse of his position as 'master'

For example, if I had a master and he chose dirty images of me to go on FetLife, I'd feel empowered, sexy, dirty (in a good way) used (in a good way) and aroused by that. I'd like that he did that, and enjoy it more than he does! But if I was uncomfortable in any way with the images, or felt ashamed or unhappy or awkward, and not empowered, then that would not be an acceptable situation and they should not be put up. You have to feel empowered and consent enthusiastically (even if you are a slave being used, degraded, and humiliated or whatever) or else, like I said, it is an abuse of power, which is not BDSM. Does that make sense?

Obviously what consenting adults do with and for each other is totally up to them, I just don't want you to be uncomfortable in any way with what is happening, being so new to BDSM!

(Just to clarify, enthusiastic consent means you aren't just consenting to have something done to you, you are consenting because you want it as much as the other person does. That applies for consensual non-consent as well)