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Kink, BDSM, and Cake


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Fet-Life is one of the best places to find a munch, as long as you can get past explicit stuff. It puts me off using it, but theres a lot of awesome stuff on there, hidden away. :)

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I'm into a variety of BDSM activities, but not as a sexual thing. I'm still asexual. It's about sensory experiences--it's about being intensely aware of my body and my imagination, not arousal or a sexual outcome.

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I'm into a variety of BDSM activities, but not as a sexual thing. I'm still asexual. It's about sensory experiences--it's about being intensely aware of my body and my imagination, not arousal or a sexual outcome.

It's similar for me, too.

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I apologize everyone for being pretty much non-existent for the past month. I've been in poor health and have had little time for posting. I'm still not recovered, so it'll still be some time before I get back to posting anything useful, but PLEASE don't let this thread die. I'd really like there to be a forum for safe and educational discussions about being asexual and kinky. For those of you who weren't here for the original start up, we've got until February to show that this topic is trafficked enough to warrant it's own forum.

Anywho lovelies, TTFN. I'll try to be around a bit more.

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Just found this thread. Pleased to see I'm not the only ace kinky-type person out there :) Although it's more theoretical at this point, so trying out FetLife might have to occur.

Thanks for starting this thread, Lauren+Bear, and I hope you feel better soon!

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I really hope this thread doesn't die, I love it way too much!!! I guess we need some main/specific topic to focus on or something?

Damn... I'm not good at foruming xD

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pegasusoftraken

I'm so glad I stumbled across this thread. I've been interested in kinks for years, but have never figured out a way to explore that side of me. Munches sound like a good place to start. Is there a way to find out where a munch is going to take place in your area?

Also, I know a lot of kinks are probably "if it sounds interesting, try it and see if you like it," and that's what I've imployed for the very little I've tried, but is there a way to really get a feel for what you'll most likely go for?

"if it sounds interesting, try it and see if you like it," I think is pretty good advice. For me, I've found that things don't always feel the same way as I imagined when I actually try them. But generally stuff I imagined liking, I've found pleasurable in real life, even if for completely different reasons.

The other thing I do is think about the stuff I have enjoyed, and try to pin point what in particular I like about it. And then look for other things that incorporate something similar. For example, there's particular kinds of sensations I enjoy, and different types of emotions I enjoy feeling during kink. So I can use that as a base for working out what else sounds fun. Though, admittedly this might be a by-product of me over-thinking absolutely everything! Generally when playing with somebody new, I tend to just tell them that I like this and that kind of sensation, or feeling X,Y,Z, rather than being specific about particular activities. So for me trying new things often comes out of negotiating just before play, rather than having a specific activity that I want to try in mind beforehand.

The final piece of advice I'd give (and probably most important), is to start off small then build up. And when trying something new, to continually check in with yourself as to how you feel - especially if you find it feels different than you expected. Telling the other person that it's the first time you're trying it also helps, so as to keep their expectations of you realistic. And continually feeding back to the other person how your feeling is also helpful - even if you are the top/dom/etc. The person you're playing may be able to offer suggestions if necessary, but also just being on the same page throughout is useful. Even if you've done loads of kink before, trying something new can always through up a surprise. And if you start something new, but it doesn't feel right then you can always stop, or take a breather. There's absolutely nothing wrong with stopping halfway through if you find that it isn't actually something you like or don't feel ready for.

EDIT: spelling

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Happy Spanks-giving everyone! Now go and paddle some asses! ;-)

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Hi, I have another question regarding the possible asexuality of my stupid kinky self.

Part one. So I know I have a kind of desire for partnered sex (or really, partnered nonsexual kink sessions) which, for some people, makes me allo. But honestly, I've realized that who my partner is is kind of irrelevant? I don't see someone and say hey, I want you to dom the shit out of me. It's more like anybody who's capable of affecting me emotionally in a certain way, which turns me on? Is that nondirected libido, or whatever it's called?

And part two. I have another nonsexual kink. It's entirely autochorissexual, and I never have any desire to actually participate in it, just read/watch it. But in this one, who the person is is relevant, and only people with certain physical appearances and personalities can cut it. Y'know, I'd want to read about somebody else domming the shit out of you, but never in real life and never with me involved. When I'd say "I'm attracted to Aragorn", I mean "I got hella turned on when he got stepped on by the troll at the end of the third movie and would continue to get turned on if similar things happened, but if I actually saw him in front of me, I'd just wrap him up in a blanket and let him escape his hated kingly responsibilities for a while".

Does that make me some flavor of ace? Or something?

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Hi, I have another question regarding the possible asexuality of my stupid kinky self.

Part one. So I know I have a kind of desire for partnered sex (or really, partnered nonsexual kink sessions) which, for some people, makes me allo. But honestly, I've realized that who my partner is is kind of irrelevant? I don't see someone and say hey, I want you to dom the shit out of me. It's more like anybody who's capable of affecting me emotionally in a certain way, which turns me on? Is that nondirected libido, or whatever it's called?

And part two. I have another nonsexual kink. It's entirely autochorissexual, and I never have any desire to actually participate in it, just read/watch it. But in this one, who the person is is relevant, and only people with certain physical appearances and personalities can cut it. Y'know, I'd want to read about somebody else domming the shit out of you, but never in real life and never with me involved. When I'd say "I'm attracted to Aragorn", I mean "I got hella turned on when he got stepped on by the troll at the end of the third movie and would continue to get turned on if similar things happened, but if I actually saw him in front of me, I'd just wrap him up in a blanket and let him escape his hated kingly responsibilities for a while".

Does that make me some flavor of ace? Or something?

IMO it seems hard to tease apart kink from ace-ness and sexuality in general, as for many people kinks are indeed part of being sexual. And there are even sexual people for whom some kinks aren't sexual in nature.

I also struggle with my current exploration of kink, as in the beginning I was simply looking for someone to play with, not someone to whom I might become sexually attracted and end up having a sexual relationship with. For me it was similar to what you said - someone who shares my kink and seems to be a good fit and can "press my buttons", so to speak. In other words, it really doesn't matter a whole lot who that person is, as long as they fit the kink fantasy well enough. I would not consider that to be sexual attraction, but simply finding the right person to fulfill the need.

But in my case, I ended up dating my dom and I have something more than just a play relationship with him right now (something that is basically a sexual/romantic relationship, not unlike what many sexuals have, I'd imagine). However, I find it very difficult to figure out what part of my turn-on is in response to the kink role he fulfills for me, or if any of it is directed at him personally, as in a sexual attraction kind of way. I have no idea if he would turn me on if this was a completely "vanilla" relationship; in fact, the relationship probably would have never formed had that been the case. But I try not to worry about it too much, since I ID as grey-a, which means I think I do have sexual attractions once in a million years or so.

But as for your non-sexual kink, I wouldn't worry about that one affecting your ace-ness since it is non-sexual in nature.

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Hi, I have another question regarding the possible asexuality of my stupid kinky self.

Part one. So I know I have a kind of desire for partnered sex (or really, partnered nonsexual kink sessions) which, for some people, makes me allo. But honestly, I've realized that who my partner is is kind of irrelevant? I don't see someone and say hey, I want you to dom the shit out of me. It's more like anybody who's capable of affecting me emotionally in a certain way, which turns me on? Is that nondirected libido, or whatever it's called?

And part two. I have another nonsexual kink. It's entirely autochorissexual, and I never have any desire to actually participate in it, just read/watch it. But in this one, who the person is is relevant, and only people with certain physical appearances and personalities can cut it. Y'know, I'd want to read about somebody else domming the shit out of you, but never in real life and never with me involved. When I'd say "I'm attracted to Aragorn", I mean "I got hella turned on when he got stepped on by the troll at the end of the third movie and would continue to get turned on if similar things happened, but if I actually saw him in front of me, I'd just wrap him up in a blanket and let him escape his hated kingly responsibilities for a while".

Does that make me some flavor of ace? Or something?

IMO it seems hard to tease apart kink from ace-ness and sexuality in general, as for many people kinks are indeed part of being sexual. And there are even sexual people for whom some kinks aren't sexual in nature.

I also struggle with my current exploration of kink, as in the beginning I was simply looking for someone to play with, not someone to whom I might become sexually attracted and end up having a sexual relationship with. For me it was similar to what you said - someone who shares my kink and seems to be a good fit and can "press my buttons", so to speak. In other words, it really doesn't matter a whole lot who that person is, as long as they fit the kink fantasy well enough. I would not consider that to be sexual attraction, but simply finding the right person to fulfill the need.

But in my case, I ended up dating my dom and I have something more than just a play relationship with him right now (something that is basically a sexual/romantic relationship, not unlike what many sexuals have, I'd imagine). However, I find it very difficult to figure out what part of my turn-on is in response to the kink role he fulfills for me, or if any of it is directed at him personally, as in a sexual attraction kind of way. I have no idea if he would turn me on if this was a completely "vanilla" relationship; in fact, the relationship probably would have never formed had that been the case. But I try not to worry about it too much, since I ID as grey-a, which means I think I do have sexual attractions once in a million years or so.

But as for your non-sexual kink, I wouldn't worry about that one affecting your ace-ness since it is non-sexual in nature.

I mean, neither of my kinks are sexual, as in actual sex of any kind has no part in them. But you could consider them sexual, because the point of engaging in them is sexual release?

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I joined fetlife for two months or so, but deleted my profile back in early October. Between the graphic photos and people not not respecting boundaries I just quickly lost favor with it. I'm pleased it works for most people though. I certainly don't represent anyone other than my own opinion. ;-)

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Hi, I have another question regarding the possible asexuality of my stupid kinky self.

Part one. So I know I have a kind of desire for partnered sex (or really, partnered nonsexual kink sessions) which, for some people, makes me allo. But honestly, I've realized that who my partner is is kind of irrelevant? I don't see someone and say hey, I want you to dom the shit out of me. It's more like anybody who's capable of affecting me emotionally in a certain way, which turns me on? Is that nondirected libido, or whatever it's called?

And part two. I have another nonsexual kink. It's entirely autochorissexual, and I never have any desire to actually participate in it, just read/watch it. But in this one, who the person is is relevant, and only people with certain physical appearances and personalities can cut it. Y'know, I'd want to read about somebody else domming the shit out of you, but never in real life and never with me involved. When I'd say "I'm attracted to Aragorn", I mean "I got hella turned on when he got stepped on by the troll at the end of the third movie and would continue to get turned on if similar things happened, but if I actually saw him in front of me, I'd just wrap him up in a blanket and let him escape his hated kingly responsibilities for a while".

Does that make me some flavor of ace? Or something?

IMO it seems hard to tease apart kink from ace-ness and sexuality in general, as for many people kinks are indeed part of being sexual. And there are even sexual people for whom some kinks aren't sexual in nature.

I also struggle with my current exploration of kink, as in the beginning I was simply looking for someone to play with, not someone to whom I might become sexually attracted and end up having a sexual relationship with. For me it was similar to what you said - someone who shares my kink and seems to be a good fit and can "press my buttons", so to speak. In other words, it really doesn't matter a whole lot who that person is, as long as they fit the kink fantasy well enough. I would not consider that to be sexual attraction, but simply finding the right person to fulfill the need.

But in my case, I ended up dating my dom and I have something more than just a play relationship with him right now (something that is basically a sexual/romantic relationship, not unlike what many sexuals have, I'd imagine). However, I find it very difficult to figure out what part of my turn-on is in response to the kink role he fulfills for me, or if any of it is directed at him personally, as in a sexual attraction kind of way. I have no idea if he would turn me on if this was a completely "vanilla" relationship; in fact, the relationship probably would have never formed had that been the case. But I try not to worry about it too much, since I ID as grey-a, which means I think I do have sexual attractions once in a million years or so.

But as for your non-sexual kink, I wouldn't worry about that one affecting your ace-ness since it is non-sexual in nature.

I mean, neither of my kinks are sexual, as in actual sex of any kind has no part in them. But you could consider them sexual, because the point of engaging in them is sexual release?

Since you mentioned your libido I just figured that would pertain to sexual release, but of course just because one has a libido doesn't mean that it is connected to any sort of sexual act or fantasies there of.

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I`ve been lurking around this forum for quite some time, yet I have been too shy to post a comment.

<Warning: TMI>

I`m not into spanking and any other painful activities, since I have a low pain threshold and I also get easily affected by tears. However, I am into role playing with my spouse and my favorite scenarios involve militarism, age play and school. There was once when I saw a photo of my spouse during his military service when he was in his late teens, and I couldn`t get the image off my head. I also like it when he wears that schoolboy uniform. One of our scenarios involved me pretending to be his ``older sister`` and he`s my ``younger brother``.

I am relieved to see this forum here in AVEN, because at first, I thought I must be rather strange of having these fantasies. I wasn`t very aware about my own sexuality until I learned to finally accept my kinkiness.

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I wonder why some people are drawn to Kink and BDSM... Do you have any thoughts?

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I think for subs then for a lot of people, it's about losing a dominance or social power that they hold in general life. It's about letting go completely. For others it could be the idea of helplessness etc.

I dunno about Dom as I've never really been inclined to try that role (even if I dared to try my kink with a partner xD ).

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I've got to say, its reassuring to know there's some people involved with the kink community and also asexual. Makes me feel less strange. I've only dabbled and can't say I've ever went beyond getting flogged or about a minute or having someone show me how to use a riding crop... But it's something I've always been interested in. The problem is that as an asexual, I wasn't entirely sure I'd be "accepted" in the scene.

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I've got to say, its reassuring to know there's some people involved with the kink community and also asexual. Makes me feel less strange. I've only dabbled and can't say I've ever went beyond getting flogged or about a minute or having someone show me how to use a riding crop... But it's something I've always been interested in. The problem is that as an asexual, I wasn't entirely sure I'd be "accepted" in the scene.

I was worried about that too (the acceptance, especially since my Fetlife profile has asexuality as my orientation), but I have found it to not be a problem at all. In fact, I met my current boyfriend (also my dom) at a local BDSM event, which would seem even more unlikely than in the "vanilla" world due to the often sexually charged nature of fetishes and kinks.

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Hi all you lovely kinky aces! Slightly different topic... I heard this thread was being used as a test-run to see if there was enough interest to reasonably make a kink-themed subforum on AVEN. Is there any word on that?

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Hi all you lovely kinky aces! Slightly different topic... I heard this thread was being used as a test-run to see if there was enough interest to reasonably make a kink-themed subforum on AVEN. Is there any word on that?

Hey Nite,

I'm keeping an eye on this thread in particular to see how many people are interested in talking about kinks/fetishes/etc. I'll be temp-locking this thread in about 2ish months to see whether there's enough interest. I'll be bringing it up to the Admod team at that point. :)

Naosuu, TGA Moderator

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Good to know. There actually used to be a separate forum for kinky aces/gray-a people out there (not related to AVEN), but it mysteriously disappeared one day. Right now TGA is the only place where one can talk about this stuff.

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Me! I have a strong fetish for spankings... i am a spankee. I've been so since i was a little girl, so i guess i was born that way, so as i was born asexual. I've been spanking myself since i was 9 years old!

Spankings are highly erotic for me, on both -sexual and not sexual- ways. I have been spanked only four times on "real life" by others. I absolutely HATED them! I mean, the slaps were fine, but nothing especial... then it was the time for us to have sex.... which was like "uh?.... and the spankings?" Then, after everything finished, i only got a feeling of emptiness... just like everytime i have had sexual intercourse.

Oh well, now i know why i didn't like them. The whole situation was weird, distant, unfulfilling.

I'm also a babygirl, no, i don't do age play but i need to have a father figure in my life, and i still feel myself as a girl sometimes... it's a bit complicated to understand even for myself, so, it's even more complicated to explain.

I'm on fetlife, on spankingtube and on spanko.net.

Thank you for create this post!

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Hey guys! Finally my immune system is kicking virus ass and I'm starting to feel a lot better, but in my drugged up stupor I had some really weird thoughts and questions for you guys... I'm warning you now: there will be taboo questions and maybe some genitalia and/or sex stuff mentioned. Please don't be offended or feel like you have to answer any/all of these questions... This is just the result of me being alone with my thoughts for waaaay too long. To be fair, I'll answer all these questions with my own opinions, too, in a separate post. Please number your answers with the corresponding question!

:cake: These ARE NOT meant to be Hot Box questions... Please respect other people's opinions. This is a SAFE forum for everybody.

1) Do you think animal genital shaped sex toys fall under a bestiality fetish? Why/not? Do you consider either or both the sex toys or the actual act of bestiality wrong?

2) I know polyamory is a popular subject in the asexual community... How do you think polyamory and the kink/fetish lifestyle fit together for someone on the asexy spectrum? Would it make the relationship and dom/sub dynamic easier or harder?

3) How do you feel about Consensual Non-consent (agreeing to give up ALL rights and control over to your dom... Basically you give them the right to break any or all of your limits) as an asexual knowing that your dom COULD force you to have sex? When does CNC become rape or assault? Here's a link for more info on CNC if you'd like more in depth information before answering: http://kinkipedia.wikidot.com/wiki:consensual-non-consent

4) How would you treat someone with a disability (physical or mental) that wanted to engage you in a scene (top or bottom)? What about someone significantly older or younger than you?

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I'm glad you're feeling better ^^ Really good questions, quite thought provoking so sorry if I ramble a bit

1) never even heard of that as a thing o.O I suppose it could be beastiality, though I dont have any quarrel with that as a thing as long as they arent effecting anyone xD

2) I think harder, though it depends on the group of people, and trust etc of course. But I'd struggle to trust one person let alone multiple haha. I think it'd be easier for polyamory for a dom though.

3) CNC fascinates me. I would love to try it one day but again, trust becomes too big a part. Tbh if I was going to Commit Coitus then I kind of get a weird satisfaction of thinking about doing it this way xD It becomes rape if the safe word is used and ignored, or potentially something that is wayyyy out of the comfort zone is done without the ability for the safe word to be used.

4) Like I said in the other answers, I probably wouldn't go for any of it anyway anymore, trust and whatnot. So a disability would not effect the way I react whether it's yes or no xD on the hypothetical point that I did go with someone then disability or not I'd start out small just so we get a feeling of each others capability and limits etc. Age doesn't really mean much to me either though I guess I'd feel different to one age group than to another. I haven't had enough experience to know though :D (Significantly younger is a no no, I'm only 20 after all :P )

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1) I consider animal genital shaped sex toys to be more of a sex toy fetish than a bestiality fetish for most people. Sure, I assume most bestiality fetishists use sex toys to legally simulate their fantasy, but I think those types of sex toys are so prevalent because of the sex toy market more than the bestiality people. Surely bestiality is a minority fetish??? Where as for a sex toy fetishist, it'd be all about a new feel, shape, texture, or sensation that can't be found in most normal toys.

I don't think the toys are wrong at all, maybe a little embarrassing, but not wrong. The way I see it, it's not like we cry rape over human shaped sex toys, so why call bestiality on these? As for bestiality... I really would like to be one of those open minded people that says love comes in all shapes and sizes, but in my head I draw the line at animals. It squicks me. Plus, I have five pets, including my service dog, and I just can't see myself invading their health and safety like that.

2) Polyamory is common in the kink community and I honestly think it's healthy to have that sort of caring support system for everyone, not just asexuals. Obviously, it's not for everyone, but as an asexual in a sexualized world, I find it comforting to know that I've got people on my side that are watching out for me and protecting me. Now, I'm not a 24/7 sub, nor am I in a relationship at the moment, so my experience with how polyamory and the lifestyle might not be accurate for others, but I think it'd be nice that 1) my top/s would have an outlet for a scene that included sex, 2) I'd have a support system of multiple people with different opinions, 3) oh god, triple the head pets and cuddles!!! *drools*

3) Honestly I'm personally not comfortable with CNC for myself, nor do I really recommend it for anyone who isn't or hasn't been in the scene for years. However, I have met someone (sexual) in the CNC lifestyle and he seemed happy and healthy. I'm still amazed at the amount of trust he has in his Domme for him to be able to give up all control, but I can't see myself trusting anyone that much. The scary part for me is that how would you prove rape or assault if you were in the CNC lifestyle? Unless you have a VERY thorough contract, it'd be your word against theirs.

4) I have Aspergers, panic attacks, PTSD, and some balance issues, so I've been on the receiving end of prejudice in the kink community. While it's rare, I've had people think I was mentally impaired and try to take advantage of me. My local community is very accepting of disabled people (the ONLY fully handicapped accessible dungeon in the country FTW!), but it can be hard for a disabled person to find people to play with. Obviously, you should be open about all disabilities with the person you're negotiating with for your own safety, but some people might not find you mentally able to give proper consent and that's their choice. They have to protect themselves, too. Someone else might not feel comfortable playing with a paraplegic and refuse to play. While it might make you upset that they refused to play, a scene has to be consensual from both sides and they're probably only thinking of your (or their) health and safety.

As for age, I personally draw the line at anyone old enough to be my grandparent and anyone under twenty-one, but that's just me. I look very young for my age and I tend to draw in older people that are interested in age play and want me to be their "little girl/boy". If I'm familiar with the top, I have no problem playing that game, though I have different limits for those types of scenes... Diapers = Eeew. You shouldn't let age hold you back if you really like someone. :-)

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1) Do you think animal genital shaped sex toys fall under a bestiality fetish? Why/not? Do you consider either or both the sex toys or the actual act of bestiality wrong?

Never even heard of such toys. As far as them having to do with bestiality, I'd say that would depend on the user's point of view. Of course, someone with that kind of fetish can probably find other ways to enjoy it (without resorting to the real thing, which I think is totally wrong).

2) I know polyamory is a popular subject in the asexual community... How do you think polyamory and the kink/fetish lifestyle fit together for someone on the asexy spectrum? Would it make the relationship and dom/sub dynamic easier or harder?

I can only comment on this from my very limited personal experience. When I got into the scene this past summer, I met a man who was poly, and for me that was fine and dandy since I was only looking for a steady play partner and possibly a dom (but without the sexual component). So I figured that would make it far more likely I could have a sexless but kinky relationship with someone who was able to satisfy their sexual needs elsewhere, as opposed to someone who would expect sex from me if a monogamous relationship were to develop. So fast forward to now and I still have a relationship with this person but it is becoming sexual, something that just happened but was never intended by either of us. But, I do think it can work for me being grey-a, especially if the sexual relationship doesn't go well for me and he wants more than I can give him (unlikely due to his age, but not impossible). I think that for an ace sub, especially one who draws the line at sex, finding a poly dom/domme would be a much better fit in general than one who isn't (unless of course they can find an ace dom).

3) How do you feel about Consensual Non-consent (agreeing to give up ALL rights and control over to your dom... Basically you give them the right to break any or all of your limits) as an asexual knowing that your dom COULD force you to have sex? When does CNC become rape or assault? Here's a link for more info on CNC if you'd like more in depth information before answering: http://kinkipedia.wi...ual-non-consent

Personally in my own relationship I'd have to draw the line at this. It's hard to imagine how well I'd have to know someone (and for how long) before I might consider such an arrangement, if ever. While I have no prohibition against having sex with my dom, there are plenty of other things I'm sure that he could force me to do that I would not want to do.

4) How would you treat someone with a disability (physical or mental) that wanted to engage you in a scene (top or bottom)? What about someone significantly older or younger than you?

This would all depend on the way I related to the person. Apparent age is often based on appearance, behavior and perception; in other words someone can seem much younger (or older) than their actual age, and in that case, if everything else clicked with the person, it wouldn't bother me. I wouldn't just reject someone out of hand as a play partner because of their age. I'd be more interested (as a sub/bottom) how much experience they have than how old they are. Same thing with the disability.

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claustrophile

Sure, I'll play :)

1. I don't see animal-sex toys as significantly different to any other sex toys. If you like your toys interestingly shaped with interesting nubbly bits or whatever, that's entirely your call. The actual act of bestiality.. I'd only consider it ok if the human was the bottom, for consent reasons (as in, animals can't give consent but they can and do hump the living daylights out of plenty of things)

2. I'm a big fan of polyamory combined with asexiness, because it takes the sexual pressure off. Adding kink to the mix... kink has the option of play partners who you don't need to have an emotional connection with, so it's less necessary, although if you SO and you don't have enough overlap in kinks then again, poly is good for taking some of that pressure off.

3. CNC for the win! But only with a sufficiently pre-negotiated scene or responsible dom. I have close to this kind of dynamic with my current dom because I trust him not to force me to do anything that would truly bother me or be unhealthy for me. Also, my views here may be coloured by the fact that one of my kinks is all about the NC.

EDIT: on the assault/rape side, I know a lot of Dom(me)s live in fear of being accused, because the law is more or less on the sub's side. As for fearing for yourself being assaulted or raped.. I'd say it's the same in all relationships regardless of kink. CNC doesn't mean choosing to be blind to your own safety, it means dealing with any trust or communication issues long before it gets to the point where you might want to safeword out. To put it another way, if I thought my dom might possibly do something to me that I wouldn't want, I would be much warier about scening/being in a relationship with him in the first place. And I can afford to do that because I have a very finely-honed sense for when someone isn't likely to be safe for me.

4. Physical issues/mismatches don't bother me. What would bother me is someone mentally/emotionally immature, someone who is overly impulsive, or someone who for whatever reason may become a substantially different kind of person to the one who I negotiated the scene with and who doesn't retain the ability to call a halt to the scene should that happen. I suppose I should also mention: someone with a physical disability such that they may have trouble ending the scene safely and who hasn't got a contingency plan in place.

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But only with a sufficiently pre-negotiated scene or responsible dom. I have close to this kind of dynamic with my current dom because I trust him not to force me to do anything that would truly bother me or be unhealthy for me.

CNC doesn't mean choosing to be blind to your own safety, it means dealing with any trust or communication issues long before it gets to the point where you might want to safeword out.

Yes! i think a common misconception (and I thought this way too until fairly recently) was that you basically sign a contract and give up your body for x amount of time. But after I looked into it more, then the sub can say 'I dont like needles so dont use them' or the dom can run a few ideas past the sub to make sure they will be comfortable. CNC is about pushing your comfort area to the limit, not being forced to do things you completely hate.

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1. I consider actual acts of bestiality wrong. I don't really have an opinion about animal genital shaped sex toys. I use lots of different shapes. It doesn't really mean anything.

2. I don't do amory, so I don't ponder polyamory a lot.

3. When I submit in BDSM, I submit to a dom or domme, not an asshole. They're going to respect my limits even when I submit totally. I don't like to top from the bottom, so I don't fuss and give a lot of instructions. When a dom or domme tries something new, they're going to pay attention to how I'm taking it, if they're good at domination. If you want a technical answer, I never give up permission to use the safe word, so I guess I never technically do CNC.

4. I've done BDSM activities with people who have physical disabilities. Mental disabilities are so varied, I don't think I can answer that part of the question. I've been with people with a very wide range of ages, but I'd never do it with someone under 18.

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