Kink, BDSM, and Cake

[Feral_Sophisticate]

Belonging to someone (esp. collars and phrases like "you're mine" <-- said lovingly, not in a jealous-possessive way).

That is a very good way to summarize a lot of my kinks. :redface:

...if only I could find someone who could help with that

Come to FetLife... :D

All kidding aside, there's LOTS of Dommes out there. You likely won't have too much trouble finding one for you - even one who doesn't do sexual stuff.

[Wyrmcraft]

Interested in the sexual stuff, I just need someone who is flexible. I don't like being a bottom all the time, sometimes I like being in control too. So I need someone willing to compromise.

Anyway, I'm not part of fet-life yet because I'm not really on my own yet. I do not have a car, and I can't really move around independently for a little while. I've been too busy at college to finish my license off. Unfortunately, this is something my family wouldn't exactly understand or support for me. One of the reasons I struggle a lot with accepting that I enjoy BDSM.

[Feral_Sophisticate]

Interested in the sexual stuff, I just need someone who is flexible. I don't like being a bottom all the time, sometimes I like being in control too. So I need someone willing to compromise.

Anyway, I'm not part of fet-life yet because I'm not really on my own yet. I do not have a car, and I can't really move around independently for a little while. I've been too busy at college to finish my license off. Unfortunately, this is something my family wouldn't exactly understand or support for me. One of the reasons I struggle a lot with accepting that I enjoy BDSM.

I understand, completely, both the flexibility bit (as my girl is curious about some of that stuff, too, and I don't ever push), and about the concern about friends and family not necessarily understanding or supporting your interests.

My family knows I'm dating my girl. I've told them that we're not sexual, but I'm sure the either don't believe it, don't understand it, or both. I'm sure most see me as a dirty old man, and she a gold digging whore. Like I've said here before, they may be half right on that assessment.

To their credit, a lot of my friends know about my proclivities - and I've yet to have one who isn't supportive of it and them. Most don't necessarily understand that we're not having sex, but their general attitude is, "I don't get it, but it doesn't matter. You're happy, she's happy, and that's all that's important."

[Schrecken]

Interested in the sexual stuff, I just need someone who is flexible. I don't like being a bottom all the time, sometimes I like being in control too. So I need someone willing to compromise.

Anyway, I'm not part of fet-life yet because I'm not really on my own yet. I do not have a car, and I can't really move around independently for a little while. I've been too busy at college to finish my license off. Unfortunately, this is something my family wouldn't exactly understand or support for me. One of the reasons I struggle a lot with accepting that I enjoy BDSM.

I've discovered this same issue - I live with a family member (my mom) and I've had to be very tight lipped about what I'm doing and where I'm going and who I'm seeing and so on. That's one of the hardest things to deal with for me since I've gotten into it - trying to explain who I'm hanging out with and why, where I'm going, etc. So yeah, if you live with your parents (or anyone else who might be nosy about your comings and goings and who you hang with) it can be pretty tough, even if you have your own transportation.

[Lauren+Bear]

Interested in the sexual stuff, I just need someone who is flexible. I don't like being a bottom all the time, sometimes I like being in control too. So I need someone willing to compromise.

Anyway, I'm not part of fet-life yet because I'm not really on my own yet. I do not have a car, and I can't really move around independently for a little while. I've been too busy at college to finish my license off. Unfortunately, this is something my family wouldn't exactly understand or support for me. One of the reasons I struggle a lot with accepting that I enjoy BDSM.

I've discovered this same issue - I live with a family member (my mom) and I've had to be very tight lipped about what I'm doing and where I'm going and who I'm seeing and so on. That's one of the hardest things to deal with for me since I've gotten into it - trying to explain who I'm hanging out with and why, where I'm going, etc. So yeah, if you live with your parents (or anyone else who might be nosy about your comings and goings and who you hang with) it can be pretty tough, even if you have your own transportation.

OMG... My dad figured it out a while ago and had the "I know what you do on Saturdays" talk. So embarrassing, but he took it really well, I guess because I swore I wasn't having sex (duh!), but we both agreed to keep it from my mom. She'd die of a heart attack. She works at a huge christian publishing company... Yeah, it'd go over like the Hindenburg.

[Feral_Sophisticate]

She works at a huge christian publishing company... Yeah, it'd go over like the Hindenburg.

... nearly made me snort my tea out my nose.

Next time, warn me, willya? :P

[Schrecken]

Interested in the sexual stuff, I just need someone who is flexible. I don't like being a bottom all the time, sometimes I like being in control too. So I need someone willing to compromise.

Anyway, I'm not part of fet-life yet because I'm not really on my own yet. I do not have a car, and I can't really move around independently for a little while. I've been too busy at college to finish my license off. Unfortunately, this is something my family wouldn't exactly understand or support for me. One of the reasons I struggle a lot with accepting that I enjoy BDSM.

I've discovered this same issue - I live with a family member (my mom) and I've had to be very tight lipped about what I'm doing and where I'm going and who I'm seeing and so on. That's one of the hardest things to deal with for me since I've gotten into it - trying to explain who I'm hanging out with and why, where I'm going, etc. So yeah, if you live with your parents (or anyone else who might be nosy about your comings and goings and who you hang with) it can be pretty tough, even if you have your own transportation.

OMG... My dad figured it out a while ago and had the "I know what you do on Saturdays" talk. So embarrassing, but he took it really well, I guess because I swore I wasn't having sex (duh!), but we both agreed to keep it from my mom. She'd die of a heart attack. She works at a huge christian publishing company... Yeah, it'd go over like the Hindenburg.

My mom's biggest problem (if she ever found out) isn't being religious, but rather she seems to think that anyone who would participate in such a thing must be some combination of the following: degenerate sex fiend, drug abuser, criminal (probably a serial killer to boot), street trash, mentally ill, morally bankrupt, wacko, predatory, abusive, etc, etc, etc,. So yeah, I'm sure she'd think I was going to turn to a life of crime or something else awful for being involved in it (either that or I'd just end up dead, literally!). And she'd totally flip out if she knew I just got home tonight from going out to dinner with a guy, going back to his house alone (she thinks I'm with a group of people ;) ), removing all my clothes and being on the receiving end of some light bondage and impact play....she'd probably try and have me committed! :o

[Lauren+Bear]

She works at a huge christian publishing company... Yeah, it'd go over like the Hindenburg.

... nearly made me snort my tea out my nose.

Next time, warn me, willya? :P

I'd apologize, but I'm not sorry. Lol. :P

[Wyrmcraft]

My mother is much the same way, a bit more understanding than that, but I have not tried to tell her about Aven or any of my kinks. She was raised Christian, and despite not quite towing the family line on a lot of issues, she doesn't handle some things very well. Her idea of BDSM is basically torture, kind of like it's just things for films of almost "snuff" quality. She is a wonderful person in a lot of ways, but also someone I cannot really open up to about who I actually am.

As for what you said, Feral, I'm not sure I have any friends who know how I feel about this. The closest would be my best friend-ex who I had a short vanilla romantic relationship with. I am worried I'll look like a bit of a perv, but I guess I kind of am one because I'm into or at least willing to try so many things. But that isn't why I have told anyone, it is because I am really still trying to get to grips with it. Sometimes I feel so dirty, you know? It is hard to explain, like an objectivistic worthlessness. I try to fight it but it is quite difficult at times, making me feel like less of a human being than I normally do.

Anyway, I am willing to experiment quite heavily under the right conditions, and I really want someone else interested in trying a lot of different things. However, I don't think I could handle doing this sort of thing with a stranger. I am a very....private person. Honestly I feel naked...naked, you know? I don't love the skin I'm in. I like swathes of cloth, layers of clothing, and honestly just being naked in front of someone I didn't know would make me exceedingly awkward if not outright panicking. So I have no idea how to really go about things.

...I also have a...mild distaste towards casual sex, not necessarily casual sex, but the kind of one-nighter sorts of casual. I don't mind it so much when it is a longer running sort of trend, just two people who care about each other you know? Maybe that is me being my gray self, but a one night stand just feels so empty. The whole point is not just enjoying yourself, but enjoying your partner and that connection, learning them like you would learn a long used instrument of keyboard till it barely takes any effort to do what you want.

[Feral_Sophisticate]

My mom's biggest problem (if she ever found out) isn't being religious, but rather she seems to think that anyone who would participate in such a thing must be some combination of the following: degenerate sex fiend, drug abuser, criminal (probably a serial killer to boot), street trash, mentally ill, morally bankrupt, wacko, predatory, abusive, etc, etc, etc,. So yeah, I'm sure she'd think I was going to turn to a life of crime or something else awful for being involved in it (either that or I'd just end up dead, literally!). And she'd totally flip out if she knew I just got home tonight from going out to dinner with a guy, going back to his house alone (she thinks I'm with a group of people ;) ), removing all my clothes and being on the receiving end of some light bondage and impact play....she'd probably try and have me committed! :o

Degenerate sex fiend

Drug Abuser

Criminal

Street Trash

Mentally Ill

Morally Bankrupt

Wacko

Predator

Abusive

That sounds like a checklist... Hell, I'm probably guilty of about half of those, at some point in my life... :P

She works at a huge christian publishing company... Yeah, it'd go over like the Hindenburg.

... nearly made me snort my tea out my nose.

Next time, warn me, willya? :P

I'd apologize, but I'm not sorry. Lol. :P

And if you said you were, I'd accuse you of lying. :D :lol:

My mother is much the same way, a bit more understanding than that, but I have not tried to tell her about Aven or any of my kinks. She was raised Christian, and despite not quite towing the family line on a lot of issues, she doesn't handle some things very well. Her idea of BDSM is basically torture, kind of like it's just things for films of almost "snuff" quality. She is a wonderful person in a lot of ways, but also someone I cannot really open up to about who I actually am.

As for what you said, Feral, I'm not sure I have any friends who know how I feel about this. The closest would be my best friend-ex who I had a short vanilla romantic relationship with. I am worried I'll look like a bit of a perv, but I guess I kind of am one because I'm into or at least willing to try so many things. But that isn't why I have told anyone, it is because I am really still trying to get to grips with it. Sometimes I feel so dirty, you know? It is hard to explain, like an objectivistic worthlessness. I try to fight it but it is quite difficult at times, making me feel like less of a human being than I normally do.

Anyway, I am willing to experiment quite heavily under the right conditions, and I really want someone else interested in trying a lot of different things. However, I don't think I could handle doing this sort of thing with a stranger. I am a very....private person. Honestly I feel naked...naked, you know? I don't love the skin I'm in. I like swathes of cloth, layers of clothing, and honestly just being naked in front of someone I didn't know would make me exceedingly awkward if not outright panicking. So I have no idea how to really go about things.

...I also have a...mild distaste towards casual sex, not necessarily casual sex, but the kind of one-nighter sorts of casual. I don't mind it so much when it is a longer running sort of trend, just two people who care about each other you know? Maybe that is me being my gray self, but a one night stand just feels so empty. The whole point is not just enjoying yourself, but enjoying your partner and that connection, learning them like you would learn a long used instrument of keyboard till it barely takes any effort to do what you want.

That "dirty" feeling is quite common, actually, especially when people are new to the scene - but not exclusively so. I know my girl is still battling that, and I still do, at times. Honestly, that's one of the main reasons why I haven't told my family. Even though I don't think they believe that she and I aren't having sex, I don't push that particular discussion, as the logical response then would be "well, what do you do, then?" I'm surprised that they haven't asked me that yet. Maybe they're afraid to...?

If and when you find a good partner for whatever style of play most interests you, they will go a long way in helping you to get over this "dirty" feeling. I speak that with experience, as it's taken my girl almost a year for her to feel comfortable enough to talk to me about the "dirty" things that she's into, as her fear of judgement (especially from me) is very real to her. I don't judge, and she knows that, but it still takes some time. That being said, the barriers to her kinks are coming down one by one, and this has helped us to expand our playbook, giving us both a broader "repertoire" of things that we can do - and still maintain and respect her boundaries.

Granted, her boundaries now have expanded and stretched from what they were when we met, but I suspect that's largely because she's never felt threatened by me (outside of consensual predation, of course). Of course, my own kinks have been able to thrive, too, as I've found that there's a lot of stuff that I was into - but was not comfortable with - and I've now come to accept them. Hell, I'm finding they're a lot of fun, actually. :)

So yeah, that feeling of being dirty isn't that uncommon. Once you find someone that makes you comfortable, you'll be able to indulge in those kinks, without the worry of feeling guilty - because they'll accept you, shelter you, and be with you through every step. After all, isn't that what a healthy relationship (regardless of whether BDSM is involved) is supposed to be about?

Lastly, don't knock your wanting more than a one night thing. I'm sure I'm not the only sexual person out there who isn't a fan of it, either. I am capable of having casual sex with someone, if I already know them quite well, and we have a degree of emotional and intellectual intimacy already. I'm not, however, really equipped for the "Hi, my name is _____, let's fuck!" kind of thing.

[Lauren+Bear]

Oh goody, we're back on again (again)! Lol.

I bought my first pair of leather cuffs Saturday. My dungeon had a large vendor fair to support the National Coalition of Sexual Freedom (NCSF) and I found a pair of shiny black and metallic purple leather cuffs with soft, black fleece lining and steel hardware. The vendor overpriced them by a good $10 - $15, but since most of the profit went to NCSF, I didn't try to talk him down on the price. The dungeon also brought in a sideshow act that did sword swallowing, human dart board, and the like (torture king stuff). It was pretty cool. The guy even let you staple donations on his stomach (and on his assisstant's butt). Granted, I couldn't do it... Freaked me out too much. Lol.

[Feral_Sophisticate]

Oh goody, we're back on again (again)! Lol.

I bought my first pair of leather cuffs Saturday. My dungeon had a large vendor fair to support the National Coalition of Sexual Freedom (NCSF) and I found a pair of shiny black and metallic purple leather cuffs with soft, black fleece lining and steel hardware. The vendor overpriced them by a good $10 - $15, but since most of the profit went to NCSF, I didn't try to talk him down on the price. The dungeon also brought in a sideshow act that did sword swallowing, human dart board, and the like (torture king stuff). It was pretty cool. The guy even let you staple donations on his stomach (and on his assisstant's butt). Granted, I couldn't do it... Freaked me out too much. Lol.

Hmmm... Staples... Yum...

I love medical play (the giving, not the receiving)...

[Lauren+Bear]

Oh goody, we're back on again (again)! Lol.

I bought my first pair of leather cuffs Saturday. My dungeon had a large vendor fair to support the National Coalition of Sexual Freedom (NCSF) and I found a pair of shiny black and metallic purple leather cuffs with soft, black fleece lining and steel hardware. The vendor overpriced them by a good $10 - $15, but since most of the profit went to NCSF, I didn't try to talk him down on the price. The dungeon also brought in a sideshow act that did sword swallowing, human dart board, and the like (torture king stuff). It was pretty cool. The guy even let you staple donations on his stomach (and on his assisstant's butt). Granted, I couldn't do it... Freaked me out too much. Lol.

Hmmm... Staples... Yum...

I love medical play (the giving, not the receiving)...

One of my friends said my horrified face was more entertaining than the actual show. I'm deathly afraid of needles, so I was cringing most of the show. He hung three irons from his testicles, slammed his hand in a bear trap, stuck needles in his assisstant's face, used her as a cutting board, put an unbroken glow stick down his throat and pulled it out glowing, and some other stuff...

I had another fried that bought the scariest looking nipple clams ever. Every girl he showed them to automatically hid their boobs... They were basically eight pieces of sharp wire that gripped the nipple... Yikes!

[Wyrmcraft]

Yikes. I know I am into a fair bit of things but that all just sounds painful and kind of gross...no offense if you like that though, I'm personally not a fan. Especially of needles, I hate needles so much that I can't even watch someone get a tatoo.

I liked your description of those cuffs though, they sound rather nice. I'd probably have gotten two, personally.

[Lauren+Bear]

Yikes. I know I am into a fair bit of things but that all just sounds painful and kind of gross...no offense if you like that though, I'm personally not a fan. Especially of needles, I hate needles so much that I can't even watch someone get a tatoo.

I liked your description of those cuffs though, they sound rather nice. I'd probably have gotten two, personally.

Needles scare the crap out of me, too. As a kid, I bit one of the nurses that had to hold me down for a shot. Lol.

[ShadeFox]

Hi! Reading this has been really interesting. I don't really have a kink, or if I do it's very slight. I get a bit of a kick out of inflicting small amounts of pain on myself, things like pulling scabs off or pinching my lip, but I don't think I would go any further (although I've never tried so who knows?) The main thing that has me wondering though is that my favourite scenes in books or films/TV almost always involve characters I like getting physically or emotionally hurt. It can be anything from full on torture to getting injured in a fight. I've read the parts in lotr fellowship when Frodo gets stabbed on Weathertop and when the troll in Moria nearly kills him more times than any other part. I have no idea if this comes from a mild form of kink or not.

[Lauren+Bear]

Hi! Reading this has been really interesting. I don't really have a kink, or if I do it's very slight. I get a bit of a kick out of inflicting small amounts of pain on myself, things like pulling scabs off or pinching my lip, but I don't think I would go any further (although I've never tried so who knows?) The main thing that has me wondering though is that my favourite scenes in books or films/TV almost always involve characters I like getting physically or emotionally hurt. It can be anything from full on torture to getting injured in a fight. I've read the parts in lotr fellowship when Frodo gets stabbed on Weathertop and when the troll in Moria nearly kills him more times than any other part. I have no idea if this comes from a mild form of kink or not.

Well, the lip pinching/chewing is a fairly common behavior in most people. It releases a small endorphin rush that most people find gratifying. As for the books, you probably just have a liking for angsty scenes, but who knows... Maybe you're secretly the domme-liest domme out there and you haven't realized it yet. Lol.

[SugarKitty]

Hello there, im veryy new here, i have only recently come to terms with my asexuality and i have realized that what i used to think was sexual attraction was actually sensual attraction. That would explain the complete lack of interest i have with actually having sex.

I'm into petplay, its a pretty big part of me and my praters relationship, but there's nothing sexual about it, its emotional and its sensual. I wrote a full tumblr post about it here if your interested; http://mastersfavoritekitty.tumblr.com/post/98344776768/an-asexual-pet and if you have any question feel free to ask! ^_^

[Lauren+Bear]

Hello there, im veryy new here, i have only recently come to terms with my asexuality and i have realized that what i used to think was sexual attraction was actually sensual attraction. That would explain the complete lack of interest i have with actually having sex.

I'm into petplay, its a pretty big part of me and my praters relationship, but there's nothing sexual about it, its emotional and its sensual. I wrote a full tumblr post about it here if your interested; http://mastersfavoritekitty.tumblr.com/post/98344776768/an-asexual-pet and if you have any question feel free to ask! ^_^

Yay! I'm a pet, too! ^_^ I love head pets and cuddles and all the soft things!

[SugarKitty]

Hello there, im veryy new here, i have only recently come to terms with my asexuality and i have realized that what i used to think was sexual attraction was actually sensual attraction. That would explain the complete lack of interest i have with actually having sex.

I'm into petplay, its a pretty big part of me and my praters relationship, but there's nothing sexual about it, its emotional and its sensual. I wrote a full tumblr post about it here if your interested; http://mastersfavoritekitty.tumblr.com/post/98344776768/an-asexual-pet and if you have any question feel free to ask! ^_^

Yay! I'm a pet, too! ^_^ I love head pets and cuddles and all the soft things!

Yes head pets are my favorite! Its very wonderful to be just watching a movie and cuddling and my partner will out of the blue pet me! ;P

[Wyrmcraft]

I totally do that, I love hair and both being pet and petting my partner's hair.

[Feral_Sophisticate]

Yikes. I know I am into a fair bit of things but that all just sounds painful and kind of gross...no offense if you like that though, I'm personally not a fan. Especially of needles, I hate needles so much that I can't even watch someone get a tatoo.

I liked your description of those cuffs though, they sound rather nice. I'd probably have gotten two, personally.

Needles are a lot of fun. Personally, I'm not a fan, but I've become used to them over the years. I thank switching labs used by my annual physical so I no longer feel like I'm being attacked my Attila the Hun (yes, the girl at the previous clinic was - I think - a closet Sadist).

My girl is terribly afraid of needles, but we've done needle play, and quite enjoy it. Medical staples are on our "to do" list, as are temporary piercings.

Hi! Reading this has been really interesting. I don't really have a kink, or if I do it's very slight. I get a bit of a kick out of inflicting small amounts of pain on myself, things like pulling scabs off or pinching my lip, but I don't think I would go any further (although I've never tried so who knows?) The main thing that has me wondering though is that my favourite scenes in books or films/TV almost always involve characters I like getting physically or emotionally hurt. It can be anything from full on torture to getting injured in a fight. I've read the parts in lotr fellowship when Frodo gets stabbed on Weathertop and when the troll in Moria nearly kills him more times than any other part. I have no idea if this comes from a mild form of kink or not.

Sadism and masochism can be mental, emotional and physical. Many who identify as sadist or masochist enjoy elements of all three. I know I do. Personally, I'm more of a fan (and therefore more skilled with) emotional and mental sadism, but I'm very creative with the physical side, too. My girl and I are well matched there, as she prefers mental and emotional, with a healthy dose of the physical side thrown in, too.

Hello there, im veryy new here, i have only recently come to terms with my asexuality and i have realized that what i used to think was sexual attraction was actually sensual attraction. That would explain the complete lack of interest i have with actually having sex.

I'm into petplay, its a pretty big part of me and my praters relationship, but there's nothing sexual about it, its emotional and its sensual. I wrote a full tumblr post about it here if your interested; http://mastersfavoritekitty.tumblr.com/post/98344776768/an-asexual-pet and if you have any question feel free to ask! ^_^

Pet play? Always fun.

My girl and I are going to be at the Sexapalooza adult/novelty convention next weekend (in Niagara Falls, Canada), and are helping crew the dungeon. I'll be doing light bondage with her, likely some wax play, a medical scene, an interrogation scene, and lots of master/pet play. I'll probably have pics up on FetLife the week following, for friends only, of course. :)

But yes, pet play is something I thoroughly enjoy. It brings out the nurturing side of me (yes, there is such a thing as a nurturing sadist - or at least, that's how I identify myself), and gives us an excuse for extra cuddles.

Nice Tumblr blog. I'll probably be following. :)

[Guftders]

I'm confused... Whats petplay? O.o

[Wyrmcraft]

http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=2799

http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=2800

Those are basically me. Both of them, at the same time. I will just randomly do that, and will melt if it is randomly done to me. ^{I also won't stop, except for meals and bathroom breaks.}

[SugarKitty]

I'm confused... Whats petplay? O.o

Pet play is basically when someone in the relationship pretends to be an animal, be it a kitten, puppy, fox, horse, ect. (that person is usually the sub) and the other person (the Dom) is the owner or master. Pet play for the pet can consist of wearing a tale and ears or collar, walking on all fours, making animal sounds and the master will generally be very protective over their pet, and give head pets and scratch behind the ears and lot of cuddles. Pets are often very playful and masters will often reward their pet with treats when they are good. There is also a bdsm aspect of pet play where the master might tie up or gag their pet as a way of being in control.

[Lauren+Bear]

I'm confused... Whats petplay? O.o

Pet play is basically when someone in the relationship pretends to be an animal, be it a kitten, puppy, fox, horse, ect. (that person is usually the sub) and the other person (the Dom) is the owner or master. Pet play for the pet can consist of wearing a tale and ears or collar, walking on all fours, making animal sounds and the master will generally be very protective over their pet, and give head pets and scratch behind the ears and lot of cuddles. Pets are often very playful and masters will often reward their pet with treats when they are good. There is also a bdsm aspect of pet play where the master might tie up or gag their pet as a way of being in control.

Some people also identify as human pets, where they exhibit pet-like behavior, but remain human through the scene.

[Lauren+Bear]

http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=2799

http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=2800

Those are basically me. Both of them, at the same time. I will just randomly do that, and will melt if it is randomly done to me. ^{I also won't stop, except for meals and bathroom breaks.}

I am going to steal you and hide you in my closet for secret head pets. :3

[Wyrmcraft]

Deal.

[Ricki]

I just had a realisation that I want to add masks to the no-no list >.>

I actually just wanted to post on here but I had nothing constructive to say..

[Lauren+Bear]

I just had a realisation that I want to add masks to the no-no list >.>

I actually just wanted to post on here but I had nothing constructive to say..

Who cares if it's constructive. Lol. :) Post away!

What kind of masks? Clown masks, blindfolds, those silly Mardigras masks, the leather/latex hoods? And is it you wearing the mask or the other person? And why? I haven't tried masks, personally, so I'm curious.