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Lauren+Bear

Kink, BDSM, and Cake

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littlepersonparadox

TMI possibly, i donno this is a BDSM form....

Not all submissive-minded people need orgasm, anyway - and if you're good at what you do, and know how to tap into their specific kinks (and thereby "fuck the mind"), you can get them to their "happy place" without even touching them sexually.

Yes, it is possible. Not to brag (because anyone who knows me knows I don't do that... :P), but I know my girl's specific triggers, and can lift her up into orgasm (or, at the very least, a very contented subspace) without touching anything remotely sexual.

There is a way to do that? Awesome, i don't mind touching i just never get attracted to the person and don't want sex. But if i can pleasure someone that much without having to go that far that would be great! so far i found neck biting to be a good way to service my partners without having to so all the way into sex territory and im comfy with that (at least with the one guy i have made out with)

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Lauren+Bear

There is a way to do that? Awesome, i don't mind touching i just never get attracted to the person and don't want sex. But if i can pleasure someone that much without having to go that far that would be great! so far i found neck biting to be a good way to service my partners without having to so all the way into sex territory and im comfy with that (at least with the one guy i have made out with)

I find that I'm not comfortable with others bringing me to orgasm, but that doesn't stop me from finding my happy sub space. The more you play with a specific person and learn about their hot spots and kinks, the easier it will become to satisfy each other in a way both sides are comfortable with. I have found that Ichinawa is a great way to get the feel of someone sensually. It's a single rope technique usually using a 30' piece of rope less than half an inch wide. Here's a great video of it (99% clean! but a few accidental boob flashes): http://vimeo.com/31769501

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pma01

i have a lot of kinks and fetishs as well. i as well am not into having sex with someone either. i mostly prefer to do them with myself

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Wyrmcraft

...

I am, in day to day life, a very control orientated person. However, in my more private and intimate moments, I really like not being in control. It is the on situation in which I let my hair down so to speak. In other words, I am an utter sub. I am interested in whatever makes my partner happy.

Unfortunately I'm also a rather...inhibited person. I'm a demi so I really am not comfortable with starting a relationship until I know someone, I have some serious trust issues and link trust with physical contact, I'm still struggling a little with my gender and this sort of thing brings out my more feminine side, and while I like letting go of that control...it is really really really hard for me to do so. In other words, I'm kind of vulnerable in these sorts of situations.

So while I would love to be exploring this side of me, I'm just not really sure where or how to start, how to expose myself to this sort of thing safely. Basically, I'm nervous and a bit shy especially about this sort of thing.

...any tips?

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Tessc

Tessc - FetLife is a great place to start and to find people in your area, but it's not for the visually repulsed... Hence this forum. ;-)

Have some kinky cake and welcome! :cake:

How long have you been in the scene?

I'm already on fetlife: managed to find it all by my kinky self :)

And I'm brand new. It took me a while to work out what I want and what I like and from what I've seen, there's not much of a scene where I live. Unless you count the "toy shops" that keep opening and closing.

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marki

What do you do of you are all tied up and just spent a long time getting tied up and suddenly you need to run and go to the bathroom? Is it like one pull unties it all in a single quick swoop?

I just do not get it!!!

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Feral_Sophisticate

Tessc - FetLife is a great place to start and to find people in your area, but it's not for the visually repulsed... Hence this forum. ;-)

Have some kinky cake and welcome! :cake:

How long have you been in the scene?

I'm already on fetlife: managed to find it all by my kinky self :)

And I'm brand new. It took me a while to work out what I want and what I like and from what I've seen, there's not much of a scene where I live. Unless you count the "toy shops" that keep opening and closing.

Well... For one, join FetLife and network with local people who are kinky. To hell with the sex bit, you'll find people there that are into similar kinks as yours, and the good ones (in other words: the ones learning from, or doing scenes with) will respect your boundaries.

Regardless what you're into, you'll find SOMEONE who has similar fetishes. My girl has very specific and personal fetishes, which may not exactly match mine in all ways, but they do overlap very nicely. Our scenes, therefore, are a lot of fun - for us both - and for those that watch, should we be at a public event.

To me, BDSM scenes are generally so non-sexual (at least, they can be), that although I identify as heterosexual male, I will do humiliation, power exchange and torture scenes with biological males (of any gender identification). I don't equate the kinky stuff with sexual play, unless I'm with someone who is sexual in their scenes, and only if we've discussed that element beforehand. Obviously, that means that said individual has met my girl and I outside the scene, and that we're both comfortable with it, too (and I'm not rushing anything, so it hasn't even come close to that so far, and probably won't for a while yet - we're just not ready for that).

Most importantly, take things at whatever pace makes you feel most comfortable. If you find someone pushing your pace, there's nothing wrong with sticking to your guns, and keeping things at your comfort level. There's nothing wrong with pushing boundaries, but recognize those that are non-negotiable (or, at least, ones that you're least likely to budge on, initially), and make sure you share those with any potential scene partners.

Communication, communication, communication. Once you're out there, you can network, and control your rate of learning.

What do you do of you are all tied up and just spent a long time getting tied up and suddenly you need to run and go to the bathroom? Is it like one pull unties it all in a single quick swoop?

I just do not get it!!!

Depending on the rope work done, yes, it is possible. Most rope artists, though, will tell their partners to go pee before they start - and will have signs or safewords that can end the scene immediately.

Besides, the most important part of a rope kit is a pair of medical shears, so you can cut your partner free in a snap.

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Sarcastic Bob

Sorry if I'm getting all soapbox-y here, but I just wanted to mention to anyone browsing that 50 shades is not a decent representation of kink stuff, and a lot of people who do have kinks think it depicts an abusive relationship. I'd go into more detail, but this article says it better than I ever could (it does contain graphic descriptions, but if you're OK with the stuff in this thread then you should be able to read it).

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Lauren+Bear

I agree about the 50 Shades thing. I'm hoping that by being inclusive of the fangirls(and guys), though, that we can use this forum to educate them on REAL bdsm. I read a hilarious fake news article about two house wife fangirls that went into a real bdsm club. However, I can't find the stupid link. :-(

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Ricki

I don't think you get bdsm clubs in England, or at least I can't find any....
I'm not saying I'd go if I knew of them (I'm an amazing wuss xD) but it'd be nice to have the option

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Lauren+Bear

I don't think you get bdsm clubs in England, or at least I can't find any....

I'm not saying I'd go if I knew of them (I'm an amazing wuss xD) but it'd be nice to have the option

Most clubs don't like to advertise for safety and privacy reasons. Your best bet would be to look on websites like FetLife for clubs and munches in your area. I'm sure they're around somewhere. ;-)

...

I am, in day to day life, a very control orientated person. However, in my more private and intimate moments, I really like not being in control. It is the on situation in which I let my hair down so to speak. In other words, I am an utter sub. I am interested in whatever makes my partner happy.

Unfortunately I'm also a rather...inhibited person. I'm a demi so I really am not comfortable with starting a relationship until I know someone, I have some serious trust issues and link trust with physical contact, I'm still struggling a little with my gender and this sort of thing brings out my more feminine side, and while I like letting go of that control...it is really really really hard for me to do so. In other words, I'm kind of vulnerable in these sorts of situations.

So while I would love to be exploring this side of me, I'm just not really sure where or how to start, how to expose myself to this sort of thing safely. Basically, I'm nervous and a bit shy especially about this sort of thing.

...any tips?

Get thee to a munch! Those are the best way to meet people in a low stress environment. They're usually held at public restaurants, so you won't have to worry about being pulled into uncomfortable situations. Right now, the best place to find local munches is on FetLife. Hopefully, if this post gets enough traffic, we'll get our own forum and well be able to have a section for munches so that visually repulsed people can join without having to risk seeing naughty bits. :-P

Did that help?

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Ricki

I was doing that as well Teagan xD

I guess it is one of the handful of reasons why I doubt my acesness sometimesm.. IDK

I actually re-found AVEN because I was looking into if you can have a kink/fetish but still be ace. I came to the conclusion that you can (This thread would have helped a few months ago haha xD

Most clubs don't like to advertise for safety and privacy reasons. Your best bet would be to look on websites like FetLife for clubs and munches in your area. I'm sure they're around somewhere. ;-)

Yes I came to that conclusion, but I'm very slow at coming out my shell in this respect and joining something like fetlife feels like it'll be a huge step haha.. It seems to be about meeting people and I don't think I really want that

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marki

The name Fetlife makes me think about insurance!

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Lauren+Bear

The name Fetlife makes me think about insurance!

Lol. FetLife insurance... Insuring floggers since 1874.

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littlepersonparadox

The name Fetlife makes me think about insurance!

Lol. FetLife insurance... Insuring floggers since 1874.

Now if they had a mascot i doubt it would be a gecko....

I think i like snsual stuff and mabey i'll check out a munch (if i spend any time at fetLife right now i don't since i'm not a fan of second life, schoolwork took too much time for online gaming)

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Feral_Sophisticate

TMI possibly, i donno this is a BDSM form....

Not all submissive-minded people need orgasm, anyway - and if you're good at what you do, and know how to tap into their specific kinks (and thereby "fuck the mind"), you can get them to their "happy place" without even touching them sexually.

Yes, it is possible. Not to brag (because anyone who knows me knows I don't do that... :P), but I know my girl's specific triggers, and can lift her up into orgasm (or, at the very least, a very contented subspace) without touching anything remotely sexual.

There is a way to do that? Awesome, i don't mind touching i just never get attracted to the person and don't want sex. But if i can pleasure someone that much without having to go that far that would be great! so far i found neck biting to be a good way to service my partners without having to so all the way into sex territory and im comfy with that (at least with the one guy i have made out with)

Yes, there is, and I don't think it's TMI at all. I literally know what non-sexual contact she likes, and how it gets her motor running. If you can tap into someone's deepest and darkest desires (and fetishes, obviously), it's quite possible to make them have "their happy time" without touching their "equipment" in the slightest.

Foot fetishists, for example, can become so aroused in touching another's feet that they can be on the brink of orgasm - just from that contact. This is just an example, of course, as there are so many different fetishes out there, and varying degrees of intensity.

Also note that it is - in some cases - possible to verbally achieve orgasm too. One can work to associate the physical release with a specific word or phrase (or tone of delivery), and that can evoke the response in their partner. My girl isn't at that phase yet (but probably is a candidate for such), but I know that she can become incredibly aroused, physically, merely by my saying one specific word (and the one that identifies her specific fetish, which I'm not at liberty to share).

Sorry if I'm getting all soapbox-y here, but I just wanted to mention to anyone browsing that 50 shades is not a decent representation of kink stuff, and a lot of people who do have kinks think it depicts an abusive relationship. I'd go into more detail, but this article says it better than I ever could (it does contain graphic descriptions, but if you're OK with the stuff in this thread then you should be able to read it).

Yes, 50 Shades is a piece of tripe. So bad, in fact, that at the opening night of the movie, myself and a bunch of kinky people are going to show up, all garbed in fetish wear (suitably covering the naughty bits), and show the silly vanillas what it's really all about, and how it's much more than the book makes it to be.

Especially that it's not at all about abuse.

My mantra with my girl? I hurt her when we play, but she's a masochist, so she loves it (naturally). I will never harm her, though. There is a difference.

I don't think you get bdsm clubs in England, or at least I can't find any....

I'm not saying I'd go if I knew of them (I'm an amazing wuss xD) but it'd be nice to have the option

There are such clubs in the UK. I have a friend who lives there, and is going to book time for my girl and I, should we ever go across the pond for a visit. If you let me know where you're at, I can see if he knows of specific ones in your area.

Now if they had a mascot i doubt it would be a gecko....

I think i like snsual stuff and mabey i'll check out a munch (if i spend any time at fetLife right now i don't since i'm not a fan of second life, schoolwork took too much time for online gaming)

I spend a lot of time on FetLife, as I find it more personally relevant than Facebook, really. However, I tend to prefer munches and other events over just doing the online bit.

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Ricki

I don't think you get bdsm clubs in England, or at least I can't find any....

I'm not saying I'd go if I knew of them (I'm an amazing wuss xD) but it'd be nice to have the option

There are such clubs in the UK. I have a friend who lives there, and is going to book time for my girl and I, should we ever go across the pond for a visit. If you let me know where you're at, I can see if he knows of specific ones in your area.

Oh wow thanks! :) I'm in the Leicester area. I'm plucking up the courage to get into fetlife as well haha xD

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marki

Wait... They give free food????!

Okay I don't care what they do to me as long as the snacks are good....damn that is like the ultimate way to bait me.....haha I'll do anything for food!

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Lauren+Bear

Wait... They give free food????!

Okay I don't care what they do to me as long as the snacks are good....damn that is like the ultimate way to bait me.....haha I'll do anything for food!

Well, most munches have you buy your own food... Lol, but here's some cake as consolation: :cake:

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Lauren+Bear

50 Shades of Takei... Oh Myyy...

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marki

Oh if bdsm is byof than it isn't for me......

Lol...anyone else can't stop thinking about the always sunny episode where frank goes to the orgy and is fill in up on the buffet??

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Lauren+Bear

Oh if bdsm is byof than it isn't for me......

Lol...anyone else can't stop thinking about the always sunny episode where frank goes to the orgy and is fill in up on the buffet??

Heehee. My club has free snacks and drinks and on slow nights, I'll go and just munch on the snacks until closing. :P

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Mr. Noodle

What do you do of you are all tied up and just spent a long time getting tied up and suddenly you need to run and go to the bathroom? Is it like one pull unties it all in a single quick swoop?

I just do not get it!!!

The bottom usually pees first (although new bottoms often forget. haha). I don't know of anyone who has a zero-warning bladder, who goes from not having anything in their bladder to peeing their pants 10 seconds later. Most rope work can be undone in 30 seconds to a couple minutes, depending on the tie. Even rope suspensions. There are some extremely complicated ties/scenes that might take a bit longer. But it's not like someone gets in some (restrictive) rope and is left there all day. It's usually only like 5-30mins.

If it's an emergency and the bottom(s) needs to come down fast, the top(s) can cut ropes. I've seen ropes cut only once, during a two girl suspension.

Of course there might be some people that their kink is being tied up so they can not use the washroom.

The bigger issue is when they are tied up, and their nose itches! Experienced rope bottoms will see this and help each other with nose scratching. haha.

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Mr. Noodle

Oh if bdsm is byof than it isn't for me......

Lol...anyone else can't stop thinking about the always sunny episode where frank goes to the orgy and is fill in up on the buffet??

Heehee. My club has free snacks and drinks and on slow nights, I'll go and just munch on the snacks until closing. :P

There's a fetish on fetlife that was something along the lines of "going to spanking parties just for the snacks" . I used to have it on my fetish list years ago.

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Feral_Sophisticate

The bigger issue is when they are tied up, and their nose itches! Experienced rope bottoms will see this and help each other with nose scratching. haha.

I can relate. I don't think there's ever been a time when I've had my girl tied up (I use chains, usually, as I prefer the combination of chain and leather over rope) and I've not had her ask me to scratch her nose. It's become a running joke. :)

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Lauren+Bear

The bigger issue is when they are tied up, and their nose itches! Experienced rope bottoms will see this and help each other with nose scratching. haha.

I can relate. I don't think there's ever been a time when I've had my girl tied up (I use chains, usually, as I prefer the combination of chain and leather over rope) and I've not had her ask me to scratch her nose. It's become a running joke. :)

I'm pretty sure there isn't a bondage bottom that CAN'T relate. Lol. I think it's psychological. Your nose only itches because you know you can't scratch it.

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Feral_Sophisticate

The bigger issue is when they are tied up, and their nose itches! Experienced rope bottoms will see this and help each other with nose scratching. haha.

I can relate. I don't think there's ever been a time when I've had my girl tied up (I use chains, usually, as I prefer the combination of chain and leather over rope) and I've not had her ask me to scratch her nose. It's become a running joke. :)

I'm pretty sure there isn't a bondage bottom that CAN'T relate. Lol. I think it's psychological. Your nose only itches because you know you can't scratch it.

Very true.

I'm a bit of a sadist, so I'll scratch the wrong side, mock her discomfort and what not... And then scratch. :ph34r:

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Mr. Noodle

Very true.

I'm a bit of a sadist, so I'll scratch the wrong side, mock her discomfort and what not... And then scratch. :ph34r:

Well I like you already. People often forget sadism isn't all about beatings, fish hooks, and vise grips. Sometimes an itchy noise can be torture!

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