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Lauren+Bear

Kink, BDSM, and Cake

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Lauren+Bear

So you are/want to be a kinkster, hmmm? Well, this is the thread for you. The fetish world can be difficult (and dangerous) for someone on the asexy spectrum, but don't let that scare you away. We are here to answer your questions, give support, and tell lots of dirty jokes. ;-)

So whether you're an experienced Dom or a 50 Shades of Gray fangirl or anything in between, welcome to the dark side where our favorite cake is Death by Chocolate!

FAQ:

Q) What is considered bdsm?

A) Bdsm can be anything out of the social norm including, bondage, sadomasochism, role playing, gender exploration, and age play. THESE ACTIVITIES DO NOT HAVE TO BE SEXUAL IN NATURE.

Q) What kind of people are into bdsm?

A) We're just normal, everyday people that just happen to have floggers hidden in our closets.

Q) What's a munch?

A) A munch is a social gathering at a public venue (usually a restaurant). This is a great way to meet your local kink community in a low pressure environment.

Q) I have other questions...

A) That's what this thread is for! Ask away.

Great Sites to Check Out:

FetLife - https://fetlife.com *NOT for the visually repulsed! But contains great information.

National Coalition for Sexual Freedom - https://www.ncsfreedom.org

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fairygirl

Me approves the thread, have a cake cooked in a shape of a latex vampire frome me :) I'm into BDSM pretty much, but only with my "special person".

Apart from that i'm pro-BDSM since i think BDSM, when done correctly, can enrich one's life and you can work out your inner stuff in such psychodrama.

Of course, with BDSM it is 90% talking how we should do stuff and 10% doing stuff. BDSM is like a holiday for which a couple prepares at least a week or so.

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Feral_Sophisticate

As a kinky (and sexual) guy (who's on FetLife too, BTW) with a kinky (and very asexual) girlfriend (who also is on FetLife - and where we met), I give this thread a huge "thumb's up". :)

:cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake:

If you're on FetLife, and want to check my girl or I out, the link to my FetLife account is in my AVEN profile... Drop me a line. I don't bite!

Really, I don't... Unless you're made of cake...

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the bumbling rotifer

Oh my gosh, we finally have a home! Yaaaaay!

I'm an ace/aro fetishist, but I'm not an active kinkster and I'm still working to come to terms with what my fetish means for me.

Having a more consolidated kinky ace community on AVEN will probably be very helpful to new people who come to AVEN and feel conflicted between their asexuality and their fetish(es), so great idea for a thread!

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Lauren+Bear

Welcome all! This is a test run for what will be a new forum on AVEN, hopefully. Confused kinksters are scattered all over the forums, so point *cough*drag*cough* them this way. ;-)

:cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake:

If you're on FetLife, and want to check my girl or I out, the link to my FetLife account is in my AVEN profile... Drop me a line. I don't bite!

Really, I don't... Unless you're made of cake...

Too bad for you, because I DO bite... Enthusiastically.

Me approves the thread, have a cake cooked in a shape of a latex vampire frome me :) I'm into BDSM pretty much, but only with my "special person".

Apart from that i'm pro-BDSM since i think BDSM, when done correctly, can enrich one's life and you can work out your inner stuff in such psychodrama.

Of course, with BDSM it is 90% talking how we should do stuff and 10% doing stuff. BDSM is like a holiday for which a couple prepares at least a week or so.

Bdsm takes a lot of trust, especially for an ace, even more so for a submissive ace. I have a special few people I play with at my local dungeon that know and accept my asexuality. And you're right, negotiations are a HUGE part of play. In established play relationships, negotiations may be a little shorter, but it's always important to talk everything out.

P.S. Latex vampire cake is delish!

Oh my gosh, we finally have a home! Yaaaaay!

I'm an ace/aro fetishist, but I'm not an active kinkster and I'm still working to come to terms with what my fetish means for me.

Having a more consolidated kinky ace community on AVEN will probably be very helpful to new people who come to AVEN and feel conflicted between their asexuality and their fetish(es), so great idea for a thread!

I know, right?!?! I'm super excited and doing a bit of a happy dance.

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Guftders

Awesome :D I've always wanted to explore this side of things... But I've never known where to start :L

Of course, I'm still a virgin and have never been in a relationship either, so I'm guessing I should probably start there first :/ I don't know :S

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Lauren+Bear

Awesome :D I've always wanted to explore this side of things... But I've never known where to start :L

Of course, I'm still a virgin and have never been in a relationship either, so I'm guessing I should probably start there first :/ I don't know :S

Coming to terms with your sexuality and the role it will take in the kink lifestyle is a great place to start. Obviously (or maybe not so much), everything is consent based, so you need to decide whether sex will be an acceptable part of play for you and under what conditions, or, if you would prefer abstinence. There are reasons for both sides and you shouldn't worry about how you'll be seen or how many people will still want to play with you. Trust me, whatever you decide there will be people who are willing to accept your decision. Another good step would be to take stock of what interests you, what you might want to try, and what is definitely out.

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marki

I don't think I have a kink but it seems like people find what I am into seeing very weird....so you all can tell me if it is indeed a kink.

I am entirely confused / fascinated by female ejaculation ( squirters). It makes no sense to me at all but it looks so crazy and hilarious. I guess I don't see it as sexual at all, more just a weird unexplainable mystery. I enjoy watching videos of girls doing that because it makes me laugh. I would love to be able to make a girls body react in such an over the top manner....it just seems fun!

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Janus DarkFox

Though I don't have questions or answer them, a welcome from a fellow Fetishist.

Mostly my fetish is done completely within fantasy, the issue of safety is not a problem.

Communities like or similar to Second Life can cater for a large range of fetishism, depending on where you go and communities to join.

On there, I'm a furry and do a lot of Yiffing, this almost can't be done in the real world. In this I play as a very sexual fox, a bisexual switch who can do anything for anyone to enjoy the pleasure of others. The character so far has got into situations covering a variety of situations including threesomes, sexing many types of species, various kinks including BDSM, pole dancing, tentacles/slime, insect fantasy and romantic role play. I'd say I could be an absolute slut in Second Life sexual role play. But in real life, there's nothing I do sex wise and all that.

There's probably a few aces on Second Life that enjoy their sexual kinks and all that, all in the safety of behind a computer.

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Komorebi

It's good to see this thread! :)

I have been curious about exploring my dominant side for a while, but it just seems SO difficult to find a partner where it won't involve something sexual. At least around where I live. I just...I dunno, aside from not enjoying the thought of sex, it also seems to ruin the whole idea for me. Like I can't take it seriously as soon as it becomes sexual. Hm.

I also have a number of fetishes, but somehow they seem safe and sound inside my head, so it's not actually something I feel the need to explore in real life. :)

Anyway, good to meet others in here who like some of the same things :D

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Feral_Sophisticate

It's good to see this thread! :)

I have been curious about exploring my dominant side for a while, but it just seems SO difficult to find a partner where it won't involve something sexual. At least around where I live. I just...I dunno, aside from not enjoying the thought of sex, it also seems to ruin the whole idea for me. Like I can't take it seriously as soon as it becomes sexual. Hm.

I also have a number of fetishes, but somehow they seem safe and sound inside my head, so it's not actually something I feel the need to explore in real life. :)

Anyway, good to meet others in here who like some of the same things :D

Come to FetLife, then. Though many people in the scene equate fetish and kinky activity with sex, not all do. Besides, many play parties don't allow sexual activity (primarily due to safety concerns due to bodily secretions/fluids) - so if you can find such a thing in your area, you can get your kink on, and not worry about having to do anything beyond.

Not all submissive-minded people need orgasm, anyway - and if you're good at what you do, and know how to tap into their specific kinks (and thereby "fuck the mind"), you can get them to their "happy place" without even touching them sexually.

Yes, it is possible. Not to brag (because anyone who knows me knows I don't do that... :P), but I know my girl's specific triggers, and can lift her up into orgasm (or, at the very least, a very contented subspace) without touching anything remotely sexual.

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LadyNobody

*raises hand*

I'm a bit kinky. Unfortunately, the majority has to exist in my fantasies because I don't feel comfortable with the idea of involving a partner (my enjoyment of things BDSM-related have very little to do with the actual relationship part; I'm neither very submissive nor very dominant) but also find most things I'd be interested in to not be feasible as solo activities. Sadness.

Ah well. At least a vivid imagination helps a bit.

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Lauren+Bear

*raises hand*

I'm a bit kinky. Unfortunately, the majority has to exist in my fantasies because I don't feel comfortable with the idea of involving a partner (my enjoyment of things BDSM-related have very little to do with the actual relationship part; I'm neither very submissive nor very dominant) but also find most things I'd be interested in to not be feasible as solo activities. Sadness.

Ah well. At least a vivid imagination helps a bit.

Do you mind if I ask what your kinks are? Not all kinksters subscribe to the Dom/sub side of the lifestyle and there are a lot of things you can do by yourself. My personal favorite is self-bondage.

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marki

I don't understand bondage....it sort of scares me but my friend said that most girls like some form of it during sex....be it actually tying them up or just holding their hands back. It seems spooky though! Maybe I am just an innocent little mind when it comes to the sex!

I saw one of those Japanese rope videos (it has a name of some sort) with the girl getting tied up and suspended....all I could think was " What if she has to pee and needs to be untied....how would she get out?" It was odd but it really freaked me out royally...and it wasn't even like the slightest bit aggressive or anything.

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LadyNobody

*raises hand*

I'm a bit kinky. Unfortunately, the majority has to exist in my fantasies because I don't feel comfortable with the idea of involving a partner (my enjoyment of things BDSM-related have very little to do with the actual relationship part; I'm neither very submissive nor very dominant) but also find most things I'd be interested in to not be feasible as solo activities. Sadness.

Ah well. At least a vivid imagination helps a bit.

Do you mind if I ask what your kinks are? Not all kinksters subscribe to the Dom/sub side of the lifestyle and there are a lot of things you can do by yourself. My personal favorite is self-bondage.

Actually, self-bondage would be the main thing; I haven't been able to figure out the mechanics of it in a way I'd feel completely safe with. Of course, I'm also often a little scared to go ask for advice... and my last internet search on tips ended mostly with warnings on how difficult/unsafe it could be. Other things I enjoy generally have to do with mild pain, and the difficulty posed is because I don't really want control over it, but I just don't feel comfortable handing off control to another person either. Goes with the bondage thing, really - it's loss of control and being able to let go and not need to think that I enjoy most.

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FictoVore.

Since discovering and embracing my asexuality, I have learned that I am exceptionally kinky :P

Before I knew asexuality existed, I was completely unable to explore (or even aware of the existence of) my 'dark side' due to the fact that anything even remotely sensual-seeming on my part would lead instantly to my hyper-sexual partner (or pretty much any sexual really) requiring sex haha. So I was never able to explore the in's and out's of what I really enjoyed, for fear of instigating more sex than was necessary (I never enjoyed or desired sex, I just figured it was something I had to do)

Anyway, after leaving my ex and eventually learning about asexuality, I came to AVEN where I eventually fell in love with my amazing asexual sweetie :wub: .. after beginning my asexual relationship, and hence having no fear of being made to have sex, I began to really explore my intimate and sensual side, which lead to.. well, the unleashing of my inner kink demon :twisted:

Turns out I am about as kinky and perverted as they come ehe.. I just have no desire for, or enjoyment of, partnered sex.

Possible TMI:

I can't go into all my kinks and perversions here, as my partner is also a member on AVEN and he likes his privacy hehe.. but some things that I am willing to share are: I love Hard Vore (being bound, then bitten and chewed - with lots of skin breakage - so I feel like I am being cannibalized alive) .. I love kinky punishment (use your imagination) and I luuurve to eat body fluids!! ie semen, spit, blood etc :wub: ..eating body fluids is just.. ehe.. so cannibalistic.. makes my tummy feel so happy :P ehehe... I also love to sub.. there is something.. argh.. just so deeply intimate and almost spiritual... about giving your body over to the complete control of your lover, bending utterly to their will so they can use your body to fulfill or their kinky fantasies ehe.. having no control and loving every second of it ... you both experience such a deep bond: for the sub, putting all your trust into another persons hands, and for the dom, having someone put all their trust in your hands like that.. it's such an amazing way for two people to bond :wub:

Of course, trust, respect and communication are IMPERATIVE when practicing kinks and fetishes with another person.. This kind of thing can be amazing and deeply bonding, but it can also be scary and damaging when one person is pushed into it without their complete and full desire to experience it. Safe-word for both parties involved: also a must of course!

I am about to post a link to an awesome ''how kinky are you'' test, but PLEASE BE AWARE it contains images involving R18 content. Seriously though, if you are over 18, NOT EASILY OFFENDED, and want an estimate of just how kinky you may be, take this test :D .. I got Kinky!! with 98% perverted ehe.

I have done a lot of kink tests, and this is by far the best one for asexuals because it is all about kinks and fetishes, and doesn't have any of the usual ''how do you prefer to have sex? missionary, doggy-style, cowgirl?'' questions with no ''I don't enjoy sex'' option haha. All of the questions have a ''No!'' or ''Never!'' option, which is awesome :P

So, here's the ''Adult Content Real Kinky Test''

http://www.helloquizzy.com/tests/the-adult-content-real-kinky-test

Oh, and you don't need to fill out the form at the end to get your results! Just click ''show me my results'' and it'll take you straight there ^_^

Enjoy :P

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Schrecken

I just found some image-blocking software for those who might be repulsed by imagery on certain sites - here's the link to download it (sorry but it only works with Mozilla Firefox or its sister browser Pale Moon; if you use a different browser you'll have to keep looking, but they do make this kind of software) :

http://hemantvats.com/?p=12

I want to look around on Fetlife but I can't deal with the pornographic stuff. I'm going to give the software a try to see how well it works. Supposedly it doesn't catch everything, but if it stops the bulk of it that's good enough for me. I'd rather not say what mine is at the moment, other than that I was apparently cursed with it as a child and I'm going to take advantage of this mid-life crisis I've found myself in to do everything I can to find a way to either cure it (if such a thing is possible), conquer it or otherwise make peace with it. I'm so done with having this albatross hanging around my neck. Somehow I'm going to find a way to make lemonade out of this bunch of lemons life has handed me. I can't change my past but I can change my future.

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Lauren+Bear

Woohoo! We're back up!

So excited to get this baby up and running again.

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Lauren+Bear

I tore a shoulder muscle last night trying to show off my flexibility... And that, children, is why you always stretch thoroughly before doing rope work and shibari or else you run the risk of having a joint lock up or tear. :-( I'm not allowed to do anything "strenuous" (aka kinky) for two whole weeks. Whatever shall I do?

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njosnavelin

I am into the latex stuff.

I have never meet anyone else into it or tried it with anyone. I have never gone to a fetish party of that type.

I am doing a lot of the exploring on my own. As of now I have been breaking out and going to exclusive all night parties my large group of friends put on. I have slowly branched out my outfit into the latex wear realm. It is a safe environment. At some point it will be full on latex. No matter what I have fun and generally ignore the advances of others.

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Lauren+Bear

@njosnavelin - ooh ooh! You could try latex paint and make a latex suit of your own design. I love body painting. I have a play partner who is an awesome artist. We use cake paints for the most part, though because they're easier to come by and don't dry out or turn into gunk.

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njosnavelin

No I am actually not interested in the latex paint. I don't find it nearly as aesthetically pleasing. For me it is a look a feel a touch a body sensory experience and the paint doesn't do it for me.

I have slowly over the years added clothing and other latex pieces to my wardrobe.

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Lauren+Bear

Ahhh. I see. :-) I love the cool feeling of the paint, personally. I've never tried real latex clothes, but I've seen some awesome pieces at my usual kink haunt.

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Tessc

Good to see I'm not the only one :D I spent quite a while worrying about both my lack of sexuality and strange kinks, but have finally come to accept it. Now, if I could only find someone to play with... :)

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Lauren+Bear

Tessc - FetLife is a great place to start and to find people in your area, but it's not for the visually repulsed... Hence this forum. ;-)

Have some kinky cake and welcome! :cake:

How long have you been in the scene?

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Una Salus Victus

When I saw the name of this thread, I was imagining something along the lines of handcuffs cake.

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Feral_Sophisticate

Tessc - FetLife is a great place to start and to find people in your area, but it's not for the visually repulsed...

Highly true, and I agree. As someone who identifies as sexual, there's stuff there that squicks me, too.

Yet, I like it. It's a decent networking site for kinky people, and doesn't have the same sort of mentality (not yet, anyway) as CollarMe or Alt.com

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claustrophile

*pokes head in*

My people! I'm a sub... mostly. I'm still mildly confused about whether I'm completely submissive or not.

Fetlife fascinates me, because it bills itself as Facebook for kink but seems to function more like a cross between a dating site and a networking/forum site (where you go to meet people, as opposed to FB where you go there to connect with people you already know).

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Lauren+Bear

When I saw the name of this thread, I was imagining something along the lines of handcuffs cake.

Mmmmm... I'll get right on that. Those sound delicious.

*pokes head in*

My people! I'm a sub... mostly. I'm still mildly confused about whether I'm completely submissive or not.

Fetlife fascinates me, because it bills itself as Facebook for kink but seems to function more like a cross between a dating site and a networking/forum site (where you go to meet people, as opposed to FB where you go there to connect with people you already know).

:cake: Hello fellow kinky peep!

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Poots

I am not nor do I want to be a kinkster, but I found this thread interesting to read on a topic I don't know much about

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