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Rep's Coming Out Poll V2 - For those that actually came out.


R_1

Coming out poll  

  1. 1. Rate how well did any people you came to reacted.

    • 5 - Very satisfactory
      21
    • 4 - It could have been better, but still good enough
      25
    • 3 - Eh, eh, not bad, and not that good either.
      9
    • 2 - It didn't go well for me. There was some few good reaction.
      2
    • 1 - It went so terrible. Maybe some few good things there and there, but acceptance is a no
      4
    • 0 - So terrible, nothing good came out of it.
      4
    • Other
      2
    • Don't know
      0
  2. 2. Was there any concerns after you came out? Why?

    • Yes, there was concerns about being miserable because of lack of partners
      7
    • Yes, there was concerns about needing sexual needs because apparently sex is for everyone
      14
    • Yes, there was an assumption about that I'm gay
      6
    • Yes, there was concerns about sexual health or development because of the lack of sexual attraction
      10
    • Somewhat, because of the concerns about being possibly miserable because of lack of partners unless I am so sure
      4
    • Somewhat, because of the concerns about being possibly needing sexual needs unless I am so sure
      7
    • Somewhat, because of the concerns that I may be confused about my own orientation
      9
    • Somewhat, because of the possibility that I am wrong as I am apparently possibly underdeveloped
      10
    • No, because they're fine with my lack of needs to engage within sexual activities regarding/regardless of partner(s)
      14
    • No, because they acknowledge that not everyone has sexual needs, and they think it's okay if I don't have it.
      14
    • No, because they accept me for who I am regardless of who I am attracted to if anybody
      19
    • No, because they acknowledge that someone can know one is asexual regardless of most stages of life
      4
    • Yes, because of other reasons
      9
    • Somewhat, because of other reasons
      4
    • No, because of other reasons
      4
    • Don't know
      0
    • I had not experienced concerns as a result of coming out
      4
  3. 3. Was there confusion involved?

    • Yes, because I am apparently a sexual person it seems
      4
    • Yes, because they don't know that it's a thing
      23
    • Yes, because I have a partner
      2
    • Somewhat, because they think I'm somewhat sexual
      4
    • Somewhat, because they haven't acknowledged asexuality yet, but knows somewhat
      6
    • Somewhat, because of the interaction with my partner
      3
    • No, because they know that I am not that way
      7
    • No, because asexuality is a thing to them
      9
    • No, because they know my relationship with a partner and how it goes
      1
    • Yes, because of other reasons
      7
    • Somewhat, because of other reasons
      7
    • No, because of other reasons
      2
    • Don't know
      3
    • I had not experienced confusion as a result of coming out
      7
  4. 4. How did people reacted? (Please read, reactions are not ordered, and all came from thought stimulation)

    • My dear, there's nothing to be ashamed about wanting/having sex. Sex's fun and healthy!
      7
    • Oh, wow, you're asexual! I am asexual as well.
      6
    • Oh, that explains everything.
      12
    • You're asexual? Hmm, okay.
      26
    • Wait, you think you're a plant?
      7
    • Are you sure you're not gay? Are you really sure?
      9
    • Oh, that's fine. Nothing's wrong with being asexual
      15
    • Shouldn't we talk about this? (From partner) Shouldn't you talk to your partner about your asexuality?
      2
    • Oh, I wish I had an asexual partner
      1
    • Wanna bang? I can fix that.
      4
    • **Proceeds to test my sexuality through obnoxiousness/harassment**
      3
    • Oh, you were lying that you love me? Let's break up!
      0
    • Are you interested into animals? You must be sexually attracted to something
      1
    • My dear, wait till you get older, and you'll understand the wonders of sex
      21
    • Hahaha! You're asexual? You're a funny person.
      2
    • Eww! I don't need to know that!
      2
    • **Proceeds to show me porn**
      0
    • Oh, you are asexual? (Loses interest into hanging out with me)
      1
    • Does this mean you can't date me?
      4
    • Not listed in this option
      16
  5. 5. How did people reacted? Part 2 (Please read, reactions are not ordered, and all came from thought stimulation)

    • Oh, but you have done sexual activity, so please don't tell me you're asexual
      4
    • **Proceeds to insult me or show disapproval of me**
      6
    • Experience the rainbow! Taste the rainbow! Nothing's wrong with being gay.
      2
    • It's okay, I accept that.
      26
    • Oh okay, I knew that.
      7
    • With a stare... (I have no idea what this stare means)
      10
    • Got asked out by someone who wants an asexual partner
      0
    • Wait, you're not sexually attracted to me? Am I not attractive?
      6
    • Oh, wow, that's very interesting.
      17
    • **Proceeds to show me that asexuality does not exist**
      11
    • Other
      14
    • Don't know.
      0

This poll is closed to new votes


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I know I have did this earlier, but I decided to add as much options as I can.

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I voted for 3-5 because it's varied from person to person. Never had an outright negative experience, just confusion and disbelief. For the second part...well, all of the above, depending on the person. I've gotten about half of the options from the third section, mostly confusion or denial, but some acceptance.

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I'd told 5 people so far, all of them very close friends.

One of the people I told seemed a bit confused at first- they had obviously heard the term before, didn't know much about it and questioned me on why it was any different than celibacy. They also asked if it was because I had just gotten out of a bad relationship. I explained what asexuality was, and that my last relationship was bad because I'm aro ace, not the other way around. once explanation were out of the way I was accepted though!

The other people I told were surprisingly knowledgeable about asexuality, so they understood and accepted me immediately. One confessed to be demisexual, and another said her boyfriend was grey-a, which was awesome! They also told me it was totally okay to be the way I was and told me they were available if I ever needed support.

All in all good reactions so far! I want to tell a few more people, and hopefully the good reactions continue! :D

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yep, my reactions have been pretty chill so far. i did have a pretty long discussion about aromanticism with one of my friends, who was curious about how a queerplatonic relationship was different from an asexual romantic relationship. i've just sort of worked it into conversation and my friends didn't really react either way (in a good way, though). my friends are chill like that. :) <3

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  • 1 month later...

Almost all of the ca. 20 people I have told by now were very good about it. Few already knew about asexuality, most got it after a short explanation, several were briefly baffled how that is possible and/or asked curious questions to understand better.

And one person tried to fill the whole bingo card of bad reactions alone. Interestingly, I had already told him how I feel about this stuff and that was fine, but once I gave it a name, he blew up. Asexuality does not exist because biology and I must repress something or have a "serious problem" of some kind, and I can't say before I tried it, blah blah blah. The best was that "if someone is asexual, there's something seriously wrong with them - but nooo, there's nothing wrong with you, of course not" ...I can deal with all sorts of crappy comments calmly and rationally, but this kind of inconsistency drives me crazy. After having some time to think about it, he apologized. I'm not sure whether he accepts/believes me now or just pretends to, but my education efforts certainly had some positive effect either way.

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Everyone I've come out to reacted at first with confusion, but after a brief explanation, followed by an indepth explanation 'cause they wanted to know more, they were all OK with it. Exceptions to the rule being two guys, one of which was the guy who first suggested that I might be asexual, and the other one I never really came out to, but he found out through being slightly stalkerish online and is totally cool with it, so I think I've got off fairly lightly so far.

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It's been a good experience for me so far. Although I don't know if telling a small select group of people that I am asexual counts as coming out.

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deleted_user_072223

My responses have been quite good, for the most part. I first suggested I was asexual to my mom when I was fourteen (I found the term on Wikipedia and wasn't sure about whether I was myself) and she was open to it, but told me "not to pin myself down to anything." However, she tells me now that the only reason she said this was because 1) I wasn't sure about it myself at the time and 2) I had, at that age, been recently quite upset and disturbed by the sexual stuff going on around me, so she thought I might have just been clinging to labels. When I told her more definitively that I was a year later, she accepted it without question and has since been very supportive. I told my dad sometime later... in the context of him mentioning having believed his later sister was asexual. He took it straight, saying that "of course" some people were asexual.

I told my brother quite some time later after I had explained to him that there were not just three orientations (straight, gay, bi), and when I mentioned asexuality, he asked, "Is that what you are?" So... pretty easy. XD He took it fine.

An older friend of mine, who is likely ace herself, suggested I was "too young to be sure" when I told her when I was seventeen... however, considering she is currently 25 and won't say she's ace because she has never been in love, and therefore thinks she may be demi, I don't take personal offense to her disbelief. She's perfectly supportive otherwise.

And apparently some of my extended family knows from my parents telling them, and none of them have passed any judgment thus far (my parents are discrete with who they tell, though). I feel very fortunate that I haven't gotten some of the bad responses I've heard about, and I offer my sympathy to those who have gotten those negative reactions.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I was actually told I was probably asexual by a counsellor before I realised it myself, due to being badly detached from reality for years, (another story). So when I told everyone the general response was "we could have told you that". Not one single person who knows me was in the least bit surprised, almost boring really

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When I came out to my sister, she said "I knew that already."

When I came out to my father, he said "Okay."

When I came out to a friend, she said "I always figured you were that way."

When I came out to my grandmother, she said "You don't need sex or relationships to be happy."

There's no way I'm coming out to my brother; I don't want to ruin my good streak. He already reacted extremely poorly to the concept itself without it being connected to me.

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  • 10 months later...

This poll is being locked and moved to the read-only Census Archive for 2014. As part of ongoing Census Forum organization, and in an attempt to keep the demographics of the polls current with the active user base at the time, each poll will last for one year. However, members are allowed and even encouraged to restart new polls similar to the archived ones if they like them.

Census Moderator

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