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Anyone else find being called "hot" insulting?


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Sebastian Grace

I hate being called 'hot', and I detest 'cute' even more. To me, those words mean nothing because whoever calls me those things would probably think the same even if I lost my personality completely. The words put me in a light that focuses on my appearance without giving me a say in whether I even want my appearance to be remarkable. I would rather be called "kind", "funny", "smart", and a million other things before 'cute' or 'hot'.

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I do find it insulting and disgusting. I don't want to be hot. I don't want to be sexually attractive, and when people think that I am, I feel like something is wrong because that's not the idea I want to give to them at all. But fortunately, no one seems to think I'm hot. lol

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I'm more uncomfortable with 'hot' and 'sexy' than insulted. I hate using them and I hate being referred to by them. :c I hate using them because I don't think of anyone in that way, and I hate being referred to by them because I'd really rather not have people think of me that way either.

I'm fine with 'cute', 'pretty', 'beautiful', and any variation of those, but hot and sexy I feel don't fit me at all. I'd rather be complimented on my personality than my looks, however. xD

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Just the thought of anyone thinking of me in a sexual manner is off-putting and insulting for me. I donĀ“t like being called cute either. Animals and kids are cute, not adults.

The word sexy is such an awful word to me, I just cringe when I think about it.

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I hate being called 'hot', and I detest 'cute' even more. To me, those words mean nothing because whoever calls me those things would probably think the same even if I lost my personality completely. The words put me in a light that focuses on my appearance without giving me a say in whether I even want my appearance to be remarkable. I would rather be called "kind", "funny", "smart", and a million other things before 'cute' or 'hot'.

I won't speak for others, but often when I call something "cute" it doesn't necessarily have to do with their appearance but rather a certain situation/context/behavior.

Like, just as a super basic example, I can find shyness (depending on the degree) to be a cute/endearing quality.

It differs from a term like "hot", which my mind pretty much always associates with looks.

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Well I have never (to my knowledge) been called 'hot' or anything of that nature. People complimenting my appearance usually get a awkward reply along the lines of "Okay ... thank you ...". They may very well be sincere but my appearance is based on what I like and not what other people like and therefore I don't expect any compliments and to be honest they make me a bit suspect.

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ButtCountyDanceParty

I'm highly peeved by it.

First of all, I only get it from strangers because people who know me (I'd like to think) are well aware that I'm much more concerned about improving myself in terms of physical health, education, working to understand others better, etc. Being called hot is just a reminder that, 1. I'm being judged on my physical appearance, not those other things, 2. Strangers believe giving me their unsolicited opinion of me is more important than whatever else I might have been listening to/thinking about when they interrupted me.

Calling a stranger hot isn't about complimenting her, at least when I'm on the receiving end of it. It's more about saying "Listen to me talk now!" And some guys get aggressive when you don't react however they were expecting you to, which makes me think the whole thing is more of a compliance check of whether you're sufficiently grateful that someone deemed to say something about your appearance than it is about trying to make you feel good about yourself. I'm very active outdoors so I get this shit all the time. I feel like I'm constantly on edge about it.

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I have been called "hot" and other names before and, although it doesn't bother me, I don't particularly like it either. I would rather people didn't do it if I had a choice.

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SquirrelCat

I don't mind being called 'hot', 'cute', 'good looking', 'sexy' or anything like that at all but it depends on the person and context.

If it's said in a deriding fashion I'll bite back with vicious sarcasm. My tongue is sharp and I spent years sharpening it (ASD, ADHD and being bullied can do that to you).
If I go to the local bar and some 60+ drunkard with his bellybutton peeking out underneath his once-upon-a-time white shirt come up and tell me "Yuuur hooot" while staring at my chest and body (happens all the time in my town) I'll either tell him to leave me alone or, if I'm in the mood for sarcasm, I'll bite. I can be a very pleasant person (I can be a complet ass too, if I want), I can be kind to even the most unpleasant people but if they engage me they'll find themselves on the receiving end.
If it's a friend (most of the time it is) or some slightly tipsy but otherwise nice guy my age a simple "Thank you" will do it. In my experience most people mean it as a compliment and not in an objectifying fashion. I imagne they're just trying to be nice and friendly, thinking most people (girls, at least) like being told they're good looking.

I try to take things with a strid. It may sound pretentious, but I know I'm considered fairly attractive by physical standards... but to me it's just a body... and I don't underestimate my own ability to see through the people who'll view me simply as a sexual object and steer clear of them.

I can see why some asexuals (especially if they're sex-repulsed, I'm not) would feel uncomfortable with being called 'hot' and 'sexy' and stuff like that. What meaning people put in words depend a little on the enviroment around them, where I'm from 'hot' doesn't carry a hard punch, it's more a way of saying "You look nice" but in some other place it may be more of a sexualized term...

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Janus the Fox
Most of my reactionary thought when being told when I'm hot is that yes, I am hot, I sweat like a pig. :p
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I'm just curious. Being called "hot" is one of the most insulting things, to me. I was wondering if it's the same for anyone else? :) xx

I would rather be called beautiful or pretty because to me, the words hot or sexy are too connected with lust and I feel it is inappropriate. I don't want to feel sexualized. Also, I don't mind being called cute by other women but if a guy calls me cute, I feel like they mean you look good, but less than beautiful.

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Capslock Cadet

I have a tendency to get insulted by physical comments when it's obvious that my appearance is the only thing the person appreciates about me.

And also, I've always been kinda weirded out by people who thinks that comments about my looks will make me interested in interacting with them. It's like, wow, you like the shape of my lips? That's cool but I can take literally no cred for that, I'll just call my parents and inform them they did a good job.

However, if someone close to me - like a friend or my partner - makes a comment about my looks, it usually doesn't annoy me.

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It makes me feel really uncomfortable to the point of nausea. I have physically removed myself from parties/clubs if someone is very actively hitting on me.

:ph34r: Celes out :ph34r: <--- me escaping the horror of unwanted sexual attention

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Sebastian Grace

Yes; I hate being called "hot". In fact, I hate any remark about any aspect of my appearance that Is not within my control. Usually when someone says I have nice eyes or whatever, I sarcastically say "thanks, I chose them myself" because then they get the message. I don't like these comments because I didn't ask for anyone's opinion, and such 'compliments' are meaningless because they have nothing to do with me as a person or as a personality. As someone who is viewed as female, I find it additionally upsetting that the standard by which I am measured is the number of people who think I am attractive, or the number of people who think I am worthy of having sex with them. It makes me feel disgusting and uncomfortable.

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ButtCountyDanceParty

Usually when someone says I have nice eyes or whatever, I sarcastically say "thanks, I chose them myself" because then they get the message.

Exactly! When you comment on things like that, essentially all you're saying is "Good job being born with that face."

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No one calls me hot lol but I still don't like it. I feel like that's commenting on the sexual attractiveness of a person instead of their intelligence or personality. If you're gonna make an aesthetic comment, say beautiful, and mean beautiful from the inside and out.

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  • 1 month later...

I hate being called cute because I like to think I instill fear in the hearts of those around me :/ Lol no.

Seriously I have been called hot but I do not feel as though I am hot so I have always been indifferent.

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It's not my favorite adjective but I like it better than sexy.

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when someone calls me hot, it feels 100% shallow to me. i mean, really, could you not think of a better compliment than that? makes me feel like they just want in my pants and aren't interested in taking the time to appreciate what really matters about me.

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I get uncomfortable when someone says I'm hot or sexy, and cute while is minor in comparison it's not my favorite ether. I would prefer if someone said something else like that I looked "nice" or even "beautiful". When other teens said person x' looked hot or sexy I never could grasp the exact reason other than it had something to do with sexual attraction that they would call someone that thus my discomfort when it's directed towards me. The reason I don't like "cute" too much ether is because it's something I sort of telt I've outgrown which may just be silly.

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I think it's hilarious. There's a part of me that very much likes to confuse, derail, or just plain mess with people, more specifically strangers. Not that nice, I know, but in a way I feel like my asexuality means nature is screwing around with me. Therefore, I think it's funny whenever people I have 0 attraction to say such things to me. Maybe I'm just a jerk, I don't know! ^^;

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Skippy Squirrel

when someone calls me hot, it feels 100% shallow to me. i mean, really, could you not think of a better compliment than that? i'm sure it took lots of effort to come up with that one. makes me feel like they just want in my pants and haven't taken the time to appreciate what really matters about me.

I wish I could recommend saying something like "You callin' me hot? You sayin' I'm a radiator, that I radiate heat, here to keep you warm and cosy in the Winter? Is that what you're saying?"

I just get the feeling something would go wrong if you actually did say that.

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Love/hate. I think it's a compliment and I take it as one, but I wish there would be more compliments focussed on personality, that I never hear. Not a standpoint I would take as a (gray)asexual, but as a person in general.

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EmotionalAndroid

Not insulting, really, but it makes me feel uncomfortable. Knowing that a person likes me just for my appearance is distasteful, since I know most people associate aesthetics with physical attraction.

This still makes me uncomfortable even if the person calling me such is not physically attracted to me. For example, my hairstylist always calls me "sexy" or "sassy" after she cuts my hair, and it makes me feel really uncomfortable, since she is associating me with someone else's sexual desires. Blech.

Now it is true that I, as an asexual, definitely do find people aesthetically pleasing. But I don't think it is OK to tell people that since they will not understand my meaning.

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Cant see how it can be insulting or degrading. its a compliment that you look good! well maybe if its coming from someone youve known far a long time, and the only compliment that person can give u is that, then its more understandable. otherwise (like from a stranger that doesnt know u yet to compliment both mind and body) its ridiculous; You should just be grateful you look good, alot of people aren't so lucky.

Uncomfortable, i can understand and sympathize with. But ive only heard that word from little kids. the adults (women, bi and gay men) are more subtle. But once u understand the singals its hard to function especially at work on a busy day. Cant tell u how many times Ive been given signals to put my number in a shoe box. And if u dont do it then their pissed; sometimes they mistake me touching their hands as an indication that im interested. I'm not going to lie ive given most of them my number(just the women). But usually i keep the conversion long and off sex till they get bored and turned off. but sometimes i regret it as im still not sure i'm aseual bi or straight. need to deal with my stress first as not even my fetish turns me on anymore.

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maryjanewatson

I hate when a guy calls me hot or sexy. Makes me sick to my stomach. I hate to be sexualized. I once flipped out on a guy for posting a pic of me on facebook and captioning it with 'hot'. I was so infuriated by it, I asked him to remove the caption, I deleted him from FB, and I actively avoid him in real life. Luckily, I didn't know him very well, so that's not hard to do.

I like to be called cute (by almost anyone), but I really prefer it to be from someone I know, and I know they don't mean anything beyond just that.

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ButtCountyDanceParty

Cant see how it can be insulting or degrading. its a compliment that you look good! well maybe if its coming from someone youve known far a long time, and the only compliment that person can give u is that, then its more understandable. otherwise (like from a stranger that doesnt know u yet to compliment both mind and body) its ridiculous; You should just be grateful you look good, alot of people aren't so lucky.

First of all, it's never a good idea to tell people how they should feel about anything. Obviously it bothers enough of us that someone started a thread and a bunch of us commented about how we don't like it, so the fact that you "can't see how it can be insulting or degrading" doesn't make any of us wrong about not wanting strangers to bother us.

Men comment on my looks in public all the time. It's not because I'm particularly good looking, it's because that many men are out there, god damn interrupting whatever else a woman is doing or thinking about or focusing on in that moment to give his fucking unsolicited opinion of her appearance because there's obviously something fucking criminal about thinking something about a person you don't know and not saying it. Do you know how frequently men get hostile, yelling what a cunt I am or to suck their dick, sometimes following me in their car, because I didn't react the way they wanted to to whatever vulgar thing they initially said to me? I'm not saying guys do this because women say something rude; they'll do it because a woman isn't fucking grateful enough that he bothered commenting on her appearance. Who gives a fuck if you "can't see how it can be insulting or degrading"?

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If one thinks I'm hot and admits it to me, all I'm going to say is "Well, ok, you can't help how you feel".

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