Confidence in Your Asexuality

[MarieAntoinette]

How do you become confident and comfortable with your identity as an asexual? I've gotten into situations where I was asked if I'm in a relationship, if I want to go out with someone, etc. and I wish I had the confidence to tell them that I'm asexual. I never have simply because I'm too afraid about what others would think, say, perceive of me...How did you get past this and become completely confident in your asexuality? I deserve to love, accept, and be proud of who I am, but I just haven't achieved that yet. Any tips or stories would be appreciated :)

[The Great WTF]

Learning to stop giving a damn works wonders. Sadly, I don't quite know how to do that. My parents were both really odd in their own ways and essentially raised me with the mindset I'm going to be weird and unconventional and and to either remove from my life or beat the tar out of anyone who gives me grief over it or can't accept it. I was out and honest about my asexuality long before I knew there was a term for it, so I've never really dealt with coming out anxiety.

[Skywolf]

It's nerve-wracking. But in my case it's just sort of reminding myself being evasive or lying...it's not fair to myself or to others who feel like me. And it's a step by step process, and for me, the symbols I wear (black ring, and ace of hearts earrings) help me. They are there as reminders that YES I am part of this community, it IS who I am and there is NOTHING wrong with me. Might not work for everyone, but they give me strength. My friends help support me as well, if I encounter a negative response (or I help them, if they do, as I have ace friends).

In response to your fears on honesty when the prospect of a relationship occurs, if that is what you what, it will be much much much easier if you are upfront and honest. If that's a deal breaker with them for some reason..well then, you know quick and easy it would not have worked out with them.

Story time:
My ex-boyfriend..we were dating while I didn't really realize asexuality was a thing that existed..and long story short, he was a perfect gentleman but I felt like I couldn't talk to him. He never told me how he was feeling really and vice versa. It ended up being why we broke up. With my current boyfriend, when he told me he liked me I told him I had no interest in sex. Granted, that was an incredibly nervous thing for me...but he accepted it and we've compromised around the fact that there would be no sex in our relationship. He is not ace, either. Sometimes good things happen.
Another good story, actually today. I'm a heteroromantic ace, and though I have a black ring, until today I didn't have a symbol for the romantic thing. I was in a jewelry making class with a group of older women and decided I wanted to make ace of hearts earrings...the teacher and fellow students asked why. I..again, nervously, told them that, well, you know LGBTQA..A is asexuality, and it get so little attention, and this is the symbol of romantic asexuals..and that's what I identify as. Whether they understood or not, their responses were all either neutral or positive, semi surprisingly. Little things like these help my confidence a lot, and knowing they happen to other people too, even though there are lots of negative situations that happen as well. My own big negative situation is that my mother doesn't believe asexuality exists, and I know for a few close ace friends of mine that they have a parent of the same mindset.

But that doesn't change who I am, so I wear my symbols and am honest with myself and others. Hope that maybe helped. :)

[Scottthespy]

Part of feeling confidant is believing the things you say you deserve. To help with the subconsious side of that, try standing in front of the mirror every morning and saying a list of personal affirmations. Things like "I am lovable" and "I have great things to offer the world", and whatever you feel you have a hard time telling others. Its easier to be confidant in a subject you know everything about...so make sure you understand and know how to explain everything you will be asked. You may want to read other peoples 'comming out' threads to see what kind of questions and reactions you may encounter. Consider the fact that you may get some BAD reactions...and dont let these surprise you. Understand that most negative reactions come from some one elses discomfort, and do not need to effect you. Other than that, being confidant in your asexuality is just being confidant in yourself. Asexuality isnt a seperate thing from the rest of you. When it comes to the questions that are personal, like 'dont you want sex?' And 'how can you live that way', be sure to have your own answers ready. Maybe answer a few of these to yourself as practice thinking about these things.

Wont you want kids some day?

So your saying you're gay?

How can you not be into EITHER gender?

Thats not a real thing/you're using that word wrong.

You just havent met the right person yet.

[MarieAntoinette]

Part of feeling confidant is believing the things you say you deserve. To help with the subconsious side of that, try standing in front of the mirror every morning and saying a list of personal affirmations. Things like "I am lovable" and "I have great things to offer the world", and whatever you feel you have a hard time telling others. Its easier to be confidant in a subject you know everything about...so make sure you understand and know how to explain everything you will be asked. You may want to read other peoples 'comming out' threads to see what kind of questions and reactions you may encounter. Consider the fact that you may get some BAD reactions...and dont let these surprise you. Understand that most negative reactions come from some one elses discomfort, and do not need to effect you. Other than that, being confidant in your asexuality is just being confidant in yourself. Asexuality isnt a seperate thing from the rest of you. When it comes to the questions that are personal, like 'dont you want sex?' And 'how can you live that way', be sure to have your own answers ready. Maybe answer a few of these to yourself as practice thinking about these things.

Wont you want kids some day?

So your saying you're gay?

How can you not be into EITHER gender?

Thats not a real thing/you're using that word wrong.

You just havent met the right person yet.

You're so right about the need to believe in what you say to be confident. I definitely need to work on 100% believing what I think and accept myself through and through. Only then can I be truly confident. And thanks for the sample questions, that will help prepare me :)

[Vampyremage]

I am who I am and consider myself very confident in that fact. My asexuality is only one among many things that some might consider 'weird'. My husband knew I was asexual before we ever started going out and any other future partner (we're poly) would know the same. If people can't handle it then they aren't people I want around in my life anyway. I've learned to simply say f*ck it when it comes to those who aren't so understanding regarding who I am. I'm not going to pull any punches nor am I going to apologize to others for being who I am. If they can't handle it then that's their problem not mine and I don't stress about it. There are enough accepting people in the world to not stress over those who are less than accepting.