Am I asexual? Is there even such a thing? Do I even belong here?

[Thrasymachus]

I am a 32 year old male, attracted to females, but I never had sex. I will check out females all the time, but I won't do what it takes to have sex with them. You can definitely say I don't have the kind of sex drive that guys who arrange much of their whole lives around relationships with women, courtship and sex do, but I am not sure I could say I have no desire for sex. A simple way to describe it -- is that I won't play the social games and do the work it takes to be with a woman in any way whatsever -- be it a single date, dating or sex. Nor I am sure that if I had the looks, money or social status that women would throw themselves at me without having to go through hoops, or put in much effort, that is, if the opportunity was always easily there -- if I would have sex either, for alot of reasons I won't list for reasons of tersity. Nor do I really like or enjoy being around women -- I don't even really have female friends and never was interested in making them(nor do I really have male friends for that matter -- or much enjoy the company of most other people).

I don't really know what I am or what I feel, especially because I was raised in a society based on hierarchy, domination and repression and like most I am so out of touch with my feelings and what I really want. Case in point, I just watched the documentary Asexuality(2011) and I was diasspointed that it and David Jay treated as inherently real the invented concept of romantic love that is not terribly useful and overall causes misery. But that is what most people do, they take the invented cultural assumptions of their society as inherently real. However I have been a contrarian for a long time, I don't just do what other people do, which mostly involves believing the fantasies that the government, corporations and cultural industry created for them to believe in and revolving their lives, quite imperfectly on those invented fantasies that don't serve their interests.

I fantasize alot about having my intact male body, but zero sexual desires, whatsoever, and how much better life would be like that. I am not sure if I even can exactly believe that there are people with absolutely no sexual desires, until I actually observe it in someone else's behavior and see that they never check out a particular sex or never masturbate. Perhaps it is much more accurate to think of intensity of sexual desire as being on a spectrum, instead of a simple on and off switch, which is more of a machine orientation than a human one. All I know is that I am just trying to figure out where I am.

[Chewy]

The intensity of sexual desire is certainly on a spectrum, that is why we have terms like Gray-asexual (somewhere between sexual and a sexual) and Demi-sexual (only feel sexual attraction when there is a close emotional connection).

I consider myself asexual but I seem to like to look at man with nice muscles. No feeling beyond liking to look (I guess it is just like looking at a pretty painting) and running my mouth for some reason. Like, "Ooo look at those biceps, come here you!" Not sure why, doesn't even mean anything to me.

[Literary X]

I'd say there's a good chance you're asexual or asexual-spectrum. And of course you belong here, asexual or not!

[kelico]

First off, welcome to AVEN! All are welcome here, regardless of who you are, where your attractions lie, where you are in terms of discovering yourself, or anything! So yes, you belong. : )

I suggest rummaging through all the various sections here on the forum (FAQs, Gray Area, Romantic attractions, etc.). The more you read and learn, the more you can see what you relate to! Everyone is different--all asexuals (just like any person) aren't the same. As long as you identify as whatever makes you comfortable, that's what's most important. : )