Am I too young to determine my sexuality?

[supernatural23]

I am a 12 year old girl (I am turning 13 in 5 weeks) and I think I might be asexual. I haven't told anyone because I might be mistaken. It could just be a phase. I get crushes on people occasionally but they never last more than a week. When I get crushes, its because of their personality or they look pretty. Could someone give me their opinion? Am I too young to be thinking about sex? I am so sorry if this has already been asked or if I'm being dumb. Thank you for your feedback! :-)

[SDBookFan]

You aren't too young to start thinking about this. I started clearly seeing the differences between myself and others when I was eleven. That being said you don't have to be certain of your sexuality right now. I spent months figuring out if I was asexual, and I was older than you when I first learned about it.

It you don't know for certain, than just be open to discovery. Maybe you'll realize that you are asexual, maybe you won't. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you're comfortable with who you are. Don't stress about it too much, no one expects you to have the answers right now or even all that soon. Ihope you stick around AVEN regardless of how you end up choosing to identify.

[Tessc]

I really don't think you're too young, but I would still stay open, if I were you. I went through the whole "am I gay/straight/other" thing when I was your age and I STILL didn't get it right! But who knows, maybe you got it right first try.

You're not being dumb: everyone questions themselves during their teenage years. And AVEN is a wonderful site that you can look around to see if maybe some of the stories sound familiar to you. :)

[MC Dusters]

No, 12 is really normal, that's about time puberty is in full bloom for some people.

[Estrid]

I won't say that you're too young to consider you (a)sexuality either. Instead, I'd recommend that you consider labels such as asexuality, heterosexuality, romantic attraction etc. as ways of describing how you experience the world, rather than considering your (a)sexuality as a fixed core inside you. If you feel asexual at the moment, I think asexual is a term you can use. However, if you at some point start experiencing the world differently, you can use a different term. If not, you can stick to asexual :)

[Coolwhoami]

Basically, don't let any label shape who you are, let who you are be described by the label.

[noparlpf]

At twelve it's reasonable to start considering it, but it's a good idea to remain open to other possibilities. When I was thirteen, everybody else was starting to play around with dating and I totally didn't get it. I still haven't experienced a "crush." In retrospect that makes much more sense now that I know about asexuality. But (although I kind of hate to say it) it is also possible to be a late bloomer. In the end it's up to you to determine.

[Literary X]

Well, given that the average age at which sexual attraction begins is 10, then I would say it's entirely possible that you are asexual. And you're not being dumb. Asking questions is the best way to learn!

[sindi]

In my opinion you are too young to say that you're definitely asexual. You could of course identify as asexual "for now" or something, but I think a lot of 12-year olds don't feel sexual attraction yet. Or maybe I have a wrong idea 'cause I'm asexual and my friends didn't talk about sex at that age?? Anyway, people develop in such different pace - I only hit puberty around 14 years old myself and was definitely just a child when I was 12, but only you know what's the case with you.

[doggyjam]

I'm only two years older then you and don't worry. Besides bio females usually go though purperty before bio men do. You may not want to tell anyone let because they will most likely say you're to young.

[kelico]

I don't think you can be too young or too old to discover yourself, but as a few people mentioned, I think having an open mind is best. : ) You may go through life and later on feel that asexual doesn't quite fit, or maybe it does! You never know. I went through times of thinking I was heterosexual, then bisexual, and now at 25, I've landed at asexual, which totally fits and makes sense of my life [i had no idea it existed when I was your age; so I think it's great you're aware of asexuality so young]. : ) It's completely up to you on what labels make you comfy as yourself. <3

[oopgoo]

I really don't think you're too young, but I would still stay open, if I were you. I went through the whole "am I gay/straight/other" thing when I was your age and I STILL didn't get it right! But who knows, maybe you got it right first try.

I had this so much. I was thinking "I must be repressing something. I've not had a very liberal upbringing... maybe I'm scared of who I am? Maybe I'm a raging homosexual but it's being caged? Like... caged really really well..?". *sigh* Sexually oblivious 12 year old me.

Honestly, while I don't think there's anything wrong with identifying as being asexual when you're 12, but I personally wouldn't bother coming out about it unless it actually upset me to stay in the closet. People tell 20 something year olds that it's 'just a phase', 'they'll find someone', etc etc... being a young teenager or tweenager would probably be a lot worse. I'd be surprised if many people took it seriously. And, to be blunt, asexuality probably wouldn't become an 'issue' for a while seeing as 12 is way below the age of consent in many countries anyway, so asexuality has little practical relevance in a relationship.

That being said, do whatever makes you happy because it's your business what you identify as and who you tell. If you're ready, you're ready. But for me, at least, the thought of coming out doesn't really excite me that much and I'm more than happy for people to assume that I'm gay. I'm only 16 myself so I'm probably not the best person to discuss this but hey-ho.

[Shae]

My libido woke up when I was 9, so I guess you're not too young to determine whether you feel sexual attraction or not

[waster60268]

Only the older version of myself would have recognized that 12-year-old me was asexual, and for some of the same reasons you describe (only short-lived aesthetic or intellectual crushes at the time, if any).. but 12-year-old me was mostly oblivious, and that was also 20 years ago when there would have been basically zero resources available to me if I'd been curious.

I'm VERY glad to see that you've found your way here and that you're questioning, exploring, and defining your identity! That's really healthy and, because it's a lifelong process, never be scared of redefining that identity if you gain new information or insights. You're the only expert in the study of yourself (no matter what supposedly older/wiser people say). There is no rush at all, and whether you do or do not feel sexual attraction is nobody else's business.

(!Yeah, Night Vale!)

[Chewy]

I was Sexually oblivious at 12 as well. I was brought up at time when no one talked about sex or raging hormones at high school. The most erotic music video was probably Madonna's vogue, vogue, vogue, strike a pose....

So, naturally, i would say you are too young. But then I would rather you feel that you are asexual than sexual, this is a good way to prevent teen pregnancy.

[binary suns]

When I was in middle school and highs school, I was really confused.... so I chose a sexuality and stuck with it. when I was in college, people started asking about my sexuality,, and I never gave a definitive answer, nor did I really pay attention myself to what it specifically was... I just geeked out on my stress relieving activities lol and did homework instead... and then now that I am 24 did I really understand that my sexuality is asexuality.... and I'll say it really worked well for me in the end.

the point in me saying is, that it's absolutely OK if you find out 5, 10, 20.... 50 years from now that your sexuality is different or has changed... it's not about being "true" (because in reality no one can be false) but rather it's about being happy with who you are. In high school, I understood that searching frantically for "who I was" was very much not who I was... so I just made an assumption that made sense and freed up time to focus on other things.

When it comes down to it, who we are is a sum of not only our entire life experience, but all the people who matter to us and who we matter to them, and then the people who are changed by how we've changed those around us,, and so on..... to say that you aren't something is just not a thing to say.... (*sorry for this one if it was too confusing*)

Ultimately, the point is, "too you" isn't really something that can really be said of anything... if something is going on for you, it isn't not going on, you see? and even if something is a phase, that doesn't mean it isn't true for you now... Living is in the moment, the future is only for planning, and the past is only for reflection.

hey, I just found a signature :)

[Artistofnoname]

I myself was 12 when I realized I was different. That is a decision you must make for yourself if it seems accurate to call yourself asexual then do so if it makes sense to you.

[Rge1543]

When I was around 14, I was pretty positive I was homosexual. However, after a year or so of school with lots of homophobic influences, I somehow forced myself into getting confused, most likely for the sake of social conformity. Strangely though, I still could not say for certain what exactly caused the whole mess.

It took me a near two years to finally get back to my first take on my sexual & romantic orientation. Despite this, I still constantly doubt and reassure myself of my 'orientations'.

I must say that this is just how fragile my reasoning skills can get and how easily it is tempered with.