Ethics and masturbation

[humanbeing]

Hello there, as a male asexual with a libido I have to masturbate from time to time. If it was up to me, I wouldn't masturbate at all but I also think about real people while masturbating and I don't find this ethical but since I'm a very very very weird type of fetishist I seem to have no other choice. I find masturbating to a person to be a huge disrespect to that person, but it seems like the "normal" sexual people around me don't share my point of view on this topic. They seem to find it very normal and healthy so I wondered what do asexual people think about this issue?

Would you respect a person that masturbated to you? I feel very guilty about the people I think while masturbating and I want to know opinions from other people. Am I a bad person for this according to you? And if someone masturbated to you, would you forgive that person? (Most people around me don't think that this is a crime and they think that there is nothing to forgive. And I really can't relate to their point of view, it is hard for me to understand.)

[Schrecken]

I don't think it has anything to do with ethics (except for perhaps from a Christian view point, but I think that even that would only be considered to be wrong if it ended up leading you to do something like cheat on your spouse with the person you are using in your fantasy - in other words, if it is going to tempt you to act out something that is considered wrong, or worse, illegal) at all. The way I see it is those are your private thoughts, and no one has the right to know about them (nor would they unless you told them). I wouldn't feel guilty about it, since no one but you has to know. It might be kinda weird if you see this person (or people) ever so often in real life, but still there is no way for them to know it.

As for what people might think of me, I'd rather not know at all. It would also depend on who it was who was incorporating me into their fantasy life. Depending on this, I might be shocked, disgusted or perhaps flattered, depending on the person.

[Philip027]

We can't police thoughts, but even still, this is something I'd rather not know about.

[Janus the Fox]

Eh, I don't really masturbate to thoughts about people these days...

It's more directed to fetish fantasy Yiffing and all that ;)

[Guest]

There is no such thing as a bad person if you ask me. All people have good within them, we just all struggle with how we perceive things and a myriad of other factors such as societal pressures. Even a prisoner on death row is not a bad person if you ask me.

Though I am not sure how I feel about the whole masturbating thing. If somebody told me they masturbate to me, I would probably say "I do not know the appropriate response to that." I guess it is only a bad thing to people who let it get to them. Life is all relative.

[Touchofinsight]

This borderlines on thought crime for me.... Its a thought that is all. Its creepy then to go to talk to that person about it unless you already have a sexual relationship of some kind but to tell someone it is unethical to be attracted to someone else and create sexual images of them (IN THEIR MIND).... get off your high horse please.

[elainetta]

*can't believe I'm posting on this kind of topic...*

If I'm in a relationship with the person in question, I don't give a hoot if they masturbate to me, and I'll likely do the same from time to time.

Didn't vote, because the above is an exception. If the person's a stranger and never going to know (or be affected whatsoever, as in the case of porn or whatever), it's whatever. If it's a friend or other person you know, or if they stand a chance of being offended when they find out, then it has a chance of being disrespectful.

*moving on, hoping no one notices me*

[binary suns]

I can't even conceptualize what this means...

[Guest]

I would feel really offended learning I'm "wank fodder" for anybody, yes... so I can't say I'm anywhere near fully okay with it. "Unethical" is too strong a word for it, though. It's deep in an ethical gray-zone, for me.

I do think it's least objectionable to masturbate to porn actors/pinups (who can safely be assumed to have given their implicit consent to it); fictional people are still another step up the ethically preferrable ladder, because as non-entities, they do not deserve respect of their person rights.

[Xavy]

I think it is ok to masturbate to a real person .....but .... Whatever you do, don't tell them because that would just be downright creepy.

[Guest]

i think there's a big difference between being able to be yourself, and expressing yourself to others,

what i mean by that, is that, reduardless of the nature of what you masturbate to, it would be inconsiderate to tell somebody else,

not because of what it is that you masturbate to, but because it isn't really neccesary for them to know, furthermore them knowing has little or nothing to do with you masturbating, so in a sense it is really none of thier business. (in my opinion, however i should point that i wrote all of the previous text under the assumption that the person that you are telling is somebody that you do not have a sexual relationship with) anyway i personally wouldn't have a problem with it,

[njosnavelin]

I am probably the only person who would not only be okay with it but flattered.

Whatever it's their thoughts. I don't have control over that. They aren't hurting me or touching me. Go to town.

[humanbeing]

It looks like there is a little misunderstanding I don't tell people when I masturbated to them I'm not that creepy. What I mean is while talkng about the subject with people that are close to me I tell them about my ethical worries and the sexual people around me don't seem to care or judge me for that. So I wondered if there are any different opinions among other asexuals, and according to the results of the poll this far, there is 4-5 people really agree with me and find it disrespectful. So now I know when I masturbate to someone there is a chance for me to do something unethical to a person that thinks like those 4-5 people. (Even if that is a very very little chance, it's not zero.)

I wish there was a way to erase my libido totally and permanently. And I apologise to all the people for my masturbaive behaviours towards fellow human beings. But I'm not able to give masturbation up. (Or not to think about real people, I tried and failed a lot of times.)

I just wish people would find in their hearts to forgive me.

With respects

[Guest]

I think as long as you are truly sorry in your heart and you make an honest effort to be better, then anything is forgivable, no matter the deed. Even Hitler himself could earn my forgiveness if he truly felt bad about what he had done.

[Copper]

To me it doesn't really connect with ethics at all. I don't care what people think about. It's what you act on that matters. So if someone fantasized about me while they masturbated I wouldn't really care, since it only involves me if they try and approach me either romantically or sexually.

[humanbeing]

I think as long as you are truly sorry in your heart and you make an honest effort to be better, then anything is forgivable, no matter the deed. Even Hitler himself could earn my forgiveness if he truly felt bad about what he had done.

But the worst thing is I have to keep doing it from time to time because of my libido and bodily functions related to that. I mean a person could think like "what is the point to regret if you will keep doing the same thing afterwards?" usually if a person regrets doing something, he/she would never do that again and then people would forgive. I don't know if that is forgivable in my case because I have to repeat the mistake...again...and again....

[Exosk]

-

What I had written is likely to be taken the wrong context of what I meant, so I think the best thing is to remove it if possible.

[Sinead Buckley]

I find it extremely difficult to masturbate to anyone I'm met in real life. It's just awkwardly off-putting and a little unpleasant, plus it makes me feel guilty. I'm usually never involved in my sexual fantasies and if I am I can't picture the upper half of the person I'm having sex with. I don't really think it's strange but it just kind of reaffirms my asexuality.

[DexM]

I remember having a similar conversation with an associate of mine. He was very up for it, being thought of and thinking about, but he couldn't see my way of looking at it. You know how it can get. He asked me if I thought it was wrong that other people masturbated over other people and I said that I just thought it was a little creepy, but that a lot of people wouldn't know and so it was best that way. He laughed and said: "Yeah, you're right. If I'm in a bar and I see a fit lass (a good looking woman) and I don't really want to shout to her 'Oy, can I wank over you?' as it might be a little hard to explain to the police." ^_^

[skycake]

As soon as I know/like a person enough to want to mastrubate to them, I don't want to masturbate to them anymore. Paradox :)

Also, I think it has nothing to do with ethics. That's the good thing about thoughts - no one gets hurt.

[Tiramisu]

The possible answers here don't quite correlate with my feelings.

First question is no problem - I don't see any connection. Masturbating to the thought of someone has no impact on them (not necessarily - see below) - it's a private activity, and there's nothing wrong with it at all.

Second question - well, it's certainly none of my business if someone masturbated to the thought of me, but if I knew about it, that would make all the difference. I wouldn't think they had behaved wrongly in the act of masturbation, but I'd definitely think they'd behaved wrongly in telling me about it because that's just not something I'd want to know, and in telling me about it, they have actually converted the act itself from one without consequence into one that does have real consequence in that it has now most probably left me feeling at least quite awkward and possibly somewhat icky.

[Guest]

I think as long as you are truly sorry in your heart and you make an honest effort to be better, then anything is forgivable, no matter the deed. Even Hitler himself could earn my forgiveness if he truly felt bad about what he had done.

But the worst thing is I have to keep doing it from time to time because of my libido and bodily functions related to that. I mean a person could think like "what is the point to regret if you will keep doing the same thing afterwards?" usually if a person regrets doing something, he/she would never do that again and then people would forgive. I don't know if that is forgivable in my case because I have to repeat the mistake...again...and again....

As long as you try to be better in your own eyes, it is alright. As long as you heart is in the right place, that is what truly matters in the end. You do not mean to be this way, and though you have tried many times, you are unable to control yourself in this aspect. Do not bother beating yourself up, because this is just part of who you are. You have to learn to be strong and live with it, rather than beat yourself up about it.

"Sometimes life is about living with what you got, other times it is about getting what you live for" -Landyn Haskin

[deltaX]

I have a very low sex drive, and for that reason would never even need to masturbate to other people. Its kind of hard for me to form an opinion on this because of my low libido, but I would say in general it is okay because as long as you keep it to yourself and don't act on it in real life, it isn't really hurting anyone.

I would rather nobody masturbate to me, but I realize I cant stop people. In addition to being aro/ace I'm a bit sex-repulsed, so really any kind of sexual attention makes me uncomfortable, but there's really nothing I can do about that.

[Jockey]

I didn't vote 'cause you didn't cover my options.

Masturbating while thinking about people CAN be unethical and disrespectful, particularly if you tricked them into doing things that arouse you or they would not like it.

But it's perfectly respectful if they wouldn't mind. If you're masturbating thinking about Britney Spears, I don't think she minds at all.

If I knew that a particular person masturbated while thinking of me, I would feel a little bit uncomfortable around them, but not offended. It's okay with me, it's just awkward.

[Vampyremage]

I wouldn't really care. I'd prefer not to be told in detail about someone's wank fantasies but there is no thought police out there nor should there be.

[Sebastian Grace]

I have had people tell me that they have used my likeness as sexual stimulation. It makes me very uncomfortable knowing that they think of me that way when I definitely don't think of them like that, and it also makes me feel objectified. I am not sure about the ethical aspect of this question, but I wish that people who wanted to involve others in their sexual activities that way would ask permission beforehand. Of course, there's no way of guaranteeing that they'd respect your wishes if you asked them not to involve you, but they should at least acknowledge that you might be affected by their masturbatory techniques.

[verily-forsooth-egads]

It would be hard to ignore if I actually knew someone masturbated to me, but as long as I don't know, I don't really care. I don't have a libido, but if I did, I know I'd have difficulty with thinking of people that way, especially people I don't know, not because of ethics, but just because it's weird.

[Lady Valacri]

Honestly, I would feel very flattered if someone masturbated to me. I don't feel very attractive or "sexy" but I guess that would make feel a bit better if someone desired me.

[njosnavelin]

Honestly, I would feel very flattered if someone masturbated to me. I don't feel very attractive or "sexy" but I guess that would make feel a bit better if someone desired me.

Glad to hear it isn't just me.

[Sage Raven Domino]

My appearance, whenever exposed (which I do seldom as I fear quite the opposite effect - overt humliation), is a free public benefit, like a facade of a building. Everyone can use that image in any way, as long as they don't touch or otherwise disturb me. You don't owe me anything (money, service, affection) for that.

Needless to add, I have this stance on others' appearances too :twisted: (unless they're celebrities whose image is guarded by the law; but I don't use anyone's image to earn money anyway). Sorry if anyone gets offended, but they won't know my attitude to their appearance anyway (for their own good).