Asexuality and eating/weight issues

[Mona Lisa]

I have a somewhat unhealthy relationship with food. I have an aggressive sweet tooth, and I think about food constantly. Eating satisfies me in a way few activities can. I get grumpy when I don’t or can’t eat my fill or when I’m forced to diet.

The more I thought about it, I realized my behavior/attitude toward food (specifically junk food or at least food that tastes good to me) is similar to allosexual feelings about sex. They’re both something that can be craved, that induce pleasure, satisfy physical needs and cause distress when withheld.

Naturally, because I love food, particularly food that is high in fat, sodium and sugar, I struggle with weight issues. But the thought of dieting seems tortuous to me. The more I must deny myself, the more impossible it seems. I become instantly irritable when I’m on a diet to the point that I’m unpleasant to be around. Eventually I realize being a little thinner isn’t worth all the misery I’m feeling and I lapse into my normal regimen.

Is it because food is one of the few actual physical pleasures I experience? Does being told I should go on a strict diet carry an absurdity similar to an allosexual being told they should abstain from sex? Does it seem less worthwhile to pursue thinness if you have little to no interest in physical relationships? Do some asexual people tend to carry a little extra weight, and if they do, could this be why?

How do you all feel about food? Have you struggled with weight control or dieting? Could an asexual person’s relationship with food be comparable to the allosexual relationship with sex? Thoughts?

[5_♦♣]

(Most) food repulses me. Seriously, about 98% of food looks like vomit to me. I eat to live, not live to eat. Weight control has never been a problem for me, as once I'm finished eating, I don't have seconds, as I view eating as a chore that must be done avoid death by starvation. I also don't get why people get so excited about food.

[dalkey]

I think that in some cases, the pleasure from food can be consistent with the pleasure gained from sex (or masturbation, any sort of sexual pleasure), and it's quite possible that you're more geared towards food because it's a source of pleasure for you while sex isn't (I don't know if you masturbate or gain pleasure from it). Telling you to go on a strict diet can have similar emotional effects consistent with telling an allosexual to abstain from sex, but only if the allosexual struggles with controlling their sex drive or has a high sex drive/libido. It's also consistent with telling anyone for that matter with a high libido/sex drive to abstain from gaining pleasure sexually, whether it be by means of sex with someone else or masturbation. Honestly, I can compare your pleasure from eating to my pleasure from pleasuring myself (tmi, sorry). If you're told to go on a strict diet, you get irritated and grumpy. If I can't pleasure myself, I get the same exact way. So, your pleasure from food is not only comparable to an allosexual with a high sex drive/obsession with sex, but it's comparable with anyone with a high libido (like myself) who get irritated when they can't satisfy their sex drive/libido (I say anyone because there are allosexuals with low libidos, like there are asexuals with high libidos)

I used to struggle with my weight, and now I'm at a healthy weight (and I look pretty good too), but I only discovered my asexuality recently (before I lost 30 pounds) so I can't comment a lot on how asexuality affected my dieting. Although I continue to manage my weight and work out, it's more so because I like being healthy and looking good for myself. I did notice however that after I discovered it, my self esteem went up and I started caring less about how others judged my appearance, but I still like working out and staying healthy just for the sake of being healthy and feeling good. I just beat myself up less if I decide to have an extra slice of cake, or half of a whole cake for that matter. I can't say whether or not asexuals carry more weight because I've never actually met another one in person, but I think it would vary as much as it would in the population of allosexuals.

Pursuing thinness doesn't have to be geared towards a physical relationship, and I don't think it should be to begin with. I feel like a better goal is attaining health, which doesn't always mean thin, but that's just how I feel. If you don't like diets, don't go on one! You could simply eat a bit healthier, but only if you feel that you'd benefit from it or if your eating habits are causing health issues and you want to resolve them. You're not obligated to be thin, no one ever is.

Not sure if I helped, but I hope I did to some extent!

[KokoroKitty]

I have no weight problems, but I do have a problem relationship with coca cola. It's a long-ass story, but basically I was having a hard time at school (age 11). I would surf YouTube until 12/1 o'clock, with a can of coca cola. I have tried to not have it every day. There were two extended periods of time where I succeeded - once where I had one every week, the other only on special occasions (I would only drink water during these times). Main reason why I relapsed both times was so I didn't feel left out when others had wine/beer etc.

[Guest]

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[Schrecken]

I can give you my perspective for what it's worth, since I spent most of my teens and 20's being seriously overweight. At the time I had no idea what asexuality was (at least as a label), but I did know I was different from other people in that regard. However, looking back, my personal "reasons" for being overweight I don't think had much, if anything, to do with asexuality. I attribute mine in part to being sexually abused as a child and and an attempted rape when I was 13, among other things (some of it for me is IMO genetic, because my father's side of the family all had weight problems, and so did my mom later in her life), so I can't say that it had anything to do with orientation. But, for some people, they become overweight simply because they like food and like to eat (my uncle on my mom's side of the family was that way; he was married twice and had access to sex and presumably anything else that would have brought him enjoyment), so while the causes may not always be the same, sometimes the solutions can.

I can tell you how I managed to beat my food problems (at the time I had no idea why I became overweight, other than liking to eat, or so I thought). For me it was just waking up one day and realizing that I couldn't stand to be fat anymore. I was sick of the way I looked, sick of having to hold my breath when I bent down to tie my shoelaces, sick of not being able to move quickly, and everything else about being fat. So I basically went on a crash diet (which was quite dangerous, and I would never recommend it to anyone because it started to make me really sick) and stayed on that diet for over a year until I got down to what was considered "normal" for my height (another thing to watch out for). Well, I had a lot of problems trying to stay at that weight and so I started to eat more, and finally got to what I considered to be a comfortable weight for me, and my health problems disappeared. I maintained close to that weight for several years, and I only gained back about 20 pounds when I went thru a terrible depression (I attribute that to meds rather than my eating). Since then, I have kept much of the original weight off (I have varied anywhere from 70 to 50 pounds less than my highest weight, right now I'm at about 60 pounds less, though I originally lost 100 pounds but I couldn't stay at that weight and be healthy) and I intend to continue to keep it off. That has been 18 years ago when I started the crash diet.

But, the main point here is that in order to lose and keep any weight off (this is IMO why most diets fail, as do people who try to quit smoking) is that you have to find something to fill the void that was previously filled by the enjoyment of eating. I just buckled down and forced myself to go and do something else (I tried to find something interesting or exciting to do or experience if I could) when I had the urge to eat when it wasn't meal time. And at meal times, I also had to get used to simply eating enough to turn off my hunger and not enough that I'd walk away from the table stuffed. That's the thing - you have to replace your joy of eating with the enjoyment of doing other things, as well as find a way to get your mind off of food.

That said, I also think it is a bad thing to try and conform to society's ideals of weight, shape, ways of eating, etc. At this point in my life I am still at a weight where I am considered well into the overweight range, but I really don't care. I'm not going to starve myself with some crazy diet to try and achieve that. I do watch what I eat (right now I'm technically on a diet of sorts, but for me it is a lifestyle and I intend to live this way for the rest of my life since I have had so many other health benefits from it other than losing ten pounds) and do whatever I can to keep my weight from creeping up, but I'm not going to try to fit into some preconceived notion about how much I should weigh. So basically I think people should lose weight if they want to, and lose what they are able to and are comfortable with, which may not always be "ideal". If you are bothered by being overweight or weighing more than you want to, losing weigh can be helpful. And as far as trying to impress others as in looking for a relationship, the way I see it is this: I am the way I am, if people don't like it they can look elsewhere. There are people out there who don't mind "larger" people and some who actually prefer those with some "padding". So I see no point in trying to impress those who want someone who is rail thin.

[Melody.ExE]

I think I go in the other direction I'm afraid. Similar to 5, I find food to be somewhat repulsive. The idea of mushing something up and keeping that mush inside my body makes me feel queasy. I'm a lot better than I used to be, and can push those feelings away to eat enough to maintain a healthy weight (BMI stable at 19.9 for 18 months and counting!), but in the past I've had a lot of trouble with anorexia.

I wish I enjoyed eating more, in the same way I wish I enjoyed sex more -- Just because it seems to be a big deal to some people, and sometimes I feel like I'm missing out! Maybe there is something in this 'food is equal to sex' theory.

[Janus the Fox]

I don't see much of a connection with food and sex in relation to things.

Personally I've been a very big individual, I didn't lose the weight to get sex and that's a matter of fact. :) I did so to lower the risk of an actual early death after a fall, caused by weight and others issues. The fall developed a blood clot in a major artery in the leg, could have easily killed without surgery. A blood test also showed serious liver and hormonal issues due to again weight. I never had much care for food, just eat what was given.

Everyone is simply going to have differencing motivations upon losing weight, adopting a change of lifestyle and simply eating better. A big part of seeing what you eat is how emotionally connected people are with food, food is a satisfaction of hunger and often how with the sea of quick, fatty meals it's too easy to fall into a unhealthy routine.

Oftentimes simply eating too much is just that, at other times, it can be something else far more deeper psychologically that could need addressing. After I had a discussion with a psychologist, I was likely using food as a sensory stimulus. Since, I've developed a taste for flavourful food, like salad, so I'm getting the sensory stimulation without the need for fatty foods. The resultant dramatic and rapid change of appearance was also another issue.

That's where the questioning and identity issues with a lot of things, as well as recent mental and physical health/disability diagnosis compounds that issue. That's a story for another thread though. :)

[Sebastian Grace]

I really enjoy the taste of food, but I don't actually like the process of eating it, by which I mean:

I don't like thinking about my bodily processes and what has to happen in order for my body to obtain nutrients. I don't like physically having to put external objects into my mouth, to have to grind them up, and then swallow them. I don't like the texture of most foods either.

I don't like the way that my figure changes dramatically after I eat, and I don't like the way that I feel after I've eaten and I can feel the food sitting in my stomach. I don't like that what I look like is, for the most part, determined by what I eat or don't eat.

I don't like the association with food and numbers. Three meals, five food groups, 2,000 calories each day, x kilograms lost and gained. I don't like being reduced to a living sum of perfectly balanced portions.

I don't like the way that food is made. I don't want to think about the corpse of something that was once alive, animal products that are manipulated and mixed with hormones, or fruit and vegetables that come from the soil and are sometimes sprayed with chemicals and genetically modified. I don't want to eat things straight from the earth that might be dirty, and I don't want people to have to work to produce food that I eat.

I don't like feeling full. I don't like feeling hungry. I don't like that I think about the taste of food as a source of pleasure, and I don't like the fact that I have to think about food in order to live.

Honestly, food as a concept is utterly repellent to me and I wish I didn't need to eat it, or that I could taste it without digesting it, or even that I didn't enjoy the taste so much.

Does this have anything to do with my asexuality? Maybe, maybe not. For me personally, food and sex are similar in that I have zero desire to engage with either, but that I must confront the repulsive processes associated with each in order to obtain their merits. However, sex is not necessary, and food is, so I'm not even sure.

[Guest]

I've had big issues with overeating since I was a little kid, which only got worse in puberty/adolescence. It still very obviously shows in my weight today (although I've been pretty stably ~30 kg below my sad personal record in morbid obesity, for the last half dozen years or so). I haven't dieted in over a decade now, though... I just accepted that I'll always be fat, and stopped fussing about it.

[Xavy]

Like 5, I just eat to live, not live to eat. I have friends who are unrepentant foodies and I see nothing wrong with that, because you should not deny yourself things that gives you pleasure unless of course, it somehow endangers yourself or others.

[Guest]

I love food, I'm lucky enough to be one of those people who can eat anything and stay slim, but I'm aware that the amount of sugar i eat is unhealthy (guilty chocoholic). Like you I've tried to go on diets (healthy eating diets rather than losing weight diets) but I've given up because it's not worth the misery of going without the foods i love (at least not whilst I'm young, fit, and healthy). Like sex, eating good food is pleasurable, i suppose for some people it can be comparable with an allosexuals relationship with sex, i have an allosexual friend who has weight problems who has commented that eating a good roast dinner is better than sex :D as for dieting, if your happy with your weight and aren't in danger of health problems, why bother?

[PlanetF]

Disclaimer: I am also one of those lucky enough to stay slim. But apart from that, I can identify with a lot of what is described here.

I love love love food. I love food. I love sweet food, salty food, sweet and salty food together, I love cooking, I love eating out (but can't afford to do it often), I love the whole process except the dishes at the end.

I've taken my interest in a bit of a different direction, by being really interested in the production of food. By that, I mean I make a lot of my own food, trying out different recipes, seeing what can and can't reasonably be made at home (things like yogurt I was spending so much money on, and it's so easy to make myself), which means I have more knowledge about the sugar, salt and fat content because I put it in myself, and buying local produce which just tastes so much better. I'm always aiming for the "mmmmmm" moment in my food, be it a new jam I'm trying, or a main meal. Food for me is definitely pleasurable in a way sex has never been.

As OhDearIzzy says, if you're happy with your weight and not in danger of healthy problems, denying yourself pleasure is probably not necessary. But small things like adding in more green veg could be beneficial for health, while not removing any of the mmmm factor or feeling like you're denying yourself.

[Exosk]

I agree with what Sebastian (Iris) says about how food basically appeals to me; something necessary and more complicated than it should be. I do not like the actual act of eating especially in public places. However, rather differently, I've come to enjoy the numbers and nutritional analysis perspective of it. It can still get boring and become a headache, but in terms of something to do with my time, it's not a bad hobby. Cooking is like chemistry lab and as the methods (of food available) changes and becomes more obscure/complicated, I'm trying to understand how that effects the food/nutrition and the best way to navigate that maze of a subject. I haven't had a problem with weight.

[sindi]

I haven't had any mentionable problems with food I rarely even enjoy eating - it's more like a chore. But I do like sweets...

[Mycroft is Yourcroft]

I adore food, pretty much all of it (except a couple of mushy fruits) and I love to eat, so it's lucky I have a speedy metabolism. I'm cutting down the amount of junk I eat too because of the industry I'm looking at breaking into, but I replace rather than restrict. I find that snacking pretty regularly on mini tomatoes, blueberries, apple slices etc. makes me less likely to crave a (big) bag of doritos or ice cream though, if that's any help to you.

I've also found that drinking 7/8 glasses of water (plain, coconut, tea etc...) help cut down my hankerings for less healthy stuff too.

Also, have you tried this recipe for making your own (super healthy!) ice-cream?

• Cut up 3 bananas into slices about 1cm thick
• Put them into the freezer without any covering
• Leave them for a few hours (I cut in the morning and they're perfect by dessert-time!)
• Throw them all in a food blender and pulse for a couple of minutes until they look smooth and ice-creamy (?!)
• NOMNOMNOM

You can add different flavourings and everything since there's not too strong a banana taste in the first place! :)

Good luck!

[Sebastian Grace]

I agree with what Sebastian (Iris) says about how food basically appeals to me; something necessary and more complicated than it should be. I do not like the actual act of eating especially in public places. However, rather differently, I've come to enjoy the numbers and nutritional analysis perspective of it. It can still get boring and become a headache, but in terms of something to do with my time, it's not a bad hobby. Cooking is like chemistry lab and as the methods (of food available) changes and becomes more obscure/complicated, I'm trying to understand how that effects the food/nutrition and the best way to navigate that maze of a subject. I haven't had a problem with weight.

Indeed. I also dislike eating in public and even though I live by myself right now, I don't cook. I find nutritional analysis interesting, but very offputting.

[Hikuroi]

I'm over weight but I don't over eat I just live on pizza and fast food and don't exercise. I would like to be vegetarian and go for a walk or bike ride everyday but as long as I live with my parents I can't. When I go to watch my grandparents house while they are camping and no one is controlling me I start loosing weight and once I'm back home I gain it right back. I don't have a job or drivers license and my mom's not in a hurry to get me either and my dad's working out of the country so he can't help me. My mom's worried I'll get kidnapped or killed if I leave our home alone and, even though she promised she wouldn't, she has stopped taking me to the park to walk or to the gym to swim/walk when it's to hot to go to the park. So I'm over weight but it's not because I have an eating problem, I just don't have access to healthy food and I don't get to go outside very often.