nettie88 Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 This is my first post on any AVEN forum, and I wanted to ask about something that has been bothering me for a while. I have been sexually attracted to others and enjoyed sex, but only when drinking alcohol. The same goes for enjoying romantic situations like cuddling and holding hands. It worries me that maybe I just have an emotional guard up (like my mother thinks I do, lol) which comes down due to the inhibition-suppressing effects of alcohol, and am incorrectly identifying as aromantic asexual. To be clear, I am not usually romantically or sexually attracted to others even when drinking. But it has happened on occasion over the last several years, and only after drinking. Has anyone else had this experience? Or does anyone have an explanation for why this happens to me? Thanks for any opinions, advice, or support! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Well it is possible that it is some emotional gaurd I suppose (hard to say since I am not you), but it is possible that you are demi-romantic/demi-sexual and when you are drunk you generally feel like you are in love easier, thus creating these feelings. I do not drink though, so I can not really say for sure, this is just based on my limited knowledge. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Exosk Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 There was something of a discussion about this here: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/104871-the-science-of-intoxication-and-false-sexuality/ I've read that certain cultures or groups used alcohol as aphrodisiacs, but how accurate that is, I don't know. I remember a guy in college that whenever he had alcohol he would become fully aroused. He was walking around that way and didn't seem to notice and/or didn't care that it happened. He didn't act more sexual because of it, but he was more playful and child-like with everyone around him than usual. I've seen a lot of different responses to the influence of alcohol in person, and it's probably not the same for everyone. Alcohol does not appear to effect my sexuality. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Xavy Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 If only alcohol was a "cure" for asexuality. Can you imagine ? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Heart Posted July 11, 2014 Share Posted July 11, 2014 If only alcohol was a "cure" for asexuality. Can you imagine ? Oh gosh! I would stay away from it like the plague then! Which is unfortunate, because I'm kinda fond of a gin and tonic after dinner... But I like myself the way I am, and I would never do anything to change it, even if I could :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Touchofinsight Posted July 11, 2014 Share Posted July 11, 2014 Alcohol doesn't make you do anything you couldn't do when sober, it does however lower your inhibitions. So it is possible that you are repressing some emotions to protect your self its quite common honestly. Some people can do it to extremes and others do it less intensively. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mycroft is Yourcroft Posted July 11, 2014 Share Posted July 11, 2014 I've been in a similar situation, and it can be a little worrisome to think that that's what's going on. It actually happens FAAAAAR less now since I've identified as Ace; I feel like it was partly because of social pressures and expectations that I was flirty at that kind of event. I've never had sex while drunk though. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
pegasusoftraken Posted July 11, 2014 Share Posted July 11, 2014 I think asexuality is way too complicated to ever come up with much of a coherent explanation. If you experience sexual attraction sometimes when drinking then to me that means no more than you sometimes experience sexual attraction when drinking. I wouldn't read any more into it than that, and don't think it has to mean suppressed desires or anything - particularly if you don't experience sexual attraction whilst sober. Alcohol affects the brain in all sorts of ways, including personality. So I don't disbelief that a temporary alteration in attraction is possible for some people. Above all, I'm not sure if an explanation is necessarily useful. If you are happy with the fact you sometimes experience sexual attraction and have sex in a specific circumstance, then that's all good. If you regret having sex afterwards then, it might be something to try to avoid. But either way, whatever works for you is all good. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CNGB Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 It's not possible that you're demisexual at all. To be demisexual would mean that you would have to form a close, emotional bond with someone before having sexual attraction to them (or romantic attraction, if demiromantic). The literal definition of asexuality is having no sexual attraction, period. However, that's where the gray-area comes in. Sexuality as a whole is not black and white; there are people who don't fit either side of the spectrum perfectly, and those people are called gray-A's. A gray-A is someone who only experiences sexual attraction under special and sometimes rare occasions. Being under the influence would qualify as "special," and you've already said that it's rare. There are some people who would disagree with me on this, but most are the elitists, so. . . . Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Estrid Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 Well, personally, I don't experience sexual attraction while being drunk, but I do get attracted to people more often and more intensely than when I am sober (y'know, in a sensuel "I really would like cuddle with you"-kinda way). So I guess alcohol has a similar effect on me, apart from the sex-thing. I think it is important to consider (a)sexuality as a way of experiencing the world rather than being som fixed core inside you. In that regard, you way of experiencing the world may change while drinking, I'd suppose. I'd say that the most important thing is that you feel comfortable with the way you experience the world, rather than being to keen on whether or not you experience the world "in the right way". Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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