Guest Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 all of the above, an asexual person is somebody who doesn't experience sexual attraction, so i don't see the point in exerting yourself for something you don't want, to change the thing that's not making you want to do it, furthermore, i don't see how having sex would change your sexual orientation, that's like saying " well i know your heterosexual but if you try not being attracted to girls and start having sex with guys you might like it." albeit, that's just my opinion on the subject. dpn't worry, i had the same thoughts when i realised i was asexual, and that's when i found that old thread that storminateacup was most likely referring to, which lead me to find AVEN ^_^ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Artistofnoname Posted July 18, 2014 Share Posted July 18, 2014 Course you can I'm asexual and as extra virgin as olive oil. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
marki Posted July 18, 2014 Share Posted July 18, 2014 Um...of course. Many asexuals are. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Vestal Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Yes. I am asexual and a virgin. I feel romantically attracted to men, but I find sex disgusting. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Archon Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I'm another one. Virgin for life and loving it! :D Quote Link to post Share on other sites
whitesphere Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 There is a gigantic difference between an asexual and a sexual who are both virgins. Most asexuals simply lack the drive or desire to have sex, even though they may very much want a deep romantic and emotional connection with another person. Asexuals can and do fall in love and all of the emotional dynamics are the same. A sexual person who is a virgin has that drive and desire to have sex, even if she hasn't yet. Let's put it this way: An awful lot of sitcom plots hinge on someone (just about always the wife) "punishing" her husband by denying him sex, to make him do something SHE wants him to do. This works with sexual people because that drive can be so strong that it can be very painful emotionally and physically (blue balls is NOT figurative for some sexual people). Asexuals probably wouldn't even notice the "punishment" and some might even be glad to stop being pressured for sex. So, how would you feel if you went the rest of your life without having sex with the woman you love? If it wouldn't phase you in the slightest, you're probably asexual. I would LOVE to see a sitcom where THAT "punishment" backfires because the husband is asexual (but wants kids so yes they have some), but if that came up it would probably be a humor jumping off point "Oh, you can't get it up, huh?" than an actual characterization. You don't need to have had sex to know you're asexual, because sexual people generally HAVE some measure of sexual drive in their consciousness before they have sex. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tanzanite Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I'm living proof. Also, some people don't seem to get that the keyword is "interest".*sigh* Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Chaewuic Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Those are some harsh words coming from someone that should be supportive. But, yes, you absolutely can be asexual and a virgin. I am. Basically, all asexuality is is the lack of sexual attraction to other people. There are asexuals that have sex, and asexuals that don't. There are asexuals that will have sex in the future and asexuals that won't. Don't worry about what this friend of yours is saying. And please, don't go after/forgive your ex. Someday you'll find a situation that is comfortable for you, sex or no sex. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RD_the Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 30 years old. Have never experienced sexual attraction to anyone. Started actively questioning my sexuality in my early 20s. Started identifying as asexual when I was 27. Had my sexual debut a few weeks ago. Still ace. Behaviour is not orientation. The funny/stupid thing is that if you'd had your sexual debut your friend probably would have told you that you are simply sexually damaged and that it's because you haven't had a good experience in bed. You would need to forgive your abusive ex boyfriend and then you'd be free to have good sex with your girlfriend. You'd give up that rediculous asexuality crap real fast. The problem is not you. You are not broken. There is nothing about you that needs to change in order to make your identity valid. You also don't have to convince anyone. They either accept you or they don't. It's not your choice or your responsibility. The problem here is that your friend is not accepting or supportive. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Theoryal Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 like everyone else has said, you definitely don't need to try everything to know if you want it or not :) I never had interest in sex, always figured it seemed rather awkward and gross. Now I'm married in a good relationship and have had what (as far as I can tell) must count as 'good sex' for several years... and I'm still ace. I still don't feel a need for sex, still find it awkward, boring, and kinda gross, still don't find arousal or orgasm any better than a good dessert or a good book. So nope, you definitely don't need to try it to know. I knew beforehand, having it didn't change my mind, and as much as I love my husband and am so happy to be with him, I'd probably be happier not knowing what I was 'missing' in the sex department because virginity seems more 'me'. And just to reiterate, you definitely should not feel bad about not being interested in sex, it's perfectly valid just as any other activities you don't happen to have interest in! It's really a shame that people tend to jump to the conclusion that someone else's personal tastes equate an active judgement on others, as if it's impossible to be comfortable with differences. I just don't get it myself. The shaming for things like being a virgin, or not liking alcohol as another example, always strikes me as strangely paranoid and defensive, almost as though they're trying to justify themselves to themselves more than it having anything to do with the other person, so to me it kinda undermines their attack. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sarika Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 For more validation, I'm 35, never been physiclly, emotionally or sexually abused, still a virgin, without depression, and am a very happy and positive individual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
coyote55 Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 FWIW, I've been asexual and a virgin throughout the administrations of 11 US Presidents. There's consistency for you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Prairie Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Asexual is not desiring sex. Virgin means haven't had sex. Everyone is born a virgin and that continues until they've had sex. So no conflict. Sounds like this person might think that being a virgin means that you've been celibate ever since you became sexual (wanting sex but forcing yourself not to), that is, something that's earned through sacrifice. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LindseyKate04 Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I'm really sorry. Your friend doesn't sound like a nice person at all. As a lot of people have been saying, I probably wouldn't continue being friends with that person if I were you. But if you do decide to give her another chance, you might want to show her this thread. All of the asexual virgins that have been responding, myself included, ought to convince her (: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
*a*rteest Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I'm proof too. Almost 40, virgin, I haven't ever sought it out nor do I now. I'm also of the camp that "well, it makes sense."I see beauty in both sexes, I'm romantically attracted to men (and even on that I feel a huge disconnect within myself), but..."eew! I don't know where they've been!" "That's gross." lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
chisaki Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 it's definitely ok to be a virgin and asexual, and like a lot of people had already said "I'm another"!I do know what you mean about wondering if you really can know you are when you haven't experienced it. For years I used to deny my asexuality (though back then I didn't even know what asexuality was, but I knew something was definitely...different with me when it came to sexuality) and tell myself over and over again I was just being a prude and that I just needed to find the right person. Thing is, when I actually did find a person I thought I'd have sex with...I couldn't do it. I just couldn't, because I felt nothing sexually towards them, and it didn't feel right to have sex with them even though every fiber of my teenage being loved them at the time. I'm approaching 21, and still have never had sex. But now I know it's perfectly ok to be this way, even though I'd be lying if I said the stigma of being a virgin didn't make me feel kind of weird. Though it's more related towards how other people would perceive me upon knowing that information, not how I perceive myself.I got a bit off topic, but anyways! You're perfectly fine being a virgin and asexual c: just stay true to yourself and your feelings, that's all that matters! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mywoundedknee Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I'm proof too. Almost 40, virgin, I haven't ever sought it out nor do I now. I'm also of the camp that "well, it makes sense." I see beauty in both sexes, I'm romantically attracted to men (and even on that I feel a huge disconnect within myself), but..."eew! I don't know where they've been!" "That's gross." lol True: you "don't know where they've been," however that has nothing to do with being asexual. If one wouldn't have sex with anyone because one wasn't sure of another's virginity, it would not be a sign of asexuality but rather a sexual preference, in other words unless one's a demisexual/gray-asexual with a preference for virgins, an asexual would "not experience sexual attraction" whether it's towards a virgin or a nonvirgin. Neither should one assume that there are no virgins since evidently (⬆⬆⬆), there are many. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nicknack12 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 It is most definitely, entirely possible. And don't let anyone tell you different! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mostly Peaceful Ryan Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Course you can I'm asexual and as extra virgin as olive oil. Love dis but there is no love button on AVEN..... ....yet <.< >.> Quote Link to post Share on other sites
*a*rteest Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 True: you "don't know where they've been," however that has nothing to do with being asexual. If one wouldn't have sex with anyone because one wasn't sure of another's virginity, it would not be a sign of asexuality but rather a sexual preference, in other words unless one's a demisexual/gray-asexual with a preference for virgins, an asexual would "not experience sexual attraction" whether it's towards a virgin or a nonvirgin. Oh, I didn't want to make it sound like I prefer virgins. That's simply one of the few things that go 'round my head when I do some considering. :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SirDork Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 There's gay virgins and straight virgins and nobody ever doubts their orientations lol. And of course some asexuals are virgins because they have no interest in perusing sexual activity. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lost247365 Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 I am also a member of the asexual virgin club.To be honest, I don't see why anyone would be surprised. If someone has no desire to have sex, or finds the idea of sexual acts off-putting, why would they ever engage in those type of actions in the first place? If anything, I would expect someone who is completely clueless about asexuality to have the mistaken impression that we are all virgins.Sorry your friend treated you so poorly after you told them something so personal about yourself. I hope that she comes around as she learns more about you and asexuality. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stephany Posted January 30, 2023 Share Posted January 30, 2023 This is unrelated but I have come to terms at 24 that I might be asexual and have been thinking it for awhile. I have no desire to have sex. I know I want to try it but I also know I have no desire to seek it. I thought I was the only one because everyone in my life tells me that will change. I don’t feel pleasure. And I thought I was alone. I am sorry your friend can’t understand. But this question you had brought you to so many who can understand. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SolaLuna Posted June 3, 2023 Share Posted June 3, 2023 I'm asexual and a virgin as well I'm not interested in sex at all and if I ever get into a relationship I always make sure to tell them that I'm asexual and I won't have sex with them before or after or during possible dating and or marriage personally I think it's possible to find happiness without having it personally I despise all forms of sex that includes oral sex as well to be perfectly honest I find it to be nasty and revolting I would much rather go watch pigeons and squirrels fight in a park again then have sex and for anyone wondering about the fighting squirrels and pigeons no I did not have to do anything to provoke them all people have to do is throw down fries in the park to feed them and they do the rest Quote Link to post Share on other sites
zoomer912 Posted June 3, 2023 Share Posted June 3, 2023 It depends on the individual. To me it's possible to be asexual and virgin. Asexual itself does mean that someone can still have a little sexual attraction to nothing. When the person who identifies ace but still has a little sexual attraction they can probably still want to have sex with a partner who they trust and if the person actually sex averse then they can be asexual and virgin. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sister Mercurial Posted June 4, 2023 Share Posted June 4, 2023 I don't know where I fit on the (a)sexuality spectrum because every time I think I know, something happens to shake up the kaleidoscope through which I look at the world of relationships yet again. However, one thing is fairly clear and simple. If you don't want to have sex with someone, there's no point in doing so. So it's damn stupid for anyone to treat you as if you're missing out on something if in the case of all the offers you've had, you didn't feel like you were missing anything by declining.  Quote Link to post Share on other sites
debjoy1111 Posted July 20, 2023 Share Posted July 20, 2023 Doesn't sound like a close friend, but a gaslighting bully who doesn't educate herself and do her job, that is being a supposed close friend by listening and understanding. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted July 20, 2023 Share Posted July 20, 2023 Asexual is what you are; it's your orientation. Being a virgin simply means you haven't had sex yet; it means that you haven't engaged in that action yet.    Quote Link to post Share on other sites
scarletlatitude Posted July 20, 2023 Share Posted July 20, 2023 I've also never hugged a cactus. I don't think I would enjoy that either. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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