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How Old Were You When you Determined your Asexuality


DragonSoulWithin

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I kind of knew when I was little, but i just thought that it would change. Them I knew when I was about your age. I just didn't think that was normal. I didn't find the term until I was eighteen, but I thought it was just a phase. i often cling onto new identities because i want to be unique and fit in, you know? It took a few months to accept it, but eventually I did.

I think the problem is a lot of people forget how young they were when they first discovered sexual attraction. When I was younger, I knew someone that was your age and was sexual. Then you get that "You're just a late bloomer" bullcrap. You know what. You may be a "late bloomer". You know what else? You may never bloom at all. That's fine. I believe that sexuality is fluid. So, you may be asexual now, but not asexual a few years from now. Your body and experiences changes over time, so your sexual preference might change as well.

All-in-all, you're asexual now. Whether that changes later or not, that doesn't mean that you're not asexual now, at this point in time. That's what matters in the long run. It's not, "I discovered that I wasn't asexual." It's, "Eventually, I changed, but that doesn't mean that I was asexual when I identified as it." That doesn't make you a "late bloomer". That doesn't mean this is a phase. That only means that you've changed, which is fine.

I was actually taught that sexuality is fluid in sex ed. I think that it is, too.

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HermioneGranger

I wish I had known as a teenager that asexuality was a thing, but I just thought I was odd or frigid or somehow abnormal. It wasn't until this year, at age 34, that I finally discovered that this is an actual orientation and is obviously what I've always known I was, but without the vocabulary to express it. If I had known at your age, I wouldn't have spent the last twenty years trying to force myself into relationships that are completely unnatural and unfulfilled for me.

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I knew that "I will never do that" when I was around five, right when I "got the talk". That just never changed.

Around 16 or 17, I started to realize that this makes me fundamentally different from my peer group.

It was only at age 38 I finally discovered the word/label "asexuality" for it to describe what has basically been my experience all my consciously remembered life long.

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New Strawberry 8

This year (I'm 18). I've always known I didn't want sex and the idea was pretty unappealing, but I thought that was just the common thought amongst virgins. I had been having sex for about 8-10 months before I fully found out about asexuality and understood that I wasn't (for lack of a better word) a freak. I do understand how parents or classmates might not quite be able to fathom a fairly unrecognized sexuality, but if you feel confident (and hell, even if you don't), don't let others tell you what you feel isn't going to last. I was lucky enough to figure it all out when I was young. There are plenty of people out there, as well as on this site, who didn't find out until they were married or longer. I would have loved to have known when I was 14. It would have saved me from uncomfortable dates and confusing experiences. Don't feel unsure or nervous, feel proud and fortunate.

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(A)rrogant Avian

When I was 14 I decided that I didn't like sex, but I repressed my asexuality until I was 15, at 15 I discovered asexuality and what it is about. A little while after that I started to label myself as asexual, after doing quite a bit of research about it.

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I really don't know. I've never done anything even remotely sexual with another person (hell I've never even been on a date). Sometime in my 20's I figured out that I was atleast bi, but didn't really come to terms with it til my late 30's (at that point I knew I was no doubt bi, and more towards the gay end) _but_ I didn't see myself as the stereotypical bi/gay guy that wanted sex, sex, sex, random hookups, not getting to know someone before jumping in their bed, etc...infact I had no interest in such activity. I knew if I ever did anything I would have to get to know someone before i even considered more. (basically love first, then sex).

I figured allot of the it was the fact I'm sorta shy, also pretty much suck at social interaction...and yeah thats deff a big part of it, but looking at it over time I've come to figure there's something more - I'd like the 'love' part of a relationship, but don't really want the 'sex' part.

I only found/joined AVEN this year, but even before that I thought of myself as atleast somewhat of a "non-sexual"

(I'd heard the word 'asexual' - as with plants & snails that do asexual reproduction, also heard it in a song...)

basically I didn't know asexuality was a thing. Having been here a few months now, I can atleast have a word for it.

I know I'll be forever-single, I've long since given up on finding anyone, there's far too many reasons...

But I also don't see single as a bad thing...

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TheRuffian

I googled my lack of desire a couple of months ago and came across this site, had a read and then sort of put it on the back burner. Doesn't affect my life THAT much in reality, its not like I have people wanting a relationship knocking on my door every day. LOL

A few weeks ago I really started thinking about it and researched, I would call myself hetero-romantic asexual. I do wonder if I am absolutely ace, or if I just haven't found someone who I am close enough to to find out.

I am 19, a few weeks off being 20. I do have the added 'advantage' per se of having had sex/foreplay a few times and knowing it does absolutely nothing for me.

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I always knew that I didn't like the idea of sex or even kissing. I started thinking of myself as asexual when I was 16 (I'm 17 now).

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I'm world renowned for being clueless. While I've been living the life for the past 15 years or so, I wasn't sure of what it was until 2011, so 48.

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I'm 14, and don't worry, my doubts are the same of yours. But I know that I'm ace no matter what anybody says, and so are you :)

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I was introduced to the term a few weeks before my 18th birthday. I confirmed that I was Ace about 3 months later and have remained as such since then :)

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I've known that there was something different about me since the start of puberty. Everyone around me was suddenly interested in sex, and I didn't see what the point was. I didn't feel repulsed by it, I just didn't care. I think I came across the term a few years ago, but didn't really read much about it, and thought that because I had a libido, I couldn't be asexual. I did more reading starting a few months ago, and realized the term fit me well, but only really accepted it about a month or so ago.

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I was 14 when I first heard about it and immediately knew that it fit me. I told my best friends at the time and they all said it wasn't real etc and convinced me I was just a "late bloomer" etc, if this happens to you please ignore it!! I listened to them and denied my feelings and it was a huge mistake

it wasn't until two and a half years later when i was nearly 17 that I "rediscovered" asexuality and found the community. I had some new friends then who were also realising that they're asexual so I wasn't alone this time and from then I've been 100% sure of myself and not let anyone talk me down about it

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I'm sixteen and I only figured out a few weeks ago that I was asexual. I guess it was really slowly revealed to me...I saw the term 'asexual' around on the internet, and I remember once looking it up and thinking it sounded like me. Only this year did I look at it again and think "this still sounds a lot like me", and the more I learnt about it the more I realised that it wasn't just a phase - I've felt like this for a long time and I'm rather comfortable with it. Even if it is a phase, it's an asexual phase, and I know 100% that I am asexual, even if only for a couple of years.

I'm lucky enough to have figured this out at the same time as my friends are figuring themselves out, so I don't feel like I'm missing out on something everyone else gets to experience. I'm also lucky in the only friend I confided in, same age as me, happened to think she's asexual too :)

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I started suspecting at age 10. I am now 25 and much more certain.

I think at 14 you should not think you know for certain that you are going to be a lifelong asexual. So far I've known four people in person (two I met through the online ace groups) who suddenly discovered that they were NOT asexual in their late teens (three of them) and early twenties (one of them).

It is still reasonable to acknowledge that at 14 you are not developing in the manner of your peers. Perhaps you are a late bloomer or perhaps a non sexual-bloomer. Either way you probably feel different.

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When I became soul searchyabout my sexuality I identified as Bisexual. Then when I did more searching I started figuring out I was most likely Asexual. I was 16 at the time but when I came out to my boyfriend at the time they flipped out so I was like "wait why is this a bad thing?" but went along with it... After that whole incident I continued to identify as Bisexual. Soon though, after bit more soul searching, I began to identify as Asexual and I'm super glad about that.

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I remember hearing the term Asexual in science class in the eighth grade, but it never really registered with me. I'm 30 now and have only just figured it out in the past few months properly, although I've suspected for about 5 or 6 years now.

I don't think 14 is too young to work out that you don't experience sexual attraction, because most people start to experience it at a much younger age than that. As for what you identify as, people change over time. You might be a late-bloomer (that's what people told me), or you may have gotten it right first time around. I don't think maturity has much to do with it: as I said I'm 30 and have only just realised! But I wouldn't put too much stock in labels, no matter your age: if you feel it fits you, then go right ahead and call yourself asexual. :)

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Lungbarrowmas

I've never felt sexually attracted to people, I've known about the term Asexual for describing a person for longer than I remember, that's because of Doctor Who. I've always felt "different" in primary school, when all of the other kids had little crushes and pretended to get married I had no interest, and just played Doctor Who games with my friend. I started toying with the idea of being Asexual myself around the initial stages of puberty, so when I was around 11-12. I repressed all of my feelings and just pretended (quite badly) to be heterosexual. I looked at pictures of girls online, but I just DIDN'T see them any differently to how I'd see a normal woman, like my Mum or Nan. I just wasn't attracted to them. When I was 13, I decided to play around with the idea of being Homo or Bisexual. I looked at pictures of guys and had no interest in them either. When I was 14 I found Aven and read up on Asexuality, I found that I fitted the label perfectly, however I did not assign it to myself because I though I was too young or would not be accepted by the community. This year (15 1/2) I met another Ace online and realised that I really COULD BE Ace myself, after talking to him, I decided it was time to look into it further, I spent many nights looking into all sexuality's and I was not aroused by any of the people I looked at on-line. So after a while of not knowing I started using the term Asexual towards myself, and it's been wonderful! For once in my life I've had clarity on how I feel, and I know that some people say that sexuality is fluid, well I have Aspergers and I am very rigid in my ways, I hardly change anything, so this isn't changing, and for those who doubt my Asexuality, well I'm nearly at the age of consent, people my age are screwing, if I wanted to I would, but I have no attraction towards people, and so if some can except that people my age WANT to fuck, they should be able to accept that I DO NOT want to fuck.

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Kwillis2009

I was 17 of 18 when I realized that I was asexual because I only have romantic and emotional feelings and thinking about the sex talk makes me sick mentally.

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Sebastian Grace

I was 16 or 17 when I suspected I was asexual. At the time, I had never heard the term 'asexuality' before. I made a load of assumptions that are often made about asexuality about myself (I thought there was something wrong with me, or that I wasn't having sex with the right people, all of that). I actually searched the Internet for "is there something wrong with me if I don't like sex" and found the definition through AVEN that way.

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anotherjessica

For eight years I knew that I wasn't straight, but I learnt that I was both an asexual and aromantic this year (I turned 21 in March). Month-wise, I realised I was asexual in June and aromantic on July 8th to be specific.

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