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How Old Were You When you Determined your Asexuality


DragonSoulWithin

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DragonSoulWithin

Although I have done a lot of research and I am fairly confident in assessing myself as asexual, I am fourteen and concerned that trying to discuss my asexuality at all will leave me too open to 'oh it's just a phase' comments. Also, I am the sort of person who constantly doubts herself so I couldn't help but include 'maybe I'm too young to know' in my list of things I could be doing wrong. I wanted to hear from you guys: when did you realize you were asexual? Do you think fourteen is old enough to determine or is it about self awareness and maturity more than age?

Thanks!

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I just really figured out the label this year and I'm 24! But I've known I was different for a long time. I just never fit the mold of "boy crazy" and I didn't like to date in high school because I wanted to avoid people expecting anything sexual from me. I think if I had known about the label at 14 I would've identified then, too. :)

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TheStarrySkai

This year, a couple months ago.

I never payed attention to sexual things. Or I did, but I didn't care about them. Sex was always 'something I probably was gonna do in life cause everyone does it, but I don't really care' type thing. I'm also gray-romantic so I've always had a disinterested point of view in romance/attraction. Because of that I've always been confused about my sexuality [since middle school anyway] and I guess sub-consciously I've felt I was different.

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20 this year when I knew for sure, though I'd considered it since 19. Before then, I didn't really know the term 'asexual' otherwise I would have gone with it a long time ago.

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The important thing to remember is that you fit the label, the label doesn't fit you.

Asexual is just a word. How you feel, think and react to things give reality to the word, and if it fits how you feel, then it's your label. Don't confine your self to the word, let the word describe you.

For the longest time I have felt a little different from any body else. I didn't react the same to things others did. My feeling for women never manifested in any physical desires.

When I learned of the word asexual it just fit. My feelings had a name. Once I got on this and started the process of educating myself, I further felt that gray a heteroromantic further matches how I feel. Maybe one day I wont feel this way, and that would be fine. The label I use helps me define who I am in this moment, but it doesn't mean it defines everything I am. I am other things with words in them as well. I am a brother, friend and recently an uncle. The label is great, but I am more than just that word.

I hope the above helps. We all have had doubts, it's easy when you are a minority and the majority try to make you fit their perception of what is true. Let your feelings guide you. You know went something doesn't feel right, no matter what people tell you.

I hope this helps and I didn't sound too much like a Jedi.

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I really truly connected and found out a few weeks ago (I'm 25) lol, though I was researching it for the past few months...in my teenage years, and just how I was raised, I didn't know the term "asexuality" whatsoever. I was always different from most kids my age, and I felt out of place and weird for never being in a relationship etc. And, well, here I am, several years later, and nothing has changed! Finally, I came across AVEN, and everything fit into place. : ) As others here said, it's up to you and how you feel. There's no age limit on discovering yourself! :cake: And we go through changes, too, in how we identify. Before knowing what asexuality was, I identified as straight, and then bisexual since I had crushes on both sexes, but then...well, those didn't really work as I've never desired sex with anyone.

So yeah, anyhoo, keep learning, exploring, asking questions, and experiencing life! You can never be too young or too old. : )

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I first started identifying as asexual when I was nineteen. I started realizing that I was not a typical straight guy when I was about seventeen, but didn't have the words for it, namely that I was asexual, but still romantic.

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anonymousgirl123

I'm fifteen and just recently (about two months ago maybe) came across the term asexual on tumblr. When I googled it to see what it was I realized the word fit me pretty well. I've only identified as asexual for a few weeks now but there is no doubt in my mind that that's who I am.

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So I've accepted that I was different since around middle school, but didn't find and identify with the term asexual since the summer between high school and college. So that means I was 18. And now I'm 20!

I am very certain that I've labeled myself properly (biromantic asexual). Not many people know. Only 3 people know the biromantic part. Then most of my social circle knows I'm asexual. But that's it! It's something I am comfortable identifying with, and know it's not a phase, as what I feel lines up so well with the many branched-definitions of asexuality. It just makes sense for me!

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The Once-ler

I don't think fourteen is too young at all!

I always knew I wasn't interested in any gender. I didn't know there was a word for it until I was 15 (pretty close to 14). So far, no one's told me it's a phase, but I've only really told my closest friends (who are the ones who brought up asexuality). I know some other aces in my school, one my age and one a year older than me. I would expect the "phase" talk from adults, though.

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Alright...I wont use the word 'phase'. But, many respondents are referring to their institutional years, in schools etc, when they felt they'd first recognised their asexual orientation.

The label 'asexual' may not have been discovered by that individual until many years later. It appears these institutions play a significant role in the recognition process.

High school, and 'varsity particularly, provided an environment for me to recognise my unique circumstances. That was due to peer group pressure. My hyper-stud f/mates set a standard that I felt I had to emulate in order to remain part of the dominant-normative group.

I failed to reach the 'standard' my peers had set. Having no sex-life...failing to "have it off with any cute chick" on a one-night-stand...I blamed myself! In 'varsity terms I failed the prerequisite paper Fucking 101 with a D minus... Cia :huh:

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GhostMachine

I came across this site about 5 years ago, but I think it was the statement "If at any point someone finds the word asexual useful to describe themselves, we encourage them to use it for as long as it makes sense to do so" in the overview made me very upset. It sounded again like lack of sexual attraction wasn't something that is taken seriously. I understand now that by encouraging the term's use for 'whenever' people find it relevant is suppose to increase awareness, but I also felt the purpose was beaten down to being dismissible as a phase. That was my final blow before that made me decide I had to 'get the experience over with".

I shouldn't have felt like that, but it was an accumulation of derogatory things I couldn't shake that did it. Convincing myself to initiate was a very bad experience for me. After that, I tried more romantic relationships and I'm quite 'dead' for those as well. I was 17 when I came across this site the first time that I can remember.

In middle and high school I did not have any interest in boys or girls. I would pretend to take an interest so that I was ignored less by potential friends. I was always trying to start a club or find someone to play games with that wouldn't take an interest to me (in the flirty/physical manner). During all of middle school, my best friend and I were accused of being lesbians despite the fact we didn't touch each other or make weird faces like everyone else. We hung out with different people to disband the stigma and then she moved away. I had no close friends in high school and about 5 good friends over my last two years of college. Although I have not heard from any of them this past year. Most males assumed I was frigid, two friends (1 m, 1 f) didn't care, one female friend was always looking at me suspiciously but then used me to deter lesbians by pretending I was her girlfriend (not really by my choice), and another friend preferred to look at me as celibate and practicing 'pure' choice.

Take from it what you want, I can't change it now. I still haven't watched the (A)sexuality video on Netflix.

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I pretty much "figured it out" when I was 15 or 16, but didn't have a term for it until I was 18, and even still, I didn't really start using it to identify my sexuality until I was 19. I've always been romantically attracted to people, so I just didn't really even realize there was something different about me until my sophomore year of high school when everyone started f*cking like bunnies. And even then I thought everyone else was just buying into the crap the media feeds us, that sex is something fantastic when it really isn't that big of a deal.

But anyway, I think 14 is an appropriate age. It's when people really start figuring themselves out. Some figure it out pretty quickly, some take years or even decades to figure it out. And if it changes over time, then whatever, right? Sexuality is fluid.

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I only realised I was asexual a couple of years back. I was 22 or 23 at the time. This was only because I hadn't been aware of the actual definition of the term. If I'd known that, I might have found out already in my teens, when I first heard the term. This has never been very important to me, though, since I don't feel that my asexuality is that important to my identity. I feel more comfortable not defining my gender or sexuality, but I'm somewhat pleased to know that there is a label that fits me, if I ever actually need to express my sexuality in less than two words.

I don't think that fourteen is too young to know, but I think that people of all ages should understand that identities don't have to be set in stone. It's possible to identify as the same thing for the rest of your life, but it's also possible that your experience changes over time, and there's nothing wrong with that.

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I'd rather be in band.

I started figuring it out when I was twelve, but I didn't come out for quite a while; it was too daunting. I just happened to find the perfect word to describe myself at a young age.

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KokoroKitty

I was either thirteen or fourteen when I found this site and felt like it described me. At the time I knew I would probably not be taken seriously, so I let it go. Now I'm seventeen and my feelings about sex haven't changed since then. Ever since my first sex ed class at age ten I've known I wasn't like my peers, but I just didn't have a word for it.

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Over the past few years I figured out I wasn't interested; it's only been over the past few weeks, at 18, that I've had a term for it, though.

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Last year, soooo 25 years old....just never got round to it, I suppouse I was more focused on enjoying my life that in thinking that by that point I should have at least thought about sex XD

But if you discover this about yourself at 14? Awsome for you!!! ^^You´ll probably avoid asking yourself some questions later in life haha

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I subconsciously knew at the age of 6 or 7, and found out asexuality was an orientation at 38 (thanks to Google!).

In retrospect, so many things finally made sense to me.

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littleheartsofjoy

I just really figured out the label this year and I'm 24! But I've known I was different for a long time. I just never fit the mold of "boy crazy" and I didn't like to date in high school because I wanted to avoid people expecting anything sexual from me. I think if I had known about the label at 14 I would've identified then, too. :)

Yeah, what they said, but change this year to last year and the age to 23. I felt broken that I didn't desire sex, at all, when it seemed like everyone I know/knew, does.

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I knew when my peers and I were hitting puberty (around ages 11-13) that I was different. Someone called me "asexual" when I was 18 or 19 and it was the first time I had heard the term referring to a person. I didn't start to look into it until I was about 25. I still haven't "determined" it yet so much as it is a "very strong possibility" and I am 27.

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I was 22, but I could have determined it much earlier if I had found this website a few years ago. However I think your twenties are good time to determine this in a more definitive way, when adolescence is over and the whole issue of sexuality is more settled. Although I also think that these things may suffer some variations throughout life and depending on people's experiencies, but adolescence is different, it's a period of continuous change. Speaking in general, because it's true that there can be as many different cases as people. Depends on each one to decide how we're comfortable defining ourselves in each moment of life.

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I had known my feelings for quite a while, from a young age, but at first I remember thinking that everyone else felt the same as me (I think this is because the media strongly enforced a message of "don't give into the peer pressure to have sex", so I assumed people didn't want it in the first place if they had to be pressured?). I can't quite recall when I heard the term "asexual" used as an orientation, but I joined AVEN when I was 16. When I heard the term I immediately started using it to describe myself, because it fit what I had felt all along.

I'm 23 now, and my feelings toward sex/sexual attraction haven't changed, and I've never questioned whether I am asexual or not. The term still fits me and it always has, so even though I started feeling this way when I was relatively young, I think that I know myself pretty well. It's not a phase, it's who I am and who I've always been.

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Janus the Fox

I've never felt any sense of a sexuality when much younger, I never had an awareness of orientation of any kind when younger. I only had the realization 3 years ago at age 23 or so. It just makes sense now and past plus explains lack of experiences what others where. Never made aware and more focused on Pokemon and others rather put focus on people and social stuff.

Only use the label of your choosing if you feel it is right to do so, feel mature and certain enough to do so. Like with any orientation don't be too hasty if unsure and take as long as required.

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ChaosHatsune

I don't think you're too young to consider yourself asexual. I learned that I was asexual at the same age as you. I'm 16 now and my feelings haven't changed. I never desired sex. I never looked at someone and thought that they were hot and sexy. I also just recently realized that I never had a true crush on anybody. Whenever I thought that I a had crush on someone, I realized that I never fantasized being with them, that means that I never imagined myself kissing or hugging them. I have never felt the desire to actually be in a relationship. I could never imagine myself actually being with someone. Sure I want to try dating one day, but for now I am completely happy being single. I'm not at all bothered by the fact that I don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend. For now, I will still use the word asexual as a means of identifying myself. It fits me, so why not use it?

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TheNomment

Hey, hey, guess what.

I identified as asexual at, 13.

You aren't too young, and actually, and sure, I've gotten "It's just a phase" before, but remember, be yourself. Sexuality is fluid for some people, so it might change for you, it might not. For me, I've be ace my entire life. So it was easy for me to decide, but when I first heard the term asexual, I denied I was it at all, so things change once you get to know yourself. So get to know yourself to every point possible. That's my advice. You're old enough if I identified at 13.

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Machanigal

Back in high school I stumbled across the term when I was 15 or so and felt that it fit. I couldn't determine if I liked boys or girls. I liked girls aesthetically more than boys, but I honestly didn't like anyone at my school and I wasn't crazy over celebrities. My friends would laugh at me and say that I HAD to like someone, and were sure that I was keeping it a secret. My online friends would call me the asexual bisexual he-she (I enjoyed cross-dressing as a pretty-boy). Now days I guess that would just be asexual bi-romantic gender fluid!

However, after meeting my first boyfriend at 16 I thought I wasn't asexual, and settled for hetero. Now I'm 24 and it feels like I'm back to square one of re-evaluating my orientation!

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StormFireKitty

Ah, and I'm an antique on this thread.

I wish I'd known enough to figure it out when I was your age.

Since I'm HeteroRomantic, and there's all this societal baggage about "that's how you express love, and men want it more than women"... I didn't realize until last year that I had never in my life initiated due to my own desire. I was responsive when I was younger, and never found the acts unpleasant, but what I missed when I was separated from a partner was the snuggles, not the sex.

So... oblivious kitty is oblivious, and I didn't find out until I was 37 that asexuality was a thing, and didn't figure out until a year later that it was my thing. (And at that point I was in the end phase of a twelve year partnership, and hadn't even realized that we'd only had sex three times in the past two years)

And yes, without the condescending crud of calling it a "phase" it's possible for things to change. Looking back? If I'd had the words I might have categorized myself as romantic asexual in my teens, and demisexual in my early 20s (my most fertile years). But as I aged my libido gradually dropped to zero and now at 39 it's nonexistant and I miss it not at all.

So, if the label feels comfortable to you now, use it, even if it's only in your own mind. But if as you age your hormone levels trigger different things, don't let yourself be trapped by the label. Be (and accept) yourself, whoever that self happens to evolve into.

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ThomasinaAquinas

I was 18 when it was first suggested to me, 19 before I was more sure where I fell on the spectrum. I now think I am a demisexual. I started off as completely textbook asexual, but I also hadn't ever had a romantic relationship. Now I seem to be on the very low end of normal for libido/sexual arousal, but I do experience some towards my SO (after about a year and a half of relationship building and trust development). I wonder if I just always fit demisexual and just thought I was fully asexual at first because my sexuality was never in any way triggered.

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This year, at age 17. I know I'm on the asexual spectrum. I've never had sex, but I have no sex drive. I always saw it as something you have to do if you want kids with your genes. Looking back, I realize that I've always been asexual, I just didn't realize it sooner.

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