Masturbation... Thoughts? Trials or Tribulations?

[Roxas13]

Hey lovlies; I'm new here so it's lovely to meet you! :)

Well, let's start! First, a bit of background - I am female, clinically depressed, and identify as a pansexual demi/grey-A.

I've never had sex (not interested and squicked by het, frankly) my first kiss was last year (I didn't "engage" physically or mentally, even though there were no problems with either partner. And I was sober! Yay!)

Sorry, I digress.

I've tried masturbating recently, out of curiosity, and even with a stimulating "turn on" I fizzled out before reaching orgasm and the sensation itself was a little boring after the initial "taste".

So I'm wondering what your experiences have been like? Is there someone here with a simillar/different story? I have no one else to talk to except my friends who are over-sexed. It's just not what I can relate to.

TIA!

Rox <3

[Guest]

I've tried masturbating recently, out of curiosity, and even with a stimulating "turn on" I fizzled out before reaching orgasm and the sensation itself was a little boring after the initial "taste".

It has been a while since I've touched that part of me. I only seem to do it when I am forced to by my body. Try not to think. Or worry. It should be relaxing .... Give yourself time.

[ThaHoward]

Some people can enjoy masturbation, some don't. Some can do it easiley others take a long time before it happen. You are also female and it is harder for females in general to be stimulated both during sex and masturbation. Depression might also affect your sex drive btw. But it is nothing to be afraid or ashamed of if you don't enjoy masturbation or kissing. I don't enjoy kissing or sex, and took me time before I started to enjoy masturbation, and if I am in a good mood I enjoy it more than if I am low down.

So take your time and explore your body. Eventually you'll find your thing - or perhaps you got none at all. You can also try to invest in sex toys and do it when you are the most relaxed and happy. Good luck and enjoy ^_^

[amsterdamnit]

I feel similarly. It is at least a bit of sensation, but it is kind of dull and empty.

I spent a lot of time looking up how to/ what it is like stuff from Rookie and Bitch, which are both kind-of feminist/ open minded publications. And I was kind of like, "oh crud, this is not MIND BLOWING..."

But I kind of feel like it is a waste of time most of the time.

I am sometimes drawn to it biologically, and it is better then, but still not thrilling.

And I agree with the idea that depression may affect it. I know it does for me.

But you don't have to like masturbation, or you can love it and still be an asexual, or fluctuate, or be anything.

It is whatever works for you.

[iamphoenixfire]

personally i love it. but i can see exactly why some people don't like it.

[Guest]

personally i love it. but i can see exactly why some people don't like it.

:O

[Artistofnoname]

I don't even know how.

Not that I really care.

[nanoCat]

If you are taking meds for your depression then it is very common to have delayed orgasms or inability to reach orgasms sometimes, especially with SSRIs such as Prozac (Fluoxetine) and Celexa (Citalopram). I experienced this when I was on Celexa.

[turtleswithhats]

Boring and useless and kind of gross. I really dont care for anything sex related.

[biace_inyourface]

I also had trouble with masturbation at first. I tried it a couple times growing up and it just didn't do anything for me and I kinda felt weird about the whole thing. It wasn't until much later when I got a vibrator and tried different tactics... Now I'm a fan. It's a way for me to just enjoy myself and my body without the weirdness of sex.

[londonfog]

Since it doesn't sound like it bothers you that you didn't really enjoy masturbating I would say don't worry about it, theres definitely nothing wrong with that! If you're still curious just keep experimenting it might take a bit of time to perfect what works for you.

[Roxas13]

Ah! Thank you so much everyone! Yeah it's a tricky topic at the best of times. Especially for us girls! I agree with the ones that said it had a link to depression and frankly, it probably does, so I take everything with a giant grain of salt. I suppose I want to be prepared is all, for any sexual encounters that might happen down the track. Still, the idea of toys or figging even has crossed my mind, but I just don't want to go there. And as for @nijikaze - I was totally the same! I didn't even know where my clit was for the longest time!

I have to say though - again thankyou :) it's lonely being the only one in my immediate vicinity who is Ace. And fluid, at that. I really appreciate each and every one of your responses! *hands out cake*

[Sundance_]

I've tried masturbating recently, out of curiosity, and even with a stimulating "turn on" I fizzled out before reaching orgasm and the sensation itself was a little boring after the initial "taste".

I am the same, depression and everything. I've never been on medication.

Masterbating is just boring. I think I may be reaching orgasm and not feeling it, which is a thing called sexual anhedonia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_anhedonia). It's annoying because since I tried masturbating I now have something of a sex drive, but I don't really enjoy it and I can't get much pleasure from it.

[Philip027]

I don't even know how.

Not that I really care.

Pretty much sums me up

[Rooke]

Personally, my main thing is the connection to another person - I'm grey, so I have a sex drive, it just is directed towards one person with whom I feel a bond… So for me, masturbation is about as useless as playing a game of chess against yourself. You could do it, and you gain absolutely nothing, and it's really a very sad way to pass a rainy day. ;P

I don't even worry about it at all, I just accept that I am very different from, it seems, the rest of the world when it comes to this. I have no interest in toys, or anything else related; I just want that bond with another person, and the physical expression of it.

I would say don't worry about whether or how you fit into things - go with what seems right for you. I've heard about the link between sex drive and depression, or depression meds and sex drive, but depression hasn't affected me as much as my sexual identity has. It's possible it's the depression, in which case talk to your doctor about it! But it could also just be the way you are. You'll figure it out in time.

[Janus the Fox]

I can only masturbate when in the mood to do so, I can't do so just from nothing contrary to popular belief that all males can do so.

Depends on my mood and what I want to do that can drive any thought. Most of the time no thought produces the best pleasure, what area I use for pleasure depends if im in a more dominant of submissive mood to either achieve either masculine or feminine pleasure. I can get my Furry and Yiffing fetishism's involved, including using the imagination to get Gwydion and Rhoslyn involved.

I do it around twice a week at most unless the libido flat-lines from illness/anxiety/stress etc. Often alternating in what practice I want to do next. It could take anywhere between 5 to 45 minutes to orgasm. I've done enough body and mind exploration to make masturbation an enjoyable experience where before I though I didn't have a libido before, just the preferences where in a different place. ;)

[marki]

My problem is the videos I watch are not in high numbers ( since I only can watch women who masterbate and squirt) and it has got to the point where after seeing the same videos I don't get any reaction from down there because it just is like totally non sexual. I'm having too much fun watching it to want to touch myself.

I'm having a hard time being able to trick my body into getting properly large enough to safely touch it...if you go to work too early you can mess up the whole thing I think......

Oh well...a different post had someone tell me another term to describe it so hopefully I can find some new videos! Is it odd to enjoy watching girls masterbate but not finding it sexual at all?

[Roxas13]

I've tried masturbating recently, out of curiosity, and even with a stimulating "turn on" I fizzled out before reaching orgasm and the sensation itself was a little boring after the initial "taste".

I am the same, depression and everything. I've never been on medication.

Masterbating is just boring. I think I may be reaching orgasm and not feeling it, which is a thing called sexual anhedonia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_anhedonia). It's annoying because since I tried masturbating I now have something of a sex drive, but I don't really enjoy it and I can't get much pleasure from it.

[Roxas13]

Wow that's interesting... It makes so much sense! And I really sympathise with you, dear. It's boring, frustrating and personally, just plain weird.

[Roxas13]

My problem is the videos I watch are not in high numbers ( since I only can watch women who masterbate and squirt) and it has got to the point where after seeing the same videos I don't get any reaction from down there because it just is like totally non sexual. I'm having too much fun watching it to want to touch myself.

I'm having a hard time being able to trick my body into getting properly large enough to safely touch it...if you go to work too early you can mess up the whole thing I think......

Oh well...a different post had someone tell me another term to describe it so hopefully I can find some new videos! Is it odd to enjoy watching girls masterbate but not finding it sexual at all?

[marki]

Um....what is that condition? How do I know if I even have an orgasm?

Men....

Is the orgasm that weird millisecond or 2 of like warmth when you release? I don't know what else an orgasm could be........do I suffer from that condition or am I just being ace?

[Roxas13]

Marki - from my own perspective I don't think it's strange at all! I watched/read a fuck tonne of homoerotic stuff and on onehand, find it aesthetically intriguing, but on the other, I am detached. Probably because I know it's fiction or something else perhaps. Experiencing it in real life might change things? And as for your last bit: not at all! I think porn/sexually explicit material is kinda funny. Don't know if that's helpful - I'm no expert. By any means. But I get you and I hope you find your questions answered soon!

[marki]

Maybe tmi?

Found a new video tonight! Yay...I may learn some Japanese too! I love Japan...they even blur out the spooky bits!

[hgwells]

I enjoy being turned on and I like the feelings from the process of masturbation but hate the afterwards, where I always feel a bit meh about it even if I had an orgasm or 2. I would rather, for the most part, keep the feeling of being turned on than do anything about it which would end up feeling meh. Hope that made some sense lol

[MeriKarhu]

I enjoy being turned on and I like the feelings from the process of masturbation but hate the afterwards, where I always feel a bit meh about it even if I had an orgasm or 2. I would rather, for the most part, keep the feeling of being turned on than do anything about it which would end up feeling meh. Hope that made some sense lol

You hit the nail on the head. I relate to this so much. It feels nice for a little while, especially if I'm hyper for some reason, but afterwards I just view it as a way to burn off excess energy or relieve tension. Otherwise, it's just… exactly what you said. Meh.

[hgwells]

Glad it made sense and that I'm not the only one to feel like that :D

[Janus the Fox]

huh... For orgasm pleasure... It can significantly vary as orgasm does not mean ejaculation for me.

The orgasm can be absent, mild, intensive or even comes in waves one after the other. The orgasm can come at ejaculation or some time before or after, again, depends what I do.

[Vampyremage]

I started masturbating relatively late at around the age of 20 because I never previously felt any need or desire to do so. It was only after my partner at the time coaxed me into it that I started and, once started, realized I enjoyed. I previously identified as asexual and I now identify as grey demisexual. Masturbation is something I enjoy and have enjoyed since I started. I only feel the urge to do so once a month or two, although I often do it more often simply because I find it fun. When I identified as asexual I far preferred it to partnered sex which seemed kind of backwards compared to the practical fact that I know what I like better than any partner could. Now that I identify as grey demisexual, I still desire actual partnered sex on occasion but there's nevertheless something to be said for going solo. There so much less stress and expectation doing in alone in addition to, as mentioned previously, the fact that I know myself better than a partner ever could.

[BangBang]

I enjoy being turned on and I like the feelings from the process of masturbation but hate the afterwards, where I always feel a bit meh about it even if I had an orgasm or 2. I would rather, for the most part, keep the feeling of being turned on than do anything about it which would end up feeling meh. Hope that made some sense lol

I'm male but that's exactly how I feel. A couple years ago I kind of fooled around with a girl a few times. The only reason it worked was because 1) she caught me in the right mood which only occurred rarely. 2) I focused completely on her. The moment she tried to focus on me I stopped enjoying it. I never want to orgasm, it completely kills everything for me and I end up depressed and regretting what I just did.

Same with masturbation. I much prefer being turned on than actually climaxing.

[angrybird]

This is my take: sexual people get off on the idea of being with someone else. Asexuals (can, if they want to) get off on just the sensation alone. If imagery is needed, I suggest:

A flower opening

A wave crashing on the shore

Waves of breeze passing over grass

U get the idea!

Best 'gisms I ever got in my life is when I quit thinking about people!

If you want something done right, do it yourself, they always say!