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Children?


Soiled Melody

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To add to what Touchofinsight has said, being a parent is a costly endeavor in the extreme. Not only are you forced to sacrifice the vast majority of your time and emotional and physical energy on raising a child, you have to think of the tens of thousands of dollars you will spend on medical costs, diapers, food, clothing, toys, school supplies and other items children need, not to mention possible college tuition when they become young adults.

Things that will be hard to come by when you become a parent:

- 8 hours of sleep

- a clean home

- a home in which poop and vomit always end up in the toilet

- relaxing vacations

- going out without a diaper bag full of baby supplies

- a night life

- a car that isn't littered with stray Cheerios and covered in sticky fluids

- listening to whatever music/talk radio you want in the car

- peace and quiet

- time to dedicate to your hobbies

- lots of spending money

- your sanity

You're OK with all this? Best of luck to you.

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I cannot stand children; that being said, I think having children is the best possible reason to have sex in the first place, since that is really why it's there. It's a procreation tool. So if you aren't repulsed by it, then I don't see anything unusual about someone saying "I'd have sex to have children." You want to create life, nothing more natural than that (or so it would seem for the majority of people anyway... not me, obviously!)

But there are plenty other (terribly expensive but existent) ways to have kids, too, as mentioned above. So you definitely have options.

For me though, when my husband and I married, one of the first orders of business was sterilization. No babies here, no thank you. We have dogs, and even then, we raised one from a puppy and I will never ever do it again -- adult dogs only! ;)

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I thought I never wanted kids, but the older I get, the more I find myself actually wanting one. I will not, however, be having sex with anyone to do that. Rather, I would use either IUI or IVF (Intrauterine Insemination or In Vitro Fertilization) to accomplish that goal. I'm just not quite ready to give up my peace and quiet yet, so I'll definitely be waiting a few more years.

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I'm married to a sexual man. He wanted a child, I was kind of worried because of the amount of sex it would take. I'm sex-repulsed. Anyway we calculated my fertility dates and had minimal sex to get pregnant. It took a few months and I got pregnant. The experience was pretty gross to me and I was embarrassed that people would know I had sex because I was visibly pregnant. The actual birth was ok (with pain meds). After that, it was pretty cool! I got an amazing daughter!! She's now 7 and I love being her mom. I will not, however, do another pregnancy!!

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I'm not necessarily opposed to them, but despite having a natural motherly instinct, I have always despised children. They're loud, needy, sticky and annoying, and I don't think I'd be able to handle them. I might have one in the future, but only if I get married. Even then, if I can't find another asexual (who I actually love and get along with), I probably won't even get married. I'm even thinking that I'm aromantic, or at least grey aromantic, so the chances of me marrying someone are looking pretty slim. Plus, if he doesn't want children, I'd be completely fine with it. My english teacher never had children and is one of the happiest people I know. I don't understand the scrutiny behind not wanting to have children and I'm not going to have children just because "it's the right thing to do" (my mother's logic, sorry. That comment wasn't directed towards any of you).

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I'd rather be in band.

I don't exactly want children. I'm not the type of person that would be optimal for raising children. Also, they irritate me to no end. I am confused as to why they irritate me so much, but my search for such answers has been fruitless. However, I have talked to a few asexuals that do wish to have children.

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Violet Joyce

I want kids some day for sure but I don't think I could deal with a relationship at the same time. To many people needing attention at the same time makes my anxiety way worse than it should be.

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I don't hate kids but I also don't really want any and never have though I've thought about it extensively (like everything else) and decided that if my husband really wants one then I might reconsider when I'm in my late thirties? I'm not totally sure on the age I would think about it. I feel like I'm thirty now and should already be married and have a permanent job and living on my own. Though I'm physically ten years younger and need to slow down so I stopped thinking about it and am going to wait until I actually do get married or at least start dating. Though if I do I would adopt because I don't want to be pregnant and I would probably get an infant so I could get that experience. Of raising a baby younger then 1.

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InsignificantGliff

I actually really would like to have kids one day, under the right circumstances though. When I'm an established adult (car, own place, finished with college, well paying career, Corgi puppy) and in a long- term relationship with a guy who doesn't mind the fact we won't be sexually involved most likely ever, but also loves children, then yes. But it'd most likely be done through invitro. I'm not sex repulsed, but I don't know if I'd ever be comfortable with "doing-the-do".

(By the way, this is my first post, *nervous laugh*)

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If I ever have I child, I will wait until I'm good and ready (financially and otherwise). I always hated the idea as a child because I saw children as being part of the package of growing up and getting married. But now that I know I don't have to get married, I kind of see the idea of having a child (one is about as much as I could handle) as not so terrible although I would be just as happy without. I agree with what everyone else has said about how costly and demanding they are, but maybe someday I will adopt or get artificially inseminated because I refuse to have sex even if it is to have a child.

I told my mom that I might want to have a child one day and she got way too excited and now she's telling me I'll get married, even though I described the father as the sperm donor. Ugh maybe I shouldn't have even considered it.

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I'm pretty awkward around kids and I treat them like adults but I would love to have a biological kid or two on my own. I get all shy around them and I don't talk down to them haha. I'm better at dealing with old people. I think I'd be a really caring mother though. I'm not too responsible but I'm very family oriented. If I have sex for kids it will be with a man I really love. I'm not comfortable with the idea of sex but I'm hoping that I will feel comfortable enough with my partner that it will work out. I don't want to adopt because I want the kids to be mine. Being able to see my kids grow up would make me really happy. I just love the idea of being with someone I have a deep romantic and emotional attachment with and having a family of my own.

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I've wanted biological kids ever since I was a kid. xD But I will not have any unless I'm in a very secure place in life. (Good income, a partner who also wants children, a nice home...) I'd also like to wait until I'm in my late 20's/early 30's.

I'm not sure about the sex part yet, though. I don't know how I feel about it. D:

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  • 1 month later...

When it comes to the idea of having my own children, my head has always said no, and my heart has always said no. The reasons for this are summed up my Mona Lisa quite nicely! However the thing is, I do actually really like children. I seem to get on quite well with them, and I have even met some who seem to like me! So now, my head still says no, but my heart says... maybe. I find the idea of becoming a step father less scary and maybe even more appealing than the idea of having my own children.

I would also like to add that nieces and nephews are wonderful. You can enjoy their company, play games with them, mess about with them, and when you have had enough, you can hand them back over the their parents! You get to enjoy many of the positives of children without most of the negatives.

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I am not mentally capable of raising a child.

I lost almost 22 years of my life due to fear and control at the hands of my relatives. The rest of my life is going to be dedicated to reclaiming what I lost and giving myself the love and attention I lacked from my family.

Having a child would be like losing my life a 2nd time so definitely they are not for me.

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skymessenger

Hey I love kids! And of course I want to have them someday. Not now when I'm young and in college. AFTER I graduate, explore aspects of life, get a stable job, nice house and have pets, then I'll go for it (in my 30's is probably when)

But no sex. Instead, I could get in-vitro fertilization. Or I could have a sperm donor and have the doctor apply it into my you-know-where. Maybe hire a surrogate if I'm not healthy enough (depends on my mental health at the time). I'd really love twins so I could have one birth dealt with.

I want biological kids because there are some aspects I want to pass on. Like how my grandma, mother and I have long, slender fingers plus a really good height (we all reached 5"11). It's the little things that I appreciate that I want my future daughter (I hope I have one) to appreciate too. Plus there's a weird thing going on in my family for generations. The first daughter of each generation inherits a ton of the qualities from their grandmother; looks, personality, hobbies, likes, etc. If the tradition continues, my kid would be like my mother who is an exceptional woman. And also health wise, it'd be good to know what to expect; I'm physically healthy with low chance of cancer or serious illness apart from some mental issues.

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I love kids. Don't know if I want my own, but that is not because of sex or child birth. Pregnancy, I'll admit freaks me out. It does weird things to your body. I just would rather take in a few kids that need homes instead. Until then, I get to be an awesome aunt to my godson; not that I won't continue to be an awesome aunt afterwards.

Also, I have no issues with single parenting. I was raised by a single parent who did a great job. I'll probably be a single parent seeing as I don't foresee meeting a second person I want to spend the rest of my life with romantically. I have a best friend that will be around for the long haul, but she's a sexual person who doesn't know what to do with kids and doesn't want any ever. I'm on my own for the kid part of our lives.

If you want kids and want them to be genetically yours, that's awesome. Go for it. Enjoy.

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aceaceboebace

I really want a bunch or kids. 6-10. I love kids and i think I will really enjoy being a parent. I dont know if I will have biological ones. Maybe through surrogacy and definately adopt as well. I might want to give birth. Idk yet. I actually like the way polygamists set up their families. I want a huge family and that way our family can include many children like 20 all together and my husband has woman to have sex with. I think sharing a sexual husband is ideal for me.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I really want a kid when I'm older. And while I wouldn't mind the idea of having sex to have one, I would prefer to adopt. 1) because sex isn't ideal. 2) I don't want my body to be ruined through griving birth and stretching my stomach like that. I probably sound really rude or conceited, but I just don't. and 3) My chance of getting pregnant is a lot lower than most people, and while it wouldn't be ~impossible~ it would take to much sex and time for me to find it worth it. ~sigh~ I'm awful :c

you are not awful! Those are your opinions and preferences and thats okay!

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I am not mentally capable of raising a child.

I lost almost 22 years of my life due to fear and control at the hands of my relatives. The rest of my life is going to be dedicated to reclaiming what I lost and giving myself the love and attention I lacked from my family.

Having a child would be like losing my life a 2nd time so definitely they are not for me.

good luck <3

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I actually really would like to have kids one day, under the right circumstances though. When I'm an established adult (car, own place, finished with college, well paying career, Corgi puppy) and in a long- term relationship with a guy who doesn't mind the fact we won't be sexually involved most likely ever, but also loves children, then yes. But it'd most likely be done through invitro. I'm not sex repulsed, but I don't know if I'd ever be comfortable with "doing-the-do".

(By the way, this is my first post, *nervous laugh*)

Welcome!! :cake: :cake:

If I ever have I child, I will wait until I'm good and ready (financially and otherwise). I always hated the idea as a child because I saw children as being part of the package of growing up and getting married. But now that I know I don't have to get married, I kind of see the idea of having a child (one is about as much as I could handle) as not so terrible although I would be just as happy without. I agree with what everyone else has said about how costly and demanding they are, but maybe someday I will adopt or get artificially inseminated because I refuse to have sex even if it is to have a child.

I told my mom that I might want to have a child one day and she got way too excited and now she's telling me I'll get married, even though I described the father as the sperm donor. Ugh maybe I shouldn't have even considered it.

In a way I want to just have a kid, but on the otherside I want to be married and have a support.

which is scary both ways. AWW you're mom is cute, but maybe talk to her about it and and how you dont want her to push it in your face anymore, cause you only said maybe. ._.

..Also, I love your picture.

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I have been married for 14+ years to a sexual man. We have 5 children and another due in August. I love being pregnant, in spite of the pain that I go through (I have rather complicated pregnancies). Having sex in our relationship was just something that we've always done as a compromise, long before we knew I was asexual (didn't have the word, we just called it "no sex drive" without any further explanation). We both love children and each other, I couldn't see making this work any other way. I think it's totally possible but you have to want it one way or another. I think adoption is great and I have considered that myself several times for various reasons.

There is an asexual parents thread (thankfully because I was beginning to think I was the only one!). If this is something you truly want, have hope, it is possible! :)

Congratulations!!

I like children as long as they're well behaved, and I'm pretty sure I want to have at least one biological child. I also like the thought of adoption. ^_^

I like having sex with my partner, it's just 95% of the time I don't feel like it because I rarely ever get aroused (I'm grey-a as far as I can tell, for me that means I rarely ever get sexually attracted to people and even if I do I have like no sex drive lol).

Sigh I only like children if they are well behaved, also. Hopefully, If i do get to have own child/ren, this would change.

I have a son, he's almost 19yrs old now.

I NEVER planned NOR wanted any children, I don't like children and I never liked the idea of being a mother, however he came along and I stood up to the challenge and faced the fact I had to be a mother and I did it.....

the outcome was: I could not 'bond' with him until he was almost 3 years old, but before this I still applied myself and followed my duties as a mother and I did my best to be a good mother to him, I made sure I told him I loved him every day of his life, yes even in the first 3 years when I did not bond, I still cared for him and loved him but loved him like I would have done with any other little helpless human being, it was from around age 3 I then for the first time felt inside what people call 'maternal love', I never knew what people meant until then, then I 'suddenly' knew!

Since then I have felt a mother to him and still do, but thankfully I look back and although there is many things I would have done differently (I think every parent can say this), I can honestly say I have been a fairly good mother to him, so now he's a grown up young man almost 19, and he is my BEST BUDDY, he will honestly come to me to confide in and ask for advice, he would not entertain going to anyone else or a friend even as he sees me as his best friend. He trusts me completely and looks up to me, we have a great time together and love each other. He's great and I have been lucky to have him in my life.

So although I still feel the same as 19 years ago: children 'no thank you', I am actually happy my experience with him has turned out well :) I do love him to bits

My mommy was the same way. She never wanted children. I don't know if she ever wanted to be married. c: I'm glad you're happy!

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I have always known that I never want children. I didn't like kids even when I was a kid myself. I am an only child and the second youngest in my generation in my extended family. I do not know how to relate to a child.

I doesn't help that most noises that small children make are migraine triggers for me. A baby cries because it is hungry and I get an migraine. A toddler throws a tantrum and I get a migraine. It is hard to go out in public because of that. I have to avoid times and places that many children will be around. Trips to the mall become longer to avoid the children's play area.

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Bad luck that some of you guys don't want kids. If you don't want 'em, then don't have 'em, of course.

But please don't let the overwhelming stream of your mind create rationalisations about why you don't want kids.

I have one and, speaking from experience, money can't buy this. Your child is absolutley priceless.

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I used to thought sometimes about adopting a child... well... Let's just say people can have great many reasons for not having children, starting with being an egoist in certain ways, and ending with religious/philosophical reasons. As for me... well... I probably have combination of all the reasons not to (more or less). No disrespect for Aces who want children of course, I still sometimes consider possibility of such thing.

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When I was in my early 20s I thought having kid was something I wanted but as I got older, the idea of that much responsibility became very unappealing. And now that I am a teacher, I can see how wrong it can all go.

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I personally don't choose to have kids, but it's not a judgement on anyone else, nor is it because I dislike children. It's just not for me. A lot of married, sexual friends of mine have made the same choice, each with their own reasons, so it's not necessarily an 'asexual' thing either.

The closest I've gotten is wondering what genes would be passed along, like some mad scientist's experiment.

On the plus side, my dad got remarried and had a kid who's young enough to be my child, so I figure that's good enough for me. ;)

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Kids and all SUCK...in plain words. And no one would want to mess up their entire life revolving around another human. You find more people not wanting to have them here as they are speaking their mind and not simply sounding pretentious and nice.

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Think of the benefits, though. Imagine that you're old, and grey, and need someone to care for you, or at least make decisions about the best care facilities you should be put in to be looked after, in case you're not in a state of mind that allows you to make such decisions. Obviously, I'm going on the assumption that your kid won't die before you.

My mom keeps telling me that if that's the only reason making me want to get a kid of my own, better stop thinking about it now... but what can I say, practicality has always been a major part of my life and I consider it to be of utmost importance...

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Rio...I hope you read and understand the english language well. I just said it in simple words! People like you can only label us as 'selfish', that was expected. What is so unselfish about your 'yes-to-kids' choice then? Explain.

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