Children?

[Soiled Melody]

I don't really understand why most of the asexuals I talk to on this site do not want kids. At all.

Yes, I get very irritated sometimes and they can reeeeaally get on my nerves, I still want children eventually.

Atleast one or two..

Is there anyone that is asexual that is even willing to have sex to have kids?

I know some people seem to entertain the thought of adopting.

But I would really like to have atleast one biological kid, also I just want to experience pregnancy.

Of course, In the future.

What do you think?

[ThePaperRose]

I love love kids. But as of right now, I don't want them, and I especially don't want to go through the process of like, having one.

I'm totally open to the idea of adoption though. There are just too many kids out there who need a good home :(

[Ashmedai]

I am not against the idea at all. Me being grey, sex isn't completly out of the question, but it isn't necessary. If I were to have kids, I only want to do it the old fashioned way. If they're going to be my kids, they are gonna be mine through and through.

[Conscientious Ghost]

I'm not willing to have sex for the sake of bearing children because I don't want to undergo the severe pain and dysphoria. When I'm older, however, I do plan on adopting a child. Although I would miss out on the beauty of child birth as my mother claimed, I definitely don't want to miss out on the experience of raising and nurturing a child. I think that's something I can't replace with money or fame.

[Mx.Jekyll]

I'm not totally against having children considering I see their behaviour as a very good representation of how they're raised...but I'm not totally sold on having them biologically either. I don't completely rule that situation out though. I would be okay with it in the future, maybe. I think I'd rather adopt. That isn't because I'm against have sex to have them or anything. I just think there are so many unwanted children out there that deserve the love...and I'm not adding to the population issue.

[Guest]

Umm. children are a great idea. But being single and not married children are out of the question at least for me. Maybe if I find someone things might change otherwise I am childless. I hold holding babies. That is just me.

[Soiled Melody]

I'm not willing to have sex for the sake of bearing children because I don't want to undergo the severe pain and dysphoria. When I'm older, however, I do plan on adopting a child. Although I would miss out on the beauty of child birth as my mother claimed, I definitely don't want to miss out on the experience of raising and nurturing a child. I think that's something I can't replace with money or fame.

I would totally understand the pain it would cause you and I'm sorry. I seemed to forget that some people go through pain and suffering when having sex, and some can't carry a child, either.

[Soiled Melody]

Cali, I've always thought of artificial insemination, and I would be a single mom. lol.

Also, Manda-Renee, I know. It makes me feel like a bad person when i want atleast one child of my own. But it scares me even more thinking that I have no idea of how I would even raise that child. :c Any child at that point.

[Ashmedai]

As with Melody, I understand that other people do have problems with sex or fertility and anything else I can't think of or don't know about. Also, I don't see adoption as a bad thing, there are kids out there that don't have parents or a family. At the end of the day, my preferences are my own, and everyone elses are just as valid.

There is probably a few things I left out, due to me not being able to think of. Don't feel left out.

[Guest]

I really want a kid when I'm older. And while I wouldn't mind the idea of having sex to have one, I would prefer to adopt. 1) because sex isn't ideal. 2) I don't want my body to be ruined through griving birth and stretching my stomach like that. I probably sound really rude or conceited, but I just don't. and 3) My chance of getting pregnant is a lot lower than most people, and while it wouldn't be ~impossible~ it would take to much sex and time for me to find it worth it. ~sigh~ I'm awful :c

[TheWheatOne]

In terms of nature, it is totally okay to want a biological child of your own. However, most of this community is more open to opposing opinions, opinions that have been shaped by already going against the sexual cycle of society and procreation (by specifically not feeling sexual attraction or stimulation in some way). In other words, you will see it more than in mainstream discussion.

[Philip027]

I can't stand kids :/ Even when I was a kid myself, I never liked other kids. I'm drawn to maturity, and most other kids weren't it.

If I'm capable of associating with a kid in an "adult" sort of way, it's tolerable. But the younger you go, the harder it is to find this type.

[Jockey]

I'm infertile. Would love to adopt. I've set myself a savings goal before I consider single parent adoption and I'm 80% of the way there.

[Guest]

I can't stand kids :/ Even when I was a kid myself, I never liked other kids. I'm drawn to maturity, and most other kids weren't it.

If I'm capable of associating with a kid in an "adult" sort of way, it's tolerable. But the younger you go, the harder it is to find this type.

^ If I have a kid, they will be raised in a knowledgeable and mature environment. They will not be babied once they're older than 10 and they will have to earn the things they want(Ex. Phones, a tv, and extra things on the expensive side.) . They will have freedom to think the way they want, and have freedom to do things for themselves(to a limit of course.)I myself am 14, but could pass as a 23 year old over the internet or even in public. I hate other kids my age and younger, and most of my friends range from 17 and older. I have like ONE friend that's a year younger, which is very odd. And I honestly cannot wait till I turn 15 to get my learners, and till I turn 16 so I can get a job and start saving for a car, and for my dorm and stuff once I get to college.

I feel like I just made myself sound stupid or something. I don't know.

[ryn.malcom]

Invitro! Or adoption. Preferably, I'd adopt 2-3 kids or foster....

Actually, yeah. I'd rather foster several children throughout my life :) I don't want sex for kids though. I'd feel like I was using my partner to get what I want and even if it was what they wanted, I'd always feel guilty for sleeping with them for that reason. I wouldn't enjoy the sex, I know that, and I'd hate to have to keep having sex if it didn't....uh, "take" the first time.

I can understand why many aces don't want kids because maybe they assume it would be their own little one. But really...you don't HAVE to have a child of your own. Every child needs a family. It doesn't mean you have to make one yourself.

[SarahQuilts]

I hate to admit, but this was probably the biggest blow when my husband left me recently. (Whether or not I was/am asexual hadn't entered the picture yet).

I do want kids .... in theory we were even trying, but I wasn't interested in sex anytime I felt too sick or stressed (aka the past 4-5 years) and now that I'm on stress leave, my husband is done with our relationship and a coulple of new meds are not okay for pregnancy.

Finally, being a single parent is pretty scary (- though my cousin is doing a kick-ass job, she was married, they adopted, hubbie decided that marriage and kids weren't for him after all ....)

This will take a lot of figuring out, but maybe (possibly?) there is still a romantic and family building partner out there ...lots of maybes ... lots of questions, maybe a few answers for a few people (probably all different ones though)

[LaMaestra]

Don't like children at all. But even if I did and was not asexual, I would not give birth to them because of the pain involved. I have an unusually low pain threshold.

I decided at the age of 8 that motherhood was not for me.

[ADP]

I go back and forth between wanting them and being afraid that I wouldn't be able to give them everything that I would want to as a parent. My allosexual partner does not want them, however--she's described the idea of having them as making her feel like a caged animal. I value our relationship more than having children, so I'm trying to get used to the idea of not having them.

[lilbunni]

In an ideal future, I actually wouldn't mind a biological pregancy either. I'm not WILLING to have sex, but I guess I'll just have to suck it up because I'm assuming a kid will be worth all the trouble. Of course if I'm single with little money and an unstable job, it's out of the question. But yes, I'd like kids. I don't want to grow old alone.

[Mad Skittlez]

At the moment, I'm pretty sure I want to have kids in the future, at least one. I think I've got a pretty strong maternal instinct, and I do like the idea of raising a family. Not sure if I'd have the child myself or go with adoption, though; guess I'll have to wait and see.

[LiaMarie]

I have been married for 14+ years to a sexual man. We have 5 children and another due in August. I love being pregnant, in spite of the pain that I go through (I have rather complicated pregnancies). Having sex in our relationship was just something that we've always done as a compromise, long before we knew I was asexual (didn't have the word, we just called it "no sex drive" without any further explanation). We both love children and each other, I couldn't see making this work any other way. I think it's totally possible but you have to want it one way or another. I think adoption is great and I have considered that myself several times for various reasons.

There is an asexual parents thread (thankfully because I was beginning to think I was the only one!). If this is something you truly want, have hope, it is possible! :)

[yomo]

I like children as long as they're well behaved, and I'm pretty sure I want to have at least one biological child. I also like the thought of adoption. ^_^

I like having sex with my partner, it's just 95% of the time I don't feel like it because I rarely ever get aroused (I'm grey-a as far as I can tell, for me that means I rarely ever get sexually attracted to people and even if I do I have like no sex drive lol).

[Cyllya]

I've noticed that a lot of people (in general, not necessarily on this site) feel that it's unethical to deliberately become a single parent. I don't agree, but that could contribute to aromantic people not wanting kids. Either way, being a single parent can be really challenging.

I wonder if asexual people are more likely to never want children. I think most of society's self-identied outliers (whatever your brand of weird... sexual orientation, neurodiversity, mental illness, etc) are going to be more likely to say they don't want kids, relative to the types of people who are more typical, so I think it would be hard to tell with a survey or something.

[rh1985]

I had really, really wanted at least one child my whole life, but I am just not interested in a relationship. So I decided to use donor sperm to try and have a baby as a single mom, and I now have a four month old daughter from IVF and I love being her mom. I am very happy I decided to go ahead and have a child on my own, it was definitely the right choice for me.

[Aworld]

I would love to have a child because I love children, but I'm pretty sex-repulsed and I have really narrow hips that might make giving birth kinda nasty (and I have really irregular periods etc), so I would much prefer to adopt. It doesn't matter to me if the child isn't biologically related to me, since there are so many orphans out there wanting a family and anyway, some kids don't even get on with their biological parents so I don't even think it makes much difference.

[New Strawberry 8]

My entire life I've known I want kids. I'm %100 sex repulsed, but the idea of doing it in order to have my own child doesn't at all turn me off. I have overly active maternal instincts (every time there's a baby/child in the room I'm instantly in love and trying to figure out how to make it happy), but I do understand why some people wouldn't want them. I hear a child crying and I hear a possibility to nurture it and make it feel better, but without that automatic reaction in my DNA it would probably just sound like deafening screeches. When I was in 7th grade I had a conversation with my friends about it and none of them wanted kids, which i didn't know was possible, but since then I've met a lot of people who just don't see being a parent as something they need to do.

[Touchofinsight]

I don't really understand why most of the asexuals I talk to on this site do not want kids. At all.

Yes, I get very irritated sometimes and they can reeeeaally get on my nerves, I still want children eventually.

Atleast one or two..

Is there anyone that is asexual that is even willing to have sex to have kids?

I know some people seem to entertain the thought of adopting.

But I would really like to have atleast one biological kid, also I just want to experience pregnancy.

Of course, In the future.

What do you think?

Because being a parent is a horrible experience for a large portion of society. Not surprisingly really, people are naturally egocentric and to a degree selfish. Having to weigh every decision in your life considering someone who depends on you to survive and leeches off you for the rest of your life seems like a pretty grim prospect. I know there are plenty people who love being a parent and wouldn't give it up for the world and for those people im happy. I only hope they raise productive adults.

Its a huge commitment and a lot of people romanticize what being a parent is really like. You know the types, they love your kids for the afternoon and then go home. They only see the good in having kids not all the sacrifices... having children is like having drunken midgets around your house with no inhibitions. Sure they get better when they get older but that just brings you into the 'teen' years. I am sure that's quite enjoyable for the parents.

I look at it this way. There is a slim possibility that I would actually really enjoy being a parent in the sense of being a mentor. However the chances are far more likely that I would keep asking my self what my life would of been like without kids and if I would of been happier without .That's not a healthy environment for a child to grow up knowing that deep down their parents regret having them.

So I do the responsible thing, I don't hedge my bets and I don't have kids.

[violin]

I have a son, he's almost 19yrs old now.

I NEVER planned NOR wanted any children, I don't like children and I never liked the idea of being a mother, however he came along and I stood up to the challenge and faced the fact I had to be a mother and I did it.....

the outcome was: I could not 'bond' with him until he was almost 3 years old, but before this I still applied myself and followed my duties as a mother and I did my best to be a good mother to him, I made sure I told him I loved him every day of his life, yes even in the first 3 years when I did not bond, I still cared for him and loved him but loved him like I would have done with any other little helpless human being, it was from around age 3 I then for the first time felt inside what people call 'maternal love', I never knew what people meant until then, then I 'suddenly' knew!

Since then I have felt a mother to him and still do, but thankfully I look back and although there is many things I would have done differently (I think every parent can say this), I can honestly say I have been a fairly good mother to him, so now he's a grown up young man almost 19, and he is my BEST BUDDY, he will honestly come to me to confide in and ask for advice, he would not entertain going to anyone else or a friend even as he sees me as his best friend. He trusts me completely and looks up to me, we have a great time together and love each other. He's great and I have been lucky to have him in my life.

So although I still feel the same as 19 years ago: children 'no thank you', I am actually happy my experience with him has turned out well :) I do love him to bits

[noparlpf]

I kind of want to try being pregnant once, but only for like, the last 48 hours of it. The other forty weeks would just be too much. Also, I do not have a uterus.

I could potentially have my own kids with a romantic partner, but who knows if that'll actually happen. My ideal situation would be to clone myself. I figure if there's no artificial womb/cloning tube by the time I'm, say, fifty, I'll switch careers to biomedical engineering and invent it myself.

[Shae]

I can't have biological children due to the meds I'm on. Also, the sleep deprivation involved in taking care of a small baby is very triggering for bipolars.

I would like to adopt an older child though, but single parent adoption is always the least preferred option for adoption agencies and could take many many years and a lots of money, which I don't have.