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Being asexual in India ...


rohitchoudhary

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rohitchoudhary

hi , all I am from India and asexual... looking for some friend from India to know their views how it is feel to be in this situation ... when a lots of people expect you to fall in love , get married and have kids and all

Even i want to have have a family , when i see most of my friends are getting married and getting settled and they are no more part of gang , i feel alone ... how to spend this whole life alone ?

pls guide me ...

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  • 3 weeks later...
raisephenix

I m from India and also looking for an ace partner its diff to find a partner but keep looking forums communities okcupid acebook ..

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I don't live in India currently, but I am Indian and go there a lot (plus all my relatives live there). I know the pressure about getting married :( I mean, I'm not at that age yet but all my older cousins are getting married off and things and everyone looks at me and says, "You're next!" It's like they can't envisage a life without marriage, even though I don't really care about getting married.

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Hi! I am from India too. I think, and this is a personal opinion, up to a certain age its easier on family front. Family takes pride in the fact that you haven't been into a relationship and conforming to all the societal expectations. things get complicated when you are of the marriageable age and now the same family wants you to get married coz the societal norms demand it to be so. The pressure simply keeps mounting and god-forbid if you are from a conservative family.

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  • 3 weeks later...
srinivasfeb08

I am Also from India looking for asexual/lesbian women to marry - suggest me if any portals we have for this?

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damage_case

Im from India. I think we all have our own definition of asexuality. And I wouldnt even consider dating or being friends with a woman as I have no romantic/sexual intention. And yes I dont think that generally men-women can be friends without any perverse angle. Chances are rare.

Look if you are asexual, and by that I mean just not interested in sex, then I guess you are on the right path of hoping to get married. Believe me. Marriage is probably the end of sexual fun. Might as well hump a pillow. Being crude but its true. Especially in India, rarely do couples mate for the purpose of fun.

So you can have a family and just turn over in disgust for a few sessions and handle the sex part of it.

But in case you arent even romantically inclined towards the opposite sex like in my case... then youre screwed.

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  • 4 months later...
quagmire-isadora

I am asexual / gynoromantic but I am also an Indian woman. This is a problem because our culture says it's high time I get married and start pushing out babies for some dude I will never ever feel any emotional attachment to. My parents are already sifting through profiles of random men on those ridiculous websites that have made the institution of marriage into an insincere business.

I don't want to get married, at least not to a man. I don't want to be responsible for his entire family and I definitely don't want to produce any of his uninteresting, pathetic spawn. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with a human I'm barely allowed a few months' time to get to know and understand.

Look, I'm not saying arranged marriages are barbaric and no one is ever happy in them, because that's not always true. But this sort of system isn't for me. Just because some dude has traveled all over the world or has visited idk every single city on the east coast of the US doesn't mean he'll be a good husband. If he can't hold an intellectually stimulating conversation for more than three minutes what is even the point?

I'm posting this annoyinig rant here because I want to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this. I need to be assured I'm not some sort of anomaly.

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Tell me about that! It's very similar here in Nepal too. Once you're done with your studies and start working , you're supposed to get married and produce a plural number of kids, boy(s) being mandatory. " If you don't marry, you'll be all alone." I don't disagree on that part but you don't want to marry some random dude because your society expects you to. Is it too much to wait for a proper soul mate in order to commit for a lifetime? " Don't be too choosy. Nobody is perfect." I agree completely but I need to consider that person should meet some of my requirements, such as our equal wave lengths /being understanding of me being an asexual in this very sexualized world, etc.

Eventually I do want to be coupled up when I meet the right person, not in a jiffy though. I have stated weird reasons like just not done with studies/not promoted in the job/ elder siblings not hitched yet... Now I am out of reasons... :(

Till I am not ready to settle down, I might start my PhD just for the heck of "being too busy" getting married.

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  • 3 months later...

Hey, I am Indian and ace. I hadn't known about this sexual orientation until a few weeks ago. I am so relieved to know that there are others out there who are just like me! It would be great to get to know you guys. Plz msg me on FB... I'm under the name Almas Shamim. Hope to make new friends :)

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  • 1 month later...

I'm 66, and very definitely not Indian and don't claim any cultural knowledge. My impressions of Indian culture come from Mahatma Gandhi (whose writings I read 40 years ago but whose ideology I remember as being radically asexual), and vague West looking East notions that some Hindu concept of stages of life honors the process of withdrawing from worldly desire as you move into middle age and beyond. Is there no way to use these leanings in Indian culture to give yourselves shelter? Or is this just some silly Western illusion of life in your part of the world?

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22 year old Ace blogger from India, here! I'm so glad this thread is still alive. I even noticed a friend up there in the posts! Hi Almas! I'm looking forward to interacting further with the Ace community in India, so it's been really nice reading a lot of the posts here, because of how relatable they are. I know this cultural pressure to get married is a real pain in the ass. Luckily I've explained my orientation to my immediate family and friends, and there isn't that expectation dangling above me like a sword, but there are so many Ace Indians who have to face this.

Also, to respond to fogsedge: I'd say Gandhi's philosophy, of abstinence from wordly desire, was more non-sexual than asexual. But then again, the old man did pursue strange sexual experiments.

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  • 5 weeks later...

I don't live in India currently, but I am Indian and go there a lot (plus all my relatives live there). I know the pressure about getting married :( I mean, I'm not at that age yet but all my older cousins are getting married off and things and everyone looks at me and says, "You're next!" It's like they can't envisage a life without marriage, even though I don't really care about getting married.

This actually sounds like a scene from a horror movie. D: xD Sorry, I'm being random...

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I'm not from India, but my father is. I wasn't raised in the culture but every time he goes to visit family he tells me he'll bring me back a husband (every time I have to hope that he's joking.) From that side of the family I know about the enormous pressure to get married to a man and have children, they will never understand my lack of desire to do either. I wish the best of luck to all of you and hope you can find happiness. It looks like there are more of us there than I expected!

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  • 2 weeks later...
Pandora's Box

Hello everyone!

I really hope this thread isn't dead. I would be cool to talk to someone from India who indentifies as ACE. If you're reading this, do PM me. Always up for a talk. AndNotSoHypherUsually. Okaybye.

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  • 3 weeks later...

What India needs probably is a aven chat room where like-sexual could meet up. I hadn't heard of asexuality tiLl about a week back.there seems to be a lot of people though, mostly within their closets. The worst scenario to the question above is when an asexual and a sexual marry. . There is a lot of heart break misunderstandings and a life of regret if considerable amount of life has been lived as such..its better to have been without the other .

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  • 3 weeks later...
worldtraveller

Hi-ho, fellow travelers.

Looking for a bunch of people to get in touch with, discuss concerns and share anxieties with.

Don't worry, it's not all a sob story. Would like to share the good life experiences as well :)

I am not sure how many of us are active on this forum - but if we could get onto a more active forum, it might help. Any thoughts?

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  • 4 weeks later...

22 year old Ace blogger from India, here! I'm so glad this thread is still alive. I even noticed a friend up there in the posts! Hi Almas! I'm looking forward to interacting further with the Ace community in India, so it's been really nice reading a lot of the posts here, because of how relatable they are. I know this cultural pressure to get married is a real pain in the ass. Luckily I've explained my orientation to my immediate family and friends, and there isn't that expectation dangling above me like a sword, but there are so many Ace Indians who have to face this.

Also, to respond to fogsedge: I'd say Gandhi's philosophy, of abstinence from wordly desire, was more non-sexual than asexual. But then again, the old man did pursue strange sexual experiments.

Hey...

Being a 28 year old Indian asexual myself, I think atleast for men this idea of marrying has changed quite a bit (even for those who arent asexuals). You'd hardly see any man (atleast in metro cities) getting married before 30.

Most men cant handle the emotional, physical and financial responsibilities of marriage at all and also be engaged in the marathon race of running after money.

As far as asexuality is concerned... its tough for women to explain it... as most women are cold towards sex anyways... sexuality and horny-ness is more attributes of male masculinity. Plus most women have to cut their hair short and act tom-boyish to show that they arent typical bimbos smiling and giggling at boys attention.

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Anyone interested for long term relationship.. Probably marriage. I am an asexual and have family pressure to get married :((

Dear Nidhish... I think finding romantic asexuals would be your best chance at it.

Having said that... dont get married or fall in relationships because of family or peer pressure. Such decisions in life must be organic.

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I am new to this site & I am glad I found this thread. I am Hispanic but look White but I love the Indian culture & especially the food & I get teased by my friends who don't know yet about me being asexual that I have a 'Punjabi Fetish' because I am romantically attracted to Punjabi men. Hopefully this thread is not dead & if any of you would like to friend request me & message me please do.

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I can't express how glad I am that a forum like this exists. India definitely needs asexual awareness. Way to go my Indian Ace buddies. ;)

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There would be i assume many pressures on indians, to be like others, sexually active.

So i can understand what op is talking about.

I am just glad by my adult life in uk in 1990's, males mainly were and being pacified. I am just glad i was born into a place where govs put alot of effort into pacifying peoples sex drives, ie europe.

So i understand being in a country where this happened, the pressures on you are alot to be like others.

In europe, when i became an adult in 1990's, thankfully our generation was the first gen of really pacified males. I am glad i was not born into the previous gen. People were bad enough to me in 90's, i was glad i became an adult in europe in 90's when males were being pacified alot.

I think india has a real problem in this area, but thats none of my business, but i can understand how its hard for asexuals there.

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There would be i assume many pressures on indians, to be like others, sexually active.

So i can understand what op is talking about.

I am just glad by my adult life in uk in 1990's, males mainly were and being pacified. I am just glad i was born into a place where govs put alot of effort into pacifying peoples sex drives, ie europe.

So i understand being in a country where this happened, the pressures on you are alot to be like others.

In europe, when i became an adult in 1990's, thankfully our generation was the first gen of really pacified males. I am glad i was not born into the previous gen. People were bad enough to me in 90's, i was glad i became an adult in europe in 90's when males were being pacified alot.

I think india has a real problem in this area, but thats none of my business, but i can understand how its hard for asexuals there.

Well... cant generalize what Indians want or pressure about. Mainly theres self pressure rather than imposed one.

Parents dont really talk about sex nor are kids open about it. Yet everything happens in dark shady ways. Its not like 11 year old kids arent having sex and posting their sex videos online... but they arent honest about it.

Women themselves do everything they can to experience sexuality... yet when it comes the time to get married to a self proclaimed virgin or introvert... they are advised by fellow women to not talk about their sexuality and act demure.... which is an example of how idiotic the whole thing is. Im all for sex and opening up... but be proud of it.

Its not really hard for asexuals out there. I can guarantee that there might be many who are asexuals...but eventually they do get married and have kids and live that stereotypical life. You'd hardly find anyone unmarried... so there isnt any pressure to get laid... the pressure is to go into that middle class married with kids and keep growing your pot belly life.

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Too long a story tell here but I am northeastern Indian and I am an ace but romantic. Anyone who needs someone to talk to, feel free to pm me.

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