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When did you first come to indentify with asexuality????


Brenya

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i am a newbie here.........a very very newbie to asexuality.

(see "first encouter" post )

just curious what people's experiences have been. have you identified with asexuality your whole life? or did it come about later?

cuz i am way confused as to where i am here.

Bren

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I'm new, too. I'm not even sure if I'm asexual or not, but being that heterosexual and homosexual and everything in-between don't seem to fit, I guess it is close enough for now. But I don't know if I've ever "identified" myself as being asexual.

That said, the desire for romantic relationships has never been there. I've had one relationship which would look like a romantic relationship from the outside. But in that relationship, as a 9th and 10th grader (15/16 years old), the girl initiated everything and I simply went along because it didn't take any effort. I wasn't attracted to her (now I see how awful it was that I let her think that I could be attracted to her and that I was seeking what she was seeking). Even sexual contact was basically initiated by her, and, near the end of the relationship (after about 3 years of "going out"), she was the one who was talking about actually "doing it". So it isn't a typical romance. I've never had that desire to find someone, and don't think it is just a matter of finding the right person. I think I am my own "right person", and that I am one of the few who can be happy with that. I've never looked at someone and said, "I would like to go out with her/him, I would like to marry her, or, anything else."

I feel sexual arrousal, but it isn't desire for someone else, it is simply physical urges (which I really could deal without - I feel "trapped" in this sexual body). So I don't really see myself as being sexual with someone else. It doesn't "do" anything for me. It doesn't make me happier, it doesn't "complete" me, it doesn't satisfy a life-long desire.

Heck, I remember friends showing me pictures of naked women when I was younger. I remember them practically drooling over the pictures. I wanted to go play video games or ride my bike or something. I didn't see the point (and I wouldn't have seen the point if the pictures were men, either). Looking at a naked person didn't "turn me on". It still doesn't. I've never been able to look at people with lust.

I guess that is probably more then you wanted to read. I am verbose at times!

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Opel the Old

i know i am a homo since 13, i start agreeing myself with asexual aroung 20. now 22

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I've always known I wasn't physically attracted to anyone, but I had nothing TO identify with at the time... So that was all confusion and uncertainty. I guess I've come to fully identify myself as one for... four days now. ^^

It's great so far. ^_^

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i am way mixed up when it comes to physical vs. emotional attraction and i always have been.

i read about people never having been "attracted" to another person, and i most certainly have. i think i confuse sex and affection.

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guardianoftheblind

I've recognized that I'm not as sexual as people around me for a number of years. I didn't think of it as an orientation or use the word "asexual" on a regular basis to describe my feelings until I came across AVEN four months ago.

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GUARDIAN:

but do you feel sexual at all? can a person have a sexual self and still be asexual?

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I have just lived life as it came, but associating the term asexual with the lifestyle I was living happened about a month ago.

Neats

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i known it for a couple of years, i read an article in a magazine about asexuality and realised that was exactly how i felt.... its only recently that ive actually bothered recognising it as im getting older, and under pressure of other peoples relationships.

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i always felt different cos i was never into sex or getting a boyfriend, even when i was a child!! i never felt the need to 'do it' and prove that i could!! i remember my mum telling me about sex when i was really young maybe 10/11 and it sounded so horrible and alien to me!!

i sort of assumed that i would feel something one day for someone and then as a part of love, want sex.

but this has not happened to me yet and i am ok as i am!!! i never associated the term with myself until now and even now i dont like self-labelling (you can tell i am a Sociology student)

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I've known I was "something" since I was a young teenager, but I only discovered that the term for it was asexual 2-3 years ago

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orderinchaos

always knew I was different and all the signs were there, but didn't pick it until nearly 12 months ago (age 24) and didn't use the "asexual" word for it until about 5 months ago. since 18 I've identified as gay as well - and the confusing aspect of mine is that I did and do feel real physical attraction to other guys which is not sexual in nature.

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I came out as a lesbian first :? But then the dictionary said...

Lesbian: A woman who is sexually attracted to other women.

And I replied, "OMG!! :o You mean I'm supposed to want to have sex with them?!! EWWWW!!!!! No way!!"

Hence, the term asexual :D

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Well...It has only been recently I have accepted my asexuality for myself. I'm still an asexual "in the closet"...still afraid to tell my friends for now....exept for that one (i kinda had to...out of curtosy...or however you spell the darn word... :lol: ). Anyway. I have always kinda been aware of my lack of intrest toward ladies or even gents...well....ever since everyone else WAS aware...so around 15...I have always just assumed that I was a REALLY late bloomer.....even when I was 19 i thought that I would just come out of it any time now....denile....or however you spell it. But now I have just accepted it. It has actually really helped me to move foward. I still would like to eventually get married....maybe even have kids....and for some strange reason I would like my wife to be female. All of this despite the fact i am asexual. Oh well. But the truth can do wonderfull things. anyway...that's my spiel.

and....SPOON!

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My story's a liddle strange. I've always seen myself as a sexual, and I might well be one for all I know. But a guy I like a lot told me back in April he was asexual and I started reading this forum. While still (technically) a virgin I'm open minded about sex, but my lack of will to make it happen will mean it probably won't.

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identified-self when i was 12-ish, quite unique person, was called asexual by friends at 23, enjoy companionship of either gender... happy at 28.

:D

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Recently I've been looking at this site. Actully I don't know if I am asexual. I just know that I'm twenty three years old and have never had sex. Desire comes and goes and it's so mild and confusing that I'm not actually sure if it's sexual longing or longing for freindship or closeness or what. I think I'll figure it out. In the meantime, this site is good for my sanity.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Strange Little Girl
i am way mixed up when it comes to physical vs. emotional attraction and i always have been.

thats like me too! you think a mother'd notice that her daughter never cuddled as a kid. :roll:

for me when it comes to attraction, its like looking at art. if its pleasing to the eyes, ill look all i want. mind you the cops have to tell me to cut it out once in a while, but what are you gunna do, yes?

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i began to identify as potentially asexual last christmas when i found this site -- many aspects of asexuality instantly registered with me. before that it was either "late bloomer, just waiting for the right person" on my more charitable days, or "loser virgin, i'll always be alone" on my more self-hating days. now i'm more content with myself as i have always been, finding various people attractive for different reasons, and not wanting to have sex with any of them. i still do worry about the alone part though.

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It's taken a little while for me to get up the nerve to post here.

You see, I've been passing for straight so long it never even occured to me to do an internet search for other people like me. So you can imagine my surprise when I entered "asexuality forums" in a search engine and this place popped up. Out in the real world, I've only ever met two others (that I know of) who were asexual. After all, it's not like you go up to somebody when you first meet them, shake their hand and say "Hi, I'm asexual! How are you?"

I'm 40, male, and I've known I was asexual pretty much all my life. (Although I didn't have a name for it for until about 20 years ago when I ran across the term in a John Irving book called "A Son Of The Circus.") It took awhile to post here because I've learned to be cautious when discussing this kind of thing, even by e-mail. Aside from the incredulous looks I've gotten, even from people I've known for years, there have also been one or two, well, "poseurs" I guess you could call them; who were actually fetishists of one stripe or another.

At any rate, I'm glad to see there's finally a forum for this and there are so many people posting to it.

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Welcome to AVEN, Dandy!! :D You get out there and get posting!! Oh, wait... (sees that he's already had 6 posts) Okie then, you keep that up, y'hear? :wink:

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welcome welcome welcome to AVEN

JIM!!!!

I am pretty new here too, and am thrilled to have found these great people!

keep posting...........

:P

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It's never so much that I suddenly felt asexual, it's more of that I -never- felt sexual.

I began to question my sexuality when I started actively taking charge of sexual identity. What was at about 18. Also, my brother and sister were "passing me up" so to speak with relationships so friends began to suspect I was gay. Of course noone bothered to tell ME that's what they thought until much later or I would have corrected them :P

Yah so about two years ago I began to research asexuality but mostly left it unexplored until recently. I also realized I've visited Aven back then, two years ago. I can tell because the about page is so familiar...

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Oogieboogie & Brenya - Thank you so much for the warm welcome. :D I'm a bit stunned right now at the volume of writting on this, and other, sites. So much to catch up on! :shock:

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oooohhhhh.........what other sites Jim? i am always looking for more info. i haven't found that much that is worth anything out there.

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I've been going through the articles and sites on the links page when I'm not here reading until eye-strain gets the better of me. So far, I like the first LiveJournal site listed on the links page and the "My Life as an Amoeba" article. Have you checked these out yet? Let me know what you think.

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