I Hate Being Romantic and Ace

[Nei]

I hate being asexual all together, really. I've been in quite a few relationships, and have a fair deal of experience sexually. I just can't seem to enjoy sex at all, even though I really want to! I'm romantic, and I think that makes it even worse. I fall in love fast and hard, and I'm currently in a 1-year relationship with a sexual male. I just wish I would stop being asexual, and experience what it is people are talking so much about. I want to know what makes sex so important that you can leave someone you say you love for it, and why people are saying they are sorry to my boyfriend when my asexuality are being mentioned... I feel broken, and that I'm missing out on something great and important.

If I could choose, I'd either be aromantic, or just not asexual. Feelings suck.

[Ace of Cakes]

I know being aromantic has its drawbacks too, but I've definitely felt like it would be easier at times. I feel like it's a "the grass is greener on the other side" sort of thing. We can never know what it would be like to be the other, so we notice the good things and wish we could have them without realizing the struggles that come as well. That goes for both sides.

However, believing that doesn't mean that there aren't times when I wish I wasn't romantic because being ace and romantic gets so confusing with relationships and stuff sometimes :( Then again, I love my boyfriend and wouldn't be with him if I were aro, so I suppose there are positives as well

[Amathy]

I'm a demiromantic asexual. I wouldn't give up my romantic feelings. I don't see a relationship neccisarily ever working out for me even tho I do want one. But while love hurts when its not reciprocated in the way you want, I like how love feels. I like knowing what love feels like and like knowing I can have that type of connection with someone else. If that makes any sense.

[Mx.Jekyll]

My issue isn't with being romantic. My issue is more about being asensual...is that a term? Like...I want to love you and go out for romantic dates and such, but I don't want to cuddle with you. I don't like clingy.

[romantic-woman]

yes it is so difficult!!! If you are an aromantic, people accept that you do not want anything at all so they accept it and it is easier to understand why you don't want.

If you aren't , you have to explain again that you like romantic love, something more than friends love but you don't want to do things with that person.

That is why sometimes i think that is meaningless to search or try to stay with a sexual partner. They can't understand how you can have feelings towards them without asking to have their bodies.

[Namnahr]

It makes me kinda sad to read all these posts like "I am ace but I wish I would be aromantic (or sexual), that would be so much easier/better/etc"

It's not like being XYZ suddenly causes you to not have problems anymore... Aromantic people have their own problem, as well as sexual people have.

They might have a little different problems but neither is perfect. I think what really makes a difference is how you approach these problems ^^

Sure, this topic is kinda for ranting... and surely it isn't easy to get into serious relationships if you are ace and romantic

but remember

now knowing the term asexuality makes it so much easier to explain what you are, what you want and what you don't want.

And if you succeed and get into a relationship it is the best thing you could imagine! And at least I wouldn't want to give that up!

Embrace who you are! Be happy, be proud of yourself! Be yourself and eventually it will work out! Just don't give up hope ^^

in this spirit

have a good day ^^

~ Namnahr

[sStephen]

Due to my lack of interest in sex most women right me off instantly or feel un-easy in my pressence. It's cruel irony really, here i am just trying to avoid them without any interaction and yet they feel threatend by my pressence and creeped out...Yet they feel fine going home with the D-bag with full intentions of forcing themselves on her.

On a different note i think everyone wan'ts someone they can count on and feel comfortable with in a relationship sense. Physical intimacy is essential though and that's where the brick wall effect comes into play when you're ace. The key is finiding someone who enjoys your company and doesn't feel that sex is everything...a little challenging in the younger age groups but not Impossible. Inevitably the intimacy discussion will happen though. And you're either going to give in, or give up.

[Visenya]

I would give anything to be an aromantic ace. However, since it's not possible, I've decided that I'll never be in a relationship, regardless of whether I have romantic feelings for someone or not. I really don't want to be a part of one, if I'll have to sacrifice a lot of things in exchange of... what, exactly? -_-

To be in a relationship, I'd almost have to become another person, just to "fit in". And, in my opinion, it would bring a lot of psychological problems to me (having the constant reminder that I'm not "normal", which would cause me body image issues, amongst other problems).

So, for me, feeling romantic attraction is absolutely useless, and giving up the idea of being in a relationship is proving to be quite freeing (besides, at least I can thank the gods I'm not sexual!). Nowadays, I just try to stay positive and focus on what it's good for me. ;)

[Wild Seven]

I relate. I'm still working through what does sex mean to me, and it definitely doesn't mean the same things to me as to less 'gray-a / demi' people that I know, so it's bit... complicated. I'm all for companionship, I'm all for a multitude levels of relationship (even though I definitely wouldn't term it just 'romantic', because most of the relationships I've been in didn't work when I've began to think of them as 'romantic', too many attached associations and expectations that just do not... click with my life). But sex doesn't enter that question, and if (and when) it does, I don't look for the same things.

Same cake, but wildly different flavor.

[biace_inyourface]

I don't think I ever wanted to be aromantic. I've always loved how romantic feelings feel, even if they can be painful sometimes. But I do get bitter a lot. Like, why can't the rest of the world be like me? Why does me flirting with someone have to imply that I want to jump into bed with them? Why does everyone else think sex is so damn important?

[Wild Seven]

I think people just jump too easy to conclusions, FancyJulia ;) So it's not really even about sexuality per se. It's about what people believe is the chain of events governing people's lives in every area. Lack of logic, pretty much. It's not even personal.

[divided_sky]

Being able to completely get rid of romantic desires would be great, for sure...

I think I'd choose to keep them though.

[Crazy Cat Lady]

yes it is so difficult!!! If you are an aromantic, people accept that you do not want anything at all so they accept it and it is easier to understand why you don't want.

If you aren't , you have to explain again that you like romantic love, something more than friends love but you don't want to do things with that person.

Yes, exactly. I've not come out to any of my friends, probably because it's so hard to explain. I have friends (really, one friend) who want to set me up, but don't understand why I'm not interested at all, when they know I get crushes on people.

ETA: That's not likely the only reason I've not come out to anyone. I am also extremely uncomfortable talking about sex at all.

It would probably also be easier to be romantic if I was at all willing to compromise on sex, but for other reasons in addition to being ace, I don't want to even compromise. I guess I have too many issues with it all-around, so if I could be aromantic, I could turn off all those feelings that I don't want to act on... but kind of do - but only to a point. A point that would be unacceptable to a sexual person.

[Cj Quinn]

I kinda wish I didn't have my Panromantic......ness.

I mean...... I am lonely. I romantically ache for my ex and I know she doesn't give a flip about that. So I kinda wanna cut that ache and need from me. I love loving people but I could do without the hurt. Although I am sure I would be much meaner (Personally) if I didn't have my romantic-ness. So its kinda good I have it.

[alicepractice]

I'm not 100% sure if I'm actually romantic; I've never been in love or felt anything past a regular middle school crush, but the idea of having a boyfriend or girlfriend still appeals to me. My only relationship was a complete mess that I jumped into far too quickly so I didn't really feel anything other than disgust towards the other person, and unfortunately he was just a complete pervert so I'm not 100% sure if he really represents the typical outlook on sex, but it did baffle me how much sexual people value sex, given that it was all he focused on half time.

It's unfortunate because if I ever were to be in a relationship with somebody who isn't asexual again, I'd always feel like I'd be lacking in an area that everyone else could outdo me in. I wish I could get rid of either my asexuality or my desire to still fall in love one day.

[Conscientious Ghost]

Yeah, I'm relieved that I don't have to deal with dating as an ace. Not my area.

On the other hand, it doesn't stop me from feeling odd when I often can't comprehend romantic relationships, crushes, and love. Classmates stared at me like I can't spell 'hat' if I asked how does it feel to like someone. They also found it complicated when I can hug, cuddle, and snuggle with my friends because I'm supposed to be a cynical robot. How touching. Although I have my solitude and some companions, it doesn't halt newer problems and same old lashes from others.

[CatsAndRain]

I'm romantic and asexual. But I haven't dated enough (or long enough) to bring up the sex issue, so I have no experience in that.

I have wonderful platonic friendships and haven't dated in a long while. So far, I'm happy.

But I also want a relationship. I agree it's a bit difficult for us romantic aces because it seems like 90% of the population only wants relationships with sex.

I think it'd be much easier for me if I was sexual (because we're bombarded with it constantly and more times than not it only makes me frustrated). I've never wished to be aromantic.