To you, are sexual attraction, sexual arousal & the desire for partnered sexual intercourse, the same thing? or, are they separate from each other?

[The_Verse]

I don't want to turn this into 10 pages again so I'll try to get this all in one post. I agree that sexual desire exists alone and if you have sexual desire you still have a preference on who you would like to sleep with, so sexual attraction is important as well. Otherwise anyone could hook up with anyone and be satisfied. Straight men would sooner and probably only sleep with women.

If seeing a shirtless man turns you on you are sexually attracted to males. If seeing a female in underwear turns you on you are sexually attracted to females. If you are horny (sexual desire) and looking at male or female pics that's what sexual attraction is, who you look at.

I'm still confused on how some people go on and on about penis or vagina. Sounds like that's sexual attraction more than sexual desire.

I also do feel most people in this world are confusing aesthetic attraction with sexual attraction. Good looks are just good looks.

I have never looked at a person and felt aroused.

If someone needs an emotional connection first to feel sexually attracted to someone and desire sex with them then they are Demisexual. Looking at someone and wanting sex with them doesn't work for me because I don't know them.

Exactly!

I find my partner arousing because of his personality and the fact that I love him. I like to do the sex with him. Thing is, I don't find people physically attractive. I can appreciate good looks, but I have never felt tingly because of them.

So I find it really hard to define the difference between attraction and desire and stuff. D:

I kind of thought it was this:

Sexual Attraction: Finding someone physically arousing.

Sexual Desire: Wanting to do the sex.

Arousal: Tingliness and hot body feelings.

With this definition I get sexual desire and arousal, but not attraction.

I was previously identifying as Demi-Sexual, but now I've thought about it.... I don't know.... D:

[WhenSummersGone]

Same for me!^ I don't experience physical attraction (looks = wanting sex with them), but if I knew someone well and I felt a connection I can experience sexual desire towards them.

[ItsALongHardRoad]

I have never gotten aroused by looking a male body(only) and the female form sometimes does it for me but I fall in lust only with guys(3 in my entire lifetime).Take that as you will.

[shockkkk]

Seems kind of dumb that being turned on from someone's physical appearance would be considered sexual attraction while being turned on by someone's personality isn't. Lots of highly sexual people are turned on by personality rather than physical appearance. I hate comparing asexuality to the other orientations since I'm not convinced asexuality should be considered one, but in none of the standard orientations does it matter whether or not someone is turned on by physique or personality.

[WhenSummersGone]

Seems kind of dumb that being turned on from someone's physical appearance would be considered sexual attraction while being turned on by someone's personality isn't. Lots of highly sexual people are turned on by personality rather than physical appearance. I hate comparing asexuality to the other orientations since I'm not convinced asexuality should be considered one, but in none of the standard orientations does it matter whether or not someone is turned on by physique or personality.

I think what we see or hear is "OMG! They are so hot! I want them in my bed", or whatever it is sexuals say, and a lot of us here on AVEN don't relate to that or understand. It confuses the heck out of me how some people are like that and can get sexually attracted to good looking strangers. I think Demisexuality is experiencing secondary sexual attraction while sexuals experience primary sexual attraction (looks, etc.).

[shockkkk]

Seems kind of dumb that being turned on from someone's physical appearance would be considered sexual attraction while being turned on by someone's personality isn't. Lots of highly sexual people are turned on by personality rather than physical appearance. I hate comparing asexuality to the other orientations since I'm not convinced asexuality should be considered one, but in none of the standard orientations does it matter whether or not someone is turned on by physique or personality.

I think what we see or hear is "OMG! They are so hot! I want them in my bed", or whatever it is sexuals say, and a lot of us here on AVEN don't relate to that or understand. It confuses the heck out of me how some people are like that and can get sexually attracted to good looking strangers. I think Demisexuality is experiencing secondary sexual attraction while sexuals experience primary sexual attraction (looks, etc.).

A lot of sexuals don't relate to that either though.

[WhenSummersGone]

Seems kind of dumb that being turned on from someone's physical appearance would be considered sexual attraction while being turned on by someone's personality isn't. Lots of highly sexual people are turned on by personality rather than physical appearance. I hate comparing asexuality to the other orientations since I'm not convinced asexuality should be considered one, but in none of the standard orientations does it matter whether or not someone is turned on by physique or personality.

I think what we see or hear is "OMG! They are so hot! I want them in my bed", or whatever it is sexuals say, and a lot of us here on AVEN don't relate to that or understand. It confuses the heck out of me how some people are like that and can get sexually attracted to good looking strangers. I think Demisexuality is experiencing secondary sexual attraction while sexuals experience primary sexual attraction (looks, etc.).

A lot of sexuals don't relate to that either though.

So who are the people saying they need sex asap or they take someone they don't even know to bed? The people who can look at someone and want sex with them? I think sexuals understand better than most people on this site. Also I have no sex drive compared to sexuals who have one.

[Mycroft is Yourcroft]

Sexual attraction:Is a misnomer of language. There is no special form of attraction that specifically sexual in nature. Sexual people call it sexual attraction simply because sex is how we respond to our attractions because our desire for sex colors how we view everything. But the attractions we feel are no different that the ones asexuals feel, we just react to them differently. Attraction is simply how we perform partner selection, it's a set of characteristics we find appealing. Anyone possessing enough of those characteristics is deemed "attractive."

Arousal:Is just physiological response, no different that salivating in anticipation of eating, or an adrenaline rush when you are scared or surprised. It's just your body physically preparing itself for sex in response to physical or mental sexual stimuli.

Sexual desire:This is the big deal. This is what makes sexual people sexual. It's how we are different from asexual people. This is an innate desire to have sexual interactions with others in a general sense."Interactions" includes any sex act, not only intercourse. It exists on its own, all the time, is not reliant on being attracted to anyone in particular, and will be missed if not fulfilled. It is different from libido in that libido is only concerned with sexual release, libido is physiological, sexual desire is psychological, libido can be satisfied with mastrubation, sexual desire can not.

Wow, this is really concise and well-written. I honestly had never thought about 'sexual attraction' like that before, but it now makes a whole lot more sense.

Thanks for writing this

[Tessc]

Sexual attraction:Is a misnomer of language. There is no special form of attraction that specifically sexual in nature. Sexual people call it sexual attraction simply because sex is how we respond to our attractions because our desire for sex colors how we view everything. But the attractions we feel are no different that the ones asexuals feel, we just react to them differently. Attraction is simply how we perform partner selection, it's a set of characteristics we find appealing. Anyone possessing enough of those characteristics is deemed "attractive."

Arousal:Is just physiological response, no different that salivating in anticipation of eating, or an adrenaline rush when you are scared or surprised. It's just your body physically preparing itself for sex in response to physical or mental sexual stimuli.

Sexual desire:This is the big deal. This is what makes sexual people sexual. It's how we are different from asexual people. This is an innate desire to have sexual interactions with others in a general sense."Interactions" includes any sex act, not only intercourse. It exists on its own, all the time, is not reliant on being attracted to anyone in particular, and will be missed if not fulfilled. It is different from libido in that libido is only concerned with sexual release, libido is physiological, sexual desire is psychological, libido can be satisfied with masturbation, sexual desire can not.

I agree with this. I feel aesthetic attraction and arousal, but I have never met anyone I looked at and thought "oh I want them now". I do have a libido, but I consider myself grey because the only way I'll ever want to actually have sex is under very specific circumstances.

[Guest]

I don't want to turn this into 10 pages again so I'll try to get this all in one post. I agree that sexual desire exists alone and if you have sexual desire you still have a preference on who you would like to sleep with, so sexual attraction is important as well. Otherwise anyone could hook up with anyone and be satisfied. Straight men would sooner and probably only sleep with women.

If seeing a shirtless man turns you on you are sexually attracted to males. If seeing a female in underwear turns you on you are sexually attracted to females. If you are horny (sexual desire) and looking at male or female pics that's what sexual attraction is, who you look at.

I'm still confused on how some people go on and on about penis or vagina. Sounds like that's sexual attraction more than sexual desire.

I also do feel most people in this world are confusing aesthetic attraction with sexual attraction. Good looks are just good looks.

I have never looked at a person and felt aroused.

If someone needs an emotional connection first to feel sexually attracted to someone and desire sex with them then they are Demisexual. Looking at someone and wanting sex with them doesn't work for me because I don't know them.

Exactly!

I find my partner arousing because of his personality and the fact that I love him. I like to do the sex with him. Thing is, I don't find people physically attractive. I can appreciate good looks, but I have never felt tingly because of them.

So I find it really hard to define the difference between attraction and desire and stuff. D:

I kind of thought it was this:

Sexual Attraction: Finding someone physically arousing.

Sexual Desire: Wanting to do the sex.

Arousal: Tingliness and hot body feelings.

With this definition I get sexual desire and arousal, but not attraction.

I was previously identifying as Demi-Sexual, but now I've thought about it.... I don't know.... D:

Hi there!

for me personally, if you enjoy sex with your partner and find him arousing (but do not enjoy sex unless a deep emotional bond has formed first) you probably are demisexual!! :) .. Sexuals do not identify as sexual just because they may find someone physically arousing. Arousal for them may be about how someone talks, someone's sense of humor, or just basic love; the way that person makes them feel inside when they are together. Though I do know there are asexuals here who say they identify as asexual, yet enjoy sex with their partner despite feeling no attraction to said partner, so if you felt more comfortable identifying as asexual, you could go with that too! whatever you feel most comfortable with ^_^

I experience sexual attraction and a whole lot of arousal when in love. Everything about my partner arouses me. Yet I have no desire for, enjoyment of, partnered sex. My partner feels exactly the same. No matter how aroused either of us are, no matter how kinky and sensual and intimate, we are categorically unable to enjoy, or even desire in any way, partnered sex. This has made it impossible for either of us to carry on a healthy relationship with any sexual person, because one or the other is always dissatisfied, angry, and hurt at either being denied sex repeatedly (in the case of the sexual) or having to give sex when it is something that is utterly loathed and unbearable (in the case of the asexual)

My partner and I therefore both identify as fully asexual, as there is no way, under any circumstance, either of us could ever desire or enjoy partnered sex.

I often get ''oh but, you feel sexual attraction, so you are not asexual.. you are sexual, or at least demi-sexual' but the fact is,no amount of sexual attraction would ever make me desire or enjoy sex with someone, male or female. So saying I am not asexual is like saying I am just a broken sexual who will never be able to have a relationship unless it with an asexual haha.

I am not a broken sexual, I am an perfectly whole asexual :P

[Guest]

Sexual attraction is: feeling aroused, emotionally, mentally, physically and sexually/genitally, all at the same time, because you find someone soooo amazing, so awesome, and just so damn sexy haha. Sexual attraction involves a lot more than just a genital arousal response to someones physical attractiveness.

Arousal is: looking at pornography and becoming genitally aroused by it, seeing a 'hot' (ie uber-aesthetically attractive) man or woman and becoming genitally aroused by them, reading about situations that make you genitally aroused... etc etc etc.. but without the same emotional involvement that actual sexual attraction involves.

Sexuality/desire for sex is: wanting to actually have penetrative intercourse/genital intercourse (hard to define an exact term when you take same-sex couples into account, but you know what I mean) with someone, regardless of whether you feel sexually attracted to them ie emotionally, mentally, sexually etc, or because they purely 'turn you on sexually' by looking at them even though you don't care for their personality, or just because you are horny and want to ''bone someone'' haha. Sorry to put that last bit so bluntly but I have met plenty of *sexuals* who experience this on a day-to-day basis :P

. . .

May I order one of each ? I feel asexual to everyone beside the one I have in my life... I kinda even lust after her... Everyone else I can ignore. But her she just melts me and brings our my sexual side... I tend to think that one things leads to the other then come the best part :D

[Guest]

Sexual attraction is: feeling aroused, emotionally, mentally, physically and sexually/genitally, all at the same time, because you find someone soooo amazing, so awesome, and just so damn sexy haha. Sexual attraction involves a lot more than just a genital arousal response to someones physical attractiveness.

Arousal is: looking at pornography and becoming genitally aroused by it, seeing a 'hot' (ie uber-aesthetically attractive) man or woman and becoming genitally aroused by them, reading about situations that make you genitally aroused... etc etc etc.. but without the same emotional involvement that actual sexual attraction involves.

Sexuality/desire for sex is: wanting to actually have penetrative intercourse/genital intercourse (hard to define an exact term when you take same-sex couples into account, but you know what I mean) with someone, regardless of whether you feel sexually attracted to them ie emotionally, mentally, sexually etc, or because they purely 'turn you on sexually' by looking at them even though you don't care for their personality, or just because you are horny and want to ''bone someone'' haha. Sorry to put that last bit so bluntly but I have met plenty of *sexuals* who experience this on a day-to-day basis :P

. . .

May I order one of each ? I feel asexual to everyone beside the one I have in my life... I kinda even lust after her... Everyone else I can ignore. But her she just melts me and brings our my sexual side... I tend to think that one things leads to the other then come the best part :D

I feel the same as you do pretty much. I feel nothing for anyone, but when it comes to my sweetheart, I feel everything! (sexual attraction, arousal, lust etc) just without the desire for actual genital stimulation (ie partnered sex) heh.. everything else though, I loooove

[Guest]

Sexual attraction is: feeling aroused, emotionally, mentally, physically and sexually/genitally, all at the same time, because you find someone soooo amazing, so awesome, and just so damn sexy haha. Sexual attraction involves a lot more than just a genital arousal response to someones physical attractiveness.

Arousal is: looking at pornography and becoming genitally aroused by it, seeing a 'hot' (ie uber-aesthetically attractive) man or woman and becoming genitally aroused by them, reading about situations that make you genitally aroused... etc etc etc.. but without the same emotional involvement that actual sexual attraction involves.

Sexuality/desire for sex is: wanting to actually have penetrative intercourse/genital intercourse (hard to define an exact term when you take same-sex couples into account, but you know what I mean) with someone, regardless of whether you feel sexually attracted to them ie emotionally, mentally, sexually etc, or because they purely 'turn you on sexually' by looking at them even though you don't care for their personality, or just because you are horny and want to ''bone someone'' haha. Sorry to put that last bit so bluntly but I have met plenty of *sexuals* who experience this on a day-to-day basis :P

. . .

May I order one of each ? I feel asexual to everyone beside the one I have in my life... I kinda even lust after her... Everyone else I can ignore. But her she just melts me and brings our my sexual side... I tend to think that one things leads to the other then come the best part :D

I feel the same as you do pretty much. I feel nothing for anyone, but when it comes to my sweetheart, I feel everything! (sexual attraction, arousal, lust etc) just without the desire for actual genital stimulation (ie partnered sex) heh.. everything else though, I loooove

The lust part The one in my life makes me crave her ... :(

[Someone Else]

This is an interesting topic to me, because I grew up, as far as I can tell, knowing what people meant when they said a woman was hot or sexy (barring simple differences of taste, but, in general.) It wasn't aesthetic beauty, that made me like her boobs, it wasn't "romantic" or sensual that I liked her butt. So I never imagined that I wasn't sexual, for a very long time. But, against perhaps all normal reason, yeah, I think someone is sexy, and still am not interested in genital interaction. So, for me, sexual attraction can exist without the desire for the sex act...

[Guest]

Seems kind of dumb that being turned on from someone's physical appearance would be considered sexual attraction while being turned on by someone's personality isn't. Lots of highly sexual people are turned on by personality rather than physical appearance. I hate comparing asexuality to the other orientations since I'm not convinced asexuality should be considered one, but in none of the standard orientations does it matter whether or not someone is turned on by physique or personality.

I personally also do not like comparing asexuality to other orientations. Because for me personally, the difference between an asexual and ANY form of sexual (bi, pan, hetero, homo etc) is that an asexual person never experiences the innate desire for partnered sexual contact. By that I mean, a sexual need that is unable to be fulfilled by masturbation alone, the NEED to be sexually active with another person to be truly satisfied..one often hears sexual people saying how empty they feel without sexual interaction, how masturbation just does not satisfy them the same way another human can. To me, regardless of whether or not one is experiencing sexual attraction, the fundamental difference between sexuals and asexuals is that an asexual can masturbate alone (if they experience arousal at all, and even then, many asexuals don't bother with masturbation) and still be perfectly content in the long term ie: their entire life.

However an asexual can experience attraction in the same ways a bi, homo, pan, hetero person does: ie not just attraction to someone breasts or arse, but to someones sense of humor, someone's laugh.. etc etc. The only difference here is that the asexual never equates that attraction to the need for partnered sexual contact. (not saying that a sexual wants to have sex with everyone they are attracted to, or that a sexual even needs to feel attraction to desire partnered sex, just trying to emphasize the difference between the two.

So for me personally, I think a-sexuality and sexuality are completely different umbrella terms. Under the term asexuality comes all the varying forms of asexuality, under the term sexuality comes all the different forms of sexuality (bi, homo etc) and they are linked loosely in the middle by say, Demi and Gray-A sexuality, who can experience the desire for partnered sexual contact under certain circumstances.

Wow I'm so tired, I have no idea if any of that made any sense at all heh.

[The_Verse]

I don't want to turn this into 10 pages again so I'll try to get this all in one post. I agree that sexual desire exists alone and if you have sexual desire you still have a preference on who you would like to sleep with, so sexual attraction is important as well. Otherwise anyone could hook up with anyone and be satisfied. Straight men would sooner and probably only sleep with women.

If seeing a shirtless man turns you on you are sexually attracted to males. If seeing a female in underwear turns you on you are sexually attracted to females. If you are horny (sexual desire) and looking at male or female pics that's what sexual attraction is, who you look at.

I'm still confused on how some people go on and on about penis or vagina. Sounds like that's sexual attraction more than sexual desire.

I also do feel most people in this world are confusing aesthetic attraction with sexual attraction. Good looks are just good looks.

I have never looked at a person and felt aroused.

If someone needs an emotional connection first to feel sexually attracted to someone and desire sex with them then they are Demisexual. Looking at someone and wanting sex with them doesn't work for me because I don't know them.

Exactly!

I find my partner arousing because of his personality and the fact that I love him. I like to do the sex with him. Thing is, I don't find people physically attractive. I can appreciate good looks, but I have never felt tingly because of them.

So I find it really hard to define the difference between attraction and desire and stuff. D:

I kind of thought it was this:

Sexual Attraction: Finding someone physically arousing.

Sexual Desire: Wanting to do the sex.

Arousal: Tingliness and hot body feelings.

With this definition I get sexual desire and arousal, but not attraction.

I was previously identifying as Demi-Sexual, but now I've thought about it.... I don't know.... D:

Hi there!

for me personally, if you enjoy sex with your partner and find him arousing (but do not enjoy sex unless a deep emotional bond has formed first) you probably are demisexual!! :) .. Sexuals do not identify as sexual just because they may find someone physically arousing. Arousal for them may be about how someone talks, someone's sense of humor, or just basic love; the way that person makes them feel inside when they are together. Though I do know there are asexuals here who say they identify as asexual, yet enjoy sex with their partner despite feeling no attraction to said partner, so if you felt more comfortable identifying as asexual, you could go with that too! whatever you feel most comfortable with ^_^

I experience sexual attraction and a whole lot of arousal when in love. Everything about my partner arouses me. Yet I have no desire for, enjoyment of, partnered sex. My partner feels exactly the same. No matter how aroused either of us are, no matter how kinky and sensual and intimate, we are categorically unable to enjoy, or even desire in any way, partnered sex. This has made it impossible for either of us to carry on a healthy relationship with any sexual person, because one or the other is always dissatisfied, angry, and hurt at either being denied sex repeatedly (in the case of the sexual) or having to give sex when it is something that is utterly loathed and unbearable (in the case of the asexual)

My partner and I therefore both identify as fully asexual, as there is no way, under any circumstance, either of us could ever desire or enjoy partnered sex.

I often get ''oh but, you feel sexual attraction, so you are not asexual.. you are sexual, or at least demi-sexual' but the fact is,no amount of sexual attraction would ever make me desire or enjoy sex with someone, male or female. So saying I am not asexual is like saying I am just a broken sexual who will never be able to have a relationship unless it with an asexual haha.

I am not a broken sexual, I am an perfectly whole asexual :P

So we're kind of like two sides of the same coin. :P

A further detail that maybe TMI:

When doing the sex, I am not focussed on my partner. I have to focus on the feelings in my body to find any enjoyment.

[Guest]

So we're kind of like two sides of the same coin. :P

A further detail that maybe TMI:

When doing the sex, I am not focussed on my partner. I have to focus on the feelings in my body to find any enjoyment.

Possible TMI:

For me personally, If my ace sweetie ever became sexual (which I know would never happen haha, but just using this as an example) the only way I could experience 'enjoyment' would be by pleasing him (using hands or mouth, I will never have penetrative sex again). Regardless of how sexually aroused I am, there is nothing he could do to me (to my, ahem, lady parts) sexually that I could enjoy, no matter how much I focused on my own sensations or anything heh. The sex act, for us, would be all about me focusing on his feelings and enjoyment, and doing my utmost to keep him away from anything inside my underwear haha. Totally ludicrous example, as my partner just wants to cuddle me in my dressing gown and PJ's all day and night, he has no interest in whats inside my underwear and never will :)

Like you said, opposite sides of the same coin hehe.

[Guest]

PanFicto~Aotearoan,

I cannot agree with what you said more. I am in a similar boat.

I have been attracted to a great spectrum of people, men, women, and everything in between, BUT I do NOT want intercourse.

I think I have even felt sexual attraction, but the idea of actually having intercourse with said person doesn't interest me. Cuddles, kisses, holding hands, and the like does interest me, but that's as far as it goes.

I can be visually, mentally, emotionally, physically stimulated, but I do NOT want to have intercourse. It just doesn't interest me. I do find the act very, very boring. I am also not sex repulsed. I am just not interested. (when I was younger I was sex repulsed, but I got past that years ago, and now I am indifferent towards it)

I wouldn't say the exact same boat though, because (maybe once in a great while like once or twice a year) I can actually ENJOY sex in the moment, BUT it takes in incredible amount of mental work and will power for me to get there and it is incredibly difficult to maintain (easily distracted). It's an extremely difficult situation to create, I require a lot of mental and very particular sensory stimulation first (sometimes kink). I really cannot describe with words yet, how difficult it is to attempt to reach that point. I guess this makes me Grey-A? Demi? I don't know. ::shrugs::

*I want to note, that I never have the desire to have intercourse/penetrative sex with a partner. BUT it doesn't mean that once I do it, that I never, ever enjoy it. I CAN enjoy it, but very RARELY do. I wouldn't know this though if I hadn't made myself have sex in the first place. But I still don't seek it out because of my own desires. Does this make any sense?

I do understand that Asexuals come in varying degrees. I think I am one.

Specifically this, "I experience sexual attraction, and arousal, yet I have no desire for, or enjoyment of, sexual intercourse, no matter how sexually attracted to someone I am, or how aroused I feel."and THIS, "Rather than having sex, I like to snuggle, kiss, hold hands, whisper sweet things to each other...and get a little kinky if the situation arises, but still, no matter how kinky (biting, spanking etc),I have no desire for partnered sex (masturbation yes, sex no). I find the things I have just described, infinitely more pleasurable, and enjoyable, than having actual sexual intercourse."

I agree, I would much rather masturbate, than have partnered sex. Even when I reach the point I have described above, I STILL would rather masturbate.

I can be attracted to and sexually aroused by someone (get that tingle), but I do not actually enjoy the act of sex itself. However that "Tingle" is rare, I felt it more when I was younger, (I guess because things were new?), I hardly ever feel it now.

I can enjoy myself, by myself. But it's not an often sort of thing either, (sort of monthly/hormonal and satisfied by my personal mental fantasies) though I enjoy it INFINITELY more than intercourse/penetration.

"Sex is something I do not desire, or enjoy, end of story. No matter how sexually attracted I am to, in love with, and aroused by another person (my partner), I still do not have any desire for penetrative sex. I am not sex repulsed, I just do not enjoy it; I find it boring - may as well poke a stick in my bellybutton for all the fun I get out of it. I also find it painful, though, if the pain could vanish, I still would not desire it."

Sometimes I do find it painful. Regardless, I still find it boring even when it isn't painful. And I don't "desire" it.

I have a partner, and we are open about everything. So he is aware how I feel. However, I do have sex on a somewhat regular "normal(?)" basis, because I think it is important for my partner's needs and not my own. It's important for relationship health (bad analogy *not calling partners pets*:: but similar to the upkeep of a pet, you have to feed, and water, and play with them so they stay active and healthy, otherwise you shouldn't have a pet) Also since I have never wanted sex, I don't naturally instigate it. I have to plan, literally schedule myself reminders in a book or a phone planner not to ignore my partner's needs, Try not to reject them often when he makes them, and remind myself to initiate it at times even though it's something I don't give a damn about. I give a damn about my partner though, so I make it a point to make it important. My partner has been more about "fulfilling" his partners so it gets super frustrating at times when he wants to cause that level of sexual arousal that he has other partners in the past, to me, when I don't give a crap about it. So there have been times where, things are happening, in the moment, and when I least expect it, I will actually find myself in the moment, present with my partner, and enjoying it. However, it's incredibly rare, like I said 1-2 times a year maybe? And I would never know this if I hadn't "scheduled" to do it. ::laughs at self:: But I still do not naturally seek or crave intercourse. BUT I make sure to not treat it like a "chore" because Sexuals find that really hurtful emotionally (usually).

TMI+some personal history::

My current partner the only person I have actively enjoyed intercourse with (that 1-2 times a year). I have made myself have sex with quite a few people in my life time, because I thought something was wrong with me, and that it was what I was supposed to do, because it was normal to be sexual/have sex. I feel a bit of envy towards people who were able to figure themselves out earlier on in life, find places like this or other people who could understand and valid their feelings, or were able to stand by how they felt and not be swayed by what they "thought" was expected of them by "normal/sexual" people.

ALSO! LyraHW,

I agree with your statement.

I think that about covers it... ^__^

[Ariel808]

This thread is actually helping to clear some things up for me.

Arousal: to me arousal is when I feel all jittery and want to take care of certain urges by myself *cough* This rarely happens to me because I saw someone hot or something. Sometimes if I read sexual scenes that are romantic it could happen but I'm very averse to visual porn. Usually it happens when I think of doing foreplay things with my serious bf, or before whenever I had strong feelings for someone. It doesn't happen when I think of penetrative sex but it's possible if I think of receiving oral sex but only with my bf. Also my bf arouses me when in person for a variety of reasons like kissing, touching, and other foreplay

Sexual Attraction: I guess to me this is being drawn to someone physically and sexually and being able to fantasize about them in a sexual way? I'm not sure. If this is the case I've only been sexually attracted to three people in my life, all of which I had strong feelings for. Also, I felt no sexual attraction until about 17 when I had my first serious crush.

Sexual Desire: I would say this is the innate desire to have sex with others. Sex is an important aspect of life for people with sexual desire and they would be emotionally distressed if they could never have sex. Like PanFicto~Aotearoan, I don't experience this desire at all and I don't think I ever have. I am a very affectionate sensual person with a high libido, so I thought it meant I was very sexual, but when I started dating and whatnot, I realized I was very content with physical things never escalating past foreplay. I'm not sex repulsed and I don't know if I'd enjoy penetrative or oral sex because I've had neither, but I don't feel the desire for these experiences and I could easily go the rest of my life without them. I feel very fulfilled in my relationship without introducing sex although I wouldn't be opposed since he is sexual.

"I experience sexual attraction, and arousal, yet I have no desire for, or enjoyment of, sexual intercourse, no matter how sexually attracted to someone I am, or how aroused I feel."and THIS, "Rather than having sex, I like to snuggle, kiss, hold hands, whisper sweet things to each other...and get a little kinky if the situation arises, but still, no matter how kinky (biting, spanking etc),I have no desire for partnered sex (masturbation yes, sex no). I find the things I have just described, infinitely more pleasurable, and enjoyable, than having actual sexual intercourse."

This is definitely how I feel as well :) Now I'm wondering whether to identify as asexual...

[newMasturbator]

From my perspective:

Sexual attraction: you look at a person and think "I'd like to have sex with you"

Arousal: Getting horny and getting a physical reaction like an erection (for males), ususally due to external stimuli like porn or your partner

Desire for sex: basically libido. How often you want sex (or orgasm) and how badly you want it.

In my case, I experience sexual attraction regularly. But my desire for sex is very low, my interest in casual sex is minimal, and I need a lot of stimulus to be aroused.

For that reason I consider myself graysexual.

[Ashmedai]

I sometimes come across a point where I question the validity of me calling myself grey ace. Sometimes I'm not sure if it's legit, but really weak sexual attraction that fuels my libido, or if it's touches of autochorissexualism with licks of boredom, or a combination of the three. Mind you, my libido mostly only kicks in when I'm bored and alone most of the time.

[thewildcardarcana]

I have a lot of weird feelings about this because I can't and don't feel the desire to have sexual intercourse for its own sake ever.
And that includes people I have strong emotional bonds with. That sounds like case and point purest definition of asexual you can get tossed around.

But this is where it gets weird, I enjoy making people I care about happy and I enjoy watching and helping people I care about enjoy themselves. And that can and does sometimes include sexual things.

But I'm not desiring the sex, I'm desiring their enjoyment and it creates a feedback loop that can make me enjoy it.

Before I realized I was somewhere on the Ace spectrum I just kinda went along with it any time someone propositioned me and I only ever enjoyed it once and it was with someone that I cared about a lot.

But I get the same amount of enjoyment out of doing non-sexual things with someone I care about that makes them just as happy.

So I can enjoy sex, but I don't desire it, and I don't enjoy it because it's sex.

[Junius]

For my self-identity, I find it important to separate arousal, desire for intercourse, and attraction. I have been finding myself becoming increasingly attracted sexually to a few women in my life (mostly because I know them better than I did before). However, I still don't want to have intercourse with any of them and doubt I ever will. As for arousal, that is just a natural reaction and doesn't play into my choice of identity.