night_raven Posted August 30, 2002 Share Posted August 30, 2002 alright, so i'm someone who is sexual (even if it's not greatly) who is dating someone who has no interest in sex, and i don't think any interest in even kissing (as i've explained already). Now the thing is, i feel compelled to not try anything that he hadn't been the one to try first. (no, i don't mean sex, b/c i do'nt believe in sex before marriage anyway). I'm just afraid of what his reaction will be towards me, and on top of that i'm already shy about that sort of stuff. So, my question is, has anyone here who is in the same position felt like that out of respect for the person? And has anyone who was in the opposite posistion (asexual dating sexual) and felt compelled to try and act sexually with the person out of respect for what they wanted? Link to post Share on other sites
Madame_Sosotris Posted August 30, 2002 Share Posted August 30, 2002 Yup! As I think I've said before, you seem to be exactly in my boyfriend's place. I feel compelled to push myself sexually/physically (I don't believe in premarital sex, either) with him to try to compromise. To not hold him back. And because I know that he can't understand that I care about him fully, as much as he tries, when I don't. Link to post Share on other sites
night_raven Posted September 3, 2002 Author Share Posted September 3, 2002 thanks for the response. The thing is, i feel both ways about this. I do not want someone doing something because they feel "compelled" to, yet at the same time i don't want to be the only one compromising b/c then it isn't a compromise. Ack, whatever. I know what i mean but it doens't seem to want to come out right Link to post Share on other sites
Madame_Sosotris Posted September 5, 2002 Share Posted September 5, 2002 Wow, I wish I had something to stay to you other than "Been there, done that, know how you feel." On the one hand, no one in a relationship wants to be actively making the other person uncomfortable, on the other hand a one-sided compromise is really pointless. The best I can say is find something that doesn't make him uncomfortable...maybe not something he would necessarily do -- but something he's comfortable doing. I wouldn't be physical of my own volition, but right now I'm perfectly happy holding my boyfriend's hand, too. Link to post Share on other sites
night_raven Posted September 6, 2002 Author Share Posted September 6, 2002 Well, it's not that we're un-physical, and it was him who initiated, just not really much so. I don't even think that i am making him uncomfortable, it's just that i worry sometimes that i am. i don't know, probably have no reason to be Link to post Share on other sites
Artemis Posted September 27, 2002 Share Posted September 27, 2002 I went out with a non-asexual for a (short) while. I thought it might be a bad idea but decided to give it a try because I explained to him right at the start that there wouldn't be much happening on the physical side and he said that was OK. Anyway, after a while he started trying to pressurize me into having sex, but when I asked him if he was still OK with the (lack of) sexual side to the relationship he kept telling me he was perfectly happy. I did go further than I was comfortable with because I knew he wanted to, and I wanted him to have some fun. After a few months he ditched me because I wouldn't have sex with him. I know that most people want to have sex, and I wasn't too bothered that he'd ended it due to that (I kind of knew it was inevitable), but what I was really upset about was the way he continually lied to me about it. I think it's important to try to talk to each other and be honest about what you both want and how far you both want to go, because you can't reach an acceptable compromise without that. Link to post Share on other sites
Anonymous User 8818 Posted September 30, 2002 Share Posted September 30, 2002 . Link to post Share on other sites
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