Confused on Feelings and Coming Out

[Ohyxia]

Coming out seems to be a major topic in this subforum, and this is yet another thread dealing with the prospect of coming out to a person you have feelings for. The thing is, I'm living with her and another friend next year for school--we live far from the school in our hometowns so we got a place nearby in town together.

I'd love to tell them both that I'm ace, except that I just can't bring myself to do it. I just don't see it as something important enough to let them know, as it doesn't seem like something that could come up at all in the next year(s). Not only that, but I have more trouble telling the one specifically because I really like her and don't want to seem weird, because at the same time I'd like to tell her how I feel. And doing that could complicate things for next year if things go south.

We're kind of like best friends, although not best friends at the same time. I just get an urge to cuddle with her sometimes. I don't want to make things awkward between us by telling her my feelings and that I'm ace, even if I feel she reciprocates them. In fact, based on things she's said I think she's ace as well.

According to an ace friend of mine at school--who we only found out was ace when I showed her this site after coming out--she said something about me being ace, but I'm not sure. My friend thinks she took those words back later. I'm not sure.

I don't know what to do, so I turn here to ask for help in telling my future roommates that I'm asexual--or even if I should do so at all--as well as to ask what to do about liking and wanting to cuddle with the one roommate.

I'm just very confused now. Can you guys help me?

[semper]

Double check if coming out is something you're ready for. If you're willing to try something with that girl you like, I think you can't tell her about your feelings but keep it as a secret that you're ace. I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago because I'd never told him that I'm Gray-A while we were together. And when I finally did, he said that all this time he truly thought that there's something wrong with him, that he was doing something wrong, and after all that time he just couldn't date me anymore. He was so tired and frustrated. If you won't say her about this part of you, there will always be a wall between you. Yeah, you think that being ace isn't something "important enough" to let people around you know it, most of the time I think like that too, but when you're in a relationship, not telling the truth can hurt your partner's feelings. Not because you don't experience sexual attraction, no, but because they're confused all the time.

If you really think that she's ace too, it's okay to make a move. Some time ago I learned that my first love's ace. When I was in love with him, I was too scared to tell him about me and my feelings, but now I think that I could give it a shot, and maybe we could be happy together.

I can't say if coming out is a nice thing or a bad thing. Maybe it'll be awkward, maybe won't. Maybe your crush'll think that you're weird, maybe won't, but if she will, well, you can't do anything about it and maybe it doesn't worth it. But If you think that your roommates are good friends, give them a chance. I came out to my closest friends - because it's easier for me - but you don't have to do it. Only if you want.

That's my opinion

[Ohyxia]

Just have to say thanks for that. It made me feel better about this and helped me figure out what to do. Considering that she's one of my best friends, I can tell her about being asexual no matter what--that goes for the other roommate too. I don't want to hurt her or confuse her, so tell her first. Then say the rest and I think that's the best that can be done. I just have to figure out where I'm going and then I'll know for sure, but I think I can tell her about being ace.

Thank you again for being helpful.

[semper]

Oh, it's nice thing to know that it helped you somehow:)

Just tell her that you're ace and wait for her reaction, then you'll be able to decide if you want to tell her about your feelings too or not. Building a relationship with a asexual person can be really hard, but it doesn't mean that you can't figure out together how to make it work. Even if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings, but it's totally okay with her that you're ace...well, you'll have friends at your side who support you. My closest friends said only: "So what?" and they try really hard to understand me, even when it's not easy.

I hope everything will be okay! If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM.

And good luck!