Non-sexual subspace as a form of asexual intimacy

[Iamala]

I've been reading around a lot about alternate intimacy experiences that bring a similar connection sexual people describe sex as bringing, but don't involve sexual touching. One of the things I've become fascinated by is the idea of psychological subspace. The state of complete trust and slight dissociation that can be triggered by certain situations, mostly involving focusing entirely on one person and surrendering control for a little while. Things like, being partially restrained whilst being touched or massaged, basically being put in a situation where you have no choice but to receive physical affection (pre-consented of course). Sort of extreme trust exercises basically, entwined with great affection.

It got me wondering, has anyone ever tried this kind of thing in an asexual relationship here? It seems like quite a good option to explore as a substitute, for want of a better term, for the kind of connection a lot of people describe sex as being.

Does anyone here have any experience of that kind of psychological, non-sexual subspace with partners?

[argar]

This is the first time I'm hearing of non-sexual subspace, but it did kind of remind me of something I think of sensual, but not sexual that I did when I was younger.

I really enjoyed when someone would write letters on my back and I had to guess what it was.

Man, I haven't done that with anyone for a long long time.

[Feral_Sophisticate]

BDSM play often brings the Top and bottom into a separate "headspace" (see "Physical aspects" at this link). Note that "subspace" is only one side of the equation. As a Dom, I often experience "Domspace", but it's not quite the same sort of "rush" that subspace can bring.

My ace babygirl/masochist/girlfriend can hit subspace relatively easily (or, at least, she does with me), as I know what works for her. Orgasm need not be part of the experience, though it sometimes can be, depending on how she's feeling that particular day, how much time we have, and how deep she wants to go. I won't generalize and say that her subspace is deeper with orgasm, as it often isn't. It's different, but not deeper or better for her (I know this, as I have asked her about it, once she's coherent and capable of conversation).

And no, subspace (or Dom/Topspace) aren't necessarily sexual. I enjoy the sensation of the psychological disconnect (and the intimacy it brings) without orgasm, in general.

I would also suggest visiting this link, as it contains a glossary of useful terms, for those new to BDSM/kink play.

Subspace can sometimes bring with it subdrop, after the scene is over. Not all submissives or bottoms are subject to it. My girl usually doesn't experience it at all, unless aftercare is denied for one reason or another.