Coming Out: Kind of Successful..

[Pamorama]

Alright, so I'm an 18 year old kid, and I figure that I'd let my parents know I was asexual since the conversation we were having at the moment had led into it. My Dad was understanding and incredibly supportive, even though he had just learned what asexuality was. We discussed the fluidity of sexuality, but I also made sure to emphasize that how I identified right now was important to me, even though I'm still young.

My Mom was also supportive..but not quite understanding. I overheard her later that night telling my Dad that I might need therapy for "suppressed homosexual feelings", those being her exact words. Her saying that mostly threw me off because I have a boyfriend (I'm heteroromantic). This is frustrating to me because I explicitly explained asexuality to her, making sure to tell her that asexuality does not equal homosexuality. I feel rather insulted that my explanation seemed to go right in one ear and out the other. Her reaction might be a result of her upbringing (strict Catholic household), or just because she simply doesn't think people without sexual attraction can exist. Despite her upbringing, she's accepting of LGBTQ folk. She just doesn't quite understand.

Even though her opinion of my sexuality doesn't have much of a bearing on my life, it's still frustrating that she thinks I'm gay despite me explicitly telling her I'm not. How do I get her to understand? (My solution right now is to continue having a relationship with a guy until she gets it...! ^_^ This post was half solution-seeking, half venting, so take it as you will.)

[Touchofinsight]

Alright, so I'm an 18 year old kid, and I figure that I'd let my parents know I was asexual since the conversation we were having at the moment had led into it. My Dad was understanding and incredibly supportive, even though he had just learned what asexuality was. We discussed the fluidity of sexuality, but I also made sure to emphasize that how I identified right now was important to me, even though I'm still young.

My Mom was also supportive..but not quite understanding. I overheard her later that night telling my Dad that I might need therapy for "suppressed homosexual feelings", those being her exact words. Her saying that mostly threw me off because I have a boyfriend (I'm heteroromantic). This is frustrating to me because I explicitly explained asexuality to her, making sure to tell her that asexuality does not equal homosexuality. I feel rather insulted that my explanation seemed to go right in one ear and out the other. Her reaction might be a result of her upbringing (strict Catholic household), or just because she simply doesn't think people without sexual attraction can exist. Despite her upbringing, she's accepting of LGBTQ folk. She just doesn't quite understand.

Even though her opinion of my sexuality doesn't have much of a bearing on my life, it's still frustrating that she thinks I'm gay despite me explicitly telling her I'm not. How do I get her to understand? (My solution right now is to continue having a relationship with a guy until she gets it...! ^_^ This post was half solution-seeking, half venting, so take it as you will.)

Honestly, you don't. That is a journey she has to or won't go on herself. You have provided all the information available to her, time will tell what she does with it.

You can accept behavior and at the same time not agree with it's origin. That probably describes her feelings right now.

[AWhiteGyrfalcon]

Hi!

I'm not sure how much help I can be but i totally relate to your journey!!

I am 30, but have known I'm likely asexual for at least the last 2-3 years - before that I'd never heard of asexuality and just thought, like many said "I hadn't found the one man yet" type of rubbish.

Anyway I told my sister and a good friend - they were very accepting and understanding - had even heard of asexuality before - especially my sister - she has quite a few gay and lesbian friends, so accepting asexuality was easy for her and she is very supporting. Even looks out for any asexual men that I might like to date..

But my parents - just don't understand! like you, my dad just kinda accepted - as in okay, that's what she says, but doesn't really understand. My mum flat out almost refers to me as "not knowing who I am yet because I haven't had sex or found my one yet". Like you I had a long term boyfriend I was with almost a year - unfortunately we broke up because of my asexuality (ie he was sexual and I couldn't give him the relationship he needed - as I like sensuality but no desire at all for sex). But I was still told I can't know I'm asexual until "i've tried sex" or had a "real relationship". That I need to experience sex otherwise i'll turn out "funny" or like the "weird, batty cat lady". (I'd love to be a weird, batty cat lady lol) Like you I find these comments insulting, I don't think it matters if your 18, 20, 30 or 50 and turn out to be a batty maiden aunt or uncle. You normally do know yourself and who you are - so being told you don't know who are you - is beyond insulting and that you are basically "weird" for not desiring. But in a sex saturated society I understand why I get this reaction - but it is still frustrating (I actually have a post about this in the Forums on Rants). Sorry if this is all TMI by the way!!

I find, on advice I got from this site - I just now let those that have negative opinions keep them. I also try quirky comments - my fave - in response to "You need to have sex, to know if you like it". "Well do you want to have sex with the dog/cat?" When the obvious response and expression is "eww, no". I say "Well that's how I relate to sex..eww! no! never!" lol I got more of a response from my mum from that one lol.

Anyway try what I suggested and that it might take time - just focus on your own life and when they see in 10-20 years time that your successful, happy and settled that will come around to believing you aren't "batty" or "senile" without sex lol

[Pamorama]

Thanks for the replies, guys. Hearing that stuff was helpful to my situation.

And thank you for sharing your experience, Curious_Alice. It wasn't TMI, so don't worry! Hearing about how you deal with that stuff has given me a better perspective on what's going on with me right now. Even though my Mom's incorrect perception of me is still sort of looming, I think I'll find it easier to ignore that as time goes on. Moving to the next state over for college in a few months will probably help a bit too.

[Oshima]

I think the best in this kind of situation is to be patient, I´m telling because my parents don´t believe that asexuality exist but I do have talked with a friend about my asexuality and even though he doesn´t understand completly he accepts me

[kassafrass]

Honestly, you don't. That is a journey she has to or won't go on herself. You have provided all the information available to her, time will tell what she does with it.

You can accept behavior and at the same time not agree with it's origin. That probably describes her feelings right now.

I completely agree with this. Sometimes it is just a matter of people in general discovering things out in their own time, by them selves. You did do everything you were supposed to and explained everything as best as you could. Perhaps show her AVEN? Maybe not the forums if she isn't ready but the actual site and the information it provides? Maybe if she's sees a resources explanation as opposed to just yours she will see it as more "valid" sometimes people are a little bit odd when it comes to taking in information and unless there is "proof" it tends to go over their heads.