Poly Relationships

[asexynerdygal]

the more I think about things the less objectionable I find this, has anyone done this with a sexual or more than one sexual? They can um do their thing and I can have the asexual close relationship with one or more that I crave...

It's really difficult, especially in the pagan community to find something with someone not interested in a carnal kind of thing

[The Great WTF]

I'm really starting to think I need to make an FAQ for this stuff. Yes, there are several poly people on AVEN (I'm one of them), many of us in successful relationships, mixed or otherwise, but something worth keeping in mind is that most of us are poly by nature, not because we're doing something to make a relationship work.

Using polyamory as a band-aid hardly ever works. If someone is open to a poly relationship because they are open to it, not because they don't want to give up their mixed relationship or because they feel like they have no other choice, it can be a very good relationship formula, but it is one that takes work. Honesty, lots of it, shameless, blameless, upfront and open honesty with your partner, and more importantly yourself, is key. If you're feelings jealous, you have to talk about it, work it out, find out why and either deal with it or admit this isn't for you. You have to know your ground rules and your partner's, because you can ask ten different people what their idea of a poly relationship is and I guarantee you'll get ten different answers. It comes easier for some than others and it works better for some than others. If you have the time to spare, read Malinda Lo's Adaptation it's YA, but it gives a good example of the complications that can come from trying to adapt to a poly relationship.

What I'm saying is, if you want to give it a try, then by all means do so, but make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. Polyamory requires throwing a lot of preconceived notions about love and relationships out the window and facing up to insecurities we often don't even know we have and at the end of the day some people are simply not wired for it while some people are made for it.

[asexynerdygal]

I've been doing some study on it, and there's been a lot of discussion on a lot of my pagan boards on it.. it actually sounds like something I would be open to

[~Rikki~]

I'm polyamorous but currently single (technically). I have loved more than one person at the same time. I'm also not into the whole controlling my partner thingy, so poly relationships work for me.

[asexynerdygal]

I think that's kind of where i am too

[That One]

I naturally tend toward poly relationships, but not toward the type of people who I usually find in the poly community.

I've had a couple poly relationships, and they all evolved very naturally, with a couple I knew who I became close with until the three of us reached a point of functioning as a unit. One of these, it even reached the point where they would have sex with each other while I was present.

But these couples weren't people who would normally consider themselves poly... I have a few friends in the poly community, but most of the people I meet in that community are really odd ducks, and a lot of them seem to have a weird power imbalance in their relationships that's counter-intuitive to what poly is supposed to be. I personally could never go looking for a poly relationship. I think it just has to happen on its own.

[asexynerdygal]

yep from what I've seen the poly community is something I would avoid :D ... I miss family, I miss that connectedness..and finding someone who accepts an asexual pagan chick seems ...well flat out impossible .. poly doesn't seem bad, it could be a solution