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He's my best friend, but if he touches me again I'm going to cry


Ziggy_G

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I'm gonna try to make this a simple as I can, cos I know I've ranted a lot about him on the venting threads. Basically he's my best friend. He's also my ex. I don't feel like I couldn't live without him in my life, I definitely could, but I've been feeling so lonely lately and he's been my best friend (like text him first thing when you wake up to say good morning before doing anything else that day best friends) for six months now, and yeh for the most part of that time we were a 'couple' apparently.

It was a few days after I broke up with him that I found out I was an asexual aromantic (while I was googling to see what was wrong with me, I found aven :D) I told him at the time I had intimacy issues and he told me that I was weird for not wanting to date anyone, and that he didn't believe me that I didn't like him that way. Which hurt a lot. Now a couple months later after he's been trying we're finally clear that there is no 'winning me back' , i think. But I don't know if we can keep being friends.

You see it hurts me, every time he touches me. I don't know any other way to phrase it, though this doesn't sound quite right. Theres a kinda emotional pain a darkness a misery a physical feeling something like sickness. Sorta like when your so stressed you think your gonna throw up, but more emotional. Like a piece of myself just reactionally says 'I wish I was dead' or 'I hate myself' ever time he touches me. This started while we were still dating, it was seriously stressing me out, I was so relieved it would never happen again after we broke up, but it did. He takes me back to that feeling all the time and he can't keep his hands to himself. It doesn't help that I've very physical with other people, even other guys, but I dont feel that hurt with them. Maybe its cos they never made me feel uncomfortable with my own flesh, maybe cos they never made me feel emotionally manipulated into being some object of their desire. I know I shouldnt feel hurt by his touch but I do, its like a stab at my soul. The worry of it keeps me from wanting to see him, the fear of that feeling makes it hard to think about him. I want things to be how they were before all this but I can't make this pain go away. He didnt do anything wrong, but emotionally I feel like he violated me in some way, which is terrible and I dont want to feel this way at all.

But I do and now I want to know if I should cut him out my life to separate myself from this pain or if I should learn to live with this hurt that he keeps accidentally re-inflicting on me, and not loose my best friend? I just not sure, I just want him to never touch me again. I think if he ever does I'm going to actually burst into tears. Which is something I generally dont do- I was raised never to cry in front of people.

((Also he doesn't know I'm asexual, its hard to explain--I just really, really really dont want to talk to him about it, I don't think he's the kind who would get it and I think he would end up saying something that would really hurt me, Its been a really hard couple months and I dont know if I could take it. At the moment he's still calling it my 'issues'.-- he's one of the six people in my life I do not plan on telling. Ever probably.))

help please :(

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The Not So Impossible Girl

I dunno. It might not be this dude's fault that you are reacting so negatively to his touch. Some people go through a rough grieving period after they discover their asexuality. Just like when a loved one dies, anything that reminds them of the thing they've lost can set off some very bad emotions, anxiety, and this sick feeling you are describing. I would ask yourself if you only feel hurt around him, or if you feel hurt around everyone and anyone who is/has been sexually interested in you.

I say you may need to gather more evidence before making a decision. I'm sorry if this isn't much help. Good luck :ph34r:

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You could just tell him you need some space for a while, like a couple months. That would give an excuse that wouldn't necessarily hurt him as bad, and it would give you some time to think...

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Sockstealingnome

I think asking him to not touch you again is the first step. Tell him that it makes you uncomfortable and you don't want him to do it. If he refuses then tell him you need space or that you want to end the friendship. None of us can tell you whether you should end the friendship because we don't know how much value it has to you.

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