AnomalyEternal Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I have a contradicting mindset... I like the idea of romance and sometimes crave having a romantic relationship, but I am kinda repulsed by romance. As soon as the prospect turns to reality, I get all flustered and awkward and grossed out. Like today there was this couple on TV and all they were doing was holding hands and I got serious second-hand embarrassment and felt all gross watching them. Seeing people kissing makes me want to vomit. I myself have never had a crush or a squish or anything like that, and sometimes I'm really weirdly happy about it.I don't know if I'm just a really strong introvert or what, but is anyone else (aromantic or not) romance repulsed? Or is it just me? Link to post Share on other sites
saige Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I'm not a huge fan of romance. It seems fake to me. I don't think it repulses me. Link to post Share on other sites
Xavy Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I wouldn't say it repulses me, but I have never been comfortable with romance, and, as episodic said above, it seems fake to me too. Link to post Share on other sites
TheKindredSoul Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I have a contradicting mindset... I like the idea of romance and sometimes crave having a romantic relationship, but I am kinda repulsed by romance. As soon as the prospect turns to reality, I get all flustered and awkward and grossed out. Like today there was this couple on TV and all they were doing was holding hands and I got serious second-hand embarrassment and felt all gross watching them. Seeing people kissing makes me want to vomit. I myself have never had a crush or a squish or anything like that, and sometimes I'm really weirdly happy about it. I don't know if I'm just a really strong introvert or what, but is anyone else (aromantic or not) romance repulsed? Or is it just me? You are not alone in this mindset. I am an aromantic and I find romance to be absolutely repulsive! It also does not make any sense to me. It also seems very idealistic, so I do not believe in it. Seeing kissing and such makes me feel nauseous. I do not like seeing the romantic displays of couples. I wish they would take it elsewhere and not do it in front of my face. Also, if someone can like the idea of sex and not the reality of it, then romance can be taken the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
Fire & Rain Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I have a contradicting mindset... I like the idea of romance and sometimes crave having a romantic relationship, but I am kinda repulsed by romance. As soon as the prospect turns to reality, I get all flustered and awkward and grossed out. Like today there was this couple on TV and all they were doing was holding hands and I got serious second-hand embarrassment and felt all gross watching them. Seeing people kissing makes me want to vomit. I myself have never had a crush or a squish or anything like that, and sometimes I'm really weirdly happy about it. I don't know if I'm just a really strong introvert or what, but is anyone else (aromantic or not) romance repulsed? Or is it just me? I'm only repulsed when I'm in one but I get annoyed by PDA. I like the idea of romance but I don't like seeing it in reality. I prefer it in movies, books, etc. Romance in fictional state makes it appealing for some reason. I identify as Gray-Aromantic because I feel aromantic 99% of the time. Like other users mentioned above, romance seems fake to me too. Link to post Share on other sites
Satin Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I'm not opposed to or repulsed by romance in general, I just don't want anything to with it. Most portrayals of romance, especially in fiction, are so sickeningly sweet that I just prefer to look the other way. I wouldn't call it fake though. It's just a way people show their affection - why you call this fake is beyond me. Link to post Share on other sites
Zash Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I am mixed on it... If I see two friends start dating it is nice that they are happy and everything, so I don't mind it, as long as they don't start sucking face in front of me. However, if someone starts taking a romantic interest in me personally, I want to run away and hide. I think I am more repulsed by the idea of someone romantically interested in me than sexually interested in me. (Still sexually repulsed too, just I get a bigger negative reaction to romantic interest) Link to post Share on other sites
Ziggy_G Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I like the idealized version of romance, the kinda non-realistic movies and the fictional stuff quite a lot. I know a lot of genuine cute and romantic true stories (mostly about old people and how they ended up together) and I think thats really sweet. I went to the wedding of the cutest couple I know recently and I thought how totally perfect they were for each other and how adorably cute there wedding was. But I also thought about how completely gratefully-thanking God (literally)- glad I was that it was them getting married not me. Because while its perfect for them I could see that, it would be torture for me. My own personal punishment. The marriage would be a prison sentence and the wedding the courts case, dragged out in front of all my friends and family for a life-sentence. I dont like disgusting levels of PDA or overkill on it, but I think lots of people think that way anyway. I like it when my friends are being sweet with there others, though maybe thats just cos I like to tease them about it, or maybe becos I can see its making them happy. I have no objection to romantic or sexual stuff on the tv, maybe becos thats what I was raised watching, or partly now because it gives me a strange fascination with this other world of impulse. I'm a big fan of having different experiences, I like the romantic gestures in theory becos of that reason, I wanted to get roses from a guy but once I got them Im done. And its more about the flowers really then the person behind them. I like when you have romantic moments with strangers theres something fairytale about that. But in reality? In the parts of my life that actually matter? I want to spend my valentines day eating ice cream in bed and have no trace of a boyfriend or girlfriend in my life. I can't be me and be with someone else. And I can't view even a slight relationship as anything more than a self-inflicted punishment. Which is a terrible thing to think. Thus why I am now single for life -and lovin' it ;) Link to post Share on other sites
Maelstrom_17 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I have a contradicting mindset... I like the idea of romance and sometimes crave having a romantic relationship, but I am kinda repulsed by romance. As soon as the prospect turns to reality, I get all flustered and awkward and grossed out. Like today there was this couple on TV and all they were doing was holding hands and I got serious second-hand embarrassment and felt all gross watching them. Seeing people kissing makes me want to vomit. I myself have never had a crush or a squish or anything like that, and sometimes I'm really weirdly happy about it. I don't know if I'm just a really strong introvert or what, but is anyone else (aromantic or not) romance repulsed? Or is it just me? You are not alone in this mindset. I am an aromantic and I find romance to be absolutely repulsive! It also does not make any sense to me. It also seems very idealistic, so I do not believe in it. Seeing kissing and such makes me feel nauseous. I do not like seeing the romantic displays of couples. I wish they would take it elsewhere and not do it in front of my face. Also, if someone can like the idea of sex and not the reality of it, then romance can be taken the same way. Yeah same here! I love reading romance stories and thinking about the idea of being in a relationship, but actually being in one drives me nuts because I feel like I would constantly have to think about the other person's needs, worry about them cheating on me,etc. It's just too much thinking and requires way too much energy. Plus I think kissing and touching and all of the physical things associated with romance is extremely disgusting. Also, like some of the other posters, I agree that it seems totally fake. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 You're not alone. Anyone who's read a good number of my posts is bound to have run into a rant (or five) about how much I loathe romance. I'm naturally romantic, though. The tension between, on the one hand, feeling very high romantic desire/attraction, and on the other, being repulsed by it and the horrid mess it caused in my life, has probably been my biggest cause of suffering for nearly two decades... until, finally, SSRI medication all but switched that paradoxical attraction off for me. I'd even say that the side effect of making me effectively aromantic was a bigger relief for me than the actual antidepressant main effect. Link to post Share on other sites
Shoomon Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 I'm only repulsed when I'm in one but I get annoyed by PDA. I like the idea of romance but I don't like seeing it in reality. I prefer it in movies, books, etc. Romance in fictional state makes it appealing for some reason. I identify as Gray-Aromantic because I feel aromantic 99% of the time. Like other users mentioned above, romance seems fake to me too. I feel exactly the same way! Completely agree Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Spoon Train Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 I'm repulsed by most elements of mainstream monogamous (esp. heteronormative) romance - it basically reads like some kind of high school popularity contest and objectification game to me. I'm also repulsed by limerence, and what it did to my head in the past (and how it negatively impacted my relationships). Take these factors away, and I'm not necessarily repulsed by other aspects of romantically-coded behaviours and relationships. But then, I'm not sure if what remains is really "romance" or not. :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Take these factors away, and I'm not necessarily repulsed by other aspects of romantically-coded behaviours and relationships. But then, I'm not sure if what remains is really "romance" or not. :lol: Personally, I'd say what's left after that subtraction (and all the subtracted parts are exactly the things I completely loathe, too) isn't romance anymore, just some style of FWB. And FWB - with the exact type of benefit to be negotiated and agreed upon just by the participants themselves - are pretty awesome, in my book. :) Link to post Share on other sites
abacct Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I hate romance SO much. It makes me very uncomfortable and I strongly dislike it. However, I write primarily romance. :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Spoon Train Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Take these factors away, and I'm not necessarily repulsed by other aspects of romantically-coded behaviours and relationships. But then, I'm not sure if what remains is really "romance" or not. :lol: Personally, I'd say what's left after that subtraction (and all the subtracted parts are exactly the things I completely loathe, too) isn't romance anymore, just some style of FWB. And FWB - with the exact type of benefit to be negotiated and agreed upon just by the participants themselves - are pretty awesome, in my book. :) I used to have a lot of trouble understanding your take on "romance vs FWB", but it makes a lot of sense to me if I just think of it as the difference between "limerence-driven insanity" and "level-headed and respectful intimate relationships". These days, it's essentially impossible for me to make that FWB vs Lovers distinction any more. Everything that I would consider a healthy intimate relationship could be described as either a close FWB or as a romantic relationship - depending on the social context and how you want to present yourselves (actual relationship substance and socially-recognised form can be two quite separate things, but that's a subject for another threadjack :P). But in terms of substance, the crucial point is that there's no more surrender to those overbearing negative emotions that come with limerence any more - which society enables very thoroughly and treats as "normal" to do in romantic relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
raguzama Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 I dislike public lovers, you know.. The kind of people who kiss and touch in places like the mall. It makes me kind of uncomfortable and a little mad when I see it. Holding hands is fine, and doing that stuff in private is cool, but in public? I'm not against romance. But at this point I'm not even sure if I could handle a romantic relationship... Link to post Share on other sites
Scifiknitwit Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 Romance also makes me very uncomfortable. It think it's cute in books or movies, as long as it does get too crazy. In real life I am repulsed by it and frankly tend to think of it's fake as well. In fact the more expressive the PDA the more I think it's fake. I am freaked out when people start showing romantic inclinations towards me. (Though I miss a lot of cues so it pretty blatant before I recognize it). I have never had a crush or even a squish, so I guess it's just beyond me. Romance also makes me very uncomfortable. It think it's cute in books or movies, as long as it does get too crazy. In real life I am repulsed by it and frankly tend to think of it's fake as well. In fact the more expressive the PDA the more I think it's fake. I am freaked out when people start showing romantic inclinations towards me. (Though I miss a lot of cues so it pretty blatant before I recognize it). I have never had a crush or even a squish, so I guess it's just beyond me. Link to post Share on other sites
Synchrèse Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 I've never been a big fan of romance... I always avoid all these books and films which deal with love stories as I found them boring and pointless...there are so many other things in life which are worth being talked about really. I tend to fantasize about some kind of emotional and sensual connection with other person but I don't seem to look for it in a 'real' life. TMI Speaking of PDA... it makes me a bit uncomfortable but more irritated. I still remember when I worked in a take away 'restaurant' and when I wanted to ask the customers about something concerning their order I just saw that they were a bit too busy...passionately exchanging their saliva while leaning against that big damn oven... If somebody did it to me I would take it as a slur. It was absolutely degrading and disgusting. Link to post Share on other sites
deltaX Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 I can relate to a lot of what has been said in this thread. I always liked the idea of romance. On the rare occasions I would read romantic books or watch romantic movies, I would envy the characters because of how happy they were with each other, and hoped that one day I could experience it too. However, now I realize that although romance might be good for some people, it's not for me. I tried a romantic relationship earlier this year, and everything time he would act romantic I felt really uncomfortable and repulsed. I didn't want anything to do with it. (And I'm almost certain it was a reaction to romance in general, not the particular guy I was with at the time). I didn't want to hold hands, or kiss, or cuddle - that kind of physical affection didn't hold any special feelings for me. I didn't want him to say sweet or romantic things - it just seemed so over dramatic, almost fake, and it just made me feel guilty because I didn't feel the same way. In addition, the whole act of being in a relationship was like an uncomfortable burden to me, not at all like the idea of romance I had in my head. I think the thing I wanted from romantic relationships after seeing the fictional depictions was not the stereotypical romantic gestures or feelings, but the emotional closeness between two people. When I was younger, I didn't have many friends and was almost always alone, so it awed me how two people could be enjoy each other's company so much, and how they could care for each other so intensely that they would do anything for each other. But I don't think that emotional closeness is limited to just romantic partners. I have formed close bonds with many of my friends like this, even if there are no romantic feelings involved. Now that I am older, I am also starting to become closer to my family as well. (At least for now) that is more than enough to keep me content. :) Link to post Share on other sites
sindi Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 I can relate to the OP a lot. I'm such a dreamer that I sometimes even wander on the romance-territory in my daydreams. But in real life the possibility of a romance is a total turn-off. I mean, I might have a squish-like attraction towards someone, but if there's any hint that they might return those feelings, that's the end of my interest - I might even become repulsed, especially if it becomes clear that they indeed want something of me! I'm not repulsed by other people's romances though, not that I like watching people make out in public, but I can tolerate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherellice Posted May 10, 2014 Share Posted May 10, 2014 While I don't mind love, I absolutely dislike and am mostly repulsed by romance (and, yes, in my mind there is a huge difference). I try my best to avoid romance in books and movies and there are only a handful of fictional relationships I actually like....though I can't think of any of them right now. :P Link to post Share on other sites
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