Incredible Aromantic Moments (other romantic orientations invited)

[PoisonRoses-SweetThorns]

Hmm... Looking back to my younger years, I still don't know what I did or didn't do to earn a reputation amongst my high school and campus friends for having a "broken love-circuit in my brain".

 

I mean, there was the usual, "Oh, he was flirting with me? Are you sure, I think he was just being nice," moments.

The, "No, there is most definitely no sparks between us, we are just friends," moments because you had no idea that being friendly would be misconstrued as anything other than what it was - being a friend and not being flirty.

The, "DON'T DO THAT" panic when a guy friend whose company you genuinely enjoyed tried to kiss you and your brain almost shut down and you left without a word because, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO just NO!!

The oblivious moments when a guy who is or isn't in love with you brings his new girlfriend to meet you because he's hoping you'll get jealous and you can't help but think, "Wow, we'll be late for class, by the way, I love your(new girlfriend's) shoes" because really, you don't want to be late and you totally miss why your friends are giggling and laughing and having the time of their lives. They tell you later and it remains a mystery why you would be jealous...

Your friends informing you when you are just hanging out that the guy back there was 'interested' in you... etc

 

I mean, in hindsight, I might have missed some pretty 'obvious' moments thrown my way, but hey, my brain's love-circuit works just fine. It's just wired to receive different kinds of signals, that's all.

 

You know I think I know why we exist, to show the world that love and a beautiful connection between people is not based on and does not solely revolve around sexual and romantic attraction(theory in progress).

[Spooky Little Kid]

Trying to write a romance scene with my (also aro) friend, except it's just me being confused as hell and writing nothing but flirting, while my friend is wrapped in a blanket on the floor. Hiding. from. the. romance.

[Barbio]

My mom: "Hey, guess what! (An old family friend of ours) just got married!"

Me: "Oh. That's cool."

Mom: "'That's cool'?! I thought you'd be happier for him!"

Me: *Stares blankly* What else am I supposed to say? Sure, I'm happy if he's happy, but... what's the fuss?

 

I hate it when my aro brain makes me sound uncaring. 😕

[Mistress Specksynder]

On 4/17/2023 at 4:41 PM, SimonB said:

Though I know what 69 refers to, I still don't understand why people find it funny.

I think the comedy derived from it is just... cultural? Internet culture? There's nothing that funny about it, but since some on the internet have come to notice it and laugh, it gets to be funny to everyone else.

MAYBE?

It might also be that people do think of the sexual act when they think of the number, and somehow that is funny. I dunno. But I think my above point makes sense because of the other "funny number", 420. Weed isn't like, out of the ordinary or especially taboo (in some places, at least), so it's probably the same reason as above.

[Mistress Specksynder]

My aro(ace) moment is that I'm pretty good at just walking up and talking to people, and thus making new friends, and my dear, oh-so eloquent friend, all-knowing and wise beyond her years in the art of selecting appropriate words, described it as my ability to get, and I quote, "mad puss". Thanks man ;-; you didn't have to say it like that.

[SimonB]

6 hours ago, Mistress Specksynder said:

I think the comedy derived from it is just... cultural? Internet culture? There's nothing that funny about it, but since some on the internet have come to notice it and laugh, it gets to be funny to everyone else.

MAYBE?

It might also be that people do think of the sexual act when they think of the number, and somehow that is funny. I dunno. But I think my above point makes sense because of the other "funny number", 420. Weed isn't like, out of the ordinary or especially taboo (in some places, at least), so it's probably the same reason as above.

It's the kind of thing I understand being funny to children/teenagers, who are still nervous about anything sexual and so use humour to mask that, but the thing I don't get is that it's so often sniggered at by grown adults. Maybe it's nostalgic sniggering, they remember finding it funny when they were younger? Because right, there's nothing inherantly funny about the act itself, at least not more so than any other sexual thing. And so maybe it's that same juvenile humour that makes weed/420 funny? That they're vaguely taboo, at least when you're a teenager?

[SimonB]

6 hours ago, Mistress Specksynder said:

My aro(ace) moment is that I'm pretty good at just walking up and talking to people, and thus making new friends, and my dear, oh-so eloquent friend, all-knowing and wise beyond her years in the art of selecting appropriate words, described it as my ability to get, and I quote, "mad puss". Thanks man ;-; you didn't have to say it like that.

Has it always been that way for you? I'm that way now, but only since learning I'm ace last year. It somehow gave me confidence, I'm not worried about anyone thinking I'm hitting on them where the fear of that used to really bother me.

[Mistress Specksynder]

On 7/8/2023 at 7:05 PM, SimonB said:

Has it always been that way for you? I'm that way now, but only since learning I'm ace last year. It somehow gave me confidence, I'm not worried about anyone thinking I'm hitting on them where the fear of that used to really bother me.

I have not always been good at just walking up and talking to people, but it seems to be a bit easier for me than for most people. Part of the stuff particular to my experience of this is being autistic and both not caring too much about social norms, and not being afraid of awkward stuff (because I am somewhat oblivious to it).

 

But, all the rest of it is practice! Walking up and talking to people can be nerve-wracking for sure, but it gets easier as you do it more. It never gets easy in terms of nervousness, necessarily, but it does get easier. Generally, a good thing to do to practice your confidence in talking to people is to do it in an environment where 1) you're comfortable, 2) the person you're talking to isn't busy, 3) it is expected you'd talk to them.

 

For example, if you go into a book store, a great way to practice walking up to people is to ask the bookstore employee where a book is, or to ask them recommend a book in a particular genre. Turns out that bookstore employees love recommending books! Twice I have asked bookstore employees who I guessed could be lesbians about any good lesbian books they know of, and they were able to show me! We had nice conversations, too. This can also works really well at stuff like game stores ("what's a good game you'd recommend?") and other hobby stores. Other things I'd recommend specifically for hobby stores (for hobbies you're into) is to show the employees some of the stuff you've done in that hobby (such as a picture of a painted mini figure, a videogame shirt, a table you made, a collection, and so on! fit it to the context!).

It's aaalllllll about practice. Chances are, the random employee you talk to won't become your friend, you'll probably never talk to them again, but they expect people to talk to them, and thus you can more comfortably have a pleasant conversation and practice your skills than with some more random stranger. You can do it!!!

[SimonB]

On 7/10/2023 at 9:19 PM, Mistress Specksynder said:

I have not always been good at just walking up and talking to people… You can do it!!!

Thanks for such a thorough reply, @Mistress Specksynder 🙂

 

I think I wasn't so clear in my previous comment but what I meant to say is that I've already greatly improved at this over the last year, partly due to the kind of practise you describe (with strangers on hikes and at book clubs), and partly due to feeling so much more confident since I recognised that I'm ace.

 

I've also learned to lean into the awkwardness, not for its own sake but for the reward of fun conversations that happen as a result. I'm channelling  my inner Jason Seifer 😉

 

But so, for yourself it sounds like knowing you're ace makes no difference either way in terms of how easy you find it, just that you don't consider that other people might think you're hitting on them? Though it doesn't logically follow, because I know for sure that I'm not, that's why I find talking to people so much easier now.

[TheTurtleMoves]

Being surprised at others being surprised that I've never dated anyone. I honestly didn't know it was weird to be my age and never have dated.

[Naali]

I took a questionnaire a week or two ago about Ace/Aro and one of the questions stated along the lines of
A) I want to be in a romantic relationship with a specific person(s) ;  B) I have fantasied about a relationship with a specific person(s) ; C) Yes I have wanted and have fantasied about a relationship with a specific person(s) ; D) unsure E) No
The question after that one said "in general" instead of a "specific person"

 

I've never been so dumbfounded at the obvious language usage. I've known I'm demiromantic for 10 years, but explained like this it makes so much sense to my brain.

[Slajmy]

At work we had group discussions about different cases. My group totally missed that one was about relationships and the heteronorm. We focused on the law instead.

[SunsetMudkip]

Went to a cafe for a chat with a woman I'd met at my local Meetup group. By coincidence, my flatmate also happened to be there with her bf. When I got home:

 

Flatmate: "Were you two on a date?"

Me: "Huh??"

 

Apparently I went on a cute coffee date without even realising it! I had no idea this was a romantically-coded thing until much later. I'm just out here trying to make friends 😆

[ColdMirror]

Once in middle school there was this boy I used to talk to quite often. We got along well and laughed a lot together, and one day he asked me if I wanted to meet after school. I was like "sure", but then that same day everyone started gossiping and saying that he liked me and we were going to meet to make out or whatever. I was dumbfounded and lowkey scared that this was even a possibility. When the boy texted me that weekend I made up some random excuse and basically avoided him for the rest of the year.

Looking back I was kind of a jerk lol, but my reasoning at the time was "better safe than sorry".

[M96-80 KENNY]

Aromantic moments never were so frequent in my life, but I will mention my first (and only, for now) example. There was a girl during my first high school year who loved me, this happened when I didn't know that I'm aroace (and also didn't know what is this in first place). Uh, and I also was too antisocial before my adulthood (yes, my change was too recent, 2 or 3 years ago), now I can want friends without putting romance to the situation (don't ruin my friendship attempts).

Girl: Hi!

Me: Ok?

Girl: I'm love with you, I like you so much

Me: *proceed to be scared*

Girl: Do you wanna be my boyfriend?

Me: NO

[Somerando73]

I talk all the time about my friends, especially to my mom. She seems very happy for me, but until recently, she's always assumed that every single person is a love interest. Mostly men, but also some enbys and ladies.

 

I tell her about my amazing, cool, awesome beste: "Do you have a crush on them?"

 

There's a cool, really (aesthetically) pretty person in my art class and I really want to know her: "Make sure she doesn't have a boyfriend!"

 

I start making a bunch of things for my friend because he's cool and accepts things I make him: "Are you sure you don't have a crush?"

 

Even watching TV, if we see anyone cute, she acts like I'm going to go out of my way to find and date them! Is that how it actually works for allos?

 

Whatever it is, I do not understand it.

[Somerando73]

On 12/16/2022 at 6:39 PM, Osiyo_Waya said:

someone...

 

will inevitably...

 

...ask me to dance.

Make it you.

 

Dance with yourself.

 

Slay, the aromantic way 😎 🍰 🎂 🧁

[Osiyo_Waya]

4 hours ago, Somerando73 said:

Make it you.

 

Dance with yourself.

 

Slay, the aromantic way 😎 🍰 🎂 🧁

But I dun wanna dance… 😝

[BunchOBees]

On 10/7/2023 at 12:40 AM, SunsetMudkip said:

Went to a cafe for a chat with a woman I'd met at my local Meetup group. By coincidence, my flatmate also happened to be there with her bf. When I got home:

 

Flatmate: "Were you two on a date?"

Me: "Huh??"

 

Apparently I went on a cute coffee date without even realising it! I had no idea this was a romantically-coded thing until much later. I'm just out here trying to make friends 😆

Friendship dates need to be more normalized. There are a bunch of dating apps where the point is to make friends not romantic relationships, and people just don’t think about that. 

[Galactipunk]

Technically an aro/ace moment but it's more aro than ace.

 

Summer of 2021. I was watching a Nintendo Direct that showed off the upcoming DLC for Animal Crossing: New Horizons. One of the features shown was the ability for villagers to have roommates, but NOT THE PLAYER. And upon realizing that while I was watching I just started FUMING. Like I was genuinely incredibly pissed off at the DLC for not having that feature included.

 

When I went to bed later that same day I ended up having an angry dream about wanting to live with roommates and for the relationship to be nothing more than that. All of this happened before I realized I was aro/ace or had any plans about my future life. I didn't even take it as a hint at the time. I just thought "Yeah, this is how everyone behaves."

[pointycatears]

My biggest Aromantic moment was the moment it finally clicked for me that I am, in fact, Aromantic, after a few years of questioning.

 

It was nearly 2 years ago, shortly before Valentine's Day. My Mum and Stepfather wanted us out of the house so they could have a romantic dinner, and they said we couldn't go to my Grandparent's house because they'd probably be doing the same thing. I got annoyed and said "It's not my fault I'm not into romance and stuff!!!" That was it, that was the moment.

[Starri]

This happened just yesterday. There's this boy in my first period that I'm friends with. Sometimes if we're in the middle of a conversation when the bell rings, we keep talking and walk together up until the point where we have to go different ways to get to second period.

So I say bye to him, and I go down the hall to second period, and this other kid (who is on my robotics team, and never listens to me despite the fact I'm in charge) asks "You have a boyfriend?"

It's pretty obvious who he's referring to, so I tell him no, but it's the day after Valentine's Day and I'm already pissed, so I end up ranting about it to my friends at lunch, who look at me with approximately the same expression as the one they used on the fourteenth when I went off about amatonormativity.

[rainbowocollie]

I kind of wish I had come out as aromantic instead of lesbian some days. People always asking me if I have a date planned when I want off work or when I'll get me a girlfriend. Like noooo, you don't get it - I like girls. I just want to admire them from afar.

 

(I'm not even going to attempt to come out as aromantic lesbian, don't feel like fighting people who don't understand)

 

That said, my current hyperfixation is awakening the sapphic in me a bit more. (Charlie, the main character, is bisexual and in a wlw relationship)

[pointycatears]

An aromantic moment for me is gushing over a famous person that I like because I think they're adorable, but having to keep making it clear that no, I do not have a crush on them. Aren't I allowed to admire people without it being a crush?  I think that should be normalised.

[Itsa me a person]

1 hour ago, pointycatears said:

An aromantic moment for me is gushing over a famous person that I like because I think they're adorable, but having to keep making it clear that no, I do not have a crush on them. Aren't I allowed to admire people without it being a crush?  I think that should be normalised.

yesss this, this right here

[Wolfwhisper]

On 3/6/2024 at 3:56 PM, pointycatears said:

An aromantic moment for me is gushing over a famous person that I like because I think they're adorable, but having to keep making it clear that no, I do not have a crush on them. Aren't I allowed to admire people without it being a crush?  I think that should be normalised.

yessss this absolutely

[Frameshift07]

A few months ago, a college classmate gave me a note calling me "such a lion", with an added "😍". I didn't think twice about the possible romantic or sexual meaning, even after a classmate assured me there wasn't any masculine connotations. I'd say that was a 50/50 split between me being autistic and me being uncompelled to reciprocate sexual and romantic feelings...

 

On 2/24/2024 at 2:27 PM, rainbowocollie said:

I kind of wish I had come out as aromantic instead of lesbian some days. People always asking me if I have a date planned when I want off work or when I'll get me a girlfriend. Like noooo, you don't get it - I like girls. I just want to admire them from afar.

My mother asked me if I still liked girls after I came out as one, I said yes just cause they're so cute!

 

On 2/24/2024 at 2:27 PM, rainbowocollie said:

That said, my current hyperfixation is awakening the sapphic in me a bit more. (Charlie, the main character, is bisexual and in a wlw relationship)

The most wholesome thing I've seen all week was some aces bonding over an official pinup of her in a pleasantly not-sexual way after scrolling the top voted posts on the HH subreddit. Had I found it earlier, my feelings regarding tertiary attraction prolly would have clicked faster.

 

Spoiler

 

(How red should my next suit be?)

 

 

[victorian221b]

When I was in second grade, there was a boy and a girl who other kids thought were the perfect couple (Second grade! This is late 80s mind you, yes I am dating myself - no, not that kind of dating). I guess one could say they were pretty good looking kids, as far as one could judge on a couple of 7-8 year olds. Apparently, other kids loved to tease them when they sat together, or touched each other or whatnot. I didn’t really understand what that meant and didn’t participate in the teasing and the gossip. I was just a bystander. What I didn’t realize (and this was a revelation I had recently reflected upon while I stumbled on “asexuality spectrum”) is that that was the beginning of me being “conditioned” to the heteronormative narrative of what relationships “should” look like (sounds like I’ve been brainwashed, that’s not what I mean but you get the idea). I distinctly remembered growing up, whenever I so much as sat next to a boy or talked to a boy someone would tease me about liking the boy or the boy liked me and it made me uncomfortable and anxious. Even my own parents would tease me when I talked to any boy. As I reached adolescence, I became even more “aware” of the thought that if I were to talk to someone of the opposite sex or they talked to me then I must have liked them or vice versa. And so I avoided boys completely. I was also shy and very awkward and insecure and would believe anything anyone told me. I also had a weak sense of self.  Now I know my behavior was likely more from anxiety of being an object of romantic attention or be thinking romantically about someone and didn’t know how to deal with that and not because I was attracted to every single boy. I also thought I must be weird to behave that way. But it became so ingrained in me that as I got older I had a hard time “deprogramming” myself that just because two opposite gender people can be friendly to each other does not mean needs to be intimate or romantic. I am now considering possibly being heteroromantic but no I don’t fantasize about being in a romantic relationship with every single men - and it makes me uncomfortable whenever someone would suggest that (just leave me alone!).