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Incredible Aromantic Moments (other romantic orientations invited)


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Zectarash

Watching a scene where two people (a potential couple) go on and on about how they used to think they would just fall in love and be happy, but realize now how much hard work it is and it scares the crap out of them and they act as if somebody was forcing them to do it or they just had to... I'm just staring at it the entire time, thinking "Then... don't do it if you don't want to?" and they finish this scene where they both agreed how terrible and scary it is by... kissing and getting together as a couple. I am so incredibly confused right now.

:huh: ... Is it supposed to be ironic...?

What do you mean, the scene or my aromantic moment? No, the scene was meant to be serious... I see it sometimes, people talking about how hard relationships are, but they still date... Actually I attented a wedding once and there was a speech about it there. Made me seriously wonder why anyone would voluntarily go though with it when it's so hard. But apparently everyone else thought it was deep and touching and romantic and all.

I meant the scene. Being confused by that is perfectly reasonable. If something's scary, difficult, and not necessary, then what halfway reasonable point is there in trying? Unless they're emotionally compelled to be in a relationship, it makes no sense.

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Choloepus

Choosing who you "have a crush on" when people ask.

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WoodwindWhistler

Watching a scene where two people (a potential couple) go on and on about how they used to think they would just fall in love and be happy, but realize now how much hard work it is and it scares the crap out of them and they act as if somebody was forcing them to do it or they just had to... I'm just staring at it the entire time, thinking "Then... don't do it if you don't want to?" and they finish this scene where they both agreed how terrible and scary it is by... kissing and getting together as a couple. I am so incredibly confused right now.

:huh: ... Is it supposed to be ironic...?

What do you mean, the scene or my aromantic moment? No, the scene was meant to be serious... I see it sometimes, people talking about how hard relationships are, but they still date... Actually I attented a wedding once and there was a speech about it there. Made me seriously wonder why anyone would voluntarily go though with it when it's so hard. But apparently everyone else thought it was deep and touching and romantic and all.

I meant the scene. Being confused by that is perfectly reasonable. If something's scary, difficult, and not necessary, then what halfway reasonable point is there in trying? Unless they're emotionally compelled to be in a relationship, it makes no sense.

I think it's more like, alloromantics discover how terrible and misleading and contrived and artificial romo-centric culture is.

Romance is still nice. It's just work. (Plenty of enjoyable, worth-doing things are)

Recently a bunch of people in my dorm were watching Shrek 2, and when it got to the part where the Happily Ever After potion that supposedly affects both the person who drinks it and their "true love" is described, naturally I asked, "All right, so here's what I want to know--what happens if an aro drinks this? Do they just become twice as awesome because they don't have to share the effects with anyone else? And is it automatically permanent because there's none of that "true love" BS? And what about poly people? Who gets affected if they drink it? Is it everyone in their relationship? I need to know these things!" And then one of my friends said, "Well, maybe it also goes for true platonic love?", which made my day.

This is why I love you, Dodec.

Reminds me of the scene in my fantasy story where the allo asks the asexual, “You aren’t attracted to anyone, normally, so are you affected by the nymphs?”

“I feel the magic, a bit, Sire, but not as much as everyone else seems to.” The man strolled across to the bookshelf. “Say a nymph were in this room, I could glance at it and back to the books, but most others would immediately be transfixed.”

“You must have a very strong will then.”

“No, I don’t think it’s that. I am not ‘resisting’ them, as many try to learn how to do. They just don’t draw me in the as much on the first place. I actually rather think that I can appreciate them more since I can watch the aesthetics of it.”

In my own head, this means that nymphs' magic has a nonsexual component to it, but reading it again, I should probably make that clearer.
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i read a comment somewhere that went kinda like this:

"My favorite bullshit 'orientation' is aromantic. Oh, so you want to be able to sleep with somebody and not be in a relationship with them? How unique."

hey how about fuck you my buddy chum chum pal friend

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Choosing who you "have a crush on" when people ask.

In year 8 to year 9 my cousins - who i go to school with - would continually ask because it was ongoing saga with them.

I chose a boy in our year that I knew no one would have a problem with, i kind of had to be strategic about it!

Although I'm in year 11 now and I've just told them enough times that I don't like anyone that they don't even ask anymore!

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alwaysteatime

Choosing who you "have a crush on" when people ask.

I got this while sitting with a bunch of ladies and watching Pride and Prejudice one day in college. Everybody was talking about which guy they'd want to be with. This expanded into what they considered their 'types'. And so I got asked, what's your type? It was surprisingly difficult to convince them I didn't have one and didn't like any of the guys. I think everyone walked away from that movie thinking I was into women, but hey, I'm cool with that.

I used to utilize the "I'm not interested in men" line in order to lead others to conclude that I was interested in women. It was hilarious. Now, though, I'm very open about my ace-aro agenda.

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Sockstealingnome

Watching a scene where two people (a potential couple) go on and on about how they used to think they would just fall in love and be happy, but realize now how much hard work it is and it scares the crap out of them and they act as if somebody was forcing them to do it or they just had to... I'm just staring at it the entire time, thinking "Then... don't do it if you don't want to?" and they finish this scene where they both agreed how terrible and scary it is by... kissing and getting together as a couple. I am so incredibly confused right now.

:huh: ... Is it supposed to be ironic...?

What do you mean, the scene or my aromantic moment? No, the scene was meant to be serious... I see it sometimes, people talking about how hard relationships are, but they still date... Actually I attented a wedding once and there was a speech about it there. Made me seriously wonder why anyone would voluntarily go though with it when it's so hard. But apparently everyone else thought it was deep and touching and romantic and all.

I meant the scene. Being confused by that is perfectly reasonable. If something's scary, difficult, and not necessary, then what halfway reasonable point is there in trying? Unless they're emotionally compelled to be in a relationship, it makes no sense.

Uh...yea they are emotionally compelled to get into relationships. That's why you always hear of people swearing post breakup that they'll never date again and sure enough, they go right back to dating. Because it's something people want even if it doesn't make sense to us aros. It's not worth it to us. I like to think of it as being like art to me. I have never managed to sell my art. I have gone sleep deprived nights slaving away over a canvas but it's still worth it to me to keep creating because it makes me happy.

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*Friend, is complaining about relationship issues*

Friend: "Ugghhhh, boyfriends are so annyoing! I know it sucks to stay single too, but don't you girls ever get one!"

Me: "Not a problem for me!" :lol:

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EnterCreativeName

My friend picked up a book the other day, having thought it was a mystery book (there was some dead person and a fire on the cover). Finding that it was romance, she thought it'd be funny to share the a couple lines with me. One went like this, "...he was gorgeous, stunning, sexy, and sweet..." It went on in great detail with lists of adjectives. And at the end (I looked at the last page), there was some big dramatic kiss. I simply handed her back the book and said that, even though I finish every book I read, I would not be able to finish that one.

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Maelstrom_17

*Friend, is complaining about relationship issues*

Friend: "Ugghhhh, boyfriends are so annyoing! I know it sucks to stay single too, but don't you girls ever get one!"

Me: "Not a problem for me!" :lol:

People be like that celibate person right there.. probably a nun or some stuff like that ^_^

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At a party

Girl 1: There's this guy at work I have a crush on, we keep chatting on Facebook and sending eachother gifs and stuff all the time, but he wont go out with me and I don't know if it's because he's not interested or what.

GIrl 2: Have you tried asking him out?

Girl 1: Various times, but he never really answers *shows messages*

Boy 1: If he writes to you at all he's definitely interested.

Girl 2: Really?

Boy 1: Yeah, if he isn't interested he wouldn't bother.

Me: Maybe he just thinks you are an amazing girl to be friends with and send silly gifs to when he is bored?

GIrl 2: But why bother? And don't you find it annoying when a guy you are going out with tells you they are not interested but you keep on bumping into him and he's all nice and friendly.

Me: Well, I guess, just because you aren't interested in having a relationship with a person doesn't mean you don't like the person.

Boy 1: He's definitely interested, or at least he's interested in the attention.

Me: I mean, I was kind of going out with this guy (that lives far away) I told him I wasn't interested but we still keep in touch now and then on Skype because he is a really nice guy and I'd like to keep him as a friend.

Girl 3: That is so mean, you are totally leading him on.

Me: Well, I've told him that I'm not interested, and that I'm not interested in relationships in general and never have fallen in love, and that we would never work out and all that shit, and he says he's totally fine with it. I also keep in touch with *drops a name* we were really close as well, and everything works out great.

Girl 3: But that's different, he has a girlfriend, he's gotten over you. But as long as you keep in touch with this other guy he might have a tiny hope that there are some feelings there, that if it weren't you wouldn't be talking with him.

Boy 1: Haha, you are totally the "guy" everyone hates.

The moment you realize you are "that person", the kind of person that torments your totally in love friends because they think their love might be reciprocated, but then it isn't, and then they think it again just because he/she contacts you even though they might even have told them that they are not interested in anything more than friendhsip!

What a revelation!

(I'm never gonna understand the totally irrationality of thought and hope of those falling in love I think...!)

now....this is the kind of stuff i absolutely don't understand. I can't even say how much it annoys me...i literally don't get it and it pisses me off. It's like either there's romance or nothing at all. discrediting the value/importance of friendship and other human relationships and putting romantic/sexual relationships as the only "reasonable" explanation for someone to be interested to interact with someone else. [slams fist on table] i'm just stopping myself from writing a novel on this whole mindset/attitude, it's just....sigh

(also, they could have the same mindset as the people you were talking with OR the person you're still keeping in touch with could have understood you and just appreciates the platonic relationship you still have.)

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Nea Rose Symphony

One time in college a few years ago. Between a friend I met in middle school and I:

*she and I on a computer in the library looking at clothes I might buy. This guy notices us and says that it looks great

Me: "oh thanks!"

Her: *agrees*

Us two going back to our thing

Her: "[Ceta], that guy was flirting with you!"

Me: "wait he was??? I thought he was being friendly!"

Her: "I would say so too but he was paying special attention to you. To me he'd be like 'uh huh...' and to you he'd be like 'yeah!!! ^_^'"

And there I go again. Being totally oblivious to what is apparently someone else flirting with me. I seriously am blind to such an occurrence. And I thought I was straight during that time!

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ChillaKilla

I'm weirdly hypersensitive to flirting. Like I'll think someone's hitting on me and be like "oh god no don't", even if they're being friendly

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Dodecahedron314

Tonight I went with a bunch of friends to see Captain America: Civil War, and I had been warned beforehand by my friend who might be on the aro spectrum and who is well aware of my romance repulsion that there would be one scene to which I would react in the same manner as I did to the absurdity that was the Black Widow/Hulk subplot in Age of Ultron. (See: the "...and then they ruined it with romance" thread, which essentially wound up being the Aros Angry At Joss Whedon For Trampling Our Representation support group.) When that happened, the entire theater went dead silent, and as per my grand tradition of coping with romance in movies, I stared at the ceiling and aggressively crunched popcorn as loudly as possible. (The aforementioned friend was also there, and I gladly shared it so that she, too, could take part in the rage popcorn.) I thought the scene was over, looked back down, saw that it wasn't, and stage-whispered irritably, "Are you quite done yet???"

Apparently that was rather louder than I had intended, because the entire theater started cracking up.

My flagrant aro-ness tends to have that effect on people.

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I don't really understand when people find someone they think is perfect and wonderful and they want to be in a romantic relationship with them. When I find someone I admire, I just want to be like them (or actually be them, in extreme cases), not have them be in love with me. I mean, why would you want to have someone you think is so great be in love with you, when you could be someone great yourself? I really don't get it.

Same here! Whenever I get to look up to someone, I'd rather be like him/her myself. It never occurs to me that I would like a relationship with them or something.. It just doesn't make sense.

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There is a song that I really enjoy and it always makes me so happy and calm. I realized that it does have very romantic and "sweet" lyrics and if I ever told anyone I listen to that song when I daydream or to calm me down, they'd probably assume I am daydreaming about some romantic thing. In truth, the reason I really like the song is because I listened to it a lot before a vacation, and now it reminds me of that vacation when I felt so wonderful and relaxed. xD

One of the major reasons I don't like almost all of the more recent genres of music is the lyrics. Honestly, 90% of music from genres past 1990 seem to either be about romance or... yeah.

All instrumentals are typically my preference. Or vocals without lyrics. As long as it doesn't sound like screaming.

Haha me too. Whenever I get to like some songs, it's not because of the lyrics(which is mostly romantic), but the sound of it itself, incl. rhythms.

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I'm weirdly hypersensitive to flirting. Like I'll think someone's hitting on me and be like "oh god no don't", even if they're being friendly

Oh same here!! Although in my case, sensing someone's trying to flirt with me is more like a socially acquired skill(not an innate sensitivity :P ). Anyways, whenever someone's showing interest in me or something I get immediately super cautious, and if it's found out be romantic, I get disappointed that i can't be just friends with him/her, and steps away from them. It's just sad.. :(

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I'm weirdly hypersensitive to flirting. Like I'll think someone's hitting on me and be like "oh god no don't", even if they're being friendly

I'm weirdly sensitive to whether people think I'm flirting with them nowadays. No, even if you're a woman I can just want to talk to you without any ulterior motives.

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I'm weirdly sensitive to whether people think I'm flirting with them nowadays. No, even if you're a woman I can just want to talk to you without any ulterior motives.

Ugh, yes. Yes. Yes. I just want to be friends. I don't give a damn about what sex you are. I don't want to date you. No I don't have a crush on you. Stop cutting your ties with me because you think I have a crush on you! I really would like to come out as aromantic to stop all of this. I'm a coward though!

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I'm weirdly hypersensitive to flirting. Like I'll think someone's hitting on me and be like "oh god no don't", even if they're being friendly

Oh same here!! Although in my case, sensing someone's trying to flirt with me is more like a socially acquired skill(not an innate sensitivity :P ). Anyways, whenever someone's showing interest in me or something I get immediately super cautious, and if it's found out be romantic, I get disappointed that i can't be just friends with him/her, and steps away from them. It's just sad.. :(

OMGosh. Yes. For the love of everything, don't tell me you like me unless I show interest in you (romantically) first. I get really disappointed when someone points out that either they or someone else likes me because I kinda feel guilty. And that it'll probably make things awkward.

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So I'm driving with my new roommate, who is the type to get in relationships because he has to be in one, even though he doesn't always love the partner.

Him: *talks about the ups and downs he feels* Well it's never really easy. When was your last relationship?"

Me: Never

Him: What?

Me: I was never in a relationship.

Him: What? How come? There must have been someone

Me: Well I had some friends who were interested, but I wasn't interested in them, so I never dated. I later found out that I didn't love anyone, so I stopped thinking about dating someone in general.

Him: You.....What?

Me: I don't fall in love

Him: *stares at me blankly and parks the car at the side of the road because by now he's paying to little attention to the traffic* So.... you never feel the need to be with someone?That's not possible!

Me: Please, tell me more about that

Him: I kind off have to wrap my head around this....

Me: *amused at this point* Take your time. I took mine already.

This was honestly the funniest conversation I ever had about this, aside from my best friend just going "yeah that sounds about right", because he was so genuinely shocked, he had to stop driving xD

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The fact that he actually had to stop the car is just... amusing. To put it mildly.

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The fact that he actually had to stop the car is just... amusing. To put it mildly.

We had a follow up conversation like 2-3 months later. He asked a lot of questions and I tried to no end to draw him a picture of what it's like.

He really tried to understand, but he really couldn't at all. Romance, relationships and finding love is such a huge part of his life and personality.

I really appreciate him trying though. There's no shame in not understanding something. I don't get romance either xD

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Yes, it's the very same problem, just a different perspective. Staying alone sounds more reasonable to me, though ;)

By the way, it's awesome that you had this follow-up months later. It shows that he cares and that he actually thought about what you told him.

Also, welcome :)

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to me too ;) But in that way we have something in common: we both know nothing!

Yeah, I told him as much. There really is no problem in not understanding. Problems usually only arise if someone just assumes your in the wrong, just because they themselves don't get it. That's usually what you get as a first reaction, so I really liked his way of just being completely dumb-found xD

And thank you! Glad to join!

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I just went to get a soda and this happened:

my mom: we're going to go away in july for a bit, is it alright if we leave you here?
me: yeah, sure.

my mom: we want to celebrate our 25th anniversary ...

me: but isn't that in..

my mom: of the day we met.

me: oh.

my mom: we're going to go to the place we met.

me: ugh, this sounds way to romantic *leaves and goes to the kitchen*

my dad: *laughs* you've grossed her out!

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EmotionalAndroid

I was just walking across a park and noticed a guy in front of me talking to two girls who were carrying roses. He trotted away from them and a guy across the park yelled "You should have got a number!". I then noticed a small group of guys with a bunch of roses and I quickly figured out they were doing one of those things where they give roses to random women and film their reactions. I was right behind the two women he had just given roses to and was worried I would be next, so I just kept walking faster, hoping like hell they'd pass me up. Thankfully, they did.

I'd imagine most women in my position would have wanted to be next, but I just kept repeating to myself "Walk...WALK FASTER!"

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