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Wokgran X

Incredible Aromantic Moments (other romantic orientations invited)

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Wokgran X

This one happened last year.


Friend: "So... It's about time you find your own bitch"
me: "That doesn't make part of my dictionary."
"wait... it would be silly to say it doesn't"
Friend:"Aha! So you are getting better at it?"
me: "No, in fact, i understand the meaning of the word, so it's in my dictionary, but it doesn't change the fact that it's not in my life plan."
Friend: "...heh, makes sense. Just wait till you find yours then."
Me: "Don't worry, that wont happen"
Friend: "..."

Really, i (just) don't want intimate relationships, why is that so hard to accept/understand? :huh:
Also, "getting better" was very rude of him. It's not a disease. Sadly i didn't know the aro/ace terms at the time.

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Zash
We're reading Romeo and Juliet in my ninth grade English class and I completely understand where you're coming from. *facepalm* Also, Shakespearian English can be annoying.

I got sorta in trouble in English during the R+J section. One of the essays that I was forced to write about it, I made my thesis that it was actually a black comedy instead of a tragedy. Stupid teens get themselves and others killed because they are horny. Sounds like a black comedy plot to me. The teacher did at least concede that if the play ended at Act III, it would have been a comedy.

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Sgt Salt
We're reading Romeo and Juliet in my ninth grade English class and I completely understand where you're coming from. *facepalm* Also, Shakespearian English can be annoying.

I got sorta in trouble in English during the R+J section. One of the essays that I was forced to write about it, I made my thesis that it was actually a black comedy instead of a tragedy. Stupid teens get themselves and others killed because they are horny. Sounds like a black comedy plot to me. The teacher did at least concede that if the play ended at Act III, it would have been a comedy.

There was a senior last year who argued that all Shakespearean tragedies are black comedies and I agree 100%.

I also never realized that Romeo and Juliet apparently had sex? I thought they got married and that was it, but nope, I guess sex was implied. Totally missed that one.

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Xavy

Apparently when a random coffee shop attendee says "you look a lot like someone I went to school with", that is flirting. The only response that came to mind was "Oh. Um. I'm sorry".

I would never have seen that as flirting, a few months ago, a coffee shop attendant gave me my regular coffee and smiled and said, " let me know if you like it" - I was confused and told my who was with me that the coffee shop must be doing a survey on the coffee or something, and he looked at me as if I was crazy then explained it was a very "obvious" flirt by the coffee shop girl. Who knew ?

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Wokgran X

Apparently when a random coffee shop attendee says "you look a lot like someone I went to school with", that is flirting. The only response that came to mind was "Oh. Um. I'm sorry".

I would never have seen that as flirting, a few months ago, a coffee shop attendant gave me my regular coffee and smiled and said, " let me know if you like it" - I was confused and told my who was with me that the coffee shop must be doing a survey on the coffee or something, and he looked at me as if I was crazy then explained it was a very "obvious" flirt by the coffee shop girl. Who knew ?

Those "flirty people" seem to be everywhere aren't they? Once an attendant at Burger King around here complimented me about my eyes, but my glasses were broken at the time (was using it, but one of the lenses had a crack on it), so i misheard it and thought she was making fun of me, as she was commenting/doing jokes about everyone that was being attended by her. I just smiled/nodded and took off the place thinking how it was weird and rude of her. Commenting with my mother she pointed out that the comment was probably about my eyes and not my glasses.

(In Portuguese, Eyes = "Ólhos", Glasses = "Óculos", it's not hard to misheard those. She also talked very fast.)

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melody226
We're reading Romeo and Juliet in my ninth grade English class and I completely understand where you're coming from. *facepalm* Also, Shakespearian English can be annoying.

I got sorta in trouble in English during the R+J section. One of the essays that I was forced to write about it, I made my thesis that it was actually a black comedy instead of a tragedy. Stupid teens get themselves and others killed because they are horny. Sounds like a black comedy plot to me. The teacher did at least concede that if the play ended at Act III, it would have been a comedy.

That's how it was taught by my freshman English teacher. Shame you weren't in my class. :lol:

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byanyotherusername

If we're getting into aromantic moments in response to literature, I probably have a million. For instance, the classic plot line where two characters who seem to hate each other and fight all the time are secretly in love, that made NO sense to me. How can you be in love with someone you don't even like?? Ditto with characters who fall in love at first sight/after very little time/when they barely know each other. Also, the "forbidden fruit"/falling for the most unavailable person thing. Like, why invest that kind of emotion into someone who is obviously off limits and/or would be a terrible partner?

Pretty much the entire idea that True Love Beats All Odds, ergo the more impractical a relationship is the more "romantic" it is, makes my brain hurt.

The only stereotypical love story that made sense to me was best friends becoming lovers, and even that one often annoyed me because it made it seem like anytime two people of the opposite gender are close friends they HAVE to fall in love--you know, because that's what ultimate closeness obviously is. <_<

EDIT: On a related note, I used to lump romantic love together with other types of fantasy magic from kids' stories, you know like True Love's Kiss awakens Sleeping Beauty. I got really confused as I grew older and none of my friends believed in magic anymore, but still believed in and claimed to experience what seemed like fantasy/fairy tale version of romantic love: a feeling of closeness and warm fuzzies that just befalls you at random like a magic spell.

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Synchrèse

Once my acquaintance invited me for a movie to his place. I picked the film - rather tough and difficult Romanian drama "Beyond the Hills". The film was very interesting so I was totally focused on it, but once I just looked at my acquaintance and.. he had this facial expression like he was about to kiss me. When I realized that I...just got even more interested in the film.

Another one from when I was like 14 or something. I was on holidays with my grandparents in a small village. In order to kill time as at this stage of my life I still couldn't fully appreciate the bliss of nature, silence and the lack of the Internet, I ended up playing cards with a local boy. Apparently he liked me (I think he liked any creature which looked like a human girl, but...anyway):

Boy: You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.

Me (with a very low and grave voice and a grimace of disgust on my face): I don't think so.

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Zash

Apparently when a random coffee shop attendee says "you look a lot like someone I went to school with", that is flirting. The only response that came to mind was "Oh. Um. I'm sorry".

I would never have seen that as flirting, a few months ago, a coffee shop attendant gave me my regular coffee and smiled and said, " let me know if you like it" - I was confused and told my who was with me that the coffee shop must be doing a survey on the coffee or something, and he looked at me as if I was crazy then explained it was a very "obvious" flirt by the coffee shop girl. Who knew ?

I tend to ignore flirts from people who earn tips. I figure it is just them trying to get a better tip. I don't begrudge them for doing so, if the tactic works, it works. It just doesn't work on me. It is also less uncomfortable if a waitress flirts with me, because I am fairly sure they don't mean it.

I wonder... <ponders an experiment of tipping waitresses better if they don't flirt, and see if they realize> I am a semi regular at a handful of restaurants in the area, not going to do this at a place I never plan on returning too. Though, I have a hard time telling the difference between flirting and just being nice. Something to ponder, I guess.

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Sockstealingnome

If we're getting into aromantic moments in response to literature, I probably have a million. For instance, the classic plot line where two characters who seem to hate each other and fight all the time are secretly in love, that made NO sense to me. How can you be in love with someone you don't even like?? Ditto with characters who fall in love at first sight/after very little time/when they barely know each other. Also, the "forbidden fruit"/falling for the most unavailable person thing. Like, why invest that kind of emotion into someone who is obviously off limits and/or would be a terrible partner?

Pretty much the entire idea that True Love Beats All Odds, ergo the more impractical a relationship is the more "romantic" it is, makes my brain hurt.

The only stereotypical love story that made sense to me was best friends becoming lovers, and even that one often annoyed me because it made it seem like anytime two people of the opposite gender are close friends they HAVE to fall in love--you know, because that's what ultimate closeness obviously is. <_<

EDIT: On a related note, I used to lump romantic love together with other types of fantasy magic from kids' stories, you know like True Love's Kiss awakens Sleeping Beauty. I got really confused as I grew older and none of my friends believed in magic anymore, but still believed in and claimed to experience what seemed like fantasy/fairy tale version of romantic love: a feeling of closeness and warm fuzzies that just befalls you at random like a magic spell.

Ugh and I hate how they think that actually works in real life. I remember my friends used to joke that I'd end up marrying this guy who would occasionally hang out with my friends. I hated his guts and everyone knew it. No, I'm not trying to cover up my romantic feelings by pretending to be an ice queen. That guy's an asshole and I don't know how you all don't see it.

Do any other aros also hate when people ask if you're married or if they make comments like you're "husband/wife material"? My teeth start grinding when I hear that.

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Exosk

One of my earliest memories of my father bringing home a bouquet to my mother.
Me: Why cut the flowers?
Father: To share with her the beauty of them.
Me: Can't you just take her to the flowers?
Father: I bought them, they come like this.
I think, even more so, why would she like that?

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August Erasmus

One of my aromantic moments:

When I was in my 20s, a male friend suddenly told me he loved me.

I replied, "Good for you."

This happened to me before, and the only response I could think of was, "That seems like a bad idea."

I would totally say something like that. I generally have to explain why it's a bad idea, though. And of course every time someone asked me out it was before I'd heard of aromantic (or demiromantic or demisexual), and so it was very hard to explain.

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deltaX

Once my acquaintance invited me for a movie to his place. I picked the film - rather tough and difficult Romanian drama "Beyond the Hills". The film was very interesting so I was totally focused on it, but once I just looked at my acquaintance and.. he had this facial expression like he was about to kiss me. When I realized that I...just got even more interested in the film.

Something like this happened to me when I went to see The Hobbit with this guy who really liked me. He spent the whole movie trying to hold my hand or put his arm around me or whatever, and I was just getting really annoyed because I actually really wanted to see The Hobbit but he was being a nuisance. I didn't understand why he asked me to come to the movies with him if he didn't even care about watching the movie.

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byanyotherusername

If we're getting into aromantic moments in response to literature, I probably have a million. For instance, the classic plot line where two characters who seem to hate each other and fight all the time are secretly in love, that made NO sense to me. How can you be in love with someone you don't even like??

Ugh and I hate how they think that actually works in real life. I remember my friends used to joke that I'd end up marrying this guy who would occasionally hang out with my friends. I hated his guts and everyone knew it. No, I'm not trying to cover up my romantic feelings by pretending to be an ice queen. That guy's an asshole and I don't know how you all don't see it.

Do any other aros also hate when people ask if you're married or if they make comments like you're "husband/wife material"? My teeth start grinding when I hear that.

Yeah, that happened to me too! I remember when I was 13 or 14 I was talking to a group of my friends about this annoying guy who sat next to me in class and how obnoxious he was, and one of them cut me off after a minute of complaining and said, "Okay, we get it, you have a crush on him." And everyone else started agreeing with her! I was completely mystified as to how they could all be so certain of this and added "complaining about the actions of anyone of the opposite gender" to my list of things to avoid. XD

Do romantic people actually do that, though?? Pretend or think they hate people they have feelings for? 0.o

In terms of being good spouse "material", that makes me feel way more objectified than being called "sexy" or anything like that. The latter I just attribute to hormones, but the former is a conscious judgement that my worth is contingent on being able to sustain a romantic relationship. Gross!

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Mioav

I was at one of those job training course things and I was playing a game of cards with a few people when one of them said to me.

"You know that girl really likes you"

I think I said something along the lines of "thats the whole idea of being friends" and walked off.

And it gets worse, said girl then proceeds to ask me if I wanted to go see a movie, me being completely oblivious at the time would have, if the weekend she asked me to go out on wasn't already booked up.

And yet this story isn't over, she took me aside one day and said something like "I really like you" I said something like "Aww thats nice" and walked off.

I'm hopeless when it comes to the relationship side of things.

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Remja1854

One of my earliest memories of my father bringing home a bouquet to my mother.

Me: Why cut the flowers?

Father: To share with her the beauty of them.

Me: Can't you just take her to the flowers?

Father: I bought them, they come like this.

I think, even more so, why would she like that?

I still don't understand why people buy flowers for each other...

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Sgt Salt

If we're getting into aromantic moments in response to literature, I probably have a million. For instance, the classic plot line where two characters who seem to hate each other and fight all the time are secretly in love, that made NO sense to me. How can you be in love with someone you don't even like?? Ditto with characters who fall in love at first sight/after very little time/when they barely know each other. Also, the "forbidden fruit"/falling for the most unavailable person thing. Like, why invest that kind of emotion into someone who is obviously off limits and/or would be a terrible partner?

Pretty much the entire idea that True Love Beats All Odds, ergo the more impractical a relationship is the more "romantic" it is, makes my brain hurt.

The only stereotypical love story that made sense to me was best friends becoming lovers, and even that one often annoyed me because it made it seem like anytime two people of the opposite gender are close friends they HAVE to fall in love--you know, because that's what ultimate closeness obviously is. <_<

EDIT: On a related note, I used to lump romantic love together with other types of fantasy magic from kids' stories, you know like True Love's Kiss awakens Sleeping Beauty. I got really confused as I grew older and none of my friends believed in magic anymore, but still believed in and claimed to experience what seemed like fantasy/fairy tale version of romantic love: a feeling of closeness and warm fuzzies that just befalls you at random like a magic spell.

Ugh and I hate how they think that actually works in real life. I remember my friends used to joke that I'd end up marrying this guy who would occasionally hang out with my friends. I hated his guts and everyone knew it. No, I'm not trying to cover up my romantic feelings by pretending to be an ice queen. That guy's an asshole and I don't know how you all don't see it.

Do any other aros also hate when people ask if you're married or if they make comments like you're "husband/wife material"? My teeth start grinding when I hear that.

I hate it when anyone tries telling me that I'll fall in love someday. No, I won't and no, it doesn't bother me because I don't feel romantic attraction in the first place. Plus, I'm romance-repulsed, so that wouldn't work out to well for me if I was romantic.

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Lona the Hobo Writer

If we're getting into aromantic moments in response to literature, I probably have a million. For instance, the classic plot line where two characters who seem to hate each other and fight all the time are secretly in love, that made NO sense to me. How can you be in love with someone you don't even like??

Ugh and I hate how they think that actually works in real life. I remember my friends used to joke that I'd end up marrying this guy who would occasionally hang out with my friends. I hated his guts and everyone knew it. No, I'm not trying to cover up my romantic feelings by pretending to be an ice queen. That guy's an asshole and I don't know how you all don't see it.

Do any other aros also hate when people ask if you're married or if they make comments like you're "husband/wife material"? My teeth start grinding when I hear that.

Do romantic people actually do that, though?? Pretend or think they hate people they have feelings for? 0.o

Well, I'm not quite romantic, but sometimes when I'm friends with a guy and I like him (AS A FRIEND) I kind of pretend to dislike him, almost jokingly. That's probably because most guys who I think I'm friends with end up hating me eventually, so just in case I try and beat them to it.

As for romantics... well, here's my theory: maybe they develop feelings for someone, but then before the feelings get major they start to dislike the person, which causes them to get angry that they like the person when at the same time they think that they're an a**hole, so they shouldn't be liking that person, which starts a black hole of dislike and like all swirled up into one big mess...

Yeah, that doesn't make much sense reading it over. Oh well, just taking what I know and applying it.

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Wokgran X

Well, I'm not quite romantic, but sometimes when I'm friends with a guy and I like him (AS A FRIEND) I kind of pretend to dislike him, almost jokingly. That's probably because most guys who I think I'm friends with end up hating me eventually, so just in case I try and beat them to it.

As for romantics... well, here's my theory: maybe they develop feelings for someone, but then before the feelings get major they start to dislike the person, which causes them to get angry that they like the person when at the same time they think that they're an a**hole, so they shouldn't be liking that person, which starts a black hole of dislike and like all swirled up into one big mess...

Yeah, that doesn't make much sense reading it over. Oh well, just taking what I know and applying it.

(Warning, links are all anime scenes from different series, if you don't like anime, don't click them)

This is the same discussion that very often happens with anime fans whenever people start wondering if "real life 'tsunderes' " exist. Some people affirms that they do exist and even know some friends that fit the description perfectly.

To those who are unfamiliar with the term, it (usually) means the unusual behavior of a fictional (japanese) character (mostly girls) who treat their loved ones in a mix of love and hatred. Always saying rude things but at the same time showing romantic interest in them.

All sorts of people exist, so why not those who treat their romantic interests in a rude manner?

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CrazyCatLover

I'm sure that I've mentioned it in once of the ace moments/problems threads, but I often joke that getting my doctorate in music (which will either be a DMA or phD depending on the specialization) will be the equivalent of marrying my work, because my title will change in the process (however, I'll just become "Dr." instead of "Mrs.") and because it's yet another way of me declaring my eternal love for music.

I read this far and thought "oh, that's so sweet. I love that analogy." I'm considering pursing a PhD in Computer Science and like the idea of being married to my work. Then I read the rest of your post. I guess my aro moment is being unable to understand why anyone would consider your statement depressing (even if they don't know you're aro, it still sounds like a fun joke).

My first date (which took place shortly before my 19th birthday) started with me agreeing that we should have dinner together sometime (thinking he met meeting at the college cafeteria rather than going to a restaurant) and ended at the grocery store (because I didn't have access to a car in college and he was a thoughtful person). He didn't call me back afterwards.

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Lambda Corvus

I'm sure that I've mentioned it in once of the ace moments/problems threads, but I often joke that getting my doctorate in music (which will either be a DMA or phD depending on the specialization) will be the equivalent of marrying my work, because my title will change in the process (however, I'll just become "Dr." instead of "Mrs.") and because it's yet another way of me declaring my eternal love for music.

I read this far and thought "oh, that's so sweet. I love that analogy." I'm considering pursing a PhD in Computer Science and like the idea of being married to my work. Then I read the rest of your post. I guess my aro moment is being unable to understand why anyone would consider your statement depressing (even if they don't know you're aro, it still sounds like a fun joke).

My first date (which took place shortly before my 19th birthday) started with me agreeing that we should have dinner together sometime (thinking he met meeting at the college cafeteria rather than going to a restaurant) and ended at the grocery store (because I didn't have access to a car in college and he was a thoughtful person). He didn't call me back afterwards.

Ph.D in Computer Science! I, too, would like to pursue my career with such aggressive dedication so as to be mistakable as being married to it. Earning a Ph.D is but a step in that direction.

So ... assuming such a dedication to the profession, would briefly pursuing something else be like cheating? Perhaps the guilt I feel when not doing anything computer science related is analogous to what some romantics feel when not giving their partner(s) due attention.

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CrazyCatLover

If so, that makes me a serial monogamist as my BA was in linguistics. Since I'm interested in natural language processing, does that mean I'm in a poly relationship linguistics and computer science? In any case, I think CS is cheating on one of us.

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Zash

Well, I'm not quite romantic, but sometimes when I'm friends with a guy and I like him (AS A FRIEND) I kind of pretend to dislike him, almost jokingly. That's probably because most guys who I think I'm friends with end up hating me eventually, so just in case I try and beat them to it.

As for romantics... well, here's my theory: maybe they develop feelings for someone, but then before the feelings get major they start to dislike the person, which causes them to get angry that they like the person when at the same time they think that they're an a**hole, so they shouldn't be liking that person, which starts a black hole of dislike and like all swirled up into one big mess...

Yeah, that doesn't make much sense reading it over. Oh well, just taking what I know and applying it.

(Warning, links are all anime scenes from different series, if you don't like anime, don't click them)

This is the same discussion that very often happens with anime fans whenever people start wondering if "real life 'tsunderes' " exist. Some people affirms that they do exist and even know some friends that fit the description perfectly.

To those who are unfamiliar with the term, it (usually) means the unusual behavior of a fictional (japanese) character (mostly girls) who treat their loved ones in a mix of love and hatred. Always saying rude things but at the same time showing romantic interest in them.

All sorts of people exist, so why not those who treat their romantic interests in a rude manner?

Well, it is sorta like the young boys in school pulling the hair of the girl they like. They want the attention of the girl, don't know how to get positive attention (like being nice), so they be mean to them so they get some attention (even though it is negative attention).

I figure something similar could happen later on in life, especially if the person is not confident enough in themselves. They figure they can't get positive attention from the object of desire (due to looks, abrasive personality, bad first impression or whatever), so they figure negative attention is better than no attention at all... And now that I have realized this, this also explains the hate-sex phenomenon too.

Do I have any real life examples? Nope. It is just a theory.

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Cherellice

Does laughing at the supposed to be romantic Star Wars ThorJane moment count? :P

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Wokgran X

This one is pretty old too, but:

That moment when you realize you like foreign language music/instrumental not because of their culture or how they are made, but because you can't process the overly romantic lyrics instantaneously. (With the benefit of starting to understand a word or two of the language, and get used to how it is constructed). Why we can't have more music talking about other stuff...? So many interesting topics to cover, but pop songs seems to be all the same all over the world... And other genres too...

(That's why I like vocaloid so much, it's way more open to let the producers write whatever they want, making better lyrics or at least different lyrics more often)
(Wonder if I will ever listen to a Japanese aromantic song, probably not?)

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ObsessedWithCats

I have noticed a tendency of my favourite characters to not be main characters because main characters are usually expected to have romantic interests. Serial/contract killers being the only exception to that rule in my experience. I also tend to find fiction much easier to enjoy if the main character has a sibling or sibling-like relationship for the writers to siphon relationship-focus onto and way from romantic relationships.

I think the realisation that I take 'romantic' evening walks in the park with just me and my mp3 player at twice the normal walking speed was some kind of aromantic moment.

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Sockstealingnome

This one is pretty old too, but:

That moment when you realize you like foreign language music/instrumental not because of their culture or how they are made, but because you can't process the overly romantic lyrics instantaneously. (With the benefit of starting to understand a word or two of the language, and get used to how it is constructed). Why we can't have more music talking about other stuff...? So many interesting topics to cover, but pop songs seems to be all the same all over the world... And other genres too...

(That's why I like vocaloid so much, it's way more open to let the producers write whatever they want, making better lyrics or at least different lyrics more often)

(Wonder if I will ever listen to a Japanese aromantic song, probably not?)

Yup except it's not the meaning of the lyrics that bothers me. It allows me to focus on the sounds and arrangement as opposed to how bad the lyrics are if they are bad. For example, I like the way the song Heart Attack by Demi Lovato sounds. I think she's a really good singer, but that song has such stupid lyrics I can't listen to it.

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Non-Verbal Sam

person: shut up u virgin

me: i'd rather be single for ever than shag everyone behind the bins like you

OR

person 2: so you've never dated anyone, ever

me: never felt the need to

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Amoeba-Proteus

Oh man. Here we go:

"I would date you in a heartbeat if you were interested."
"I don't think you'd want to do that."
*Complete silence*

"Do you... want to go on a date with me?"
"Hm?" *Blink*
*Stare* "Nothing major..."
"I'm not sure if that sounds like a good idea."

"I think it's a sign we should go out some time."
"That wouldn't be good for you."
"You always target my well being when I suggest this."
"Well let's be honest here. It'd be devastating on your well being."
"Not even."
"Oh yeah."
"Well?"
"I don't know how to do any of that stuff, man."

"You're beautiful."
"That's cool".

There were so many more, but I can't remember them right now.
These poor people are incredibly nice. But this stuff just goes right over my head and I can never take it seriously, or come up with a serious response. :P

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Squeakbox

I have some Aromantic tendancies... while I am a romantic and would like a relationship, I still get moments where I'd have a hard time understanding the extent of relationships... So it would be something like this:

*a couple are kissing, macking lips, seems like forever*

Girl: "Wow, look at them go... wish I could kiss that long *sigh*"

Me: "Uhhh... it's really gross. I don't see the point of this? Is this a challenge or something?"

Girl: "Uh... what? They're totally in love!"

Me: "O...k?"

*people look at me for a bit with confused faces, and then go back to whatever*

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