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Incredible Aromantic Moments (other romantic orientations invited)


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nerdperson777
7 hours ago, ChillaKilla said:

I don't know whether I'm aromantic or gray-romantic anymore. A lot of the aspects of my relationship feel performative, like calling my girlfriend "girlfriend" and whatnot, as if I'm just going through the motions of what's required. That certainly isn't to say that I'm not sincere when I say those things- believe me, I am- but it honestly just feels like being best friends who sleep with each other... I dunno. My ASD makes it extremely difficult to determine the exact nature of any strong emotion I feel towards anybody, especially when one gets to the "love-versus-in love" dichotomy. I love people, sometimes very strongly (as in this case), but I don't think I'll ever be truly "in love". If I'm not 100% aromantic I'm still aro-spec, I know that for sure...

Meanwhile, I think me being aro isn't going to change.  Giving me someone to be close to, I didn't get anything, although I may be demi in other aspects.  My feelings for her were immensely complicated, but definitely none of it was romantic.  I can question all my other orientations again but not this one.

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  • 4 weeks later...
nerdperson777

I bought Dream Daddy.  Why I chose to play a dating sim, I'll never understand.

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To Each Their Own

So, I’m talking to a co-worker about the Netflix series “The Punisher” and it goes something like this:

 

Me: Parts of it are great, but there are too many confusing sex scenes that just pop up out of nowhere for no reason at all.

Co-worker: What are you talking about?

Me: Like when the Punisher is tied up and being tortured. Right in the middle of being punched, all of a sudden...it cut’s to him having sex with his wife! 

Co-worker: It’s called ‘going to your Happy Place’

Me: Ew, gross! I’d rather be punched in the face.

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My favorite band released their date sim game. And I was more than happy when I found out that someone decided to play it instead of me and summarized the plot of the game.

 

Also

 

Some of my IRL friends wanted to fund me a DNA test to see if I'm indeed human. Because I'm unable to process even remotely romantic feelings towards fictional characters and I struggle with real people too.

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Hermit Advocate
51 minutes ago, Yatagarasu said:

Some of my IRL friends wanted to fund me a DNA test to see if I'm indeed human.

Take the money, but instead of a DNA test use it to buy yourself lots of cake. 

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20 hours ago, Yatagarasu said:

Some of my IRL friends wanted to fund me a DNA test to see if I'm indeed human. 

Charming...

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20 hours ago, Hermit Advocate said:

Take the money, but instead of a DNA test use it to buy yourself lots of cake. 

A+ idea! :D

Time to run a gofundme page

 

 

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Not looking forward to Christmas with the family because you just know they're going to ask about relationships. My grandma on my dad's side is so worried because I don't have a boyfriend, and likes to bring up the fact that she was married when she was my age (only because she was pregnant, but we don't talk about that.) To make it even worse, this year, 3 out of my 4 cousins have boyfriends/girlfriends (the last one is 10 years old), and my little brother just got a girlfriend. 

 

I don't want to tell her I'm aro/ace, because she's not going to understand. I always tell her that I don't want / am not interested in a relationship, but the hint is not even close to being taken.

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nerdperson777
On 12/2/2017 at 3:35 PM, Yatagarasu said:

Some of my IRL friends wanted to fund me a DNA test to see if I'm indeed human. Because I'm unable to process even remotely romantic feelings towards fictional characters and I struggle with real people too.

You just missed it.  23andme had a deal for 2 ancestry tests for $99.  I just did it with my mom so we probably won't get results until January.  There still are deals, but not as good as the one I just had.  With how many women the Khans bedded, I wouldn't be surprised if I was part Mongolian.

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4 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

You just missed it.  23andme had a deal for 2 ancestry tests for $99.  I just did it with my mom so we probably won't get results until January.  There still are deals, but not as good as the one I just had.  With how many women the Khans bedded, I wouldn't be surprised if I was part Mongolian

I would do such out of pure curiosity, but the problem is that I live in Poland and I'd have to get to another country, because genetic tests "just for fun" are banned here (:3 _ )=

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17 hours ago, Rhyme said:

Not looking forward to Christmas with the family because you just know they're going to ask about relationships. My grandma on my dad's side is so worried because I don't have a boyfriend, and likes to bring up the fact that she was married when she was my age (only because she was pregnant, but we don't talk about that.) To make it even worse, this year, 3 out of my 4 cousins have boyfriends/girlfriends (the last one is 10 years old), and my little brother just got a girlfriend. 

 

I don't want to tell her I'm aro/ace, because she's not going to understand. I always tell her that I don't want / am not interested in a relationship, but the hint is not even close to being taken.

I used the line "The girls I date are not the kind you bring home to meet the parents." when I was in university.  Which was true, since they were imaginary, and it is kinda hard to bring figments of your imagination home to meet the parents.  And if you CAN bring figments of your imagination home to meet the parents, I know someone who will pay $1,000,000 to someone who can demonstrate supernatural powers under scientific test conditions.

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Gaaaah... being arospec and in a relationship is weird as hell... being “in love” is honestly kind of scary from a rational standpoint. My emotions are never telling me the same thing. I can go from “I want to be with you forever” to “I love you, but am I ‘in love’? Ehh....” in no time flat and it’s really quite irritating. But whether I’m “in love” or just feel “love” (in the context of deep emotional regard that isn’t necessarily romantic), the presence of any kind of love is what matters in the end.

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief

@ChillaKilla That sounds both dizzying and confusing and incredibly cute. Also relationship goals, if I ever ever get back in a relationship. :D

 

Just every day of my life, wondering why people would think having a second person around would help ease or simplify their lives, while I don't even process my own emotions let alone others ;) also seeing couples. Everywhere.

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nerdperson777

I'm now employed in an educational environment and the legal documents say don't date your students. That whole time I thought, "you won't have that trouble with me."

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Galactic Turtle

Me: "Question. Does the average person date because they actually want to, because they're bored, or a combination of the two?"

 

Friend: "Omg I'm giving up on you."

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Hermit Advocate
5 hours ago, Galactic Turtle said:

Me: "Question. Does the average person date because they actually want to, because they're bored, or a combination of the two?"

I find this to be a very valid question. I feel like boredom plays a lot more into dating than people want to admit, but I could be wrong. Romantics, answer this for us. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

When I was younger, I always questioned the story focusing on romance.  Sometimes this kind of romance cause disaster, like King Arthur's tale. I was like ( and still am ) 'but why they fell in love in such a way at first? Is it only for a functional purpose to proceed the story? But wait, after all, those cool characters become broken...!'

Well, I could write another story to save all characters and it gonna be 100% aro :D

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nerdperson777
7 hours ago, Falcon7 said:

When I was younger, I always questioned the story focusing on romance.  Sometimes this kind of romance cause disaster, like King Arthur's tale. I was like ( and still am ) 'but why they fell in love in such a way at first? Is it only for a functional purpose to proceed the story? But wait, after all, those cool characters become broken...!'

Well, I could write another story to save all characters and it gonna be 100% aro :D

I'd just forget that romance could ever be in a story all together.

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 29-12-2017 at 2:40 AM, Falcon7 said:

When I was younger, I always questioned the story focusing on romance.  Sometimes this kind of romance cause disaster, like King Arthur's tale. I was like ( and still am ) 'but why they fell in love in such a way at first? Is it only for a functional purpose to proceed the story? But wait, after all, those cool characters become broken...!'

 

I was always thinking "but why choose to fall in love in the first place? It's really inconvenient and will ruin everything!". Look at that, my own litte incredibly aro moment :D.

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nerdperson777

I was at Target earlier and saw that pink Valentine's candy has already been put out on display.  I was just in the snack section and got some semi-sweet chocolate chips, since I couldn't find the darkest of dark.  I then thought, I'm so aro, I didn't even get the sweet chocolate.  I'm not sweet, I'm BITTER.

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EmotionalAndroid

My mom was talking about the line between flirting and harassment and she said something like "It's okay for men to still flirt, you know by saying they like a woman's dress or saying her hair looks good."

 

My Aspie aro self was just thinking "Wait, complimenting someone's clothing or appearance is considered flirting? Well, I guess I am never complimenting anyone again!"

 

Is it true that compliments are seen as flirting? That's so weird.

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nerdperson777
52 minutes ago, EmotionalAndroid said:

My mom was talking about the line between flirting and harassment and she said something like "It's okay for men to still flirt, you know by saying they like a woman's dress or saying her hair looks good."

 

My Aspie aro self was just thinking "Wait, complimenting someone's clothing or appearance is considered flirting? Well, I guess I am never complimenting anyone again!"

 

Is it true that compliments are seen as flirting? That's so weird.

This is probably one reason why I don't compliment people.  I don't want anyone to think I'm flirting.  I feel like my dad says the same thing as your mom but in a male privilege way.  He doesn't see why anyone should change a tradition, because it's tradition.  We were talking about certain roles where a female person is lesser so both mom and I said that it's easy to say when you're benefiting.  I still speak from a female point of view because I'm still often treated like one and the fact that I can't let go of the way I was taught to behave.

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EmotionalAndroid
4 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I still speak from a female point of view because I'm still often treated like one and the fact that I can't let go of the way I was taught to behave

This is so true. I am AFAB agender, but present as female to avoid hassle, but I have such a hard time breaking free from how I was taught to be. Some of it is positive, but a lot of it isn't and it's recently made things really difficult.

 

So yeah, the conversation I described above wasn't directed at me. My mom was talking politics and about how apparently a lot of people think with the recent overflow of sexual harassment cases coming to light that it is no longer ok for men to flirt at all, or something like that. Society is weird and confusing.

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18 hours ago, EmotionalAndroid said:

My mom was talking about the line between flirting and harassment and she said something like "It's okay for men to still flirt, you know by saying they like a woman's dress or saying her hair looks good."

 

My Aspie aro self was just thinking "Wait, complimenting someone's clothing or appearance is considered flirting? Well, I guess I am never complimenting anyone again!"

 

Is it true that compliments are seen as flirting? That's so weird.

Oops, gotta be careful then, I say ' I like your smile', 'you have beautiful eyes'. ( I hardly ever look into other people's eyes, but when I see, it's a kind of wonder - different hues and tones), or simply ' that's charming', 'you look cool' to all kinds of gender!

I don't understand sensual/sexual attraction at all and I had a presumption that everyone is like this -but now I've learnt the reality here. Indeed weird world...

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nerdperson777
20 hours ago, EmotionalAndroid said:

This is so true. I am AFAB agender, but present as female to avoid hassle, but I have such a hard time breaking free from how I was taught to be. Some of it is positive, but a lot of it isn't and it's recently made things really difficult.

 

So yeah, the conversation I described above wasn't directed at me. My mom was talking politics and about how apparently a lot of people think with the recent overflow of sexual harassment cases coming to light that it is no longer ok for men to flirt at all, or something like that. Society is weird and confusing.

Because I present as male, I just act like a really sheepish guy who's never experienced male privilege in his life.  That's probably what outs me the most.

 

6 hours ago, Falcon7 said:

Oops, gotta be careful then, I say ' I like your smile', 'you have beautiful eyes'. ( I hardly ever look into other people's eyes, but when I see, it's a kind of wonder - different hues and tones), or simply ' that's charming', 'you look cool' to all kinds of gender!

I don't understand sensual/sexual attraction at all and I had a presumption that everyone is like this -but now I've learnt the reality here. Indeed weird world...

I was told that I had beautiful eyes when I was 14.  It's funny thinking about this again.  My suitor(?) was a 19 year old guy that I was taking community college class with.  I just said thanks, if I said anything, and moved on to our class discussion then went home to tell my parents this strange thing my classmate said to me.  THAT WAS FLIRTING??

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2 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Because I present as male, I just act like a really sheepish guy who's never experienced male privilege in his life.  That's probably what outs me the most.

 

I was told that I had beautiful eyes when I was 14.  It's funny thinking about this again.  My suitor(?) was a 19 year old guy that I was taking community college class with.  I just said thanks, if I said anything, and moved on to our class discussion then went home to tell my parents this strange thing my classmate said to me.  THAT WAS FLIRTING??

People say I have interesting eyes, specifically because of it’s look, but I don’t think there is a flirting intention behind it.

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12 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Because I present as male, I just act like a really sheepish guy who's never experienced male privilege in his life.  That's probably what outs me the most.

 

I was told that I had beautiful eyes when I was 14.  It's funny thinking about this again.  My suitor(?) was a 19 year old guy that I was taking community college class with.  I just said thanks, if I said anything, and moved on to our class discussion then went home to tell my parents this strange thing my classmate said to me.  THAT WAS FLIRTING??

Well... I'm not sure how non-ace people see it, but if that person was potentially ace - very straight forwar, it's a good compliment : ) 

This is a reverse version of story. Many years ago I was with my classmate. I was nothing to and just looked at his hair and asked, 'Is the wave of your hair natural?', 'yeah, why you ask?' 'cuz it's neat and nice, thought you set hair' - fortunately nothing happened afterwords but he gave me a strange look. (and obviously I didn't care about it at that time)

For aro ace, compliment is just an honest compliment, no twist of flirting!

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My first kiss was during a house party two years ago. I had been lying on my sister's bed, pretty buzzed, talking philosophy with this girl I just met and this dude I thought had really nicely coiffed eyebrows. I love philosophy. I had only just started talking about inanimate objects and whether or not they had feelings when the eyebrow guy lying next to me goes "can I kiss you?" 

 

Now, since kissing was apparently the epitome of everything for high school kids and I had never done it, I was like "okay." Dude kissed me. It was exactly how I'd imagined: slimy, wet. I pulled back ASAP, feeling pretty physically revolted and emotionally numb (whether from alcohol or the fact that kissing was not as !!!!!! as the world told me it would be.) 

 

Eyebrow guy was looking at me with like this cringe romantic eye twinkle and my whole body flooded with cold dread and I was like OH HELL NO so I left the room on the pretence of getting another drink, and ended up hiding in the laundry room until eyebrow guy found another girl to kiss. 

 

Never again, my friends.

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Just yesterday, after reading another thread on this board, I asked two straight, romantic friends, one male, one female, what the difference between friendship and romantic attraction/love is, cause isn't the coupley/romantic but just you wanna kiss/do other stuff with and hang out all the time? And what's the difference between hanging out and a date? Both know I'm ace-aro, but still after about 10 minutes of them talking around and over each other about it, it came down to, "it's just different, you'll know it when you feel it." Great. Thanks. Cause I wasn't asking cause I don't feel that or anything, right. But apparently, romantic attraction/being in a relationship is different than just friends but with kissing and sex, I guess.

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On 2/24/2015 at 3:53 AM, deltaX said:

I usually interpret love songs as songs about close friendships. Even before I realized I was aro I could relate to a lot of love songs because I would just picture myself singing it to one of my friends.

Applying to college is also a fun way to interpret them too though :)

I know super old post, but my sister has taken to singing love songs to me (jokey, not creepy) cause "everyone deserves to be serenaded, and since you don't have/t want anyone, it's my sisterly duty."

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