Distance relationships?

[Ultima]

Answering the question about moving to another location to be with a long distance partner depends heavily on both partner's financial situations. I personally do not have the financial means to just up and move or support someone else who wanted to come live with me.

[deltaX]

I didn't answer the poll because I'm aromantic and don't want to be in a romantic relationship, long-distance or otherwise. However, I have a lot of long-distance friendships, so I'd like to think that if I were romantic I'd be open to long-distance romantic relationships as well.

[Star Inkbright]

I´m not open to long distance relationship. It´s not even a relationship for me, it´s just casual chat with someone who lives very far away.

I was manipulated the worst way everytime when I tried online dating. It gives so huge space for lies it scares me. If I can´t be with someone multiple times a week and REALLY get to know them in various situations, how the Hell could I even consider moving to them? It could end up very badly.

I have an online friend and we email multiple times in a day. We email when we wake up, and then we continue emailing until one of us goes to school, and then if I'm in a computer room at school and he has a half day, we email then, and then we email when we get home from school until we go to sleep.

(Damn . . . that's an awful lot of conversation in one day. O_O I didn't quite realise. :O It just sort of . . . happens.)

Anyway, I like to think we talk a lot more than if we didn't talk online . . . so yeah.

But I take your point. :)

[Lady Valacri]

I met the love of my life long distance. It's very hard and only true love can survive more than 4 years apart. It tears the two of us apart but we look forward to being together one day.

[Isa]

Some time ago I would've said I prefer local relationships over long distance ones, but now I'm no longer sure. My lifemate is from the country next to me, and he already moved to a city near me once. However, because bureaucracy made it so difficult (he wasn't getting money from anywhere), he moved back to his own country. I would rather not move anywhere, because I like it here. I also don't want to leave all of my friends and family behind.

I would've preferred to live in the same city at least, or in a nearby one. But this hasn't been too bad... at least for now. Couple of first weeks were the worst as his computer broke and we had barely any connection. It's been alot easier now that he got his comp and Skype back.

There is no trust issues, only lack of touch issues. I miss him all the time and it frustrates me we can't meet more often than 1-2 times per year. Nevertheless, the connection is so strong it would feel very wrong to end it just because of distance. We both agreed we'll do this as long as we're both enjoying it more than it frustrates us.

[Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion]

Um, I'm grey-aro. I've never been in a romantic relationship of any kind, and don't plan on it, so distance doesn't make a difference, it seems a little weird to me, but you can't choose who you fall for.

Interesting info here anyway :)

[Guest]

My darling and I will be having our 10 month anniversary in 11 days ..We have never met in person, and live over 11,000 miles apart on opposite sides of the globe, but we love each other and for us, distance is no barrier to our happiness (though it will be lovely to have a huggle from him someday) :)

[The Wreyck]

My darling and I will be having our 10 month anniversary in 11 days ..We have never met in person, and live over 11,000 miles apart on opposite sides of the globe, but we love each other and for us, distance is no barrier to our happiness (though it will be lovely to have a huggle from him someday) :)

Do you celebrate every month anniversary? That's kind of sweet, though I personally cannot relate to the desire of celebrating any sort of anniversary. Maybe a wedding anniversary, but even that I'm unsure of. Honestly, even if I wanted to celebrate our anniversary with my partner, we couldn't. I don't really know which exact day could be considered the starting point of our relationship. We just kind of fell together in this complicated, messy-ish, confusing sequence of events. We only officially acknowledged to each other that we would be considered boyfriend and girlfriend if someone asked a couple weeks ago, but we've been together for several weeks now already, just without really fully acknowledging what exactly we were. But if you're discussing marriage and such things and professing love even, clearly you're in a relationship. I don't know, I don't think he and I did things even slightly conventionally. :lol:

[Guest]

My darling and I will be having our 10 month anniversary in 11 days ..We have never met in person, and live over 11,000 miles apart on opposite sides of the globe, but we love each other and for us, distance is no barrier to our happiness (though it will be lovely to have a huggle from him someday) :)

Do you celebrate every month anniversary? That's kind of sweet, though I personally cannot relate to the desire of celebrating any sort of anniversary. Maybe a wedding anniversary, but even that I'm unsure of. Honestly, even if I wanted to celebrate our anniversary with my partner, we couldn't. I don't really know which exact day could be considered the starting point of our relationship. We just kind of fell together in this complicated, messy-ish, confusing sequence of events. We only officially acknowledged to each other that we would be considered boyfriend and girlfriend if someone asked a couple weeks ago, but we've been together for several weeks now already, just without really fully acknowledging what exactly we were. But if you're discussing marriage and such things and professing love even, clearly you're in a relationship. I don't know, I don't think he and I did things even slightly conventionally. :lol:

Think about it....that's at least 12 cakes a year. ;)

[Guest]

We didn't do things conventionally either (I don't think?) but in a completely different non conventional way than you lol

We agreed to enter into a relationship at around my midday (his midnight) on 21Jan 2014. We had been friends for a while before this, and when we realized we were developing romantic and sensual attraction for each other, we started discussing the possibility of a relationship.
We discussed all the pros and cons of what a relationship would be like for us, discussed each other's sensual and intimate needs, what we were and were not comfortable with in the bedroom, even each other's house keeping and tv viewing habits .. everything we could think of that may be relevant to a relationship between the two of us. We also both discussed what we were seeking in a relationship,ie long term (forever if possible) complete monogamy (we are both monoamorous) we outlined what we both considered cheating, we discussed our preferred 'style' when it came to arguing, everything! We also made it clear that regardless of romantic and sensual feelings between us, it was our friendship that would always come before anything else (ie if we are arguing or whatever, work on our friendship bond instead if defaulting strait to romantic intimacy to try to solve issues, if that makes any sense? We kind of figure as you get older that romantic and sensual stuff might fade, so if you have kept your friendship strong and wholesome you should have more of a shot at maintaining a long-term relationship than if you relied solely on your romantic love etc) ..We discussed all this for a few weeks, then we agreed to give a relationahip a month long unofficial trial run, and if it failed miserably, then we were fine with that.. we knew we would remain friends regardless of what else happened between us. Anyway, our trial run was completely successful, and on 21 of Jan we entered into an official relationship :)

We don't exactly 'celebrate' every month anniversary, but we mark the date and spend some extra time together etc.. this will probably grow old after a year or so and we'll probably start completely forgetting to even say "happy whatever month anniversary!" but that's fine heh.. as long as we remember the year ones I guess that's what matters (though we'll probably just get drunk together to celebrate them - he doesn't like cake and I can't bake for shit lol) ^_^

From what I hear of other people's relationships, they don't usually take the same approach as we did? people usually say to me "oh we just decided we were perfect for each other when we realized we were in love and dove straight into a relationship without thinking about it" but that may only be what happens in a small number of cases, I honestly don't know a whole lot about how others enter into relationships :o

Congrats on your relationahip by the way! that all sounds totally confusing to me hehe (I *need* order and structure or I go insane :P) but as long as it works for you guys that's what matters - I hope it works out awesome :)

[The Wreyck]

We didn't do things conventionally either (I don't think?) but in a completely different non conventional way than you lol

We agreed to enter into a relationship at around my midday (his midnight) on 21Jan 2014. We had been friends for a while before this, and when we realized we were developing romantic and sensual attraction for each other, we started discussing the possibility of a relationship.

We discussed all the pros and cons of what a relationship would be like for us, discussed each other's sensual and intimate needs, what we were and were not comfortable with in the bedroom, even each other's house keeping and tv viewing habits .. everything we could think of that may be relevant to a relationship between the two of us. We also both discussed what we were seeking in a relationship,ie long term (forever if possible) complete monogamy (we are both monoamorous) we outlined what we both considered cheating, we discussed our preferred 'style' when it came to arguing, everything! We also made it clear that regardless of romantic and sensual feelings between us, it was our friendship that would always come before anything else (ie if we are arguing or whatever, work on our friendship bond instead if defaulting strait to romantic intimacy to try to solve issues, if that makes any sense? We kind of figure as you get older that romantic and sensual stuff might fade, so if you have kept your friendship strong and wholesome you should have more of a shot at maintaining a long-term relationship than if you relied solely on your romantic love etc) ..We discussed all this for a few weeks, then we agreed to give a relationahip a month long unofficial trial run, and if it failed miserably, then we were fine with that.. we knew we would remain friends regardless of what else happened between us. Anyway, our trial run was completely successful, and on 21 of Jan we entered into an official relationship :)

We don't exactly 'celebrate' every month anniversary, but we mark the date and spend some extra time together etc.. this will probably grow old after a year or so and we'll probably start completely forgetting to even say "happy whatever month anniversary!" but that's fine heh.. as long as we remember the year ones I guess that's what matters (though we'll probably just get drunk together to celebrate them - he doesn't like cake and I can't bake for shit lol) ^_^

From what I hear of other people's relationships, they don't usually take the same approach as we did? people usually say to me "oh we just decided we were perfect for each other when we realized we were in love and dove straight into a relationship without thinking about it" but that may only be what happens in a small number of cases, I honestly don't know a whole lot about how others enter into relationships :o

Congrats on your relationahip by the way! that all sounds totally confusing to me hehe (I *need* order and structure or I go insane :P) but as long as it works for you guys that's what matters - I hope it works out awesome :)

I actually really really love this, how you guys did everything. The whole just giving way to feelings is a tough one for me--I'm highly logical, apathetic, and also aromantic (or maybe grey)--which is actually probably why my relationship followed its unconventional path as well, ironically. I've never liked or wanted to follow the conventional sense of dating and chose to not date at all. Every once in awhile I would get extremely close to a human, and things would just get really grey and confusing, and then then the confession would come, which seemed to lead to this whole "now we are in a relationship" thing, and then it ended in less than a week of becoming "official". Later on I found out about aromanticism and figured out that that was me. But even before then I viewed prospective relationships very logically and very straightforwardly. They needed to be with permanent intention, serious, and there were all the rules that you seem to have in pursuing a relationship based upon values and compatibility and such. The relationship I'm in now has actually broken all the rules.

I met my partner through an old friend of mine. I would say mutual friend, but she was actually more to him than a friend seeing as they dated for nine months after years of friendship. She broke up with him and turned around to date another guy for about a year before she recently broke up with this guy as well. She then turned to her ex looking for emotional support. I had never met him at this point, though I'd heard many the tale about him. During this time after her most recent break up she definitely played at my partner's feelings even when she didn't actually want to pursue anything with him. But he hung around her more often again. She and I text nonstop, and one day he stole her phone and said hi to me. This led to her giving me his number, and he and I began communicating. Both of us were greatly curious about the other, enigmas to each other as intimate aspects to our mutual person's life. We felt an immediate connection, he and I, unlike anything I'd ever experienced before, and he and I became super intimate super fast. But we weren't actually admitting or saying anything about our emotions/feelings to each other because, well, sticky situation with my friend and all. He definitely flirted with me, though, and I definitely responded, but then again I respond when ANYBODY flirts with me. At one point he casually admitted that he might have feelings for me, but we were pretty upfront and forthright about that not meaning either of us was looking to pursue a relationship with the other. We remained flirtatious friends, and we talked about many different things, including the sticky situation with our friend, but also many philosophical points, emotional points, he shared some really strong and painful aspects of his life and past. But there was always this hesitance of what we were.

Eventually I informed my friend that he and I kinda were interested in each other, but it didn't actually go anywhere towards he and I officially beginning a relationship even then. In fact, things got even messier because she started having even more emotional freak outs with insecurities and low self esteem and lots of things all spiraling out of control with her most recent break up. At certain points her existence in the situation resulted in events or emotions that made me pull away from my current partner in drastic ways, angry or bitter, or just very disconnected and distance emotionally. And at certain times I felt like maybe I had him in the bag now. But usually I was just kind of casually thinking that I'd stay by him, interacting with him without demanding or expecting or allowing myself to think that anything was really set in stone or actually happening. I required no loyalty, no permanence, nothing. I was just choosing to go with the flow and see what happened, which was utterly against everything I am and how I live in terms of relationships with people. But at one point he and I started to vaguely talk about the future, living together, my dream home, how we both felt about family/children, really long term settling down things that I do not consider in life. But it was all indirectly connected and with this connotation of "if". But at one point it obviously became more than an "if". It was making plans for the future as if they were really going to happen, but still had that fantasy sort of feel, like a dream. And then we were suddenly talking about the future concretely, determined to see it through, a sign that we were definitely now fully dedicated to this relationship, but it was a slow realization, not any set moment or day. And at some point the words "I love you" came out, ironically long long after marriage and such was brought into the picture. And then it was still several weeks even after the first "I love you" that we actually had the discussion of "So what exactly are we? Are we, like, dating then? Am I your girlfriend, are you my borfriend?" And it actually makes me laugh a bit, because we had this conversation probably a month at least after our conversation about engagement and proposal and at about what stage in our knowing each other would that be a good idea to start considering it. Everything was so backwards. I really don't know when we actually technically began. ^_^

[Diceman]

Finding someone to spend my life with is the most important thing to me, and with the limited availability of people who would date an asexual man I'd absolutely be open to a long distance relationship and moving somewhere to be with them. Plus I hate my job so moving would be an excuse to find a new one =)

[Guest]

My darling and I will be having our 10 month anniversary in 11 days ..We have never met in person, and live over 11,000 miles apart on opposite sides of the globe, but we love each other and for us, distance is no barrier to our happiness (though it will be lovely to have a huggle from him someday) :)

Do you celebrate every month anniversary? That's kind of sweet, though I personally cannot relate to the desire of celebrating any sort of anniversary. Maybe a wedding anniversary, but even that I'm unsure of. Honestly, even if I wanted to celebrate our anniversary with my partner, we couldn't. I don't really know which exact day could be considered the starting point of our relationship. We just kind of fell together in this complicated, messy-ish, confusing sequence of events. We only officially acknowledged to each other that we would be considered boyfriend and girlfriend if someone asked a couple weeks ago, but we've been together for several weeks now already, just without really fully acknowledging what exactly we were. But if you're discussing marriage and such things and professing love even, clearly you're in a relationship. I don't know, I don't think he and I did things even slightly conventionally. :lol:

R. and I use the first time we sent each other private emails (July 24) as our anniversary, seeing as neither of us has a clear idea anymore when exactly we went from friends to a peculiar friends-with-benefits... that transition happened too organically with us. :D

And every year, it's me who remembers the anniversary date better than she does, and she'll tease at how I'm clearly the stereotypical woman on our ship. :P

[The Wreyck]

My darling and I will be having our 10 month anniversary in 11 days ..We have never met in person, and live over 11,000 miles apart on opposite sides of the globe, but we love each other and for us, distance is no barrier to our happiness (though it will be lovely to have a huggle from him someday) :)

Do you celebrate every month anniversary? That's kind of sweet, though I personally cannot relate to the desire of celebrating any sort of anniversary. Maybe a wedding anniversary, but even that I'm unsure of. Honestly, even if I wanted to celebrate our anniversary with my partner, we couldn't. I don't really know which exact day could be considered the starting point of our relationship. We just kind of fell together in this complicated, messy-ish, confusing sequence of events. We only officially acknowledged to each other that we would be considered boyfriend and girlfriend if someone asked a couple weeks ago, but we've been together for several weeks now already, just without really fully acknowledging what exactly we were. But if you're discussing marriage and such things and professing love even, clearly you're in a relationship. I don't know, I don't think he and I did things even slightly conventionally. :lol:

R. and I use the first time we sent each other private emails (July 24) as our anniversary, seeing as neither of us has a clear idea anymore when exactly we went from friends to a peculiar friends-with-benefits... that transition happened too organically with us. :D

And every year, it's me who remembers the anniversary date better than she does, and she'll tease at how I'm clearly the stereotypical woman on our ship. :P

I just can' imagine doing the whole anniversary thing, which is odd considering that I love excuses to shower my people with attention... -_-

Perhaps it's my dislike for relationships on a whole that creates dislike for celebrating the start of the relationship as if it was the greatest thing ever (slight exaggeration :P ).

[Vivaldi Ives]

I'm so happy to see others in successful long-distance relationships, but it's not something I'm interested in. I love getting to know people both online and off, but if I were to have an exclusive romantic partner, I'd need to see them and talk to them in person (also touch/smell them, weird as it sounds, and just feel their general vibe) for it to feel "real." I wouldn't be opposed to meeting someone in person, falling in love, then moving apart for awhile (due to jobs, school, etc.) but I don't think I could start that sort of relationship long-distance.

I've never been in a romantic relationship though, so this is all just my own speculation. :P I currently have one person with whom I am slightly-more-than-friends-but-not-in-an-exclusive-romantic-relationship, and that is long distance, but we met in person and have spent a decent amount of time together (though not nearly enough! ;)) over the past few years.

[drjohnhwatson]

I wouldn't mind a long-distance relationship. All of my friends are "long-distance friends"; I think the closest ones are two states away from me and take about eight or ten hours of straight driving non-stop to reach (found this out the fun way!!, haha). I reckon it would be similar for dating but you'd just get more romantic with the person than you would a friend, and if i can handle friendship-at-a-distance, I suppose I can handle a relationship.

It would, of course, be nice if they could visit me a few times a year or vice-versa. It's pretty rough when you hang out with someone for a few hours or days and then you realise you won't see them again for months (or in my case, still using my friends as an example, years in some instances).

I've never been in a relationship, though, so I'm speaking mostly in hypotheticals. Besides! If you're dating someone in a different country, that just gives you an excuse to travel, right?? And a place to crash! ;) Depending on where my partner would live, I'd absolutely move. (Antarctica? We might have to talk about that.)

[mari]

Finding someone to spend my life with is the most important thing to me, and with the limited availability of people who would date an asexual man I'd absolutely be open to a long distance relationship and moving somewhere to be with them. Plus I hate my job so moving would be an excuse to find a new one =)

What is your job?

[zoidberger]

I know a few relationships that started out long-distance on AVEN (ours included). Sadly there are a few that wish to be together full-time but haven't gotten the chance yet, other than visits.

We were long distance for 8 months (?) and it was too difficult to not be physically close. We met twice before I moved (to Canada from the US). We have been married for 4 years now. I am working on the immigration part still.

[Guest]

Oh wow belated congratulations on your marriage!

My long distance partner and I have been together 11 months today, but sadly we have not met in person yet and see no possibility to meet in the near future (unless one of is wins the lotto woohoo :p).. we are saving money but we live so far apart (on different hemispheres of the globe, over 11,000 miles apart) that it will probably take us years before we have saved enough to meet in person.. but we don't mind so much.. we're just happy to have found each other ^_^

[Diceman]

Finding someone to spend my life with is the most important thing to me, and with the limited availability of people who would date an asexual man I'd absolutely be open to a long distance relationship and moving somewhere to be with them. Plus I hate my job so moving would be an excuse to find a new one =)

What is your job?

I'm a microbiologist. I like the work I do, but the company I work for is terrible. I had to work Thanksgiving weekend, and now they're asking me to come in Christmas Day and New Years day while everyone else at the company has the day off. During the week, they expect me to be in two places at once doing the job of two people. I really need to find a way out, but I have no idea where to start and they keep me so busy I rarely have time.

[Salmacis]

Of the seventeen months my partner and I have been 'official', we were separated for eleven. He had to go back home to Japan last December (his visa expired), leaving me in the UK. I managed to get ten days holiday in April to come and see him, and then began a long seven and a half month separation while I worked my arse off to save funds for a flight. I finally packed my suitcases and flew (I'mma bird, yo) to him just over a month ago. We now live together. *Happy ending*. :)

It was so, so hard though, and I don't think I would be able to do it again. Had we met online and entered a distance relationship that way, perhaps it would have been different, but we met IRL and never wanted to be separated from one another in the first place.

[knout]

This thread just makes me intrisically happy, such beautiful stories :)

[Ficulnean]

I kind of want to always have a room to myself, even if I marry someone. I'd like to try a long distance relationship, but would still prefer a local one, as I've never had a relationship to begin with.

[Squirrel Combat]

I don't object to long distance relationships. In fact I almost prefer them now since I feel more comfortable taking to people behind pages and keyboards (that's not really a good thing). But for it to work, I would like to meet her at some point and go on some neat adventures with her.

[FlowerPetal]

Never been in a long distance relationship - or a relationship for that matter. But long distance relationships definitely aren't for me. I don't think I'd be able to establish a romantic relationship with someone online. I really need that face to face interaction in real life, not via skype. I don't know what exactly but I feel something would be missing.

[bittersweet988]

I have nothing against long distance relationships. I actually think I would really love to be in one because I don't like my fellow citizens (I don't like my country or people who live here). I love learning about different cultures and am passionate about languages. So, a relationship with someone from my same country would be pretty boring, I guess...I tried and didn't like it. I only look for people online and would be very happy about a long distance relationship if it develops from a friendship. Of course, the other person should be willing to meet me at some point, otherwise it wouldn't be a meaningful relationships. If we live far apart, I am okay with messages and chat, but we'd have to meet every once in a while.

[Flyaway4me]

I previously thought I would not be the type to want a long distance relationship, but recently I found out (as far as I know) that my partner is being shipped across the country in half a year. I am willing to continue the relationship if my partner permits it, I'm just not sure how I will adjust or cope :redface:

[fistfelt]

I pretty much have to start any relationship long-distance. I could never try and get through a dating phase in-person; too much pressure to be physical. Right now my marriage is long distance, but we consider ourselves "living together apart" because we're totally cool with it. In fact, we don't really ever want to move in with each other, we'd actually prefer to be neighbors, but financially it's not really going to be possible.

We call ourselves nisiamorous; I like to think of it as being sorta poly in a way, except our solitude and autonomy are our primary partners instead of each other :P

[Lady Girl]

This poll is being locked and moved to the read only Census archive for it's respective year. As part of ongoing Census organization, and in an attempt to keep the demographics of the polls current with the active user base at the time, the polls will last for one year from now on. However, members are allowed and even encouraged to re-start new polls similar to the archived ones if they like them.

Lady Girl, Administrator