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am i the only one who dislikes clumping asexuality with lgbt


monkey101

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FairlyAngel

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zabz, on 20 Apr 2014 - 05:17 AM, said:

When I came out as asexual, I had people tell me - to my face - I was wrong, I was ill, I could be fixed, had I seen a doctor. I have lost friends because I came out; one male friend tried to pressurise me into having sex with him to 'change my mind.' My colleagues at my new job keep pressurising me to explain why I have no partner, and will not take 'I'm not really interested in relationships' for an answer. I have no box to tick on the diversity form with HR, but feel unable to raise the issue for fear of being outed. I often feel on edge at work when people talk about relationships in case they notice - this is especially hard right now as two girls in my office are getting married soon. I have been called cold, frigid, broken, up myself, snotty, aloof, and that asexuality is just me trying to be better than everyone else.

Before I came out as ace, I was out as a lesbian. None of the above happened. I can honestly say I faced no discrimination for being gay whatsoever. This all came about because I was asexual.

So yes, some of us do face the same issues as LGBT+ people. Some of us have had it worse being ace than being gay.

Those "friends" who were saying all those things were not friends. Your colleagues at work deserve a "Sorry, that's private" and a change of subject, and that's all.

As far as having had it worse being ace than being gay, are you kidding? Read a little bit about it -- recent stuff, for instance, all the things being said in the US states that are having gay marriage campaigns. And teenagers killing themselves because they have been unmercifully bullied. And then about 10 years ago, people still being killed for being gay.

Sally, I was talking about my own experience. I thought I made that clear, but here it is spelled out for you: I personally have had it worse being ace than being gay. That's why I get frustrated when people argue asexuality does not face the same issues as the LGBT movement - it does for some of us.

Oppression and discrimination are very personal things. Being constantly told you are sick is discrimination; it does have to involve someone physically touching you, or being fired from your job. It does not have to be physical or economic to count.

Also, thank for you the 'not just supposed friends making rude comments' remark. That was incredibly belittling, particularly as my anxiety and upset about being asexual, not helped by the 'rude comments', took me through a very dark suicidal phase a couple of years ago. I came close to killing myself for being asexual. Again, I was never so shaken by thinking I was gay.

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I agree. Clubbing LGBT and asexuals is baseless and idiotic. Where is the binding factor!

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iamphoenixfire

Hey guys- i think we should remember that there are those of us who have places in both... if you want a binding factor, call it that.

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pegasusoftraken

I view the inclusion of asexuality in the LGBT/queer community in a pretty similar manner to the reasons why I think trans* should be included. The LGBT/queer community is much larger than individual demographics such as asexual or trans* and so, being part of the larger community makes activism, and awareness raising easier. Both because of the larger number of people, and the longer history of campaigning.

I also really dislike arguments trying to establish which sexual minority has it worst, or is most deserving of rights. It varies a lot between countries, and everybodies experiences are different. In my country for example, discrimination against LGB people is illegal, and in many situations its illegal to discriminate against trans* people as well. So the LGBT community over here has mostly stopped fighting for legal rights now and do generally focus on education and anti-harassment campaigns.

And on the issue of lack of awareness and harassment, I think it's probably the case that some asexuals have similar (or sometimes worse) experiences to LGBT people and other gender/sexual minorities. That alone I think is enough common ground for asexuals to be part of a wider community of diverse genders/sexualities.

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I see LGBT+ as inclusive of all gender and sexual (or nonsexual) minorities. Though, as an asexual I do sometimes feel like I don't "belong" with the LGBT+ community just because they are very sexual and it seems like a lot of them also don't see asexuality as a real orientation.

However, I still feel as though I have the right to be included in LGBT+ because of my romantic orientation as well as my non-binary gender identity.

It seems like a lot of people consider LGBT+ as a box when it's really not.

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As we try to put a hierarchy on oppression it is easy to ignore that increased visibility for the LGBT community in recent years. The media and other focuses have brought LGBT issues much more mainstream. Asexuality, however, is much less known and has gotten much less visibility. It is hard to say the stories, experiences, and impact that asexual individuals have had because if they are not out those experiences are not being attributed to asexuality.

As a member in 'both' communities (seperating for case of current discussion) I have found many similiarities in terms of general identify development. In trying to figure out and understand my identities, who I am, and what the means/looks like in context of others. To me, yes, the LGBT community can be very sexualized, but the community and movement have created a space for discussions about sexuality and I would hope that asexuality would be part of that space.

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R. Fenghuang

I don't really feel like we should be lumped together either, but at the same time I don't have a problem piggybacking them for publicity. There are way too many aces out there who have no idea that asexuality even exists (namely me, and I take pride in knowing at least something about everything). Also, we all fall under the blanket of GSRM. Once we've gotten the word out a little more than we can campaign to establish ourselves as a seperate entity.

Rainee

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Amanda-Beth

I do agree that is weird their lumped together but for now got to deal as is. 1 small thing we can all do is when defining us being asexual is use aromantic,hetromantic,or homoromantic. Instead of using sexual version of words as we know romantic orientation is diffremt then sexual orientation it's just 1 step in right direction. If it matters i am asexual hetromantic.

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BluebirdOfHappiness

It seems like this is a pretty divided discussion. While this kind of strict black and white attempt to place labels on people and shove them into boxes makes me uncomfortable, I'll weigh in. It's true that the LGB movement is inherently sexual, because that is part of their point. They are basically assembled to have a safe place and platform to be themselves and (some for the first time) express their sexuality to other people. But they also include Transgender in their acronym, which means that as a movement they transcend focusing on sex to include another group who is marginalized. In this sense, I feel like asexuality, as another non-normative queer group that is misunderstood by mainstream society. We are allies in that we can all understand what it is like to live in a hetero-normative society where we are viewed as strange or damaged or dangerous because we different from the majority. I wish that we lived in a world where it didn't matter who you fancied or didn't fancy and we could just accept each other as fellow humans and leave it at that. But we don't and I think that we can use all of the solidarity that we can get with someone who just might understand a fraction of what we are going through.

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