Feral_Sophisticate Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 Are sexuals able to make good cakes? The whole question is ridiculous haha. Maybe? (to the first bit) Yes, agreed (to the second) But then again, this is the internet. What would we do if we didn't have erroneous generalizations to discuss? :) Link to post Share on other sites
marki Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 We would all die of laughter from looking at kitty photos ? Link to post Share on other sites
Frucious Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 Rethink. Link to post Share on other sites
Xavy Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 I suppose that depends on your definition of "good sex"? I don't even know what good sex is. I would be surprised if other asexuals knew and understood this term in the same way as sexual people. Link to post Share on other sites
NotAllHere Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I don't even know what good sex is. I would be surprised if other asexuals knew and understood this term in the same way as sexual people. I understand what 'good' sex is, for me and my partner at least. I'm asexual, I'm not an idiot or blind. I have conversations with my boyfriend about these things. I've had conversations with coworkers about 'what good sex is.' Do I understand it in the same way sexuals do? Well, which sexual person are you asking? It varies a lot from person to person, so it depends on the people. Link to post Share on other sites
Octtave Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I was able to have sex with my most recent ex, and it was pleasurable for him but I guess it had more to do with him being so sexually attracted to my body and me trying to pleasure him even tho I was more concentrated in the music (I'm a Massive Attack fan), making jokes about The Wanted and thinking about my friends and how my mum would be proud of me for finally "getting a guy". Obviously, the perfect mindset to enjoy sex. Needless to say, it was, well, not that bad, but, well, my ex was disappointed that I wasn't able to come, I was disappointed in myself because I thought: "Look, under the right circumstances, you'll be able to enjoy sex like a normal person" and I wasn't. the most pleasurable thing for me was listening to Paradise Circus and eating Jaffa Cakes afterwards. And I couldn't help thinking how awkward it was, and how cuddling and hugging is more enjoyable for me than having sex. So, I guess, plenty of sexual people are unable to pleasure others. So it makes sense that asexuals are able to pleasure their partners. Link to post Share on other sites
paperwishes Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 Ironically, I´m actually pretty good at sex and I could rock any guys socks off. But I don´t wanna so I´m not gonna :P I´ve spent so many years of my life faking desire, attraction and arousal in my pursuit of trying to be "normal" so I know it can be REALLY convincing and I´ve had guys telling me I´m the best they ever had. Good for them. Didn´t get me anything, though. Now that I know there´s nothing wrong with me - I´m just asexual - I don´t need to push myself into having sex all the time anymore. I´ll just consent to sexual actions when I actually feel comfortable to do so (which is not often as I´m somewhat repulsed). This is exactly like me!! Twins! Link to post Share on other sites
marki Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Ooooh twins!!!!!! Lol! Link to post Share on other sites
Yoruichi Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Ironically, I´m actually pretty good at sex and I could rock any guys socks off. But I don´t wanna so I´m not gonna :P I´ve spent so many years of my life faking desire, attraction and arousal in my pursuit of trying to be "normal" so I know it can be REALLY convincing and I´ve had guys telling me I´m the best they ever had. Good for them. Didn´t get me anything, though. Now that I know there´s nothing wrong with me - I´m just asexual - I don´t need to push myself into having sex all the time anymore. I´ll just consent to sexual actions when I actually feel comfortable to do so (which is not often as I´m somewhat repulsed). This is exactly like me!! Twins! :D Are you also repulsed? I think my repulsion comes from all the sex I had for others sake, when I myself actually didn´t want to. I was kinda indifferent to sex, until it got to the point that I started to feel uncomfortable with putting my own growing negative feelings aside. I just couldn´t do it anymore without great anxiety. Sorry for OT! Link to post Share on other sites
Mycroft is Yourcroft Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Ironically, I´m actually pretty good at sex and I could rock any guys socks off. But I don´t wanna so I´m not gonna :P I´ve spent so many years of my life faking desire, attraction and arousal in my pursuit of trying to be "normal" so I know it can be REALLY convincing and I´ve had guys telling me I´m the best they ever had. Good for them. Didn´t get me anything, though. Now that I know there´s nothing wrong with me - I´m just asexual - I don´t need to push myself into having sex all the time anymore. I´ll just consent to sexual actions when I actually feel comfortable to do so (which is not often as I´m somewhat repulsed). This is exactly like me!! Twins! :D Are you also repulsed? I think my repulsion comes from all the sex I had for others sake, when I myself actually didn´t want to. I was kinda indifferent to sex, until it got to the point that I started to feel uncomfortable with putting my own growing negative feelings aside. I just couldn´t do it anymore without great anxiety. Sorry for OT! My god YESYESYES. I am exactly the same way! I was completely indifferent to sex, but then I had a (very) sexual relationship for a year, and somewhere along the line, the constant faking for his sake got to me, emotionally speaking (by the way, what I did was stupid: communication could've saved a lot of hurt here, but I was a completely different person in those days). In response to the OP, I think, if you want to please your partner and you communicate well with them, anyone is capable of good sex :) Link to post Share on other sites
paperwishes Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Ironically, I´m actually pretty good at sex and I could rock any guys socks off. But I don´t wanna so I´m not gonna :P I´ve spent so many years of my life faking desire, attraction and arousal in my pursuit of trying to be "normal" so I know it can be REALLY convincing and I´ve had guys telling me I´m the best they ever had. Good for them. Didn´t get me anything, though. Now that I know there´s nothing wrong with me - I´m just asexual - I don´t need to push myself into having sex all the time anymore. I´ll just consent to sexual actions when I actually feel comfortable to do so (which is not often as I´m somewhat repulsed). This is exactly like me!! Twins! :D Are you also repulsed? I think my repulsion comes from all the sex I had for others sake, when I myself actually didn´t want to. I was kinda indifferent to sex, until it got to the point that I started to feel uncomfortable with putting my own growing negative feelings aside. I just couldn´t do it anymore without great anxiety. Sorry for OT! Yeah, literally the same. I was actually repulsed before I ever had sex and then I decided to for my boyfriend and I only liked it when I felt it was sharing love but I learned that it wasn't really like that at all. Most of my sexual encounters were just to make the person happy, or I didn't know what to do and I didn't know how to say no... Now I'm somewhere between repulsed and indifferent, leaning on repulsed right now. Link to post Share on other sites
romantic-woman Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 I am not able to provide good sex cause i totally hate it, i also don't think that if you hate something you can do it well and with happiness and of course i am not so sure if a sexual would feel so happy that i don't like what i am doing...so, for me, it isn't worth trying it Link to post Share on other sites
Yoruichi Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Ironically, I´m actually pretty good at sex and I could rock any guys socks off. But I don´t wanna so I´m not gonna :P I´ve spent so many years of my life faking desire, attraction and arousal in my pursuit of trying to be "normal" so I know it can be REALLY convincing and I´ve had guys telling me I´m the best they ever had. Good for them. Didn´t get me anything, though. Now that I know there´s nothing wrong with me - I´m just asexual - I don´t need to push myself into having sex all the time anymore. I´ll just consent to sexual actions when I actually feel comfortable to do so (which is not often as I´m somewhat repulsed). This is exactly like me!! Twins! :D Are you also repulsed? I think my repulsion comes from all the sex I had for others sake, when I myself actually didn´t want to. I was kinda indifferent to sex, until it got to the point that I started to feel uncomfortable with putting my own growing negative feelings aside. I just couldn´t do it anymore without great anxiety. Sorry for OT! Yeah, literally the same. I was actually repulsed before I ever had sex and then I decided to for my boyfriend and I only liked it when I felt it was sharing love but I learned that it wasn't really like that at all. Most of my sexual encounters were just to make the person happy, or I didn't know what to do and I didn't know how to say no... Now I'm somewhere between repulsed and indifferent, leaning on repulsed right now. Wow, sounds just like me! For me, the hard thing wasn´t necessarily saying no, but more like I didn´t want to hurt my fiancées feelings by telling the truth about how I don´t desire him like he desires me and that I had been faking and lying all those times. When I found AVEN and realized that I wasn´t abnormal, alone or a bad and selfish gf for not wanting and liking sex, I finally felt that it was okay to be honest. With myself and with him. He took it quite well actually :) Link to post Share on other sites
paperwishes Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Ironically, I´m actually pretty good at sex and I could rock any guys socks off. But I don´t wanna so I´m not gonna :P I´ve spent so many years of my life faking desire, attraction and arousal in my pursuit of trying to be "normal" so I know it can be REALLY convincing and I´ve had guys telling me I´m the best they ever had. Good for them. Didn´t get me anything, though. Now that I know there´s nothing wrong with me - I´m just asexual - I don´t need to push myself into having sex all the time anymore. I´ll just consent to sexual actions when I actually feel comfortable to do so (which is not often as I´m somewhat repulsed). This is exactly like me!! Twins! :D Are you also repulsed? I think my repulsion comes from all the sex I had for others sake, when I myself actually didn´t want to. I was kinda indifferent to sex, until it got to the point that I started to feel uncomfortable with putting my own growing negative feelings aside. I just couldn´t do it anymore without great anxiety. Sorry for OT! Yeah, literally the same. I was actually repulsed before I ever had sex and then I decided to for my boyfriend and I only liked it when I felt it was sharing love but I learned that it wasn't really like that at all. Most of my sexual encounters were just to make the person happy, or I didn't know what to do and I didn't know how to say no... Now I'm somewhere between repulsed and indifferent, leaning on repulsed right now. Wow, sounds just like me! For me, the hard thing wasn´t necessarily saying no, but more like I didn´t want to hurt my fiancées feelings by telling the truth about how I don´t desire him like he desires me and that I had been faking and lying all those times. When I found AVEN and realized that I wasn´t abnormal, alone or a bad and selfish gf for not wanting and liking sex, I finally felt that it was okay to be honest. With myself and with him. He took it quite well actually :) That's good news :) I never really felt like I lied or faked, because I really genuinely wanted to enjoy it and understand it so I tried very hard to, but I just couldn't. I tried really hard for others but always ended up feeling guilty and/or in physical pain (because forcing your brain to become aroused does not make you actually aroused...) Link to post Share on other sites
Yoruichi Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Ironically, I´m actually pretty good at sex and I could rock any guys socks off. But I don´t wanna so I´m not gonna :P I´ve spent so many years of my life faking desire, attraction and arousal in my pursuit of trying to be "normal" so I know it can be REALLY convincing and I´ve had guys telling me I´m the best they ever had. Good for them. Didn´t get me anything, though. Now that I know there´s nothing wrong with me - I´m just asexual - I don´t need to push myself into having sex all the time anymore. I´ll just consent to sexual actions when I actually feel comfortable to do so (which is not often as I´m somewhat repulsed). This is exactly like me!! Twins! :D Are you also repulsed? I think my repulsion comes from all the sex I had for others sake, when I myself actually didn´t want to. I was kinda indifferent to sex, until it got to the point that I started to feel uncomfortable with putting my own growing negative feelings aside. I just couldn´t do it anymore without great anxiety. Sorry for OT! Yeah, literally the same. I was actually repulsed before I ever had sex and then I decided to for my boyfriend and I only liked it when I felt it was sharing love but I learned that it wasn't really like that at all. Most of my sexual encounters were just to make the person happy, or I didn't know what to do and I didn't know how to say no... Now I'm somewhere between repulsed and indifferent, leaning on repulsed right now. Wow, sounds just like me! For me, the hard thing wasn´t necessarily saying no, but more like I didn´t want to hurt my fiancées feelings by telling the truth about how I don´t desire him like he desires me and that I had been faking and lying all those times. When I found AVEN and realized that I wasn´t abnormal, alone or a bad and selfish gf for not wanting and liking sex, I finally felt that it was okay to be honest. With myself and with him. He took it quite well actually :) That's good news :) I never really felt like I lied or faked, because I really genuinely wanted to enjoy it and understand it so I tried very hard to, but I just couldn't. I tried really hard for others but always ended up feeling guilty and/or in physical pain (because forcing your brain to become aroused does not make you actually aroused...) I wanted to enjoy it also, and sometimes I was even somewhat able to. It wasn´t of the sex itself, but more because I enjoyed making my bf happy and being physically close. I´ve never experienced emotional intimacy through sex, I get that from other ways of being intimate. I know EXACTLY what you mean! I´m not even sure if I´m capable of becoming aroused. Obvious TMI!! I can climax (wouldn´t call it that tho´...), but there is not much arousal leading to that, so the orgasm is like...meh. Having a good poop is better, really :P Link to post Share on other sites
paperwishes Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Ironically, I´m actually pretty good at sex and I could rock any guys socks off. But I don´t wanna so I´m not gonna :P I´ve spent so many years of my life faking desire, attraction and arousal in my pursuit of trying to be "normal" so I know it can be REALLY convincing and I´ve had guys telling me I´m the best they ever had. Good for them. Didn´t get me anything, though. Now that I know there´s nothing wrong with me - I´m just asexual - I don´t need to push myself into having sex all the time anymore. I´ll just consent to sexual actions when I actually feel comfortable to do so (which is not often as I´m somewhat repulsed). This is exactly like me!! Twins! :D Are you also repulsed? I think my repulsion comes from all the sex I had for others sake, when I myself actually didn´t want to. I was kinda indifferent to sex, until it got to the point that I started to feel uncomfortable with putting my own growing negative feelings aside. I just couldn´t do it anymore without great anxiety. Sorry for OT! Yeah, literally the same. I was actually repulsed before I ever had sex and then I decided to for my boyfriend and I only liked it when I felt it was sharing love but I learned that it wasn't really like that at all. Most of my sexual encounters were just to make the person happy, or I didn't know what to do and I didn't know how to say no... Now I'm somewhere between repulsed and indifferent, leaning on repulsed right now. Wow, sounds just like me! For me, the hard thing wasn´t necessarily saying no, but more like I didn´t want to hurt my fiancées feelings by telling the truth about how I don´t desire him like he desires me and that I had been faking and lying all those times. When I found AVEN and realized that I wasn´t abnormal, alone or a bad and selfish gf for not wanting and liking sex, I finally felt that it was okay to be honest. With myself and with him. He took it quite well actually :) That's good news :) I never really felt like I lied or faked, because I really genuinely wanted to enjoy it and understand it so I tried very hard to, but I just couldn't. I tried really hard for others but always ended up feeling guilty and/or in physical pain (because forcing your brain to become aroused does not make you actually aroused...) I wanted to enjoy it also, and sometimes I was even somewhat able to. It wasn´t of the sex itself, but more because I enjoyed making my bf happy and being physically close. I´ve never experienced emotional intimacy through sex, I get that from other ways of being intimate. I know EXACTLY what you mean! I´m not even sure if I´m capable of becoming aroused. Obvious TMI!! I can climax (wouldn´t call it that tho´...), but there is not much arousal leading to that, so the orgasm is like...meh. Having a good poop is better, really :P Yeah I find I experience more emotional intimacy in other activities too. My ideal relationship would be sexless obviously, but unfortunately most people think that the most emotional closeness comes from it. A lot of sexuals I talk to -- that aren't hypersexual and love sex as an act purely -- say that the thing they love most about it is how close you can get to the person. Link to post Share on other sites
Yoruichi Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Ironically, I´m actually pretty good at sex and I could rock any guys socks off. But I don´t wanna so I´m not gonna :P I´ve spent so many years of my life faking desire, attraction and arousal in my pursuit of trying to be "normal" so I know it can be REALLY convincing and I´ve had guys telling me I´m the best they ever had. Good for them. Didn´t get me anything, though. Now that I know there´s nothing wrong with me - I´m just asexual - I don´t need to push myself into having sex all the time anymore. I´ll just consent to sexual actions when I actually feel comfortable to do so (which is not often as I´m somewhat repulsed). This is exactly like me!! Twins! :D Are you also repulsed? I think my repulsion comes from all the sex I had for others sake, when I myself actually didn´t want to. I was kinda indifferent to sex, until it got to the point that I started to feel uncomfortable with putting my own growing negative feelings aside. I just couldn´t do it anymore without great anxiety. Sorry for OT! Yeah, literally the same. I was actually repulsed before I ever had sex and then I decided to for my boyfriend and I only liked it when I felt it was sharing love but I learned that it wasn't really like that at all. Most of my sexual encounters were just to make the person happy, or I didn't know what to do and I didn't know how to say no... Now I'm somewhere between repulsed and indifferent, leaning on repulsed right now. Wow, sounds just like me! For me, the hard thing wasn´t necessarily saying no, but more like I didn´t want to hurt my fiancées feelings by telling the truth about how I don´t desire him like he desires me and that I had been faking and lying all those times. When I found AVEN and realized that I wasn´t abnormal, alone or a bad and selfish gf for not wanting and liking sex, I finally felt that it was okay to be honest. With myself and with him. He took it quite well actually :) That's good news :) I never really felt like I lied or faked, because I really genuinely wanted to enjoy it and understand it so I tried very hard to, but I just couldn't. I tried really hard for others but always ended up feeling guilty and/or in physical pain (because forcing your brain to become aroused does not make you actually aroused...) I wanted to enjoy it also, and sometimes I was even somewhat able to. It wasn´t of the sex itself, but more because I enjoyed making my bf happy and being physically close. I´ve never experienced emotional intimacy through sex, I get that from other ways of being intimate. I know EXACTLY what you mean! I´m not even sure if I´m capable of becoming aroused. Obvious TMI!! I can climax (wouldn´t call it that tho´...), but there is not much arousal leading to that, so the orgasm is like...meh. Having a good poop is better, really :P Yeah I find I experience more emotional intimacy in other activities too. My ideal relationship would be sexless obviously, but unfortunately most people think that the most emotional closeness comes from it. A lot of sexuals I talk to -- that aren't hypersexual and love sex as an act purely -- say that the thing they love most about it is how close you can get to the person. Yeah, and I get that and although I feel contented the way I am, sometimes I wish that I could exchange energies like that. For my bf sake. For most sexuals it comes naturally and they see sex as an ultimate act of love, when in a committed relationship anyway. For me, sex and love are completely separated from each other. No matter who it is with. So I don´t feel that emotional connection and intimacy, so obviously sex is not going to be a good way to connect for me and my SO. If anything, pushing towards sex in our case (we´ve been together for 13 years so we HAVE had a lot of sex through the years), with me being repulsed and all, would probably have the opposite effect... Link to post Share on other sites
ThomasinaAquinas Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 Again, a flawed question. It's not a matter of physical ability, it's a matter of whether or not they (a specific, individual person) is willing to compromise on having sex, if they enjoy having sex, if they are a libidoist, etc. No one could answer a question like the ones you have asked in the way that they have been framed. It's much too open-ended. Could you explain what you mean by libidoist? Where can I find more on what that term (and it's opposite) means? Link to post Share on other sites
Lia Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 A libidoist is someone who has a libido, or a sex drive. There are people who are non-libidoists, or have no sex drive. Link to post Share on other sites
binary suns Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 I'm pretty aware of what a person needs I respond to their emotions pretty directly, especially if I care about them so, my one lover, was actually very satisfied, and never noticed my sexual apathy Link to post Share on other sites
lilbunni Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 I've forced myself to have sex with people before I knew about asexuality and I wasn't bad at it or anything! But now that I know asexuality is real and I don't have to force myself to have sex "like every other normal person", I'd probably just lay there, staring at the ceiling, wanting to get out of this situation. So yeah of course I CAN provide good sex, but why in the world would I ever have to/want to? Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted June 26, 2014 Share Posted June 26, 2014 I think some people have a desire to please their partners even if they aren't too interested in having sex themselves. I was like this. So I think asexuals can definitely please their partners. Link to post Share on other sites
Adogg Posted June 26, 2014 Share Posted June 26, 2014 TMI maybe? Depends on the person, I personally can not. When I've chosen to attempt to engage in intercourse, I am so disgusted by the act, noises and touch, I quickly lose the erection. I've never performed oral sex on a girl as the mere thought of it, even tying it now, makes me physically ill. I consider myself sex repulsed and asexual. If your an ace with the ability to do so if you want, consider yourself a bit lucky I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Einy Posted June 26, 2014 Share Posted June 26, 2014 I doubt that, sex is not only about physical stuff, most of the people enjoy mutual desire and because asexuals can't provide that, it wouldn't be good sex for me. Link to post Share on other sites
BangBang Posted June 26, 2014 Share Posted June 26, 2014 Would someone enjoy sex with someone they knew wasn't enjoying it? If it were purely a physical painting by numbers thing then they could have just as much fun by themselves but the act of two people having sex is based on the mutual attraction and the thrill of mutual pleasure. So to answer your question, it depends entirely on how much the asexual person leads the other person to believe they're enjoying it (true or not). Link to post Share on other sites
Touchofinsight Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 Heres from my experience what it boils down to... Asexuals can provide good fulfilling sex to their partners but it depends on the partner. Its much harder for most asexuals. Most sexual people don't just want to have sex but they want to have good sex and for a large portion of sexual people that definition includes: mutual desire and attraction. Its the idea that they want their partners to want and desire them sexually. Not to just fulfill their sexual needs or appetite. Often times asexual partners want their partners to be happy so they do what they can to fulfill their sexual counterpart's sexual desires and needs. However that doesn't always mean they wouldn't rather be doing something else and most of the time... that shows. You can only fake it for so long. The lack of desire and attraction towards the partner can make the sexual acts lose their meaning and even in some cases make the partner feel unwanted, unloved, or not appreciated. Even if this isn't the case that is what they feel because part of a sexual identity is more then just what they do and who they do it with... its how they want to be perceived. Its knowing that their sexual identity is accepted, compatible, and valued. Not just tolerated, put up with, or comprised to because that is part of them as a person. It's rarely something that someone can just compartmentalize and go I get it you love all these parts of me except that. They want their whole person, their whole identity to be desired. Its not impossible for an asexual to provide good and fulfilling sex to their partners, but its a compatibility issue that comes with its own unique challenges. Link to post Share on other sites
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